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I stare up at the house I grew up in.
The house I haven’t seen for so many years.
The last time I was in it, I lived through some of the worst pain of my life. Not only did my father leave us in this house, but I also sat in that room, staring out the window, terrified of what life was going to hold because I had just accidently hit an innocent girl. I was so young back then. In the scheme of things, it feels like it was such a long time ago, but in reality, it wasn’t.
It really wasn’t.
I swallow and cross my arms, wondering if this is a good idea. I mean, I have to come and see my mother eventually. I can’t hide forever, but am I ready to go in there and face more than just her?
Can I face the demons I left behind the day I got locked up?
Can I face any of this?
I raise my hand and knock on the door. For a moment, the world seems incredibly silent, and then finally, I hear shuffling inside and my mother opens the door.
It has been a long time, and she’s changed quite a lot. Her once fair hair is now raven black. Her eyes, that used to be flawless, are dull and more a grey than a blue. Her skin is paler, and she’s a lot skinnier than she used to be. Max said she got sick, but she’s well now. She doesn’t look well now. She looks older and so much frailer than the woman I last saw all those years ago.
“Mom,” I say, my voice harder than I’d like, but it’s hard not to feel like that around her. She abandoned me when I needed her.
“I was wondering how long it would take you to come and visit your mother.”
Not, ‘Oh my lord, it’s my daughter.’ Or, ‘You’re finally here. I can’t believe it.’
No, instead everything is about her. I see that hasn’t changed a damn bit.
“I considered leaving it as long as it took you to visit me in that place, but I thought I’d never get to see you then, and I’m not a cold-hearted bitch, so here I am.”
Her eyes widen, and her lips part just slightly. “I see that place has changed you.”
“That place didn’t change me,” I say, my voice low and cold. “People who were supposed to be there for me, and who instead left me alone, changed me.”
She exhales. “Callie, I’m tired. If you’re going to create drama, then please come another day. As you know, I’ve been unwell.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, really I am, but it disappoints me bitterly that this is how you greet your own child after being away from her for so many years. I thought this could go so differently, but of course, I was wrong. I always am.”
“If you’re going to carry on, then can we at least do it inside? My neighbor is a terrible gossip.”
It’s far out, really, so far out you almost wouldn’t believe it. That a person who created you could be so damned cold? It happens, though. I’m living proof. Standing here on my old front porch, staring at the woman who brought me into this world, and wondering how in the ever-loving hell I actually survived so long in her care.
“I’ll come in because I want to get some things from my room.”
She looks at me, her eyes narrowing. “Your room is no longer. I packed all your things away when you . . . left. I gave most of it to charity. I have a few boxes left you can take now.”
Charity.
She gave my things away as if I were dead. Not locked away.
Cold. Hearted. Monster.
“I’ll take those boxes,” I say, my voice a low hiss, “then I’ll get out of your hair and stay out of it.”
She studies me, then rubs her face like she’s tired. “I’m exhausted, Callie. Can we do this another day?”
“No, we’re doing it now. Get me those boxes, or I’ll give the neighbors something to really talk about.”
Her eyes flash with that familiar drama I remember so well, and then she snaps, “I’ll be right back.”
She turns and disappears, and I stare into the house. It’s mostly the same as it was when I left it, only now there is some new furniture. I glance at all the photos on the huge display cabinet she’s always had in the living area. From here, I can see there are at least fifty of them.
From here, I can also see she’s taken down every one of me.
She’s removed me from this world. She’s taken me away as if I never existed.
It hurts; I can’t deny that. I didn’t inherit the cold-hearted gene from her.
She returns, and I flinch, stepping back. She hands me two small boxes that honestly couldn’t contain a great deal. I take them and stare at her.
“I won’t be back to bother you again. I have a million things I’d like to say to you, Mom, but I’ll keep it short. You let me down. You let me down at a time when I needed you the same as I needed the very air I breathe. You let your own issues and your own selfishness drive you instead of giving your daughter what she so desperately needed. A mother. I wish it were different, but I can see now that you’re never going to change. You’re always going to be the cold-hearted, selfish woman I know you to be. I should have never expected anything different. The funny thing is, I’m better off without you. I got through it, even when I thought I couldn’t. I made it on my own. I’ll keep making it on my own. You gave birth to me, but you’re not a mother; you’re not my mother. I wish you well, but I deserve so much more.”
I turn on my heel and walk off, boxes in my hand.
And I close the door on this chapter of my life forever.
It’s forward for me now.
The past is no longer.
~*~*~*~
“YOU ARE A HARD WORKER, Callie,” Andrea says as we lock the doors to the café late at night.
We held a function, and I’ve been here since six a.m. this morning helping Andrea as she was short-staffed. It was a long night, but it was incredible. It kept me busy, and kept my mind in the right now, instead of reliving what happened the day before with my mother, who never called or tried to fix things. She gave me the final answer to any questions I had been asking.
She doesn’t care.
That’s fine with me.
“It was a great night. You did amazing,” I tell her as we turn and walk to my car.
I pull out my keys and unlock it, then turn to Andrea, who is watching me with a smile on her face.
“Are you still coming on Saturday night?” she asks me.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m bringing my friend Jo; it should be great. Tanner invited me to another party at his place after it, so no doubt the night will get messy.”
She laughs. “It will if you’re with Tanner and the boys. They party hard, but they’re a bunch of fun.”
“Well, I better get going before I fall asleep standing. Thanks, Andrea. It was a great night.”
She smiles and says, “Be careful getting home.”
When she’s gone, I get into the car and drive back to the apartment. I don’t know if Jo is there or not, but I know I’ll be falling straight into bed as soon as I get in.
I walk up the front steps once I’m parked, digging around in my purse for the keys. After a few minutes, I come up empty. Oh no. Did I leave my keys at work? I use the flashlight on my phone to search again, but they’re not here.
Frustrated, and wondering how the hell I forgot them, as they’re usually in my bag, I go to the spare key location. Jo is terrible for leaving her keys places, so she showed me her secret spare key spot, which is in the garden under a rock. It’s well hidden, and unless you were digging around for ages looking, you wouldn’t find it. You’d have to have some determination to do something like that.
I find the spare and unlock the apartment, head in, and shower before dropping into bed. I text Tanner before I go to sleep, and he wishes me a good night, with a whole lot of sexy talk beforehand. My heart flutters and I smile as I drift off into a nice sleep.
I wake to the sound of a door creaking.
For a moment, I wonder if Jo is home, maybe her and Pat had a fight? I sit up in bed and call out her name, but nobody comes in. A door creaks again. This time it’s mine. I see a dark shadowy figure in the doorway, and my whole body freezes. “Jo?” I say again. “Is that you?”
The figure disappears.
There’s someone in my house.
My heart races and I feel like my whole body has gone into frozen mode. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t do anything but stare at the slightly opened door, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do. My fingers tremble as I turn to reach for my phone. Something smashes in the kitchen.
Oh God.
I grab my phone and fumble to unlock it, dialing Tanner. His sleepy voice answers after a few rings. “Everything okay, darlin’?”
“There is someone in my house,” I whisper, terrified.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I heard someone come in, there was a crashing sound, and I saw them at the door. I’m scared.”
“Are you sure it’s not Jo?” he asks me, and I can hear him rustling around.
“I’m positive.”
“Okay, sit tight. I’ll be right there.”
I don’t move, my eyes firmly fixed on the door, just waiting for someone to bust through and do something horrible. Is this the person who has been tormenting me? Are they here to make things worse? Or is it someone else? Someone just breaking and entering? How come I didn’t hear them trying to get in? How did they even get in? So many questions, all of them I’ll answer when Tanner is here and I’m safe.
I reach over and I take the lamp from the bedside table. It isn’t much, but if someone comes in here, I’ll be able to, at the very least, fight a little.
Then, I just sit tight like he told me, eyes on the door, and I wait.
I wait and I wait.
I don’t hear any noises until finally, about ten minutes later, I hear Tanner’s truck arrive and a moment later, the lights in my house are flicking on and he appears in my doorway. I didn’t realize just how scared I was until this moment. I close my eyes and my bottom lip trembles. I release the lamp and it falls onto my bed. Someone was in my house; anything could have happened. I take a deep breath and get it together, and then I open my eyes to see Tanner standing at the end of my bed, wearing a pair of denim jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.
“Couldn’t see anyone out there, but I want you to sit here so I can search the place, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
He disappears, and then about five minutes later, comes in and tells me, “Darlin’, there is nothing to indicate anyone was in your house. No broken windows. Nothing seemingly stolen or smashed. Are you sure you weren’t dreaming and just became disorientated?”
“No, no, I was wide awake. I heard something crash out there. I saw a figure in my door. I’m sure of it, Tanner.”
He nods. “Well, your front door was unlocked, so if someone came in, it’s possible they just left the same way. Doesn’t make a great deal of sense, though. Why would someone come in here and do nothing?”
Because someone is messing with me.
Someone is trying to send me over the edge.
Someone is playing games.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I do know I locked that front door.”
“You sure?”
I try to think back. I was really tired. I remember looking for the spare key. I remember coming in, but maybe I didn’t lock the door behind me. No matter how much I wrack my brain. I can’t seem to remember if I did or if I didn’t.
“I don’t know,” I say, my voice low. “But I wasn’t imagining that, I swear it.”
He nods, and walks over to the bed, kicking off his boots and grabbing his shirt and pulling it up and over his head.
“What are you doing?” I ask, bringing the blanket to my chest.
“Babe, I’m not going to leave you here alone. Might as well get comfortable.”
“In here,” I say, my voice dropping lower at the thought of what might happen. “With me?”
He grins. “Yeah, in there, with you.”
Oh, boy.
This should be interesting.