Chapter 1

THE UN-UNITED NATIONS

I’m Cuckoo Clarke.

This story mostly takes place in a small town outside Portland called North Plains. There’s a gun shop outside town that has an annual Back-to-School Sale. (I’m anti-gun.) Every August, our town hosts the World’s Largest Elephant Garlic Festival. (I’m pro-garlic.) Most people around here wear Nikes, Portland’s proudest. (I prefer Uggs, but I wouldn’t say I’m definitely pro- or anti-footwear.)

And now, welcome to the main setting of this show: North Plains High School! It looks the way you’re probably picturing it.

The hallways are full of the Usual Suspects: Jocks, Nerds, Twinkies, Otaku, Barbies, Goths, Eurotrash, Jailbait, Stoners, Joiners, Glommers, Delusionals, Haters, Wankstas, Thespians, Teachers, Terror Teachers, Zomboids, Robots, Gleeks, United Colors of Benettoners, Libertarians, Activists, Juvies, Baristas, Blahs, and—my best friends—the Freakshow.

That’s right. We call ourselves the Freakshow. My best friend, Brainzilla (Katie), had this idea that we should give our little group a nickname that’s far worse than anything any of the diseased minds in our school could dream up.