ham•let (ham′-let), n. and v. salted, smoked pork and its effect or effects. “The smell of frying hamlet everybody know that breakfast was ready.”

ham•per (ham′-per), n. and prep. a cooked pig and its ratio to every member of a group. “We gotta ration ’cause we only got one hamper man.”

hand•i•cap (han′-di-kap), n. a covering for the head that adds convenience in use. “Work is way better now, thanks to my handicap!”

har•dy (härd′-ē), adv. and n. a measure of force inflicted on a male. “That boy got punched so hardy couldn’t see straight.”

har•mo•ny (här′-me-nē), v. and n. to cause damage to the speaker’s mid-leg joint. “If I don’t pay them back by Tuesday, they’re gonna harmony.”

hay•wire (hā′-wī-Ər), interj. and v. to question the motivation for a current action. “Haywire you flirtin’ with my wife?”

heal (hēl′), n. and v. to predict or suppose the future action of a specific male. “If that surgeon keeps drinkin’, heal kill somebody.”

HANDICAP

healthy (hel′-thē), n., conj., and pron. the eternal damnation of a male person, dependent upon certain conditions. “He’s going to healthy don’t change his ways.”

hea•then (hē′-then), n. and adv. referring to the subsequent action of a male. “After he said he was an atheist, heathen proceeded to take the Lord’s name in vain.”

He•brews (hē′-brüz), n. and v. a statement concerning the ease with which a male will suffer a below-the-skin contusion. “Don’t be smackin’ Timmy around like that, Cassie. Hebrews real easy.”

Heim•lich (hīm′-lik), n. and v. a person’s declared intention to draw his or her tongue against a thing. “After Mama gets through mixing the icing, Heimlich the spoon!”

HERBIVORE

Hel•en (hel′-Ən), n. and conj. the underworld, plus the aftermath. “That poor guy’s been to Helen back.”

he•lix (hē′-liks), n. and v. to drag the extended tongue along a person or object, as done by a male. “It’s below zero. If helix that fence his tongue is gonna get stuck.”

her•bi•cide (her′-be-sīd), n. and adv. a reference to the immediate surroundings of a woman. “Sit herbicide the skinny guy so the boat don’t tip over.”

her•bi•vore (her′-be-vr), n. and conj. concerning a female prior to an event. “Unfortunately, he asked herbivore the accident.”

her•e•sy (her′-Ə-sē), n. and v. the visual perception of a mass of filamentous epidermal outgrowth. “Y’all better get me some Rogaine, what with all the heresy.”

HERESY

HIGH-SPEED

he•roes (hē′-rōz), n. and v. a male person manually propelling a watercraft with oars. “He oughta be fit, ’cuz heroes that boat for two hours every morning.”

her•o•in (her′-Ə-win), n. and v. the predicted triumph of a long-Əared mammal of the family Leporidae. “You gotta be on drugs if you think a heroin a race against a tortoise.”

her•pes (her′-pēz), adj. and n. small round vegetable seeds in the possession of a specific female. “Herpes taste like they came out of a can.”

hide•away (hīd′-Ə-wā), n. and v. the speaker’s speculation on a future method or course of action. “If hideaway to be a pro baseball player, I’d do it.”

high-speed (hī′-spēd), n. and v. the speaker when moving at a velocity beyond the posted limit. “I drive slow when I see a cop, but if I don’t see none, high-speed.”

HIPPIE

hill•side (hil-sīd′), n. and v. the predicted alliance of a male person. “Don’t ask her husband to back you … hillside with her every time.”

hip•pie (hip′-ē), n. a reference to the haunch of a specific male. “Ever since he got shot in the hippie walks funny.”

His•pan•ic (his-pa′-nik), adj. and n. the hysterical reaction of a male. “I’m worried about Dr. Hernandez, ’cause Hispanic attacks are gettin’ more frequent.”

hoard (hrd′), v. having committed an act of marital indiscretion, sometimes preceded by a financial interaction. “She hoard around on him one too many times.”

Hol•land (häl′-Ənd), n. and conj. half of a fairly popular pop duo from the late twentieth century. “My favorite band is definitely Holland Oates.”

HISPANIC

hol•lan•daise (häl′-Ən-dāz), adj. and n. a period of time in which one transported goods. “I had a real sweet eighteen-wheeler back in my hollandaise.”

Hol•ly•wood (hl′-ē-wd), n., pron., and v. speculation connecting an august institution or a part of a building to possible future action. “Twenty bucks says if Pete Rose got into the Hollywood still bet on baseball.”

ho•ly (hōl′-ē), n. an indentation in the ground created by a specific male. “That holy dug was deep.”

hon•es•ty (än′-Əs-tē), prep. and n. into a position of rest upon a peg used in the opening play on any hole in the game of golf. “If you want to drive all the way to the green, put your ball honesty.”

hon•or stu•dent (än′-Ər stü′-dent), prep. and n. for a female to be positioned over, and supported by, a pupil. “Yeah, I knew piano lessons after midnight was weird, but I didn’t suspect nothin’ till I caught her honor student.”

Hoo•sier (hü′-zher), n. and v. phrase used to inquire into another’s relationship with someone. “Hoosier daddy?”

ho•ri•zon (her-īz′-on), n. and prep. indicating a woman’s focus on an object or her fervent desire, usually for something expensive. “She’s got horizon that mink coat.”

hor•net (hrn′-Ət), n. and pron. a condition involving a brass instrument. “Every night he plays that hornet keeps me up.”

horny (hrn′-ē), n. and pron. a phrase connecting a male to either a brass wind instrument or a protuberance of keratinized skin projecting outward from the skull of an animal. “When he grabbed that bull by the horny got more than he’d bargained for.”

hor•ren•dous (her-Ənd′-Əs), n. and v. any declaration concerning the backside of a female. “She’s got a pretty enough face, but horrendous huge and horrible.”

HORRENDOUS

HYSTERIA

hun•ger (heng′-Ər), v. and adj. the suspending of a female’s possession from a fixed object so that it does not touch the ground. “We just about lost it when she hunger bra on the clothesline.”

hys•te•ria (hi-ster′-ē-Ə), n. and v. a male person achieving intimidation using a concentrated and unblinking ocular technique. “Don’t make eye contact with that dude— hysteria down.”