Chapter 16

MULTITASKING

I didn’t have strong feelings about it, so I let Tebow pick the movie. He chose something with valor in the title. That’s Tebow’s style. He likes soldier heroes who sacrifice all for friendship and/or country. He also likes inspirational true stories and action comedies. I like all that junk, too, so I was perfectly happy with Valor Whatever.

So we sat down and made fun of the commercial slideshow they were showing before the previews.

This feels good, because it’s what we usually do with the Freakshow when we all see a movie. So there’s less of the strange “I’m just out with Tebow for some reason” vibe.

Then the previews come on, and I remind Tebow that I’m going to punch him in the arm every time he tries to talk to me during the movie, same as I always do. The movie starts.

It’s long and borderline incomprehensible, like maybe the script was cut and pasted from a lot of different movies and then jolted to life with a burst of lightning and a marketing committee.

On the other hand, there were a lot of great action scenes. And I really liked the characters. Maybe too much. Okay, I sobbed through the last ten minutes.

Here are the highlights:

1. There were soldiers in the movie.
2. Tebow’s fingers touched mine when we both reached for popcorn at the same time.
3. There was something gross on the floor right in front of my seat, and no matter where I moved my foot, my shoe kept getting stuck in it.
4. I was reasonably sure I could’ve written a better movie.

I even came up with several excellent alternate scenes and endings as it was going on.

After the movie, we walk around the mall for a while and get cappuccinos. I keep thinking, “This seems like a date. Not really. Well, maybe,” and on and on like that.

Then Tebow drives me home, and I never really get up the nerve to ask if this was a friends deal or a date deal. And he doesn’t bring it up, either.

So it just hangs there like a stinky fish that everyone’s too afraid to touch while we say good night.