CHARLOTTE
“I’ve put you in here,” Marie announces when we follow her upstairs, Samuel still asleep in my arms. I look around the room, taking in the lumpy double bed, wondering if it’s for Samuel and me, or Jean-Luc and me, or all three of us.
“We only have this room available.” She seems to have read my mind. “So the three of you will have to make yourselves comfortable here.”
“It’s fine. Thank you. Samuel can sleep between us.” Jean-Luc smiles at her.
She grunts. “As you like.”
I’m not quite sure what else she expects us to do.
“Well then,” she continues, “I’ll leave you alone so you can get settled. Good night.”
“Good night. Thank you for everything. You’ve been very kind.”
Without another word, she leaves us standing there.
My arms are beginning to ache with the weight of Samuel, so I put him down on the bed. He’s drifting off and doesn’t make a murmur.
Jean-Luc picks up a pillow, putting it on the floor. “Maybe it will be better if he sleeps here. I don’t want to roll over in the night and squash him.” Lifting Samuel, he places him gently on the pillow, covering him with his coat, tucking the arms in under the pillow. I watch as he tenderly kisses him on the forehead. Then, turning back to me, he whispers, “We should try and get some sleep. He’ll probably wake in a few hours.”
I nod, sitting down on the bed, wondering what will happen now. My heart is beating hard, though I’m not sure if it’s from excitement or anxiety.
With his back to me, he unbuckles his belt, letting his trousers drop, then bends down and pulls them off along with his socks. His shirt hangs down, and I watch as he unbuttons it, lifting it off. His shoulders are broad and square, his back forming a perfect triangle, coming to a point as it disappears into his underpants. I suppress an urge to stand up and run my fingers all the way down his spine.
Suddenly he turns around. “Do you want me to put the light out?”
“If you like.”
He flicks the switch on the wall, and all is dark. He slips into the bed, and I too get undressed, leaving my underwear on as he has done. I realize I’ve been holding my breath, and I try to breathe out silently, but the sound is horribly loud and heavy in the silent room.
“Are you all right?” he asks.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I hope he can’t hear the tremor in my voice.
Turning toward me, he kisses me on the forehead. At first I think it’s because he can’t see properly in the dark, and really he was hoping for my mouth, but then he says, “Good night, Charlotte. Tomorrow might be a long day.”
Tomorrow! How many tomorrows do we have left? What if we get caught? We’ll be sent to one of the camps from where people never return. I close my eyes, trying to dismiss the thought, trying to calm myself, but my mind whirs away. I’m confused. Why didn’t he kiss me properly?
“Jean-Luc,” I murmur in the dark.
But my whisper is met with silence. Is he asleep? Already? I turn onto my side, facing him, wondering how he is lying. Tentatively I slip my hand over toward him, feeling the small hump of a shoulder. He’s on his side, his head turned away from me. My fingers touch him softly, searching out his spine, alighting on each vertebra as I move down. When I come to the small of his back, I let my hand rest there, in the dip, feeling the rhythm of his breathing, soaking up the warmth of his skin. Then I continue down, wondering, wondering what it will be like to touch him. Gently I slip my hand under the elastic of his underpants. The thought crosses my mind that I don’t want to die without knowing him completely.
He murmurs. My hand freezes.
“Charlotte,” he whispers, turning over, reaching out to find my face with his hand. “I want it to be perfect. I want us to get married in a church with God as our witness. Then I want to bring you champagne while you lie down on a bed of rose petals…”
I smile in the dark. “It doesn’t have to be like that. I mean, I don’t mind not getting married in a church. I don’t care if we don’t get married at all.”
“But I thought…”
“I don’t believe God only lives in churches, and I think we might have his blessing anyway.”
He strokes my face. “You sound very sure of yourself.”
“I am. I’ve given it some thought.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He kisses me gently on the mouth, then kisses around all the way to my ear. “What about rose petals and champagne?” His breath is hot.
“Mmm,” I murmur. “Another time. Now I just want you.”