Chapter Fifteen
Grace
Blasted Jack Murphy.
When Sean came into the office I was even more on edge, wondering if the fact I slept with his brother was obvious and written on my face.
This entire situation was complicated and I was glad Jack was in meetings all day.
By the time I got home with Jane Pawsten, I was more than ready to change and go for our nightly walk after dinner.
What I didn’t expect was my phone to buzz in the middle of my playlist.
Pulling the device out of my pocket, I couldn’t help the grin on my face when I saw the message.
Blast. What was happening to me?
I sighed even though he couldn’t hear me. I’d love to sit across the table from him, share food, drinks, and see where we ended up.
But us together was a one-time thing. Two if you counted his office. No. I couldn’t lead him on. Not when he needed a wife to keep his company.
Warning bells buzzed in my head but instead of following them, I texted back.
My heart sped up with each step and not just because I swore Janey trotted faster as soon as she knew we were headed toward the building.
Jack leaned against one of the posts, a broad smile on his face as soon as we approached.
She barked happily, bouncing on his feet as soon as we were close enough.
“Jane Pawsten, the happiest girl in the world,” he said with a laugh, bending down and scratching behind her ears.
He looked up at me before slowly standing. “And hello to you, too.”
“You sure you have the footwear for a walk?” I blurted, trying to focus on his leather shoes and blue trousers instead of his gorgeous face
“Are we heading for the Boston marathon or to the park?” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small tennis ball, tossing it once in the air and catching it.
Janey stood on her hind legs, barking up at the little green thing flying through the air.
I laughed, putting my hand to my chest, trying to ignore the way my whole body warmed for this little gesture. “When did you get a ball?”
He laughed. “Used to play a lot of tennis in uni and found this in one of the drawers in the office. Her mouth is too small to fetch it, but at least she’ll have fun chasing it.”
“Let’s try it out,” I said with a smile as we walked together toward one of the parks, Janey prancing happily between us.
I shouldn’t have gotten so close to him, but with each step it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Being myself and having a good time with him was easy.
Once we got to an area of green space, Jack tossed the ball a few meters and Jane happily chased after it, barking when she couldn’t pick it up in her mouth. But she was brilliant. She found a way to kick it back with her front paws like a futball.
“Told you she’d get it,” Jack said with a laugh, grabbing the little green ball from the dog who looked up at him with her tail wagging.
He tossed the ball again; Jane chased after it.
“She really likes that. I should maybe invest in some tennis balls, then she wouldn’t try to eat Grandmum’s plants,” I said, watching her kick the ball back to us.
“I did some research the other day about dogs and their boredom habits. It may be hard for Jane sitting all day at your grandparents’ or in her crate.”
“Way to lay the guilt trip on,” I muttered, watching the dog instead of what I assumed would be a harsh look from Jack.
He laughed. “Not a guilt trip, but I can spend my lunch with her, tossing the ball to burn off some steam of my own. And you can see about enrolling her in a doggy daycare. I heard those are a big thing now.”
Before I could respond he nodded to himself. “You know what? I’ll make a call tomorrow. See if we can get her enrolled in one down the block. We can put it on the Murphy’s card and see if it’s something we can do for all employees eventually. There are the legalities with daycare and children, but maybe at least a discount program for dogs and kids alike.”
I didn’t know what he was getting at but there was a new shifting feeling in my chest. Not just talking about taking care of my dog, but now he was bringing up kids? What was this all really about?
“I can’t ask you to do that for her or me. I’ll look into doggy daycares myself,” I stammered.
I didn’t want to tell him that there was also no way I could afford doggy daycare. Sure, I was living rent-free, but my first paycheck was already going back to my grandparents for the clothes and Jack for the vet bills, even though they were trying to refuse it. An extra twenty euros a day on doggy daycare would add to the growing list of bills.
“You didn’t have to ask. I want to do it.” I finally looked up to see his broad smile before he threw the ball again.
“You want to spend time with my dog?” I asked carefully, swallowing the lump in my throat.
And me?
“I’m cooped up in the office all day and could use a break in the afternoon. Fresh air helps me think. And besides…” He shot me a wink. “I can spend time with her owner, too.”
Right there I should have reiterated that I never wanted to get married. That spending time with my dog wasn’t going to change that.
But it wasn’t true.
I really liked him. The way he played with Janey and took care of us was more than anyone had ever done before. My parents’ relationship didn’t work because they had nothing in common. I never saw them spend time together outside of sitting at the dinner table or at the conference table during their divorce fights.
“Were you able to eat anything before you met up with us? I don’t want to keep you from dinner,” I said, blurting the first thing I could to interrupt my nagging thoughts.
“I can grab something later,” he replied.
I knew I should’ve listen to my head but my heart ruled out, knowing exactly what happened last time we shared a meal at my place. “I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can make a mean toastie with crisps.”
He grinned, those dimples flashing and my stomach warmed. “I’ll grab something on the way home.”
“I want to. Can I please make you a sandwich and crisps?”
He laughed. “Fine. If you insist.”
After a few more tosses of the ball, we went back to my flat where Janey gulped down a bowl of water then laid on the floor snoring, while I made a sandwich for Jack and tea for both of us.
“Best grilled cheese I’ve ever had,” Jack said with a grin as I took the seat next to him at the small table.
“It’s some of that brown bread and farmhouse cheese from the market. Nothing too fancy, but it’s good.” I shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of my tea.
Truth was, no one ever complimented me on much, especially not my food. Even if it was just toasties.
“This is why you’d be great in purchasing. You find the best our local market has to offer and put it together. I’ll contact them to see if they’re interested in at least supplying to the local pubs.”
“Really?” I asked, trying to contain my excitement. I’d worked in publishing for years and had my senior editors tell me my stuff was good, but never make more of an effort past that.
Not that I needed the praise, but when it came from Jack, my heart that was already beating rapidly went at full speed.
“Yeah. Your opinion matters to me.” His hand went to my knee and I should have swatted him away but instead I put my hand on his, squeezing it lightly.
He put his sandwich down, leaning in. “Not just in the company, mo gra, but your opinion of me matters, too. What can I do to convince you I’m not the same gobshite I was when we were younger?”
“You already have,” I whispered, pressing my lips to his and letting the world melt away around us.
…
I wanted to hate Jack Murphy.
But I couldn’t.
When he spoke sweetly and kissed me, all resolve melted.
My nights after work were spent with him and Jane at the park, then dinner and falling into bed together. Finally, I was connected with someone else, physically and mentally.
But guilt ached inside me.
Now that there was something more brewing, I couldn’t help but think on my mum’s words. And my own.
What if Jack and I really started dating? Then would she and Grandmum only assume it was to dupe him into falling for me and getting the company? They knew how I felt about marriage and it was only a matter of time before Jack realized that this wouldn’t end where he wanted it to.
By then it might be too late.
It would not only break me, but he could lose the company.
I could have stayed in bed, going over the scenarios that wounded my heart. But Jane yapped from the pillow next to me, alerting me I’d better feed her or she’d never shut up.
Once I let the dog out and poured her kibble, I looked at my phone and saw a missed email and call. It was Saturday, and Jack had planned another “business trip” as he called it to the market to meet with the bread seller.
I was pretty sure it was code for talking to the seller for five minutes then shagging. But he really did seem to be excited about the prospect of more local products in the pub, even showing off the photos he purchased to the board members whenever one of them stopped in.
Carolyn, my former editor, sent the email that pinged on my phone. I opened it and had barely read the “greetings” line when my former colleague, Sarah, called.
“Hello?” I answered, adrenaline coursing through me. I didn’t get through the entire email but the terms new line and need an editor jumped out at me.
“Why did it take you so long to answer?” Sarah got right to the point. I guess that’s why she was one of the few people I got along within the office. But I never considered us phone friends. I didn’t even remember I had her number in my contacts.
“It’s Saturday. I just woke up.” I turned on the kettle. Jack would probably bring coffee, or we’d get some at the market, but I loved a morning cuppa.
“Did you get the email from Carolyn?”
“Uh-huh. I just saw it,” I said, trying to hide the trepidation in my voice. What if she was calling to tell me that she accepted an offer as senior editor and wanted to make me her assistant?
“As you know, I’ve got a lot on my plate here. Especially since they let so many people go.”
“Right.”
“Carolyn approached me about the new line and asked if I knew anyone who might be interested in the senior editor position. I thought of you. I don’t know what you’re up to these days, but it’s a hell of an opportunity. Way better pay, too.”
“Oh. Wow.” Everything swirled in my head, my heart pounding in my ears. This was the phone call I’d been waiting for since the day I was laid off. I should be jumping for joy, but instead, something else tugged at my heartstrings.
No…someone.
“Wow, this is…this is not what I expected,” I said, trying to come up with the right words.
“I would’ve thought you’d be over the moon about this. But you sound like I just yelled at your dog,” she said, annoyance ringing in her voice.
“No. I’m just. Well, I’m in shock is all.”
She laughed. “Okay. I get that. But you’d better email Carolyn back ASAP, and hopefully, I’ll see you back in the office next week.”
“Thanks. I will,” I said, my brain still in a fog as we exchanged a few niceties before I disconnected the call.
It was everything I’d dreamed—running my own line with a successful publisher.
The only problem with all of this was that it left Jack and Ireland out of the equation. The job was in London. No virtual position.
The answer should have been easy. I should have been able to say “yes” to this dream job. Not seriously thinking about staying at Murphy’s Pub and with Jack.
Yet there I stood, staring at my phone, not noticing I was crying until the tears hit my lip.
I never cried over a man. Not one I dated and not my father when he left after the divorce was final. So why now?
Sighing, I decided to hop in the shower and get ready for the day. I tried to put everything about the job in the back of my mind and focus on my day with Jack.
Our time was coming to an end.
…
“I saw a gourmet dog treat booth that we’ll need to check out,” Jack said as we walked through the market.
We’d been quiet, but it had not been an uncomfortable silence. There was something about him that made it easy to say nothing at all with either of us thinking something was wrong.
But something was very wrong. The thing that bore deep within my stomach and soured the morning that should have been pleasant. Nothing was coming easy in my brain, and everything fogged, swirling together as I tried to make sense of what I really wanted. Could I have Jack and my dream job? Did I even really have Jack?
Maybe it would be better if I let him find someone else.
Blast.
This would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to. I couldn’t talk to Sean since this was his brother. And the only person who I was really close to also happened to be the same person I was debating on leaving or staying with.
I raised my eyebrows, trying to smile at Jack and not think of everything swimming in my brain. “I don’t think you need to get anything fancy for Jane Pawsten. She seems to like you without the treats.”
He laughed. “Nothing wrong with spoiling my girl.”
“Oh, so she’s your girl now?” I asked, feeling my chest tighten thinking how ingrained he’d become in my dog’s life.
She cried whenever he left and would jump into his arms as soon as we saw him for our nightly walks. She’d never taken a shine to anyone like she did him. If there was one thing I knew about people, it was that if a dog liked them, I trusted them. And that’s what gutted me the most. I should have trusted him and told him what my mother said and about the job offer, but I kept both bottled up.
“I already have a dog bowl and leash ready for her at my place. For when she stays the night.”
“She might not like that, nor would your neighbors. She’d be up barking and whining all night unless I constantly put my hand near the end of the bed for her to lick my fingers to know I’m there,” I said with a smirk, eying some well-worn books as we passed a seller.
“Then you’ll just have to come with us.”
I blinked and stopped, slowly turning toward him as my heart thudded in my chest. This was definitely more than a euphemism.
“I’m not staying at your place.”
He shrugged. “Just an option. If you and Jane ever wanted a change of scenery. The board has always talked about turning your flat and the others in the building into businesses. A boutique publisher would be lovely there. And I know just the girl who could run it.”
My mouth dropped open at his proposal and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. A mixture of nerves and, did I dare say, elation?
I may not have known what to think when I talked to Sarah, but when Jack talked about a small publisher in the flat, I immediately thought of transforming the space into a workroom. Exactly how I’d bring in new clients and what kind of books I’d want to publish. I didn’t even think that far after reading Carolyn’s email.
But it was a silly notion. I couldn’t take any of it seriously. This was Jack. This was the guy who needed a wife. Something I didn’t want to be. Or so I thought.
But now…now… Now I didn’t know what I thought anymore.
“Jack…we…barely…”
His hand clasped mine, stopping my thoughts and sending the butterflies into full spasm mode. “We’ve known each other for most of our lives, and you said it yourself, your dream is to be a small publisher. You’re here, and we both know you’re made for so much more than my assistant. I care about you and I want what is best for you.
“I haven’t felt like this about anyone. But that has nothing to do with this business idea. It’s two separate things. You’ll still have the business and the flat. I’ll make sure of that. No matter what happens between us.”
I couldn’t think of a reason to say no.
The job offer in London.
My mother’s words.
The idea of marriage itself.
The company falling into the wrong hands if all of this didn’t work out between us.
Before I could answer, my phone rang. I shook my head, searching through my bag.
A new sense of dread coursed through me, hoping it wasn’t Carolyn or Sarah. Not while I was in the middle of this moment with Jack.
But instead of seeing either of their numbers flash across my screen, it was my mum’s and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hello, Mum.”
“You’re finally not too busy to answer your phone. Does this mean I should expect you for tea this afternoon or do you have one of those work meetings again? You’ve been having an awful lot of those lately. I hope Jack isn’t working you too hard.”
I held back my laugh, Jack’s eyebrows wiggling as he listened to her words.
“Actually, I’m with him right now. Working, that is,” I said quickly.
She huffed. “Oh, well I guess you can invite him, too.”
“What?” I asked, my eyebrows raised so high they practically hit my hairline.
“The more, the merrier. I’ll make sure to set out an extra plate.”
“I…I don’t know…he’s an awfully busy man,” I stammered.
She huffed. “Gracie just invite him. You’re a grown woman, and you can do what you want but if you’d like to invite him then be here at half past two.”
Did Mum have some ulterior motive in inviting him? Make a fool out of me so he wouldn’t try to have a real relationship with me?
This was all bloody complicated and I was probably overthinking it.
I hung up the phone and looked at Jack, chewing on my bottom lip as I chose my words carefully. “Mum wants me to go there for tea. She told me to invite you but I feel like it’s probably a cover for something else. Like maybe she wants to see if we’re shagging or Grandfather wants to talk to you about business. I don’t know.”
I blew out a breath, before he could answer, everything coming out like word vomit. “It’s up to you. I don’t really want to be there, so maybe having you with would be a good excuse to leave early.”
I decided that was as good a reason as any. I could use a buffer with my mum, and maybe if he was there, she wouldn’t bring up the inheritance clause or her ludicrous plan. The one that she had to realize by now I was never going to do.
I wasn’t going to be his forever, his wife.
I just knew that I wasn’t ready for my day with him to end. Our time together at all.
I didn’t want to think about the email from Carolyn and what my answer would be. Or even what the future would be beyond today. I just wanted to escape all of it with him.
He took my hand and brought it to his lips, brushing his mouth against my knuckles. “As long as you’re there, I’ll go anywhere.”