Zoe’s face was aching from smiling. For over an hour, Nate had regaled her with stories about his time at the Conwenna Cafe and up at the sanctuary. He knew so many people and had such great relationships with others, as if being friendly was effortless. He was clearly one of life’s likeable characters and she marvelled again at how he was single. He was the type of man that a woman would want to spend time with. And women did, clearly, want to spend time with him, but he’d already told her that it never became anything long term.
Not that she’d forgotten her previous reservations about him; she hadn’t at all. She’d merely tucked them to one side in order to enjoy their evening and she was glad she had made the effort, because Nate wasn’t the shallow, narcissistic surfer dude that Zoe had suspected him of being. This, in turn, made her question why she had made up her mind about him so soon after arriving in Conwenna. Yet she knew why: Zoe did not want to like anyone who could be similar to her ex in any way, shape or form. Even the fact that Nate surfed had made her determined to dislike him.
Now she’d spent some time with him, she knew that she couldn’t help but like him.
However, Nate wasn’t looking for commitment, and neither was Zoe.
So where did that leave them?
She shivered and Nate’s expression changed.
‘Are you cold?’
‘No… not really. Just the breeze has cooled down a bit.’
‘And when did it get dark?’
Zoe looked around them. ‘About twenty minutes ago, I think.’
The street lamps had come on as they chatted and a waitress had come out and lit the candles in the yellow glass holders on the outside tables. The moon was visible now, a silver crescent high above the sea, casting its glow over the surface of the water that was otherwise black, mysterious, wonderful and intimidating.
‘Perfect time for a swim.’ Nate gently touched her arm, and goosebumps rose on her skin.
‘Maybe. At least if you can’t see, you can’t be afraid, I suppose.’
‘Afraid? The water should be respected, not feared.’
‘It depends what it’s done to you.’
‘I agree.’ He nodded thoughtfully. ‘Shall we go inside now?’
‘Okay.’
He stood up then held out a hand. Zoe hesitated for a moment; she was not used to holding men’s hands, but Nate’s smile was so warm and kind that she linked her fingers in his and they walked into the wine bar together.
It was quite busy and all the tables had been taken except for one in the far corner, near the open fireplace. No fire burned there, as it was July, but there were logs and bunches of dried lavender in the grate and when they sat down, Zoe could smell the sharpness of the lavender and the faint aroma of smoke from old fires. It was comforting and homely, reminding her of the open fireplace at her cottage.
‘More wine?’ Nate asked, as he lifted his empty glass.
‘I’ll get it. It must be my round now.’
Zoe went to the bar and ordered a bottle. The barman gave her fresh glasses and as she waited for him to uncork the wine, she thought about what a good time she was having. Nate had turned all her assumptions about him on their head and she was enjoying his company immensely. It had been a long time since Zoe had gone out on a date and a long time since she’d been able to relax in a man’s company. Did that mean Nate was special, or that she was finally ready to move on from her past? Was this the start of her new life? Were there possibilities ahead for her that involved a man and companionship? So many thoughts whirled around in her head that she felt almost dizzy.
Best to focus on the evening for now and on getting to know Nate better. Sure, he didn’t want a relationship or anything serious – he was going away soon – but he’d definitely made Zoe start to think about a life that wasn’t shut off from the possibilities of love and romance.
She carried the bottle and glasses back to the table, where Nate was gazing up at the drawings above the fireplace.
‘Are they Jack’s?’ she asked.
Jack Adams drew some amazing pictures of greyhounds and local scenery that he sold at the Conwenna art gallery; many of the local businesses displayed his work for him for a small fee. Zoe had some at the diner too, although she always refused to accept anything from him in exchange. She was happy to have the artwork on her walls as she enjoyed looking at it, and the continuous sales meant that there was always something new to admire.
‘Yes, I think so. That looks like Gabe.’ He pointed at the sketch of a beautiful big black greyhound.
‘He’s a gorgeous dog, isn’t he?’
‘He is, and he adores Eve and his family.’
‘Would you like to adopt a dog?’
‘I would love to, but not until I return. What about you?’
‘After losing Raven, I’m not ready. But I like to think that I will in the future.’
‘What else do you see in your future?’
Zoe poured wine into their glasses. ‘Ooh, I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll open another diner in another village and create a chain of Zoe’s Diners. You know, sell the franchise.’ She smiled, knowing that while it was something she believed she could do if she put her mind to it, it would mean a hell of a lot of work and she liked the pace of her life right now. She wanted time to do normal things like read a book, watch TV and walk. Life wasn’t all about the buzz of business, much as she loved owning the diner. She wanted to be able to enjoy life too.
Possibly even go on a few dates… She swallowed a smile as the thought popped into her head.
‘Would you do that, then? Open a whole chain?’
‘No. I like the personal touch and I’m happy enough here. Sometimes, though, I think…’ She paused and met his gaze.
‘What do you think?’
‘That I’d like to see a bit of the world. That it would be nice to travel, but then I remember that I have the diner and I’m all set up here. I couldn’t leave it all, so it is a tie, I suppose, but it’s one that I love.’
‘You could always get someone to run it for you if you did go away.’
‘Perhaps for a week or two, but not for anything long term. I mean… who’d run a business for someone else for six months, or more?’
Nate nodded, and Zoe’s heart sank a little. What if her comment about travelling had made him think that they could have travelled together? This was so premature of her to consider and yet, something about Nate and getting to know him made her feel that she’d like to think there could be adventures ahead for them. After all, if she was going to have adventures in her life then Nate would be a good person to have them with, wouldn’t he? Did he like her too? Or was the wine affecting her common sense? It was, most probably, dulling her inhibitions and bringing out her romantic side. And that side of her had been locked away for a long, long time.
‘Zoe… I’m having a great time.’
‘Me, too.’
They clinked glasses.
‘I wish we’d met sooner.’ He smiled at her. His cheeks were slightly flushed and he seemed very relaxed.
‘We met ages ago, didn’t we? We’ve both been in Conwenna for quite a while.’
‘Well, we met, but we didn’t meet properly. You’ve been here all this time, walking the same streets and the same beach, breathing the same air and all those type of things… but it’s only now that I feel like I’m getting to know you properly.’
She swallowed hard as her thoughts struggled to escape as words. Just because Nate was being nice didn’t mean she could dump the contents of her head in his lap, or unburden herself about her past and why she was so terrified of being hurt again. There was no point in letting her mouth run away with her.
‘I understand what you mean.’
And she did. And it was too late. Nothing could happen between them now. Perhaps this was because he was leaving anyway. Perhaps Nate would have ended up marrying one of those beautiful dates sooner or later, if he hadn’t been going away, and Zoe would never have got to know him like this. Perhaps, but who knew? Nothing was certain in life; nothing was guaranteed.
Especially not finding the one person you could love and rely on, the one person who would love you unconditionally and keep you safe from harm. A person you could trust.
Nate picked up the wine bottle.
‘Looks like we drank it all.’
‘It’s a very easy-drinking red.’
‘What shall we do now? Do you want another?’
Zoe shook her head. ‘Better not.’
‘Shall we make a move, then?’
Zoe nodded, even though leaving was the last thing she wanted to do.
She stood up and slipped her bag over her shoulder, then followed Nate into the evening air. They stood outside the wine bar and gazed at the dark expanse of the sea.
‘It’s exciting, isn’t it?’ Nate said, as he leant his arms on the rail.
‘What is?’
‘The sheer size of the sea. It goes on and on, and makes me feel that anything is possible. I could go anywhere if I got into the water and let it take me.’
Zoe shuddered. ‘Let it take you?’
He turned to face her and straightened up. ‘Yes. Well, it’s far more powerful than I’ll ever be. Yet I’ve always felt that it empowered me. Until I discovered my love of surfing, I was a very different person.’
‘How so?’
He glanced at his shoes then met her eyes.
‘I was a very quiet and shy young man. I always tried to avoid people, growing up.’
‘You? Really?’
‘I believed I was… insignificant. I didn’t like to impose my company on anyone.’
‘Of course you aren’t… weren’t. No one is insignificant, and that’s a very sad way to feel.’
Zoe’s heart squeezed as she stared into the depths of Nate’s eyes and saw the vulnerable boy he’d once been. Why had he felt that way when he had so much to offer the world?
‘I did as a boy. Then I found the water and I changed, almost overnight. Not wanting to sound cheesy but it’s as if I found me… out there.’ He swept his arm across the harbour.
‘Well, that’s a very positive thing… in that you became more confident. Life changes us all. Some for the better, but some not.’
‘Hey.’ He reached out and gently cupped her cheeks, smoothing his thumbs over her cheekbones. ‘Whatever happened to you, Zoe, it wasn’t your fault. You’re a good person, I can tell.’
Zoe couldn’t reply. She was struck mute by the sensations his touch had aroused in her, and by the deep blue of his eyes that shone in the light from the wine bar. It was as if he glowed from within and his warmth could envelope her and keep her safe and warm.
Nate moved closer and she could feel the heat of his breath on her lips, smell the berry flavours of the wine they’d drunk. His hands slid round her so that one entwined in her hair at her nape and the other rested on her back. He was so close that the heat of his body warmed her and her heart pounded as he lowered his lips to meet hers.
The sea lapped at the harbour wall and voices carried through the open windows of the wine bar as they kissed. Zoe was frozen in time, held firmly by Nate, knowing that she should stop this, prevent this, but though a part of her mind tried to fight, the rest of her surrendered. She shouldn’t want this, but she did.
When Nate finally released her, Zoe was breathless. She hadn’t been kissed like that her whole life: every nerve ending was on fire, burning with need and desire and threatening to make her fall completely and irrevocably in love with this man.
She took a step backwards and grabbed the handrail for support.
‘Zoe…’ Nate touched her arm. ‘I… I hope that was okay.’
She nodded. ‘It was more than okay but—’
‘No buts. Not for tonight.’ He sighed. ‘Tonight was perfect.’
‘It was.’
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they stayed that way for some time, gazing at the horizon, unable to tell where the sea ended and the sky began. And Zoe, in that moment, Zoe didn’t know where she ended and Nate began, because the kiss they’d shared had been so intense, so wonderful, so emotional, that she’d become one with him in a way that she’d never experienced before. It was terrifying, exhilarating and it shouldn’t have happened. But she didn’t regret it for a second.
‘Nate!’
Zoe and Nate turned to the direction of the shout that was quickly followed by peals of laughter. Two young women were staggering around the harbour, clinging to each other as they wobbled on very high heels. As they got closer, one pointed at him.
‘I thought it wash you! Nate, I lovesh you.’
She released her friend and lunged at Nate, causing Zoe to quickly sidestep to avoid being knocked over.
‘Oh… uh… come on now… You look like you need to get home.’ Nate held the girl away from him by her arms.
‘My name is Calishta! Kish me, Nate!’ She windmilled her arms as she tried to get closer to him but he’d locked his wrists and she couldn’t get close enough.
Nate glanced at Zoe and grimaced.
‘Calista, I think you and your friend had better go home,’ Zoe said.
The young woman turned to Zoe and glared at her. ‘And who the hell are you? What kind of frump tellsh me what to do?’
‘Yeah!’ Calista’s friend put her hands on her hips and squinted at Zoe. ‘Calista, don’t take no shit off…’ She eyed Zoe up and down. ‘Frumps!’
Both women cackled then, and Zoe’s contentment crumbled as the warmth from Nate’s kiss ebbed away. Calista was right, even in her inebriated state. Zoe wasn’t the type of woman Nate went for; she wasn’t a good match for him, and she never would be. She’d let herself be fooled for a moment, for an evening, and enjoyed spending time with him. She’d actually allowed herself to hope that this evening signalled the start of something more for her, that her future didn’t have to be lonely. Perhaps that was true, but it was also clear that there couldn’t be a future for her and Nate.
Nate would be better matched with Calista in her short denim skirt and pink crop-top, with her beautiful, long wind-ruffled hair and her flawless golden tan.
‘I’ll see you,’ Zoe said, giving Nate a quick wave before walking away.
She hurried along the harbour, glad she’d worn flats, trying to think of nothing at all except for getting home and crawling into bed then pulling the covers over her head.
Behind her, she heard a few shouts then a squeal of fury, but she kept her head down and kept moving. She passed her diner, the deli and the art gallery, then marched up the main street of the village, all the while taking deep, cleansing breaths and shutting out the sounds around her, behind her, and especially the voice in her head that told her to go back and fight for her man. There was no way she was going to be humiliated again, no way on this earth! Better to be alone than to risk the pain of heartbreak. And Nate was not her man…
She took a left at Riding the Wave, then turned right onto the road that would take her to her cottage. She breathed quickly as she tried to fill her lungs with enough air to keep her going until she got home.
When a hand landed on her arm, she screamed and instinctively swung her bag at her assailant.
‘Argh!’
Nate held his cheek as he looked down at her, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
‘What are you doing? Why have you followed me?’ Zoe glared at him. ‘And… oh… did I hurt you?’
‘I think the zip caught me.’
‘Let me see.’
Zoe gently pulled his hand away and a droplet of blood trickled down his cheek.
‘Oh, Nate, I’m so sorry. I just… you scared me and I reacted. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known it was you.’
‘I was calling you, Zoe. How didn’t you hear me?’
She opened her bag and pulled out a tissue, then pressed it to his face.
‘I didn’t, I’m sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.’
‘Why did you leave?’
‘Why d’you think?’
‘Because those two idiots were babbling nonsense?’
‘Nate… they were just being honest. Saying what they saw.’
‘What they saw?’ His voice broke. ‘That was utter crap, Zoe. You’re not frumpy. They’re jealous. You’re beautiful, classy… you have substance they could only dream of.’
‘They’re young, Nate, and Calista clearly has a huge crush on you.’
‘I barely know her. She’s here on holiday and has come into the cafe a few times.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘What?’ His eyes were dark hollows now in the moonlight, and Zoe saw the blood seeping through the tissue.
‘We should get that cleaned up. I think you need a plaster.’
‘Okay.’
‘Come on.’
They walked the rest of the way to her cottage in silence. Zoe unlocked the front door and they went inside. She turned on the two lamps in the lounge.
‘Sit on the sofa and I’ll find my first aid kit.’
Five minutes later, she’d cleaned his cheek and was relieved to see that it was just a scratch. Nate had sat there silently, watching her as she tended to him. When she’d finished and stuck a small plaster on his cheek, he took her hand.
‘Zoe, please. I’m a bit confused. I thought we had a good time.’
‘We did. It was lovely.’
‘So what’s going on here… now?’
She leant forwards and rested her forehead against his, breathing him in for a moment and savouring his gorgeous scent, knowing that tonight had been like a lovely dream and that tomorrow it would be replaced by cold reality.
‘Nothing’s going on, Nate. I got carried away on too much wine and a very pleasant kiss. But thank you. It was lovely to imagine how different life could be, if just for an evening.’
‘Zoe?’ He stood up and tried to take her hands but she folded her arms across her chest.
‘I’m tired, Nate.’
‘Right, but…’
His face was so handsome in the lamplight and his eyes so full of questions and confusion that Zoe almost weakened. Almost. Then she remembered the look in Calista’s eyes and the feelings she’d tried to bury for so long. And she knew that she couldn’t go through all that again; she’d left that life behind her.
‘Good night, Nate.’
His expression changed, and it was as if a shutter had come down in his eyes to hide his emotions.
‘Good night, Zoe.’
He opened the front door and stepped out, then closed it behind him, leaving nothing in his wake other than a waft of his sandalwood aftershave and the heat of his kiss that still lingered on Zoe’s lips.