There are some people in the world who just have “It.” And they are always going to get some, because they just can. It is charisma, sensuality, and sexuality all rolled into one. It oozes. Think of Marilyn Monroe. She just had It. Gay men, straight men, gay women, straight women—everyone wanted to touch her, and you can’t explain why. You just knew that you must touch her. She was like velvet. You know how you feel about velvet. You just want to roll up on her.
I’ve only felt that way about the minions. You know, the little yellow guys from Despicable Me. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to touch them and kiss them on the head.
It is just an energy that other people want to be close to; it makes them tingly. It’s attraction, but to the umpteenth degree. The best example of It I can give you is Jean-Paul Belmondo, the French movie star. One day, I was in a restaurant. I looked out the window and everything stopped, the air became very still. There was nothing else happening because I had just spotted Jean-Paul Belmondo. Let’s just say I was breathless. (That’s the title of one of his movies, by the way.) He had to be eighty-one at the time. When I tell you it was all I could do to keep my knees together, to keep my legs from flying open, and to keep myself from saying, “Entrez-vous.” All I can say is, he had It. It was oozing out of him, into the restaurant, up my chair, in my face, kind of going, “Hey!” and every fantasy imaginable ran through my head. The man was eighty-one. And I know that if we’d have done the deed, he would have killed me before I killed him. Given all I know about the world, while he may not have approached me for a relationship, we could have arranged a booty call. And there’s nothing wrong with a booty call, because sometimes you just want to hit it and run. Especially if it’s Jean-Paul Belmondo.
Yeah, I would have given Jean-Paul Belmondo a booty call, y’all.
For some reason, people think this is a bad thing. I don’t. Booty calls can keep you from making strategic mistakes. If you’re in a sexual place and you have a friend who doesn’t want any more from you than that and your friendship, I say go to him. As long as you both have the same expectations and articulate them so you understand one another.
Which brings me to this: If you’re with a man or woman who has It or you’re a person who has It, and you know you have It, and you meet somebody and you say, “Hi, I’m going to partner up with you,” you need to let him know this is who you are. You need to let him know that this your way, meaning you are a sexy beast and people are going to be drawn to you.
It sort of goes back to being with a player. While people who have It may not necessarily be players, it does mean that other people are constantly going to be attracted to them, to want them. If you are with this person, you may find that threatening or even annoying. If you meet somebody who has It, really pay attention and see how people respond to him.
I know a couple, and the man has It. There’s no question. She, after meeting him and realizing that she kind of dug him, started to just watch interactions he had with other people and how other people responded. Based on that, she made her decision about whether she could be with him as a partner.
When you’re with someone who has It, the people around you will say they didn’t notice, even if they did. Meaning, your girlfriends, acquaintances, the waitress, and anyone else in the vicinity has, or is going to, hit on your man. People will put it out there. So you have to develop some skills and be sharp and on top of your game.
That’s why I say to pay attention to the way other people talk to you, and to consider what their agenda may be in telling you something. More often than not, they are telling you something because of their own issues. They are either trying to get to you. Or trying to get rid of you. Or they are boning your guy. Or trying really hard to. So recognize when someone is messing with you and be prepared to deal with it.
It is not an easy kind of relationship, being with someone with It, so you have to make a decision if you can live with someone who has It or not. Then you and the It person have to sit down and work out some parameters on behavior, out of respect for you. I know this only because I have been there and done that. But I’m not going to tell you which side I was on…
Not too long ago, I was at a function and saw a woman who looked sixty years old. She was a gorgeous lady, and somebody said, “You know she’s eighty?” I said, “Who?” And this beautiful woman turned around and said, “Me.” I was like, “Oh, no.” I couldn’t believe this woman was eighty. I watched her in action, and it was impressive. There was no question this woman had It.
That’s right. It has no expiration date. People who have It usually keep it for their entire lives. It’s not about physical beauty or even just general sexiness. It’s just an energy that attracts other people. When someone has It, it defies old age.
They’re pretty lucky. For other people, shit is changing every day. They’re afraid that they are going to get old and nobody is going to want them, so they look and behave younger than they ever have. They go to the gym, they stay active, they dye their hair, they get a little Botox.
Age can be a big thing with women. It drives fear, and that is utter bullshit. Women are afraid that once they get older, men will no longer find them attractive. That there’s some sort of expiration date on them. This goes beyond the so-called biological clock. The truth of the matter is you never know who is going to find you attractive. You never know where chemistry is going to happen.
Women are as attractive as they want to be. Take this face, my face—it is not the face that launched a thousand ships; a thousand laughs, maybe, but not a thousand ships. I was never raised to think that it was about my face. It was always about my head, my brain. My mother was very clear with me about that from a young age—I was going to have to develop myself and use my intelligence to get whatever I wanted because the face wasn’t going to do it.
So my brain is pretty good, and when I want to attract something or someone, when I’m ready, I just open it up. I open up my energy and put it out there. Then, when I’m done, I close it shut. I can put out the “come hither” finger. It’s all about attitude. When I met that eighty-year-old woman, I saw her do it to a younger guy who was just like, “Wow, this woman is amazing,” and then I saw her turn it off. It was the most remarkable thing. It made me think, “Maybe everybody can do that. If they’re smart enough.”
Attitude is important that way. When you’re walking around with your head down or your eyes glued to your phone, this is not saying, “Come talk to me.” If you’re walking around with your head up, a smile on your face, and an open expression, with an energy, and then you zoom in on somebody, that’s saying, “You know what? You might want to come and talk to me. I might have something interesting to say to you.”
Think back to the older woman. She’s standing there, thinking, “So, you think because I’m eighty that maybe I’m not all that interesting, maybe I’m not for you. First, come over and talk to me. You don’t have to get past any preconceived notions yet. See what I have to say, what I have to offer. Now, you want to talk to me again? Each time you come back, you might get a little bit more, unless I realize you’re an asshole and then I’m gone again. I turn it off.”
When people approach you, to talk to you, you know, you can control your attitude. Each of us can: men, women, little kids. Little kids are the best with it. When they want your attention, you are going to know, and they will jump through hoops and have no shame in getting you to pay attention. It’s like these little arms going, “Hey! I’m here! Watch me! Listen to me!” It’s a wonderful thing.
It’s something you can do, too, in your own way, so be aware of it.