I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling out of sorts as I tried to recall the night before. I remembered drinking with Harris—cringe—and actually telling him I wished I hadn’t broken up with him—double cringe.
But after that, it was a blur, which was surprising because I didn’t have a headache, although I didn’t feel one hundred percent either.
I looked down at my PJs. At least I knew I hadn’t done something stupid, like have sex with my ex, but he must have picked out what I was wearing because I didn’t sleep in this pair of pajamas. They were usually too hot, and I couldn’t sleep well.
I guessed I just needed several drinks to go with these PJs if I wanted to wear them to bed. I hadn’t woken up once last night.
I pushed myself off the bed and paused, worried the change in elevation would hurt my head or make me dizzy, but all I had to do was pee.
After going to the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and headed out to the kitchen for some coffee. I came to a screeching halt when I saw Griffin sleeping on my couch.
And that was when the rest of the night came back to me.
The angry phone call, Griffin apparently helping me get into my house, me trying to have sex with him.
Ugh.
So, not only did he know that he’d broken my heart, thanks to my message, but he’d also probably figured out that I hadn’t had sex since him.
I marched over to him and repeatedly poked him in the shoulder.
He reached behind him and grabbed my hand. “Ow. That hurts.”
I pulled my hand away. “Good.”
Griffin rolled over and sat up. As he did, the blanket fell down, and his bare chest was on display.
I felt a twinge between my legs and cursed my vagina.
Thankfully, he was rubbing his eyes and didn’t catch me staring longingly at his gorgeous body.
I looked over his shoulder. “What are you doing here?”
“Making sure you’re okay.”
“I am. You’re free to leave now.”
“Not until we talk. Or at least, until I talk. All I’m asking you to do is listen.”
I didn’t want to listen to him, but I also didn’t want to keep being mad, especially on Christina and Troy’s wedding day.
“Mads, please look at me.”
I slowly met his eyes. His were filled with pain, and I didn’t want to hear about him being hurt.
So, I jumped him.
My lips landed on his as I straddled him. He kissed me with such passion that it took my breath away. And as he grew hard between my legs, I rubbed my cleft over him.
He drew his mouth away. “Are you still drunk?”
“No.” I kissed his neck and ran my hands all over his chest.
He threaded his fingers through my hair and pulled my head up and away from him. “Are you sure this is a good idea? We need to talk. I know you’re upset, and I need to apologize.”
“If you don’t fuck me right now, I promise I’ll never forgive you.”
Griffin smiled and kissed me again. He threw me down on the couch and yanked my pants off. With one quick move, he got up on his knees, drew his boxers down just enough to pull his cock out, and drove inside me.
“Oh shit,” I yelled and clutched at his back.
Wrapping an arm under my ass, he thrust inside me like a man possessed. He angled my hips in the exact right way so that he rubbed his dick precisely where I needed it to be.
“Baby, I’m not going to last long,” he said in my ear. “I haven’t done this since you left.”
I knew Griffin had been in a depressive state after his dad passed, but for some reason, a part of me had pictured him getting freaky with women. Finding out that he hadn’t been with anyone since me was the thing I needed to tip me over the edge, and I exploded.
Since I hadn’t had an orgasm in a while, I came so hard that I could barely breathe, and I could feel myself getting wetter.
“Fuck me,” Griffin said and slammed into me as his climax took hold of his body. His cock jerked, and his seed was hot as he poured into me.
“Oh my God. I needed that,” I said. I pushed on his shoulders. “You can get off of me now.”
He didn’t look happy, but he pulled out of me and sat up.
I grabbed my pajama pants off the floor and pulled them on before I got up.
Griffin ran his hand over his hair. “Can I talk to you now?”
I leaned back on the couch and folded my hands on my chest. “Sure.” I was so post-climax relaxed that I probably would have let someone drive a bulldozer through my living room. “You have a limited amount of time before this orgasm haze wears off. Then, I’m kicking your ass out.”
When he didn’t say anything, I turned my head and looked at him.
He was grinning like a fool.
I pushed his shoulder. “Don’t get too full of yourself. I haven’t had an orgasm in a long time.”
His grin got impossibly bigger.
“Forget I said anything. Talk.”
He rubbed his hands together. “First, I owe you a huge thanks.”
I clenched my jaw. He was thanking me again.
His hand went up. “I know friends help each other out, but you went above and beyond, Mads. I would be deep in the hole with the bar, and I would have lost a ton of customers if I hadn’t had you. And if it makes you feel better, I have spread my thanks out to everyone who helped me. I have realized how incredibly lucky I am to have great friends and family.”
“Well, you’re welcome, I guess.” I narrowed my eyes and lifted my finger. “Don’t go thinking you’re special or anything. I would have helped anyone in your situation.”
He grabbed my finger and brought my hand to his chest. “Now, Mads, we both know that’s not true. I’m your best friend.”
“Not anymore.”
“You’re still mine.” He linked our hands together and kissed the back of mine. “And I am so sorry that I hurt you. As you can probably guess, I was not in my right mind. You know I was close with my dad. And I still can’t believe he’s—” His voice choked.
I squeezed his hand.
“I still can’t believe he’s gone.”
“Oh, Griff.” I turned sideways. “I hope you know I’m not upset that you were depressed after what happened to your dad. Because I’m not. I’m not even that upset that when I told you I couldn’t do it anymore, you didn’t really care. And I’m also not that upset that I told you I loved you and you slammed the door in my face. I was—and still am—hurt, but I’m not mad at you. What I’m angry about is that you are doing better, and not once did you contact me.” I lifted a shoulder. “I thought when you were feeling ready, I’d be the first person you called.”
“Listen, I don’t know how much you heard, but even though I got out of bed, it took me a while before I got myself on the right track. I’ve been going to a grief support group, and I started seeing a therapist. And then all my other time has been devoted to me getting back into the bar. I had so much to catch up on while I was grieving. I don’t know if anyone told you, but I didn’t even know how much time had passed.”
My heart went out to him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “No sorrys. It’s not your fault. But anyway, I feel like all I’ve been doing is working, doing therapy, and sleeping. I’ve been working very hard to get my life back on track before yesterday.”
“Why yesterday?”
“Because I knew I was going to see you. And, Mads, I had no idea you didn’t know I was coming until yesterday when Christina yelled at me. I guess she gave Troy directions to pass on to me, that I had to be the one to let you know I was in the wedding again. But I think Troy’s exact message to me was, ‘Don’t forget to text Madeline.’ Thanks, buddy. That was real clear.”
I covered my mouth as I laughed. “Christina really yelled at you?”
“Kind of. We were at the church with people all around, so yelling is a bit of an exaggeration.”
“I would say I’m sorry, but you told me not to.”
Griffin laughed and shook his head. “That, and I deserved it, huh?”
“Just a little bit,” I said, holding up my finger and thumb close together.
“Well, I’m sorry you didn’t know I was coming. I’m sorry I hadn’t taken the time to tell you, so you weren’t blindsided.”
“You’re forgiven…I suppose,” I teased him. “I’m glad that you are getting help.”
“Does this mean we can be best friends again?”
I sighed and tried to take my hand back, but he refused to let go. “Griffin, I have missed you more than you know. But…” I looked away. “I don’t know if things can just go back to the way they were before.” I turned back to him. “I think I’m going to have to take it slow and build back up to being just friends again.”
He tilted his head and opened his mouth, but then he closed it again before he said anything.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded sluggishly and pointed to the couch. “You know we just had sex, right?”
I slapped my free hand over my eyes. “And you didn’t want to. Now, it’s my turn to apologize.”
Prying my fingers off my face, he asked, “Are you purposely being obtuse?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You know I wanted to have sex with you as much as you wanted to have it with me, right? Probably more.”
“I suppose that’s good news.”
“I would like to think so, yes.” He studied my face. “I sense a but coming.”
“But…I can’t go back to being friends with benefits with you, Griff.” I closed my eyes. Am I really going to put myself out there again? It appeared so. I opened them and took a deep breath. “I love you, Griffin. I am still in love with you. I can be your friend—with time, as I said before—or I can be your girlfriend, but I can’t be something in between.” I shook my head. “At least, not at this time in my life. It hurts too much.”
He tugged me forward, and I screeched as I landed on my back in his lap.
“Then, that is all my fault because I love you too, Madeline. I’m sorry I didn’t say it weeks ago, but you honestly caught me by surprise, and…let’s face it…I wasn’t ready.” He smiled down at me. “But I am now. I don’t think I was clear when I said I was working hard to get my life back on track these last few weeks before I saw you again. I wanted to make sure that I was worthy of you loving me.”
“Oh, Griff.” I threw my arms around him. “I love you so much.”
He leaned down and kissed me. “I love you too, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”