‘STOP!’ I yell.
But Professor Stupido doesn’t stop.
He keeps right on un-inventing …
and un-inventing …
and un-inventing …
and un-inventing …
until all that is left of our treehouse is the tree.
‘Our treehouse!’ says Terry. ‘Our 39-storey treehouse! It’s gone! All gone! You’ve un-invented the whole thing! Now it’s nothing but a 39-storey-less tree!’
‘Hmm,’ says Professor Stupido, stroking his chin. ‘Good point. I’ll un-invent that for you as well …’
‘Our tree!’ I say. ‘You un-invented our tree!’
‘I think you’ll find that one tree is very much like another,’ says Professor Stupido, ‘and there’s plenty more trees in the forest. Which makes me think that I may as well un-invent the rest of them while I’m at it.’
‘But what about all the birds and animals?’ says Terry. ‘Where will they live now?’
‘No need to worry about that,’ says Professor Stupido. ‘I’ll just un-invent them.’
‘Ah, that’s better,’ says Professor Stupido. ‘And now that I’ve rid the world of all those pesky animals, I may as well finish the job and un-invent humans too.’
Terry and I gasp.
‘Don’t worry,’ chuckles Professor Stupido. ‘I’ll un-invent everybody except you. After all, you’re the only ones who understand and appreciate my genius.’
‘Oh no!’ I say. ‘I think you’ve gone too far this time!’
‘On the contrary,’ says Professor Stupido calmly. ‘I don’t think I’ve gone nearly far enough. Imagine, if you will, a world in which there’s not only no people but there’s also no world!’
‘I can’t imagine a world with no world,’ says Terry. ‘It doesn’t make any sense!’
‘It makes perfect sense to me,’ says Professor Stupido. ‘In fact, the very idea of it makes me want to sing!’
Imagine a world
That has been un-invented.
Think of all the problems
That will now be prevented!
No boxing elephants
To punch your nose.
No crabs at the beach
To pinch your toes.
No polluting pollution,
No smoking smokestacks,
No overcrowded
Confusing bike racks.
No spots or pimples
Or itchy rashes.
No tripping or falling
Or nasty crashes.
No waste, no rubbish,
No junk and no litter,
No texting, no Facebook,
No spam and no Twitter.
No noise or fuss,
No bother or mess,
No need to worry
Or fret or stress.
No more noisy
Sporting events,
No more rained-out
Vacations in tents.
No more warnings
About global-warming.
No more boring
Boy bands forming.
No more fights
Or bites or bruises.
No more winners,
No more losers.
Nothing to lose,
Nothing to gain.
No more struggling
And no more pain.
How clean, how pure
And perfectly silent.
How wonderfully peaceful
And not at all violent.
Nobody could possibly
Be discontented
In a world that I
Have un-invented!
We are floating in the space where the world used to be.
‘Oh well,’ says Terry. ‘Our world might be gone but let’s look on the bright side.’
‘What bright side?!’ I say.
‘Well at least we’ve still got the moon, the sun and all the planets.’
‘Thanks for reminding me,’ says Professor Stupido. ‘I’ll take care of them right away!’
There’s a blinding flash and then no more solar system.
‘Oh, well, no use crying over un-invented solar systems,’ says Terry. ‘At least he didn’t un-invent the whole universe.’
‘What a good idea!’ says Professor Stupido. ‘Thank you so much, Terry! I’ll get right on to it.’
‘You and your big mouth, Terry!’ I say.
‘Relax,’ he says. ‘As if he could even do that!’
Professor Stupido takes a deep breath.
‘I’ve done it!’ says Professor Stupido. ‘I’ve un-invented the entire universe! Nobody has ever un-invented this much stuff before. I’m definitely without doubt the greatest un-inventor who ever lived!’
‘What are we going to do?’ I whisper to Terry. ‘It’s only a matter of time before he un-invents us as well!’
‘I know,’ says Terry. ‘I wish he would un-invent himself!’
‘That’s it!’ I say.
‘What?’
‘We’ll challenge him to un-invent himself,’ I say. ‘What do you think?’
‘It’s definitely worth a try!’ says Terry. ‘If anyone could do it, he could.’
‘Hey, Professor!’ I say. ‘We just thought of something you can’t un-invent.’
‘Ridiculous!’ says the professor. ‘There is nothing I can’t un-invent!’
‘What about yourself?’ says Terry. ‘I bet you can’t un-invent that!’
‘Of course I can un-invent myself,’ says Professor Stupido, ‘but why would I want to deprive us all of the greatest un-inventor who ever lived?’
‘Oh, no reason,’ I say, ‘except perhaps to prove beyond all doubt that you actually could un-invent yourself.’
‘But we all know I could,’ says the professor. ‘I mean, I un-invented the entire universe—to un-invent myself would be child’s play in comparison!’
‘Do you know what I think?’ says Terry. ‘I think you’re chicken!’
‘I am NOT chicken!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m not!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘No I’m NOT,’ says Professor Stupido, ‘and I’ll prove it, once and for all!’
‘We did it!’ I say. ‘We tricked Professor Stupido into un-inventing himself!’
‘Well, what are we waiting for?’ says Terry.
‘Let’s get back to the treehouse!’
‘There’s just one little problem,’ I say. ‘There is no treehouse … no treehouse, no tree, no anything. He un-invented everything. Every single thing.’
‘No problem,’ says Terry. ‘Stand clear!’
‘Why?’ I say. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to draw it all back again,’ says Terry.
