Chapter 11

THIS IS EMBARRASSING

TGIF!

Totally Gonna Instantly Freak!

Just kidding. I mean, I know I’ve been in a mental hospital and my name is Cuckoo and all, but I actually think I’m pretty normal. You know, relatively.

And yet I am heading off to visit the school psychologist right now. Mr. Tool insists that I see Ms. Kellerman every Thursday at 2:30 PM.

“It’s for your own good,” Mr. Tool says. “Of course, we have to keep the best interests of all our students in mind.”

Translation: If Cuckoo goes nuts, I want someone to warn me that it’s coming so I can keep the rest of the student body away from her and keep their parents from suing me.

It really gives me the warm fuzzies to know how much he cares.

Do not get me wrong: Ms. Kellerman isn’t a bad person.

Mr. Tool, maybe, but Ms. Kellerman? No. It’s just that she’s a little too excited about handling my “case.”

Ms. Kellerman is fine dealing with manic overachievers, recreational druggies, and girls who are considering having (but do not actually have) an eating disorder. But she’s way out of her league when it comes to figuring me out. She’s got a BA in psych while I spent ten days in a hospital with a bunch of MDs and PhDs, and only one of them ever really understood me.

Ms. Kellerman is also obsessed with my diary.

She’s desperate to read it, but that is not happening. I won’t let her set eyes on a single word. Not even a comma.

I usually spend my hour with her scribbling away, which really irks her. I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just that the few times we’ve had a conversation, it hasn’t really gone anywhere.

So I decided to stop talking. I prefer to just stay quiet and work on my new ending for each of the Twilight books. The series had a good ending, but like I said, I hate endings. Rewriting it gives me a way to make it seem less… permanent.

Hmm… let’s see what else could happen: Zombie attack? Beach party? Ninja scene? Dance contest? Asteroid hitting Earth? “It was all a dream”?

None of those really grab me. So instead, I come up with a new ending for The Hunger Games, which feels easier—probably because I’ve only seen the movie and haven’t read the book yet.

Oh, man. This is exactly why I can’t show Ms. Kellerman my diary. I’m guessing she would have a full-blown field day with this.

I crack myself up.