Chapter Fourteen

 

 

“All right, I think I have this figured out,” Tucker was saying the next morning. He stood in front of a large board he’d decorated with pictures and a whole bunch of strings connecting names and faces. He’d spent a good portion of the previous evening making his reminder board.

Jax barely looked up from his computer. He hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten. Didn’t want to. He wondered if she was going to keep Buster or if she wouldn’t want him now. Would the puppy be another casualty in his never-ending drama?

He’d found some peace with her. For a few days he’d felt normal, better than normal. He’d been important to her and he’d been good at making her happy.

Now when she looked at him, she would see nothing but a criminal, a con man who’d lied to her. He wouldn’t even have a good place in her memories.

Oh, but she would be everything to him.

Owen put his hands on his hips, looking up at the monstrosity of a conspiracy board Tucker had spent all night putting together. “So Heather is really named Kimberly, but she likes Star Wars and has a nickname.”

“I think whoever gave her the nickname liked Star Wars,” Tucker corrected.

“And Ezra was Mr. White but then he was Ezra who was actually his dead brother who Solo killed but his real name is Beckett Kent?” Robert scratched his head, trying to follow.

Tucker nodded. “Although I bet she didn’t, like, put a bullet in him. I think she screwed up an op and Ezra blames her. And Levi Green is a mystery. If I’m right, then his real first name is Levi, but I don’t think he’s a Green. It would be pretty coincidental given the revolving color code names the Agency uses.”

“You missed one of his names.” Dante wrote something on a sticky note. He slapped it up next to Green’s face. It read DICKHEAD.

It was fitting. Jax had called that asshole about a hundred nasty names in his head. “Do we know if Ezra killed him?”

He hadn’t seen a body. They’d left directly after the incident with River, and Ezra had closed himself up in his bedroom. Jax had been too shocked to think about anything but the fact that River was driving away. The worst had happened. River knew about his crimes and she hadn’t waited for an explanation.

Big Tag chose that moment to walk in, carrying a coffee mug in his hand. He stopped and stared at the big wall. There was a picture of him with the names Ian Taggart, Big Tag, and Satan connected with carefully lined string. He nodded. “That’s fair. And Levi is alive. Too many witnesses. If he’s still at the motel this morning, I think I might have a chat with the fucker myself.”

“We can’t kill him.” Ezra walked in and slumped into a chair. “If we kill him, we bring the Agency down on our heads, and we would likely implicate Henry as well. Is she here yet?”

Big Tag shook his head. “She said she’s on her way.”

That got Jax sitting up straight and paying more attention. “Who’s coming? Did someone talk to River?”

He was well aware he was making an ass of himself, but he couldn’t help it. He was the sad-sack, pathetic SOB who would likely spend the rest of his life hoping to catch a glimpse of her or hear someone say her name.

“He’s talking about Solo,” Sasha said with a long sigh. “Or Kimberly. Or Heather. I need fucking note cards to keep up with this shit. Could you all wear name tags, please?”

Big Tag stared at the picture of Solo for a moment. “This is your ex-wife? You know who she looks like, right?”

Ezra’s eyes narrowed. “She looks like Solo.”

Big Tag snorted. “She’s a fucking dead ringer for my sister-in-law, Mia. You either like shopping at the same store or you have never gotten over this one, buddy.”

“I’m not going to talk about my ex-wife.” Ezra crossed the great room to pour himself some coffee.

“He told us she was his wife last night. Not his ex,” Tucker pointed out. “Did you forget your divorce? It’s cool because I forgot my name, so we’re on the same page. Also, I’m sorry I hit on her. I didn’t know she was your wife. I just thought she was a hot chick, and as long as Jax was getting some…you know how it goes.”

“I didn’t forget a thing. You misheard,” Ezra bald-faced lied because Jax remembered exactly what he’d said.

And it was a good thing Solo was coming because she’d taken River home. She could at least assure him she’d been okay.

Of course, he might be able to do that himself. He pulled out his phone and there was nothing on it. No flirty texts or pictures that got his heart racing. Nothing at all. He pulled up her name and wondered if she’d blocked him already.

I hope you made it home all right. Do I need to come and get Buster?

He stared and saw the floating circles that let him know she was replying.

He’s mine and I’m keeping him. Don’t you dare come after my dog. I’ll shoot you if I see you again.

It was good to know she was still mad.

Fuck. What the hell was he going to do now?

There was a knock and Sasha opened the door, ushering Solo in.

Big Tag nodded her way. “Hello, Mia. I’m sorry. I meant Kimberly. You look an awful lot like my brother Case’s wife. Ezra back there had a thing for her. Followed her all over the globe.”

Solo’s eyes found Ezra. “I didn’t know you dated.”

Ezra shrugged as he took a seat again. “I didn’t know you gave a shit. And I didn’t date Mia. I was her bodyguard for a while. She’s a lovely woman. Case hit the lottery with that one. She’s a journalist and a philanthropist. She does a lot of good in the world.”

“The comparison being I do a lot of bad, I’m sure,” Solo said. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came here to figure out what you’re going to do now.”

“How about you explain to us what you were doing here in the first place,” Ezra demanded.

“I was sent here by the Agency to discern what Henry is doing here.” Solo sat down beside Jax. “John Bishop was a legend at the CIA. When he resurfaced after his incredibly well-done fake death, there were people who worried he’d turned. There were a couple of factions with the Agency who wanted to send in an assassin.”

“They sent in you, didn’t they?” Ezra said, his eyes on his ex-wife.

“I’m not the assassin, Beck. And I think I’ve given them enough evidence that Bishop didn’t fake his death in order to start a life of crime,” Solo said. “He’s here because he fell in love.”

Sasha stood. “I have things to do. If we’re leaving soon, I want to be ready.”

Dante stood with him. “I’ll be in my room. I can’t handle all the love shit. I’m calling Damon. I want to go back to The Garden. We made a mistake following Fain.”

Owen sighed and pushed his chair back. “I’ll make sure they don’t do anything stupid.” He nodded Tucker’s way. “But I do like the soap opera playing out here, so I expect notes from you, mate.”

Ezra took a deep breath as they left the room. When Big Tag started to stand, he put a hand on his arm. “Let them go. I promised them something I might not be able to deliver. If they want to call Damon and head back, let them.”

“There was a reason we left England,” Big Tag replied, but he settled back in. “It’s dangerous for them to stay in one place for too long. As we learned yesterday. That fucker Levi has us in a corner.”

“I think we can still run this op.” He wasn’t going to give up on finding the data they needed. He was the one who’d screwed everything up. He hadn’t lost River only to run away without the one thing they needed. He turned to Ezra’s ex. “You can take me in. We go in this afternoon and we won’t leave the forest until we find it. Everyone else stays behind to deal with MSS and Levi Green. We go in light and fast and they might not know we’re gone.”

Solo’s fingers drummed along the conference table as she gave his plan some thought. “Don’t worry about MSS. My boss has taken care of the problem. We can focus on the op.”

A brow rose over Ezra’s left eye. “I don’t suppose you want to tell me who you’re working for.”

She sent him a tight smile. “I’m afraid that’s classified. I do know the woods. I’ve spent a lot of time in them. I have a camp of sorts over the first ridge. It’s the perfect place to spend the night. It’s got a good view.”

“And by view, she means a view of Henry’s place,” Big Tag corrected. “Henry’s cabin is next door.”

“Henry is Bishop.” Tucker smiled like he was the smartest kid in the class.

Jax ignored him. “We have time to hike before it gets dark.” He frowned as a thought occurred to him. “Or not, since River has all the equipment.”

“I have some,” a new voice said. Henry Flanders strolled in through the back of the house, having come in from the side door. He was the massive cabin’s caretaker while its owners were in New York. His wife was with him, though she looked a bit pale. She carried a basket in her hand. “I’ve got a lightweight tent and enough supplies to get you through a day or two. The sun’s going to be out all day and that should help dry the ground.”

Nell placed the basket on the table with a wan smile. “I made some muffins. I also made a batch of protein bars, too. They’re good hiking fuel.”

Henry took a deep breath. “I think I should be the one to go. Ms. Solomon, if you’re not afraid to work with me, I’ll go with you and the rest can stay here. Mr. Green won’t expect me to be the one going in search of The Ranch.”

Nell paled visibly.

Jax couldn’t let that happen. Henry was already in trouble because his wife hadn’t known about his past. And she was pregnant. She didn’t need to worry about what would happen if her husband got caught. “No. The only reason you’re here and not in some Agency detention center is the fact that you have stayed out of the business.”

“I went to Mexico earlier this year to help out an old friend,” Henry answered. “I’m sure that was enough to put me back in the crosshairs. Wasn’t that around the time you were put on assignment, Ms. Solomon?”

A wry smile lit up Solo’s face. “Not at all, and unless Beck there put you in his report, the Agency doesn’t know about that. You were the one who saved Kayla Summers and that hottie actor of hers. I should have known it was you. Levi didn’t mention you at all in his report. Likely because he wanted to keep that information in his back pocket.”

“Or because it happened very quickly,” Henry replied. “I pretty much walked in and started killing people. He ran as fast as he could. Levi always did have excellent survival instincts.”

Solo’s eyes rolled. “He wrote you up but in his report you were a minor player and he shot you.”

“He didn’t shoot Henry. He fucking shot me,” Ezra complained.

Solo lost a bit of her smile. “Yes, he didn’t mention that part. The point is Jax is right. Henry Flanders is not of interest to the Agency anymore. I’ve made a recommendation to leave you alone and let John Bishop be a star on Langley’s wall. It ends there if you let it.”

Henry reached down and tried to take his wife’s hand.

She shifted away from him, turning to go into the kitchen. “I’ll make some tea to go with the muffins.”

Henry sighed and sat down. “All right, but I think if you’re going to make this op happen, you need to head out at night and work fast. Once you’re in the woods, they won’t be able to follow. I doubt Green is a mountain man.”

Ezra shook his head. “No. Solo isn’t a true guide. She grew up on the Upper East Side. What she’s good at is imitation. Jax has never been in the forest before. I’m not risking my men so Solo can play whatever game she’s playing.”

“I’m trying to save you, you dumb bastard. I stayed on because I heard a rumor that you were going to come for The Ranch,” she said. “I think you’ve got a leak in your group. The only reason there’s not a bunch of soldiers surrounding the place is the fact that they would have to let President Hayes know in his daily briefings, and then he would start asking questions. I think Jax and Henry are right. You do this quick and quiet and you might get out whole. They’re afraid of Hayes. One of his closest friends from childhood used to work for the Agency. He only left a couple of months ago and he still has friends on the inside. They have to play this as carefully as they can. If it’s a choice between letting the information go or risk letting the fact of The Ranch’s existence get to the White House, they’ll cover their asses and start planning ways to pin the blame on someone else.”

“I concur,” Big Tag replied. “Though I think someone should send Connor Sparks a heads-up at the end of this.”

“Only if you want a war,” Solo shot back.

“We know which side you’ll be on,” Ezra replied.

He was sick of the fighting. “Stop it, both of you. I’m going in and I’m going tonight. I’ll go alone if I have to. I think I should. I think I want to keep the Agency as far away from this as possible.”

“I can take you out there, Jax,” Solo insisted. “I did grow up in Manhattan, but I’m perfectly competent in the woods. I’ve spent months here learning. We’ll be fine.”

But he couldn’t trust her. “You have people you have to answer to. I won’t put the mission at risk.”

“I’ll go,” Robert offered.

Big Tag shook his head. “We need to be seen around town. Levi might be gone or he might be here, but I assure you he has people watching. If two of us go missing, they’ll start searching. He knows how hard Jax took the breakup with River. We say Jax is butt hurt and whiney and won’t come out with us.”

He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that, but he wasn’t in a position to argue. “I’ll go alone. I’ll be fine.”

“You won’t.” Solo stood up, facing him. “The woods are dangerous. You need a guide or you could die out there.”

He needed River, but he wasn’t going to get her. “I’m going. You can help me by prepping me or you can leave.”

Henry’s eyes were somber as he sat back. “You have a grid of where you think this place is? Let’s eat some breakfast and then lay out a map and see what we’ve got.”

Solo had her hands on her hips. “I’m not sending him out there alone. Beck, you can’t do this.”

Ezra stared at him for a moment. “Are you sure, Jax?”

He had never been more sure of anything in his life. “I’m going.”

Ezra turned his attention back to his ex-wife. “You can help him prep or you can leave, and if you walk straight to Levi and tell him what we’re doing, I’ll be the one who comes after you, and it won’t be for a tender reunion.”

“But if he dies, you’ll blame me. Can’t you see I’m trying? Please talk to me, Beck. I miss you. I know I screwed up, but there has to be a way to make you see that it doesn’t have to be the end of us. Let me take Jax out. Let me find this for you,” she pleaded.

“I can’t trust you. I can’t trust anyone who still works for the CIA. I’ll let you spend the afternoon prepping him and you can help with logistics, but I won’t send him out there alone with you.” Ezra stood, his decision obviously final. “I’m going to see if Dante and Sasha have calmed down and then I’m taking a shower. You guys eat something and we’ll meet back here in an hour to start our prep.”

Solo stared as he walked away.

Tucker picked up a marker and started writing on his sticky notes again. He pasted it on the line that connected Solo to Ezra. Whole lotta drama, it said.

“You know that’s true.” Big Tag seemed like the only one who was finding it all amusing. He strode over to Solo. “I think you should stay. Also, look up Mia Taggart. You’ll be surprised at the resemblance. Now I’ve got to go call my wife and fill her in. I left her alone at home with three kids and a massive dog who pees every time someone walks in the door. The least I can do is let her know Ezra has a secret ex-wife who is obviously going to cause loads of trouble.”

“I’m not trying to cause trouble. I’m trying to keep him out of it,” Solo said.

Tag shrugged. “Where’s the fun in that?”

He walked off as Robert joined Tucker, adding to their wall of drama. Solo glanced at the door as though ready to leave now that her plan had failed.

“You can’t help Ezra if you walk away,” Henry pointed out. “You made the right call when you came out of cover to try to counteract Green’s effect on River. You made the right call when you saved Jax and Robert. Make it now. Help us even if Ezra doesn’t want you to.”

Solo seemed to settle in. “I’ll do what I can. And I know no one will believe me but I intervened for River’s sake. It wasn’t about any mission. It was about helping my friend.”

Jax took the opportunity to ask what he really wanted to know. “How was River when you left her?”

Solo’s face softened when she turned to him. “She was devastated and confused. I think she needs some time. I tried to talk to her, but I’m not her favorite person right now. She wouldn’t listen to a thing I had to say. I’ll try again this afternoon.”

“She still won’t listen. She was lied to.” Nell placed a tray with a pot of tea and several mugs on the tabletop. “The person she thought she knew was someone different. It’s difficult to find trust again.”

Henry’s jaw tightened. “Are you done, sweetheart? You can rest for a while before Caleb comes to check on you.”

She glanced over at Tucker’s wall. It was easy to see she didn’t find it amusing. “I think I will. I might go into town for a bit. No need to come with me. I can see you’re needed here.”

“I’ll walk you back.” Henry was at her side in a flash.

She shook her head. “No need. I’d like to be alone for a while.”

“I’ll walk you back and then you can be alone, Nell.” Henry’s tone brooked no arguments. “The ground is soft and you could fall.”

She turned and started to walk out but didn’t argue when Henry put a hand on her shoulder and led her out.

He was left alone with Solo.

“Jax, let me take you out there. I know I’m not anywhere close to River’s level of expertise, but I don’t think you know all the dangers you could face in those woods. Beck isn’t thinking straight. He’s letting our past color everything.”

But he had to trust Ezra. Solo hadn’t walked in and introduced herself. She’d done everything she could to protect her cover. Now that he looked back at it, she’d been excellent at avoiding the one man in their group who could have identified her. “I take it all those times you couldn’t make meetings, you were trying to make sure Ezra didn’t catch a glimpse of you.”

Her face fell as though she knew she was losing the battle. “I had a job to do. When my boss got the intel that Beck was on his way here, he asked me to stay and watch from a distance. I was supposed to report back on what he’s doing. I haven’t and I won’t, though I’m certain Levi will already have filed something. I’ll figure it out. I’m pretty good about smoothing things over. I did it the whole time we were married.”

“Why did you befriend River?”

“You’re going to keep asking questions until I look as bad as possible, aren’t you? Well, I’m not going to lie. I got a job with her because she was hiring and it was an easy way to blend into town. At the time, she was distracted. Her father was dying and her husband had been gone for a while. She needed help so she didn’t look too closely at who she was hiring. It gave me a reason to be in the woods if anyone caught me. Nell likes River. When Nell likes someone, Henry follows. I befriended her because it was my job to do anything I had to do to get the information I needed.”

On some level he understood, but this wasn’t some random op. He couldn’t ever be ruthless enough to view a person as nothing but a piece on a game board. He’d been a pawn and he couldn’t handle the idea that River thought he’d treated her like that, too. “I wasn’t going to let River be hurt. I was getting permission from the others to tell her the truth. I always told her as much of the truth as I could. She was so cold when she looked at me. At me? She looked through me. It makes me wonder.”

“If she cared about you?” Solo asked slowly. “I know she did. She’s been more open and happy since she met you than I’ve ever seen her. I’ll be honest. At first, I didn’t like her. She was cold and shut down. Then I realized why. Watching someone you love die will do that to you. Eighteen months and every day she had to get up and take care of someone else. Every day she had to feed him and take him to the bathroom and clean him up. Every day she watched him get weaker and more miserable. I don’t know that she’s come out of it yet. When you get that overloaded emotionally, it’s comfortable and safe to be numb. It feels good to not feel.”

“She rarely talked about her dad.” He knew her father had died, but she hadn’t talked about it past the fact of the matter.

“I think when she found out about your past, she closed herself off again. She’d been opening up in a way I hadn’t seen before. She slammed that door and went back to the place she knew was safe.” Solo’s voice was soft, sympathetic as she spoke. “I think she’ll come around.”

He stared out over the lawn where Henry was walking his wife toward their small cabin, the tension between them easy to see. “I don’t think she will. I think she’ll be like Nell. I think the only thing holding Nell to her husband is the baby she’s carrying.”

Solo sat back down with a weary sigh. “I hope not because if those two can’t make it, there’s no hope for the rest of us.”

There wasn’t any hope at all for him, but he could help his brothers. “I’m going to do it.”

“All right. If you’re determined to go alone, I’ll help you as much as I can. First off, I can promise you won’t need that bio suit. The Ranch was sealed but it’s perfectly clean. And I think I have an excellent point of entry. No one will think you would go in from there. I have to warn you, it’s a little odd.”

Jax poured the tea as Solo started to talk about the mission.

 

* * * *

 

River watched Buster chase after his own tail and kind of wished she could be a dog in the next life. Buster had been despondent the night before when she’d come home and let him out of his crate. She’d held him but whenever she’d put him down, he’d run around and around the cabin looking for Jax. He’d whined and cried until she’d picked him up and taken him to bed with her.

This morning Buster was happy and playing, perfectly adjusted to the new normal.

She was not. She hadn’t slept, didn’t want to eat. God, it would be good to cry. She simply couldn’t. The world was dull again and she hated Jax for reminding her how much color there was when looking at it with new eyes. She was back in this gray place and she worried she might never come out of it again.

She’d sat and stared at the TV, the morning news not sticking to her brain in any way because all she could think about was the way he’d looked as she’d walked away.

The man was good. She would give him that.

She’d even answered his stupid text about the dog. She’d started to type back that she didn’t want anything from him, but then she’d glanced over and Buster had looked at her with big doggy eyes and she’d known she couldn’t lose him, too. Buster would be the only thing she took with her, the only proof that she’d been with Jax for a brief time.

Would Buster like the city? Would he like being stuck in a tiny apartment where he would need to be in a crate most of the day?

God, she was going to miss this place.

“Hello.”

River turned and forced a smile on her face. Nell Flanders was pedaling her bicycle down the path. There was a basket in front and it would have some treat for her. At least once a week since her father had been diagnosed, someone from town would show up offering food and help. She’d felt so alone, but now she realized she hadn’t been. Rachel Harper would show up with a casserole one day and Holly Burke would bring them banana bread another. Nell had organized the food for her father’s funeral. Of course, it had been the woman named Solo who’d sat in the funeral home and held her hand.

She wouldn’t see Solo again, but Nell was one of the kindest human beings she’d ever met. It was hard to believe that she was married to a man who’d been a deadly operative. Henry looked like the history teacher he professed to be. But then she’d proven to not have good instincts when it came to dangerous men.

Did Nell know her husband’s past? Fear struck her in that moment because she couldn’t be the one who broke her friend in that manner. She froze at the thought of being the person to tell Nell Henry wasn’t who he said he was. But didn’t she deserve to know?

Fucking Jax had screwed her over again.

“You don’t look happy to see me,” Nell said, not unkindly. “I heard you had a rough night. I brought you some herbal tea. I was in Colorado Springs with Henry a few days ago and picked some up at the sweetest little tea shop. I thought you would enjoy it. Henry. Should I call him John now? I don’t know. He still looks like a Henry to me. At least your formerly violent lover only has one name. Well, that he knows about.”

River breathed a sigh of relief. “You know.”

Nell parked the bike and plucked the bag of tea from her basket. “About Henry’s former occupation? I’ve known for a bit. I was very foolish. I didn’t even suspect he wasn’t exactly what he said he was. But then a drug cartel showed up on our doorstep and Henry murdered them all. Now, in his defense, they were planning to kill all of us, and I’ve thought a lot about the fact that his preferred method of murder is actually quite earth friendly. He’s very well versed in the art of internal decapitation. They say it’s quick and painless, so there’s that.”

She shivered. “You’re taking this well.”

Nell grew somber. “No, I’m not. I’m not taking it well at all. I’m making him sleep on the couch, and I don’t know that I can ever forgive him.”

“For being a killer?” At least someone understood.

“For lying to me about it. I’m not as naïve as he thinks I am. I know there are things in this world that are so evil they require men who are willing to fight them. They can’t fight terrorists with light. I know he protected us. I fight my fight and he fought his. Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

There was only one reason she could think of. Henry had been with Nell for years. From what she understood, he’d changed his whole life for his wife. He wasn’t working an op or biding time. They were having a baby together and it was all Henry could talk about. “He was afraid. He loved you and he was scared of losing you.”

“Yes, I suppose he was.” Nell passed her the tea and then knelt down and smiled as Buster did his best to lick the newcomer all over. Naturally Nell didn’t even try to stop him. She simply accepted his affection with a smile. “Have you thought about the fact that Jax likely lied to you for the same reasons?”

Oh, that trap had been cleverly sprung, but they weren’t in the same position. Not even close. “Henry worked for the CIA, and while I might think that’s a sketchy job, he wasn’t a criminal.”

Nell picked up the wriggling puppy and Buster seemed to relax as though he knew he was being handled by someone who loved animals. She stroked his fur as she spoke. “I thought you had been told the truth.”

“Yes, I was. The active CIA agent explained the whole situation to me. Jax and his friends are wanted in a whole lot of countries for any number of crimes. I only heard about robbery and some Internet crimes, but I’m sure there will be a murder in there somewhere.”

“Oh, I’m certain Jax has been forced to kill.”

Forced? “I don’t want to hear this, Nell. I’m sure you’ve come up with a million and one excuses in your head. You’re a sympathetic person.”

“I am,” she agreed. “I do know that people who commit crimes almost always have some kind of a reason. Most of them aren’t justified, but how can we judge a person if we don’t know the whys? How can we learn how to stop another crime if we don’t know the impetus for the behavior?”

She wasn’t buying it. “I don’t need to know about his shitty childhood.”

“Jax would love to know.”

“You’re not going to confuse me and get me to agree with you.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do at all. I’m trying to explain the situation to you because I don’t think anyone else will.” Nell frowned.

It was apparent she wasn’t getting out of this conversation. She could walk away, but in the past Nell had proven quite adroit at getting her way. It was best to listen to her and then move on or else she could find herself with a protest going on outside her cabin. “All right. Tell me this magical story that will make everything okay.”

“There’s no magic in this story,” Nell said. “There’s pain and loss. I think Henry told me because he knew it would soften my heart knowing what those young men have been through. Jax has no idea what his name is or where he comes from. He doesn’t remember anything past the last eighteen months of his life.”

“Bullshit.” Did they all think she was an idiot?

“No. Henry wouldn’t lie about this,” Nell insisted. “Jax and his brothers—she called them his brothers, you see—they were all born in a laboratory. I call it that but in so many ways it wasn’t a birth. It was the death of the men they’d been.”

She didn’t understand a thing. “In a lab? Was he involved in some sort of experiment? Did he volunteer to test some weird drug?”

“No one would volunteer for this.” Nell’s armed tightened around the puppy like he was a security blanket. “Dr. Hope McDonald was a pioneer in the field of mind alteration and conditioning, though you won’t see her best work in any medical journal. She worked at The Ranch for a time, developing something the CIA had an interest in. Have you ever heard of time dilation? Neither had I. It’s a way to trick the brain into believing more time has passed than reality. She developed two drugs. One erased all personal memory. The subject retained knowledge of certain things—how to brush his teeth, what a cup was called. Muscle memory was retained. The subjects who had been trained to fight could still do so. But all memory of family and self was gone.”

She tried to process Nell’s words. It didn’t make sense. “Why would anyone want to do such a thing?”

“I have a theory. She needed test subjects for her time dilation drug. That particular drug could be used to do an enormous amount of good. Think about a young cancer patient. Give her this drug and the right stimulus and she lives a full life in her head. Give it to a scientist and he has more time to research. I know it sounds odd, but the mind is an incredible thing. But there are darker purposes to a drug like that. Torture could last longer, leave the victim with minor wounds but the memory of terrible pain.”

River shivered despite the warmth of the afternoon. “Someone tested this drug on Jax?”

“Yes.”

She didn’t want to believe it. She wasn’t sure she did, but Nell wouldn’t lie. Had she been deceived? “So they gave him this time dilation drug and then tortured him and then erased his memory so he couldn’t remember what happened to him?”

“Not exactly,” Nell said. “I don’t know all of the details, but I know his memory was erased again and again. The only one who remembers a substantial amount of his time with Dr. McDonald is a man named Theo Taggart.”

“Taggart?”

Nell nodded. “Yes, he’s Ian’s half brother. He spent over a year in the doctor’s tender care. He wrote up what he could remember. Henry let me read it and now I’m going to do the same for you. A copy is in the bag with the tea. Theo talks about how they were beaten and forced to comply. They were tested against each other. The doctor used sophisticated psychological techniques to train the men to obey her orders. I know we all want to think that we would be the one who didn’t break, but read his report and tell me you wouldn’t. I can’t imagine what he went through.”

“You’re telling me Jax became a criminal because some crazy lady told him to?”

“I know it sounds terribly outrageous, but it’s also true.” Nell kissed the top of Buster’s head and set him down. The puppy immediately started chasing a butterfly. “Jax was born in a lab fully grown. All he’s known in his life is pain and forced compliance, and yet he was gentle with you.”

A shiver went through her. If it was true…some of the things he’d said made sense. His awkwardness. The weirdness of his “brothers.”

Nell walked back to her bike. “I’m not telling you you should do anything. If you don’t care about Jax, then it’s good that you broke it off with him. You’re the first woman he’s ever had a relationship with. When you think about it, he was a virgin. I’m sure he’ll recover. After all, he spent years being tortured and he’s still capable of love. He could have kept it at a one-night stand and moved on to the next woman, but I think what he craved was a connection with someone who spoke to his soul.”

“I don’t know that I can forgive him.” Even if everything Nell said was true, he’d still lied to her. He’d still put her in jeopardy.

“You don’t have to forgive him to want to make sure he’s safe.” Nell popped up her kickstand. “He’s going into those woods tonight. He’s going alone. I think he doesn’t care if he lives or dies.”

“Why would he do that?” He had no training. He wouldn’t know what to do.

“Because Ezra thinks The Ranch holds the secrets of who his men are. Or were. Of who their families were, where they came from. He thinks there might even be a cure waiting for them there. What would you risk to potentially regain your memory? Your father died, but he’s still there in your mind. He’s still with you in every memory of a birthday or driving lessons or quiet time spent together. You still have him. The Lost Boys have nothing.”

The Lost Boys. That’s what Heather had called them. Solo. Damn it. She had to keep up.

Lost. They’d lost their pasts. Did Jax have to lose his future?

She couldn’t be with him again. He’d lied. He might have had a reason to lie, but he’d done it even knowing what that would mean to her.

She opened the bag and found the tea. It wouldn’t hurt to read the report. It wouldn’t change anything.

“Come on, Buster.” She would make some tea and see if anything this Theo Taggart person said made a lick of sense.

And then she would start the packing process because Jax had made it impossible for her to stay in Bliss. What a lifetime of memories of her dad couldn’t do, a few days of loving Jax Seaborne had. She couldn’t stay here anymore because there were far too many ghosts.