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The first thing Eli noticed when he pulled into his driveway was that Emma was sitting on his front stoop, her back resting against the door, her elbows wrapped around her knees.
Of course she was.
Because he had been looking for her all day, starting with her house. When she wasn’t there, he had checked Town Hall. Then Hot and Wired, Sweet Things, Suzie’s house, the food truck, Kate’s house, and Goat’s Tavern. He had checked every damn spot in Hart’s Ridge except his own house. So yeah. He should have known, because there was literally nowhere else she could be.
He approached slowly. His futile search had left him hungry and grouchy, and there was a very real danger that he was going to throw Emma over his shoulder and carry her into the house caveman-style.
She scrambled to her feet. “Hey. There you are.” She smiled brightly. “Want to get a coffee?”
Coffee? He stopped. What the hell was she talking about? Why would they get coffee? Why would they do anything except fall into bed and tear each other’s clothes off?
“I guess it’s a little late for coffee.” She squinted at the sun, low in the western sky, and frowned. “We could go to Goat’s. Hang out with Luke for a bit.”
He stared at her.
“Or if you don’t feel like going out, we can stay here. Watch a show and order pizza. Whatever.”
“I...” He looked at the sky, at the trees, to his left and right, trying to make sense of it. “Coffee? Luke? Pizza? What are you...what’s going on?”
She blinked innocently. “I’m trying to be your friend.”
“Friend.” He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that at all.
“Yes. Because you love me in some way or other, and I want you in my life any way I can get you. And I think...I think being friends would be pretty great, because you’re pretty great. But I realize you weren’t expecting me, so if today doesn’t work for you, then how about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” he echoed.
“Tomorrow,” she said firmly.
His heart bounded like an exuberant puppy. Tomorrow. She said it like she meant it. Like a promise. Maybe his mom broke promises, but Emma never would. Even if she did, he would be okay. He would. He would live. What he couldn’t live with was never giving it a chance.
It was worth the risk. She was worth the risk. Although, he had to admit, it was a very small risk.
“I love you,” he said.
“Yeah. I know.” A smile bloomed on her face, slowly at first and then all at once, like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud.
He laughed with pure joy. Bounded up the steps, wrapped his arms around her waist, and lifted her off her feet, making her laugh, too. He kissed her lightly, not allowing himself to take it too deeply. If he started he might not stop for a good long while, and there were things he had to say first.
“I haven’t said those words to anyone in a very long time. Not since my mother. And I hadn’t heard them either, because she was the last person who said those words to me. It was what she said, when she left. She loved me. I think...I think somehow those things got twisted together in my mind. Love and goodbye.”
She held on tight, squeezing him closer in sympathy. Not saying anything, just listening.
“It wasn’t that I wasn’t loved. My dad loved me. He did. As much as he was capable of. He never said it, and he showed it in odd ways. Looking back, he took better care of me than of himself. That isn’t saying much, I know, but it was love just the same.”
“And we loved you.” Her fingers trailed the back of his neck. “Luke, Suzie, and I. We loved you.”
He smiled crookedly. “Yeah. But we didn’t say that kind of thing out loud, back then. Maybe if we had, I would have realized love doesn’t always mean goodbye.”
“Or maybe it would have been worse. I would still have...I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have frozen you out of my life.”
“I’ve been thinking about that. And you know, once we had to be around each other again, it didn’t take very long for it to turn into this. I wonder what would have happened if I had tried to talk to you, maybe after a month or so when you were cooled down, instead of letting you push me away. Not like harassed you or anything, but what if I had tried just once? Maybe twice? I don’t know. It should have been you to take the first step, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been me. Maybe we would have gotten here a lot sooner, maybe not. I don’t know, but I do know that if it ever comes to that again, I’m not waiting around eight years for you to come to your senses. You’ve got a day, maybe a week, before I come for you.”
She laughed. “Well, thank god for that. This relationship won’t survive if we’re both stubborn jackasses.” She rested her forehead against his chest. “But, seriously, Eli, I’m so sorry.”
“No. You already apologized. You talked to your dad, and I know how hard that must have been for you. You did the work. It’s my turn. I want you to hear this, because I don’t want you carrying more guilt around. We’ve had enough of that.”
“Okay,” she whispered. Her eyes searched his face questioningly.
“It was easy for me to say this was about you. That you were like my mother. You had left me once and would do it again. But the truth was, it was me. I was a coward. Because if you were my mom, that made me my dad, and that...I couldn’t take that. I told you what it was like, back then, but I never let you come to my house, because I didn’t want you to see it for yourself. My dad did not react well to my mother leaving. He became a high-functioning alcoholic, and by that I mean that he could get up and go to work, but after work, he immediately stopped functioning. He was drunk from five o’clock until a good ways into his shift the next day, I would say. He just sat there, the TV on but not watching it, drinking until he passed out. I didn’t want to become that.”
“You would never become that, Eli,” she said vehemently. “Never.”
“It took me a minute to realize that. The thing is...God, Emma, I love you so much. Losing you is the worst thing I can imagine, the very worst. Yesterday, thinking I already had, it was the most painful experience I’d ever known, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But I survived it. And I’d survive it again, if it came to that. I’m not my dad. I can live without you, but I really, really don’t want to.”
“You don’t have to. You will never have to.”
“One more thing,” he said.
She looked at him. “Yes?”
“If you still need a deputy mayor, I’ll do it.”
Her eyes lit up and she shrieked. “You will? Oh my God. I’ve got so many ideas. Christmas. A big tree lighting ceremony. Do you think we can pull it off?”
“Together. We can do anything together.” He gave her hair a playful tug. “Actually, I have every faith that you could do it on your own. But you don’t have to.”
“Good. I would much rather do it with you.”
Christmas was six months away. Longer than he had ever been with a woman. But he could see it now, their future together. It wouldn’t be perfect. But it would be beautiful.
She was moving him, he suddenly realized. Guiding him up the steps, back to the house. Slightly awkwardly, as she was walking backward and their bodies were tangled up together. He grinned against her hair.
He had a good feeling about where they were heading, together.