“Don’t let Trevor’s extended family overwhelm you,” Mika whispered in my ear. “Even the ostracized ones.
I was grateful that the club owner pre-empted what I feared might turn into a knock-down drag-out between James and Kerr. Mumbling a few curses under his breath, Kerr walked away. Like a raptor stalking its prey, James kept a keen eye on the man as he ambled over and stopped to talk to a pretty young blonde named Destiny, if I remembered correctly. Her brittle expression all but screamed she was less than thrilled to have garnered Kerr’s attentions.
“Have you been back to see Trevor today?” I asked Mika as Julianna glided in beside him.
I softly strummed my fingers up his back in an attempt to soothe him and coax James into the conversation with Mika and Julianna. James snapped his gaze off Kerr and turned toward me. A twinkle of pride darted across his dark eyes as he pulled me closer against his side.
“He was in a lot of pain earlier,” Julianna began to explain. I bit back a smile as Mika arched an incredulous brow at her. “But they increased the intervals on his morphine pump. He seems to be getting on top of the pain, and sleeping more comfortably now.”
“I believe Liz asked me, precious,” Mika chastised in something close to a growl.
“Oops,” Julianna giggled. “Sorry, Sir.”
“Are you a nurse, too?” I asked, trying not to laugh at her flimsy attempt to appease Mika.
“No,” she replied, sobering. Her mournful, green eyes came to rest on her Dom. He slung his arm around her shoulder and placed a heartfelt, kiss on the top of her head. “Mika was shot last year. I learned all about morphine pumps and pain management the hard way.”
“Shot?” I blanched as I gaped at Mika. “You mentioned you’d been in ICU, but I didn’t know you’d been shot.” Turning my attention to Julianna, my heart went out to her for the terror she must have gone through. “Oh my god, you must have been out of your mind with worry. Did they catch the guy that shot him?”
With a nod, Julianna huddled in close to Mika.
“I killed him,” he announced coldly. “It was self defense. But yes, we both had a hell of a scare.”
“Scared shitless is more like it,” Julianna whispered.
“Precious.” Mika scowled as he pinned her with a look of warning. “Do I need to find something to shove in your mouth to keep you from swearing?”
“No, Sir.” Shaking her head, Julianna’s red ringlets bounced wildly. “Because we both know a ball gag isn’t what I want you shoving in my mouth.” She flashed him a seductive smile and winked.
“Sassy wench,” he chastised with a grin then kissed her hard on the lips.
Releasing his girl, Mika and James shook hands before sharing a manly hug and slapping one another on the back. James whispered something in Mika’s ear, and as they pulled away, the amber-eyed man flashed me a wolfish grin.
“We’ll look forward to seeing you at the club tonight, girl.”
No. No. No. Dammit! James was making it nearly impossible for me to weasel out of that part of our date.
“Is anyone back with Trevor beside Drake?” I blurted out, redirecting the conversation.
“Dylan, Nick, and Savannah are with him and Drake now,” Mika replied as he glanced at his watch. “They should be coming out soon.”
“Thank you.” I smiled.
“Hey, have you seen Ian today?” James asked.
“Yes.” Mika nodded. “He was here earlier but said he was heading back to the office.”
Ian? Oh yes, James’ boss and fishing partner.
“I’ll check in with him later.” James nodded, then scanned the waiting room. “I guess we’ll find a seat and wait our turn to go back.”
Remembering how easily James had obtained my address, I smirked. “I can sneak us back now if you’d like. I know people, too,” I teased.
“It’s nice having friends in high places, isn’t it?” James quipped with a grin. “Let’s go.”
Walking toward Trevor’s room, James’ palm still singed the small of my back. I garnered several raised brows from my fellow nurses, but expected as much. I’d always kept my personal life separate from my professional one. Let them gossip. Hell, let them drool. A sly smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
Pausing at the entrance to Trevor’s room, Drake sat on the bed, brushing his thick fingers through his lover’s golden hair. A tall, handsome Native American man had his arm slung around the waist of a curvy, dark-haired woman. Flanking her other side was an equally attractive blonde with Caribbean-blue eyes. He too had his arm around the girl. Trevor said something, and they all started to laugh before, one by one, each man pressed a steamy kiss over the woman’s mouth. It was obvious the two handsome men shared the pretty young woman. More than a little shocked, I tried not to stare.
Cindy wasn’t going to believe this when I told her, but…no. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t tell her anything. Drake trusted me to keep their secrets, and I would.
As James inched us further into the room, the Native American man turned, then greeted us with a wide smile. I wondered if it were a prerequisite that every Dom from Genesis had to be drop-dead gorgeous.
“James, my man. Damn good to see you,” the blue-eyed man exclaimed. A sexy little dimple sank deep into the side of his cheek as he settled an inquisitive gaze on me.
Thankfully, he didn’t make my skin crawl, like Kerr had.
James introduced me to Dylan—the sexy blonde, and Nick—the swarthy Native American, as well as Savannah—the pretty young woman/submissive they shared.
Drake rose from Trevor’s bed and wrapped me in a tight hug. “I’m glad you came back. I’m truly sorry if I upset you yesterday,” he whispered in my ear.
“You didn’t. Don’t give it a second thought,” I assured him in a voice only he could hear.
Drake released me and gave James a solid smack on the shoulder. “Glad to see you both.”
I smiled down at Trevor, his blue eyes sparkling with joy. “How are you—”
“Thank you so much for…everything,” Trevor gushed. Though his words still held a slight slur, he was forming sentences much better than the previous night in the ER. “I would have gone out of my mind if it hadn’t been for you.”
A lump of emotion lodged in my throat.
“Oh, you’re the angel,” Savannah exclaimed, looking at me in awe. “Trevor’s told us all about you.”
Feeling unnerved and self-conscious, I shook my head. “I was just doing my job.”
“The way Trevor tells it, you did a hell of a fine one,” Nick touted as he and Dylan continued to hold Savannah between them in shared possession.
I’d never met a real-life ménage couple before. Sure, I’d read about them in books. Hell, I’d fantasized at least a zillion times about being taken by two men at once, but I never suspected trios actually existed.
I couldn’t help but stare at Savannah. Aside from being beautiful, she looked wholesome in an almost innocent way. She didn’t look the least bit skanky. In fact, there was nothing about her that came close to fitting my preconceived notions. She might fuck two men at the same time, but she didn’t look at all like a slut or a whore.
Judgmental much? Mother Sally would be proud that she raised you so well.
The thought of my mother having any speck of influence on my life sent my stomach pitching, in a slow, sickening slide. Cringing inwardly, I forced a soft smile to hide my shameful prejudices I realized I was still harboring.
“Thank you,” I shyly replied to Nick and his compliment.
Trying to keep from ogling the trio, I focused on Trevor. Stepping close to the side of his bed, the nurse inside me wanted to check his tongue, the stitches on his head, and the site of his surgical incision. Instead, I placated myself by inspecting the rainbow of colors painted over his narrow face. Dark purples, edged in hues of crimson and indigo, indicated the outward healing process was well underway. Except for the blood, Trevor now looked somewhat worse than he did when he arrived in the ER.
“How’s the pain?” I asked.
As if my concern touched him, a slow smile curved one corner of his mouth. “Comes and goes. Daddy watches the clock and pushes the pump for me.” Trevor’s blue eyes brimmed with love as he stared at his compassionate lover. “The cops came in early this morning. There was a witness.”
A fact I knew from the EMT’s run report.
“Some woman was driving home and saw what was happening,” Trevor explained. “She pulled into the parking lot next door and called the cops on her cell.”
Closing his eyes, Trevor stopped talking. His chin quivered. I knew he was reliving the horrific event. I reached down and squeezed his hand, then glanced up at Drake. His jaw ticked in anger and his eyes brimmed with tears.
“When the assholes heard the sirens coming—” Nick’s deep voice was filled with anguish as he continued Trevor’s story. “—the stupid fuckers ran right past her car, and she was able to get a good look at each man.”
“Hell of a woman,” Dylan interjected. “She was mad, so mad she spent the rest of the night at the police station pouring over mug shots of college-aged men. She positively identified two guys who had been arrested about six months ago. One for pissing in public outside a bar, the other asshole happened to be out on bail. He’d smacked his girlfriend around a couple of weeks ago.”
Trevor had nodded off as Dylan recanted the information.
“Do you know who’s working the case?” James asked solemnly.
“Your buddy, Tommy’s roommate. Detective Wheeler,” Dylan informed him with a furtive arch of a brow.
“Good. There won’t be any fuck ups.” James assured grimly. “Have charges been filed?”
“No,” Drake replied. His tone was bitter and angry. “Not yet. They want to bring all of them in together, so the witness can ID the rest of the pricks.”
“I’ll make a couple of calls. See if they can speed that up for you,” James offered.
“Thanks man. I…” Drake trailed off as he watched Trevor sleeping. “I just want five minutes alone with those motherfuckers.”
“So do we,” Dylan affirmed from across the room.
“No.” Drake turned and snarled. “They’re mine!”
Wincing at the feral promise in his tone, I knew the big man would make good on his word. Inwardly, I hoped he would. There wasn’t an ounce of compassion or sympathy inside me for the men who had brutalized Trevor.
“Thank you, Sir,” Savannah said. Her tone was pithy as she looked pointedly at Drake. “After Mellie and Joshua’s nightmare, I just got Dylan back from the dark side. I’d rather not lose him again.”
“I was never lost, kitten. I simply closed off compassion for a few days, to keep our friends safe,” Dylan proclaimed. Leaning in he kissed the tip of her nose.
Savannah narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth. Dylan cocked his head and issued a look of warning so stern, it gave me chills. She snapped her mouth shut, but rolled her eyes in a silent, ‘whatever.’
With a low growl, Dylan swatted her soundly on the butt. I sucked in a startled gasp as Savannah let out a squeal then giggled. Trevor jerked and issued a low groan, and Nick’s laid-back expression morphed into a thundercloud of disapproval.
“It’s time to go,” he admonished with an unhappy frown.
“That wasn’t my fault, Master,” Savannah huffed, placing her hands on her hips.
Nick arched one brow and raised his chin, as if daring her to continue. Savannah didn’t try to persuade him further; she simply exhaled a perturbed sigh. “May I say goodbye to Drake, Sir, please?”
“Make it quick,” Dylan warned.
Savannah hurried to Drake and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I’m sorry that you and Trevor have to go through all this, Sir.” She frowned.
Drake nodded in thanks, then a mischievous smile spread over his mouth. “Enjoy your spankings for him, girl. Remember, he likes a lot of pain.”
“Oh, my.” A playful grin lit up her face.
“What makes you think we’re going to let you enjoy it, little one?” Nick warned.
I bit my bottom lip wondering what Savannah’s Doms had in store for her. She didn’t seem the least bit worried, but my mind busily conjured up all kinds of painfully wicked scenarios.
One by one the men shook hands and said their goodbyes. Savannah wrapped her arms around me. Caught off guard by her affection, I tensed and held her a bit longer than normal.
“Are you going to be okay? They’re not really going to hurt you, are they?” I whispered in her ear.
Her body shook as she held in a giggle. “No. Never. What we do is totally consensual. If they ever purposefully hurt me, I’d have to hurt them right back.”
Pulling away, she grinned and gave me a wink before strolling out the door with her two Doms. A strange sort of envy filled me. I wondered what it would be like to be...
“I’m glad you both are here,” Drake announced, dousing out the lurid fantasy catching fire in my head. “It means a lot to Trevor and me.”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away. He’s in much better spirits than I expected,” I replied. Drake nodded and I flashed him a sassy smile. “I told you so.”
“Told me what?”
“That you were the best medicine he could have.”
“Yes. You certainly did.” Turning his attention back to his boy, the memory of walking into the trauma room played over Drake’s face. “Goddamn it.”
His voice cracked and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around the burly man and hug him.
“Stop beating yourself up and be gentle with you. Healing takes time,” I whispered.
“I know.” Drake sniffed as I slowly released him.
“Do you need anything? Clean clothes? Food?” James asked.
“No. I’m good. Julianna and Mika ran by the house this morning,” Drake replied, nodding toward a big suitcase tucked in the corner of the room. Three large grocery sacks sat on the alcove by the window, brimming with snack foods. “What I need you can’t give me. I’ll have to plot out my own revenge.”
After Dayne had died, I dreamt up several ways to get even with Councilman Cromwell. An eye for an eye careened through my brain on a daily basis. It took a long time, before I realized that death wasn’t punishment enough for the son of a bitch. He needed to live. Live the rest of his days consumed in guilt knowing his cowardice and lies had killed my brother. Bitterness lay on my tongue, acrid and vile, but I swallowed it down, along with my fury and guilt.
“No. No. Daddy, help me. Please. No,” Trevor called out in his sleep.
Drake hurried to sit on the bed. Stroking his lover’s hair, he whispered reassurance in a loving tone so poignant it made my eyes sting. Drake reached up and brushed at his own tears.
Stepping up behind him, James gripped Drake’s shoulder, then leaned down to whisper something in the big man’s ear.
“I know, but I am going to find them. Every last one of them,” Drake vowed in a trembling voice. “And heaven help them when I’m through.”
“Just cover your ass and keep it out of jail. Trev’s going to need you now, more than ever,” James warned in a compassionate tone. “If you need help, say the word. It’s not like I’ll lose my badge anymore.”
Drake didn’t reply; he simply nodded and wiped his cheeks, once more.
“When was the last time you went out for some fresh air, or even stepped foot out of this room?” I asked, needing to do something to ease Drake’s inner turmoil.
“I haven’t,” he mumbled.
“You need to. Why don’t you and James go down to the cafeteria, get some food, or a cup of coffee. I’ll stay with Trevor while you’re gone.”
“I don’t want to leave him,” Drake replied, his voice anxious.
“I know, but being cooped up in this room isn’t helping you see past your hurt and rage. Go outside for a couple of minutes. Let the sun beat down on your skin. Drink in some clean air. Or go to the waiting room and visit with your friends. You’re not abandoning Trevor. I’ll be right here when you come back. I promise, I won’t leave his side for a second.”
James flashed me a heart-melting smile. “Come on, man. Liz is right. Let’s go grab a hot meal.”
“Take down my number and call my cell if he wakes up.” The panic slicing Drake’s voice broke my heart.
I patted my purse. “I have James’ number in my cell. If Trevor wakes up, I’ll call right away.”
With a nervous nod, he stood. Tentatively leaning over, Drake brushed a soft kiss on Trevor’s cheek. “I won’t be gone long, love.”
I gave him a reassuring smile as James led Drake out of the room. Easing onto the bed beside him, I brushed my fingertips through Trevor’s soft hair.
“You’re a lucky, lucky man. You know that?” I whispered as he slept. “You have so many amazing people who love you. What a spectacularly blessed life you live. Don’t let the assholes who did this to you take one fragment of your happiness, Trevor. You’re so much more than they’ll ever be.”
He responded to my words with a sleepy moan. Sliding my hand into his, I gently brushed my thumb over his wrapped knuckles. Memories of comforting Dayne, the night we became orphans, rushed back in a melancholy wave.
It was my last night at home before moving into my first apartment to begin my second year of nursing school. Mom, Dayne and I had spent the day laughing and reminiscing as we packed my things and loaded up my car. I never knew what prompted my brother to come out of the closet and tell Mom he was gay, but he did. Maybe it was because the day had been filled with so much love he thought it was safe. Or maybe he felt he needed Mom’s support since I’d be taking his secret with me when I left.
She didn’t handle the news well—not at all. First she screamed and sobbed, then she went postal. Railing at Dayne, she called him hateful and horrible names. Bewildered and crushed by her reaction, Dayne ran to his room. I was equally stunned. She’d never shown an ounce of prejudice before, but the way she turned on her own son made me sick to my stomach.
Instead of letting him seek shelter in his room, Mom stormed down the hall and into his room, screaming and cursing the whole way. Rushing in to protect him, I discovered she had already begun yanking clothes from the closet and tossing them onto his bed. Dragging out a suitcase, she shoved everything inside as she yelled and cursed him. Dayne was crying, pleading for her to understand and forgive him, but that only made her angrier.
“I will not have a faggot living in my house.”
Dayne was eighteen…just two months from graduating high school. He’d been a straight ‘A’ student his entire life. The thought of her tossing him out on the street was the last straw. Joining the fray, I exploded on her. Yelling, I demanded that she be reasonable, but she just ignored me, only to continue spewing horrid, hurtful slurs. Each insult landed like a well-aimed knife, piercing Dayne’s fragile heart.
I rounded on her and got right in her face. “He’s just a kid,” I screamed.
“He’s an abomination. Just like your father.”
“What?” I gaped. Still fuming and furious, a shocking thought penetrated my brain. Terrified to discover the truth, still I had to ask. More importantly, Dayne needed to know if what I’d suspected was true.
“What does Dad have to do with any of this?”
“He’s a queer,” she snarled. “A flaming homosexual. There. I said it. Are you happy?”
Denial screamed through me, but deep inside I knew it was true. My father’s secret had devastated her. It was the only viable explanation for her to harbor such homophobic hatred.
“He married me so his family wouldn’t find out that he was a limp-wristed pansy. The son of a bitch even knocked me up twice to prove it,” she shrieked with a humorless chuckle. “Lies, nothing but lies. He’d kept me in the dark, living a life of deceit and deception until one day he broke down and told me he had a boyfriend. A fucking boyfriend.”
My heart sank and my stomach twisted.
“Let me fill you in on a little secret. Your father didn’t leave. I kicked his dick-loving ass out,” she confessed with a snarl. “I wasn’t going to share my bed with a queer, and I certainly wasn’t going to let him touch me. God knows how many assholes he’d shoved his filthy dick into. But it looks like he got the last laugh now, didn’t he? He extracted his sweet revenge. He gave me a son just like him…a sick little faggot!”
“Stop calling him that,” I thundered.
“My dad is gay?” Dayne whispered.
“Your dad is a lying sack of shit,” she screamed as tears slid down her face. “I thought he loved me.”
“Where is he now?” I asked, still reeling from the bombshell she’d dropped.
“In hell, taking it up the ass from the devil himself, along with all his other ass-fucking lovers. I hope.”
It was obvious that our father, Kennett Johansson, had attempted to live a straight life, but only succeeded in infecting our mother with an anger that had festered and grown stronger over the years. And Sally Johansson had unleashed all that pent-up, venomous hate to erupt in a projectile of rage and betrayal upon her innocent son. Dayne, who’d done nothing but love her, had become her scapegoat.
Sickened that a mother would disown her only son in such a heinous way, I raised my chin and stared her straight in the eye. “Dayne is moving in with me. Right now. Tonight.”
“You’re siding with a sinner?” she screamed in disbelief. “Fine, you stupid bitch. You’re just as dead to me as your perverted father and brother. Get the fuck out of my house. Both of you. Get out!”
She turned on her heel and stormed down the hall. Slamming the door to her bedroom, I gathered Dayne into my arms and held him as we both cried. Being under the same roof with a woman I suddenly didn’t know made my skin crawl. Wiping Dayne’s tears on the hem of my t-shirt, I told him to finish packing. Gathering up the rest of my belongings, Dayne and I shoved them into my car. We left that night, still wearing our pajamas, and never went back.
We shared my one bedroom apartment—me on a lumpy twin bed, Dayne on a duct taped inflatable mattress—while our bond grew inseparable. I made sure Dayne graduated high school—with honors—and helped him enroll at a local community college. We worked hard, supporting each other through the good and bad, and fit more laughter and love into our years together than most siblings share in a lifetime.
Not long after Dayne and I moved out, I heard through a friend that Mom sold the house and moved to North Carolina. I didn’t know—or care—if she was alive or dead. It didn’t matter; Dayne and I had started new lives…happy ones.
After earning his bachelor degree in science, Dayne landed his dream job, at a private boy’s school. He was over the moon. A few months later, he found an apartment of his own. Though I was proud and thrilled for him, I felt melancholy when Dayne moved out. I’d done my best for him, and he’d survived…at least once in his precious, short life.
“Liz,” Trevor asked on a sad whisper. “Why are you crying?”
Jerking my head up, I didn’t know he’d awakened, or that I’d been crying. Wiping my tears I forced a weak smile.
“You’re thinking about your brother, right? Daddy told me.”
I nodded and sniffed. “Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it. You… There’s something about you that reminds me of him.”
Trevor frowned for a moment, then a slow smile tugged the corners of his mouth. “So he was a hot, sexy beast like me, huh?”
I snorted then laughed. Happy tears sprung from my eyes. Trevor clutched both his mouth and stomach, groaning as he laughed with me.
Just then, Drake and James stepped into the room.
“What the hell is going on here?” Drake thundered. “What’s so damn funny?”
Trevor and I struggled to stop laughing. Finally, he sucked in a deep breath. With a somber expression, he looked Drake straight in the eye. “Liz wants me to father her children.”
“What?” I shrieked, stunned by his words.
Drake and James blinked in total shock. Our stunned expressions made Trevor laugh harder as he clutched his belly. His giggles were so infectious I couldn’t help but join him.
“What am I?” James asked incredulously. “Chopped liver? If you need a sperm donor, I’ll be more than happy to help you out, Liz. But just so you know, I won’t be jacking off into some damn plastic cup.”
His offer made us laugh even harder. My cheeks hurt and my stomach ached, but neither Trevor nor I could stop.
“You’re going to tear open your stitches, boy. Quit laughing this instant.”
Drake’s potent command stopped us in mid-giggle. A sliver of heated desire danced through Trevor’s eyes. His lover’s tone had excited him. A short second later, he forced his swollen bottom lip out and flashed Drake the saddest puppy dog expression I’d ever seen.
With an apology poised on the tip of my tongue for upsetting Drake, I rose from the bed and stepped back.
“Aw, dammit, boy,” the big man groused with a watery smile as he leaned over the bed. “It’s so fucking good to hear you laugh again.”
Trevor reached up and softly caressed his face. “Don’t worry, my sweet Daddy. They’ll never have the power to change me or change what we have together. I love you, Daddy. You’re all I’ll ever want and need.”
Trevor had gone from laughter to sobbing in the blink of an eye. I forced a lump of emotion down from my throat as I watched Drake wrap Trevor in his arms, cradling him ever so gently, and both men sobbed.
Swiping a tear from my eye before it could spill down my cheek, I darted a glance over my shoulder at James. A bittersweet smile lay on his lips, and he nodded toward the door. Without a word, we crept out of the room, giving Drake and Trevor the privacy they deserved.
Back in the waiting room, the crowd had thinned, but plenty of worried friends still lingered.
“How’s Trevor doing?” Leagh asked. Her big, green eyes were filled with worry.
“He’s doing better than Drake,” James replied grimly. “He’s a hot mess.”
“He will be for a while,” Mika added with a frown. “We’re all keeping a close eye on him.”
“Good. FYI, you guys might want to give them a few minutes before you go back,” James suggested. “Emotions are running high right now. It’s tough to watch Drake fall apart the way he is.”
Tony exhaled a deep sigh. “No doubt, but releasing his grief is good. Cathartic. Frankly, I’m glad that his rage isn’t inhibiting his ability to mourn with Trev.”
For someone who resembled a body builder, Tony possessed a profound sense of psychological insight.
“Don’t go pulling out your scalpel and start rooting around in Drake’s brain,” Leagh warned with an impish grin, as she squeezed Tony’s sculpted bicep.
“You’re a surgeon?” I asked, cringing at my incredulous tone.
“No,” Tony replied with a hint of indignation. “I’m a psychologist.”
That’s what you get for judging a book by its cover.
“I’m sorry. The scalpel thing threw me off. I didn’t mean it as an insult.”
Heat rose on my face like a fever, and my palms started to sweat. I felt like a fool. James’ friends must think me a blithering idiot.
“It’s my fault, Liz,” Leagh piped up, rescuing me from my embarrassment. “I’m always busting his ba—”
“Angel,” Tony warned in a stern tone.
Leagh wrinkled her nose. “Busting his chops about probing around in people’s minds,” she confided. “Lord knows he messes with mine every chance he gets.”
“And you love it,” Mika added with a smirk. “Don’t even try to deny it.”
“Well, yes,” she giggled. “As a matter of fact, I do.”
After my awkwardness lessened, I found myself analyzing the strange bond the group of friends shared. They seemed to have no compunction at revealing and discussing nearly every aspect of their personal lives. Such a level of intimacy felt foreign to me.
I never had close friends, aside from Dayne and Cindy. Growing up, I went out of my way to avoid any emotional bonds. Closing myself off to others wasn’t born out of shyness but rather self-preservation. Mommy Dearest had an embarrassing habit of bringing men home after work, lots of men—lots of different men—usually never the same one twice. Either they weren’t skilled enough to earn a repeat performance in Sally’s bed, or they didn’t want one. As a teen, I was humiliated knowing that my mom was the county bicycle, and that every horny man in town who wanted could take a ride. Her actions were confusing, since she’d spent her life drilling into my head the importance of proper sexual behavior. It was only after Sally had dropped the bombshell about Dad that I realized her cock-a-day addiction was some skewed litmus test to prove her desirability—that, or a desperate attempt to restore her tattered ego.
Needing the approval of a man so desperately made my stomach pitch. I studied the submissives poised next to their Doms, so attentive and proper. I began to wonder if the women were as emotionally scarred and in such sad need to confirm their desirability—like my mother—they willingly subjugated themselves. Were they all lacking a basic sense of self-love, or backbone to stand on their own two feet? Or was their decision to submit driven by something else entirely? I needed to do a lot more research.
“Right, Liz?” James asked, wearing a wide grin.
“Huh?” I blinked. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. What did you say?”
“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” he asked. His dark brows slashed in concern.
“No. I’m fine, just lost in thought. I noticed Trevor’s IV site looked a little red. I’ll talk to his nurse before we leave,” I replied, lying through my teeth. “What was the question?”
“I was just telling Tony and Leagh that we’d planned to grab some dinner, then we could meet up with them at the club.”
“Oh. Yes. Right,” I replied in a hesitant voice.
“You’re not backing out on me, are you?” James asked.
So he expected me to try and wiggle out of going to the club, did he? I flashed him a bright smile, refusing to cause a scene and confront his manipulation.
“Heavens, no.” Digging myself in deeper, I fought the urge to sprint for the elevator and escape.
“You’re going to love it,” Leagh gushed with delight. “Hey, we’re going to Maurizio’s with the rest of the gang. Why don’t you two come along? We’ll save you some seats.”
Oh god. James wouldn’t torture me by making me sit through a meal surrounded by Doms and subs when I had no clue what to say or how to act, would he?
James turned his head my way. “Do you like Italian food?”
Looks like it.
“Yes. I do.” The words were off my tongue before I could come up with another lie.
‘I promise I’ll be open and honest with you, whether we’re just friends or evolve into lovers. The only thing I ask is that you reciprocate, and are honest with me, too. Will you do that?’
A twinge of guilt prickled. Had I given him my word in a moment of weakness, or had James already brainwashed me? It seemed that before our official date had even begun, I was already in over my head.
“Great. We’ll plan on seeing you guys a little later then.” James smiled.
James slid his arm around my waist before we said our goodbyes. As we stood waiting for the elevator, James strummed his thumb back and forth over my lower spine. Tiny pulses of electricity zinged to my core. I didn’t know whether to sidle away from his touch or wrap him in a scorching lip-lock. The chime of the elevator was a welcome relief as I lowered my head and inhaled a calming breath. As the doors opened, I lunged forward and slammed into Dr. Samuel Brooks as he stepped out. Bouncing off his broad, muscular chest, it felt as if I’d ran head-long into the side of a mountain. Cindy would be ecstatic to discover the man was hard as steel under his baggy white coat.
“Whoa,” Brooks exclaimed on half a laugh, before pivoting out of the way. “Hey, James. Liz. How’s Trevor?”
“Hey, Sam,” James replied nonchalantly. “Doing real good.”
Pinging a suspicious glaze between the two men, my curiosity piqued. The realization they not only knew each other but shared a familiarity with Trevor crashed through me, harder than the good doctor’s chest.
Before I could open my mouth, James half-pushed, half-pulled me into the elevator. And as the doors closed, I glimpsed a guilty and extremely worried expression chiseled itself over Sam’s face.
“So, how do you know Dr. Brooks?” I asked in a controlled, blasé tone.
“Oh, he was here last night.”
“I didn’t know he was scheduled last night. I didn’t see him in the ER.”
“Maybe he came in to check on a patient.”
What happened to Mr. Honesty? I bit back a grin.
“It wasn’t Trevor he came to see, was it?” I asked, purposefully baiting him.
“I think it was someone else, but he did poke his head in to check on Trev. I think Dr. Brooks helped with Trevor’s surgery or something.”
I nodded. That had been almost too easy. James had taken the bait, hook, line, and sinker. I knew at that moment that Cindy’s handsome heartthrob, Dr. Brooks, was a member of Genesis.
Holy shit!
Working hard not to smile, I stared James straight in the eyes. “I doubt that highly. Doctor Brooks is an Ob-gyn surgeon. Unless Trevor needed a hysterectomy there wasn’t a professional reason that doctor needed to…quote: pop his head in.”
James groaned and his shoulders slightly sagged. I felt stupidly victorious.
“You enjoyed yanking my chain, didn’t you?” he asked, as a calculating smirk tugged his lips.
“You bet I did,” I laughed. Delving deeper into his sexy eyes, I slowly licked my lips. James’ stare dropped to my mouth and stayed there. “How do you know Sam?”
“Quid pro quo,” he challenged, still honed in on my mouth. “Tell me what you were thinking about when we were talking to Tony and Leagh.”
“You answer my question, first. Then maybe I’ll answer yours,” I challenged. Pinching my bottom lip between my teeth, I watched his nostrils flare.
James reached out and trailed the tips of his fingers down my cheek as he focused all his energy into one sinfully seductive stare. “Like I said in the truck, honesty is very important to me. In fact, it’s a deal breaker. If I catch someone lying to me, I’ll let her redeem herself, but after that I don’t give second chances. As for Sam? I’m not at liberty to discuss him with you. And that’s the truth.”
“Because at Genesis, you grant total anonymity, right? He’s member of the club, isn’t he?”
“Liz,” James warned as he cupped my chin in his palm. “I’ve answered your question. Now answer mine.”
I pursed my lips in a pout. “I shouldn’t oblige you, since you technically evaded mine. I suppose you can’t give me a denial of the denial either, right?”
“No, I can’t. Not when it comes to Sam,” he replied, latching his gaze to my lips once more. “But I’ll be more than happy to give you something much better than answers.”
Yanking me into his arms, James bound me to his heated body. His irresistible, woodsy scent made my head swim. Staring at the pulse point hammering at the base of his neck, keeping time with my own thundering heart, giving or getting answers seemed the furthest thing from my mind.
Brushing his soft lips over mine, memories of his sweltering kisses and how they’d unraveled me overtook all other thoughts. I could all but taste him on my tongue. Closing my eyes, I parted for him. James groaned and deepened the kiss. An intoxicating rush of power and control flowed from him and straight into me.
Exhaling on a blissful sigh, I melted against his steely chest as we feasted on one another’s tongues. The elevator chimed and the doors opened with a whoosh. Grunting in disappointment, James slowly eased back, leaving me dazed, achy, and famished for more. Gripping his arm to steady my swaying body, he pulled me to his side and led me through the lobby as I internally screamed for his tantalizing kisses and a whole lot more.
The sun was setting and a light breeze blew in off the lake, sending a shiver through me as we walked to his truck. I’d been so rattled about our date that I’d forgotten to grab my jacket. Once inside the vehicle, James pulled me next to him and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, infusing me in the heat pouring off his body.
“I’ll keep you warm,” he promised, backing out of the parking space.
Warm, nothing… I wanted him to make me combust.
“I’m waiting,” he said with a tiny smirk.
“Waiting for what?”
“For you to answer the question I asked in the elevator.”
“Oh.” I blinked. “I forgot.”
A suspicious frown deepened his features. “Are you telling me the truth?”
Miffed that he presumed I was lying, I realized he should be ticked off at me since I’d spent most of the day fibbing, even after I’d promised to be honest.
“Yes,” I asserted with a hiss. “It’s all your fault. You kissed me and short-circuited my brain cells.” He wanted the truth? I’d give it to him.
A cocky-satisfied expression crawled across his face. Ugh, the man could be so charming and erotic one minute, then bam… That egotistical mask slid right back into place.
“I’ll have to remember that,” he murmured in that sticky, sweet tone that made me quiver. Raising his chin he sent me a harsh glare. “You’ve got ten seconds.”
His stern expression, coupled with his sharp demand told me stalling wouldn’t be tolerated.
“I was thinking about the submissives in the waiting room.”
“What about them?”
“Are they all co-dependent or something?”
James snorted and shook his head. “Not in this lifetime, or the next. I take it you assume they’re weak. Why? What gives you that impression?”
“That’s the thing. They don’t give that impression and that’s what’s confusing. I’m just trying to wrap my head around why you all do the things you do.”
“The things we do, huh?” A half chuckle accompanied his rhetorical question.
“I don’t mean it in a condescending way, and to set the record straight, I know why you can’t tell me that Sam is a member of the club. I’m not an idiot, I’m curious is all.”
“You are a lot of things, beautiful girl, but an idiot isn’t one of them.”
“Can you at least tell me if he’s a Dom or a sub?”
“No.” His response was adamant. “I want to know more about your views on submission. We both know you’re intrigued, so don’t lie to me about that again.”
Direct as usual, but in a bizarre, refreshing sort of way. Even though he’d busted me for not being honest, James seemed genuinely interested in my thoughts and feelings. He made me feel special, like my opinions mattered. Ryan only bothered to ask what I wanted for dinner; he didn’t give a shit about my inner thoughts or feelings. I’d spent a chunk of my adult life with a man I barely communicated with. Yet sitting next to James, discussing kink with a stranger, seemed the most natural thing in the world.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. Yes, I do have questions.” I waited to see if he would indeed grant me redemption as he claimed.
“I accept your apology for one of your lies.” The glint in his dark eyes left me struggling to remember the exact number of lies I’d actually told him. “Please, continue.”
“I understand that the Doms make all the rules, and the sub basically caters to his every whim, which makes them pretty damn spineless in my opinion.” James issued a soft chuckle, but I ignored him and continued. “I don’t understand what the subs get out of the deal. It seems pretty one-sided to me. If she’s constantly meeting the Dom’s needs, what about her own? Excuse me if that sounds horribly feminist, but…” I shrugged.
“Your perceptions are very cut and dry, but there’s no need to apologize for that.” A shit-eating grin flashed across his mouth. “You’re wrong about submissive’s being spineless. Also, the Doms aren’t the only ones whose needs are met. The submissives are fulfilled equally, if not more.”
I almost snorted at his claim. “Expand on that for me, would you please?”
“Okay.” James pondered for a moment, then smiled. “When you were a little girl and your mom or dad took your hand before you crossed the street, how did that make you feel?”
“Safe. They wouldn’t let me be mowed down by a speeding car, at least not if they could help it.”
“No, I’m sure they wouldn’t. Did it make you feel protected and secure knowing they’d give their own lives to keep you from being hurt?”
“Of course.”
“Take that same logic, but in an adult scenario. When a sub is restrained and at the mercy of their Dominant, they’re exposed—physically, emotionally, and mentally. You’d have to put a huge amount of trust in the Dom that put you in such a vulnerable position, agreed?” I nodded. “Trust that he’d be right there with you, taking care of all your needs. Keeping you safe, reassured, and protected. Having such a level of confidence in him, it would be easy to let go of your stress, inhibitions, worries, or whatever else occupied your mind. You’d know, without a shadow of a doubt, no harm would ever come to you with your Dom by your side.”
The way James described the depth of the Dom/sub connection, I was ready to pack my bags and book the next flight to Submissiveville. There had to be a catch.
“What you’re saying makes sense for play, or rather a session. But if you remember, Julianna, Savannah, and Leagh were all called on the carpet for speaking their minds. If they’re so safe, why do their Doms censor what they really want to say?”
James shook his head and grinned. “They, along with most subs I know, are very spirited women. You probably wouldn’t suspect it by looking at her now, but before Tony took Leagh under his care, she wore trouble like a crown.”
“So Tony decided to Dom Leagh, to what? Break her down?”
“Oh god, no.” James shook his head adamantly. “A submissive’s behavior is a reflection of their Dom. If they’re bratty and hateful it says to others in the lifestyle that their Dominant can’t, or won’t, control them. I hold Doms that have no compunction reminding their subs where the lines are drawn, in high esteem.”
“What about that guy, Kerr? You don’t hold anything but contempt for that man. Why?”
“No. None at all,” James confirmed. “Personally, and there are several others who agree with me, I think he’s a borderline predator, and I want you to steer clear of him. Understood?”
“You don’t have to worry about that. The guy dweebs me out, so why is he allowed to be a member?”
James quirked his mouth and grunted. “Kerr hasn’t actually broken any of the rules that would directly oust him. Legally, Mika can’t ban a member without them breaking one of the clauses in their contract.”
“I’m surprised a few of you Doms haven’t taken him out back and set him straight.”
“Even if we’d enjoy the hell out of that, who are we to judge how others meet their needs? Certainly not me. Besides, Kerr being rude and egotistical isn’t breaking any rules. It just makes him an asshole in my eyes.”
“But you said you weren’t one to judge.”
“That’s my opinion of the man, like any other jackass in the vanilla word. Some people you like, some you don’t.”
“But you said others don’t like him either. Is that on a personal level or a lifestyle level?”
James shrugged. “Maybe a little of both. I’m not sure. See, some people join the community even though they don’t grasp the concept of a power exchange. They’re in it for the kinky sex. Some are there to play a part, acting out as if on a stage, only wanting to impress. You’ll see their overdramatic actions without having to look too hard. Especially when you see them next to couples who take the lifestyle more seriously. Kerr’s method of collaring and uncollaring subs every other day tarnishes his own reputation. Collaring a sub is sacred to a lot of us. I suspect one day, there won’t be any naïve subs left for him to collar then toss away when he gets bored with them. So to answer your original question, no, I don’t have an ounce of respect for the man, for the simple fact that he uses subs simply to meet his own selfish needs.”
“I hear what you’re saying. Kerr might be going about it all wrong, but isn’t he simply following human nature by trying to get his needs met?”
“Yes, but in this lifestyle there’s a right way and a wrong way.” James paused for a moment and then smiled. “When Trevor arrived in the ER last night, you did everything you could to comfort him, correct?”
“Of course I did.”
“In reality, any nurse could have taken his vitals. The results would have been the same if she’d given him a couple ice chips, left the room, and gone back and checked on him every five to ten minutes. Bottom line is that he still would have been laying in the bed in pain and in need of surgery, right?”
“Yes, but…”
“Ah,” James held up a finger. “You’re a dedicated nurse who takes pride in your title of RN. But not all nurses are like you. And no matter how much you disapprove of their methods, you’re stuck working beside them until they quit or break a rule and get fired.”
“I understand what you’re saying now.”
“Good. So tell me, why are you such a dedicated nurse?”
“Because I like helping others, I take pride in being able to calm my patients. It makes me feel good to reassure them and take the level of their fear and anxiety down a notch of two.”
“Yes.” A tiny smile curled the corners of his mouth. “Submissives derive great pleasure in helping others as well. Wanting to please is at the top of most submissives’ lists.” Pausing for a moment, he quickly glanced at me before focusing back on the road. “You’ve had lovers in your life, correct?”
Surprised by his question, I nodded.
“Verbal responses, Liz,” James reminded.
“Yes.” One.
“Then I suspect you’ve even given a blowjob a time or two, correct?”