Remembering Dalton

Karl von Uhl

“Did you ever daydream as a kid?”

“What?” I asked. Me and Dean were hiking through the Minarets, along part of the John Muir Trail in the Devil’s Postpile Quadrangle in the southern Sierra Nevada.

“They call it fantasizing now. Way back when, it was called daydreaming.”

“Yeah. So?” I was distracted by peaks of granite, a trailside spiked with scree and wildflowers, and a sweet-smelling breeze on my shirtless torso.

“I’d have these elaborate stories in my head. Usually it was me and two other guys. In real life, they were two guys from my Cub Scout den. Trey, who was my age, and Dalton, who was an Eagle Scout who was gonna go into the Marines. He’d help out every so often.”

“Dean....”

“Just a daydream. Presexual, okay? Pretty dull stuff, mostly going camping together. Sleeping in the same tent. It’s not like I’d think about bumping butts underwater or anything,” he said, half joking, half defensive.

again? It’s a gay miracle. When I was in the asylum, um, I mean, on vacation, I did it with this guy who thought he was Napoleon, so I love role-play! If you would call yourself a “boi”—even better! I’ll play along!

Sometimes, living in this bubble of CK1 and attitude, I wish silently to myself so no one will know (unless they are reading my lips, which I move unconsciously) that more than anything else, I want to have the man that will make all my friends drool. It’s not for me, you understand. I can put my ego aside, see. It’s not like I want to be the best-looking, most handsome guy in the room, I just want the best-looking, most handsome guy in the room to want me. Is that asking too much?

Finalist will be notified by e-mail within two weeks. In case of a tie, the top five finalists will be invited to a private party where they will be put through a 45-minute Tae Bo routine while rectally clenching a Jeff Stryker Super-realistic dildo with moveable balls. Light snacks and poppers will be provided. Please bring a clean towel.