Cars and Bars
Ruby
Muscle-sore and light-headed from the day's new heights climb, Ruby leaves her room in time to arrive downstairs at the bar, eight o'clock sharp. She is wearing new jeans, beat-up brown Australian Blundstone boots, and a tight, faded navy T with GUYS AND DOLLS written in white polka dot letters. She looks around, put off to find that Abbie is not yet there. She spots Ray, whom Abbie had very vaguely described. Since he sits alone, and not with a short, scruffy, redheaded Alaskan-style mountain bum, she's not sure that it's Ray. He looks so long for his chair. Like a commercial, his sun-bleached hair cascades well past his strong shoulders. It is brushed too neatly. His plush mouth is parted, framed with a trim, week-old moustache and beard. Dumbfounded, he is staring at her with huge, serious, opal blue eyes. Ruby doesn't know that Abbie never described her to Ray, and she doesn't assume it. Preferring not to introduce herself, she sits down at the table behind him, her body lit by the sun.
Because she is looking particularly barefaced, young and vulnerable, the waiter cards her when she asks for whiskey neat. She doesn't take this as flirtation, since it's happened often enough when clear lipgloss is her sole particle of makeup. While she shifts her weight in her seat to grab her slim wallet from her back pocket, she doesn't notice Abbie's entrance until Ray stands to hug her hello. Abbie hurriedly introduces them, and Ray steps on Abbie's foot to shake Ruby's hand. He reaches over for his beer and moves it to Ruby's table, sits across from her, puts his elbow on the windowsill. Abbie puts her hand affectionately on the waiter's back as he looks at Ruby's license and says, "Wow."
"'Wow' what, Andrew? Haven't you seen Ruby before? She's only been staying here for three weeks," Abbie says, sitting down facing the window. "And she's always gotta sit in the sun, don't you Ruby?" Abbie pulls at the collar of her wrinkled, red thrift-store dress. With a higher wattage smile, Ruby looks up at the waiter. She holds out her hand for him to put back her license.
"Can I see that?" Ray asks, now holding his hand out to Ruby. Her throat dry, her stomach fluttering, she believes the dizzying heat coming over her is just exhaustion from the day, hunger bubbling up under the warmth of the sun.
"Where's Charlie?" Abbie asks, folds her arms, her fingers drumming her flesh.
"Now that's a smile. What an angel," Ray says, swooning.
"Come on," Ruby says, looking embarrassedly at Abbie.
"Ruby Falls. Ruby Falls. How did your parents come to name you?"
"My father's name is Nelson Falls." She clears her throat. "And he took my mother, Vera, to Lookout Mountain in Chattanooga, Tennessee. This was early on when they were dating. My father's from east Tennessee, but I've never been there. I heard Ruby Falls is a pretty kitsch place, but it has some kind of meaning for them. They had me ten years later."
"I've been to Ruby Falls," Ray says excitedly. He looks at the license again, then at Ruby. Abbie rolls her eyes, since neither of them is paying attention to her.
"And is it totally kitsch?"
"It's corny, yeah, the amusement park vibe they have going everywhere you look, but it's still beautiful. Who could find anything boring about a waterfall?"
"I've never seen one except for that small one in Thunderbird Falls," Ruby says, looking into his eyes. She feels everything speed up in her chest. His voice, his smell making her weak. It feels wet under her arms, and she is anxious to sneak a sniff.
"That's nothing," Abbie interrupts. "Have you heard of Valdez?"
"Yeah, my instructor said something about it. People climb icicles the size of skyscrapers?" Ruby asks.
"Well you have to go through Thompson Pass to get to Valdez, and it is the most breathtaking sight. And I've been everywhere, seen the Alps in Switzerland, Italy, Austria, but it can't compare to traveling through Thompson Pass to Valdez. And in the summer there are the most awesome waterfalls. You're up at like four thousand feet, looking all the way down to sea level on a clear day."
"Then we should go!" Ray says, looking at Ruby. "And to Ruby Falls too. I've seen a bit of Tennessee, I could show you around. You really should see where your dad comes from, as well as your namesake." He hands the license to Abbie instead of Ruby. Abbie looks at it, pretending she can make anything out, then hands it back to her.
"There's a town called Ruby here in Alaska, by the way. It's not all that far away. And while you're both getting all hot and bothered over namesakes, you should know too that there's an area called Ray Mountains." Abbie runs her hand from her chin to her jaw to the back of her neck and squeezes.
"I didn't know that," Ray says, finally looking at her.
"Yeah. Check out a map," she snaps.
The waiter returns with Ruby's whiskey, she thanks him, irked at herself for feeling so girlishly nervous. She takes a sip and looks at Ray—who hasn't taken his eyes off of her—then at Abbie, who now looks as if she's decided to make the best of it. She orders a glass of red wine from the waiter, who asks everyone if they're hungry. Ray asks for fish 'n' chips, Ruby mutters how she wishes they had salmon on the menu. Ray overzealously agrees. The waiter walks away after Ruby orders the same as Ray.
"So tell us, Abigail, how come we can't find any righteous salmon anywhere?" Ray asks. Ruby wrinkles her nose at the word "righteous."
"You're both food-obsessed?"
"Kinda, huh?" She looks at Ray as if she's always known him. "But Abbie, you must know what it's like for an L.A. girl expecting a good plate of food. All that Northern Cali-delish you grew up on." Her elbow moves closer to Abbie.
"Did either of you try Simon and Seafort's when you were in Anchorage?"
"Yeah," Ruby says in the tone, So what?
"Right. Well, what do you expect from a place settled by straight men?" Abbie shrugs her shoulders.
"It's not like Florida cooking is shabby, either. But the point is, how comes we can't find any good salmon to eat?" Ray leans toward her too, looking playful.
Abbie shrugs again. "Never thought about it. Probably 'cause it's mostly shipped out. Alaskans catch their own salmon or just get it from a neighbor. No one here comes to a restaurant for it." She vibrates her head a little ghetto-girl style.
"Ahhhhh," Ruby and Ray say in unison.
Abbie rolls her eyes again, excuses herself for the bathroom.
"So Florida, huh?" Ruby looks up at him with her big brown eyes.
"For the last fifteen years," Ray says, taking a sip of his stale beer. He looks up at her, blushes, worrying about his breath.
"That's where people like me get blocked from the vote."
"Ah come on, now. That's long ago and far away. That's all fixed," he says with a playful indignant tone.
"Exactly."
"Come on," he pleads with a boyish expression.
"Bet you're a Republican," she says, cocking her head. Ray smiles sheepishly, looks down at his beer. "Don't tell me you are a Republican," she teases, then her expression goes serious. "You are a Republican!"
"Can't we get past it?" he says with his charm smile.
Ruby opens her mouth to say something sassy but doesn't since he seems to be far past the conversation, staring at every detail of her face, then letting her eyes lock his. Abbie returns, clearing her throat over dramatically. Ray stands for the lady. "That was quick," he says to Abbie.
"So where's Charlie? Like I asked you twenty minutes ago," Abbie says with freshly applied red lipstick to match her dress.
"Car trouble. But he'll be here soon. Mindy's picking him up," Ray says, leaning back so the waiter can put down the two baskets of fish 'n' chips. Abbie takes a fry out of Ray's basket, and he looks at her.
"Who's Mindy?" Abbie asks.
"His girlfriend," Ray says, turning around to grab the ketchup from the table he'd left.
"Cars," Abbie sighs. "More trouble than they're worth. Mine has been sitting there for a month. It's easier to catch a ride." She takes a fry from Ruby's basket. Ruby doesn't bat an eye.
"Sure miss mine," Ruby says, eating the fried fish with her fingers. Ray watching like he wants to lick them.
"What did you have?" Ray excitedly asks.
"Baby blue '64 Corvair." She smiles her lazy crooked smile.
"Sweet," he nods.
"Mint."
"Very sweet. Hard top?"
"Convertible. Her name was Dahlia. I got fifteen thousand for her, but if I weren't so eager to sell, I could have gotten much better."
"You sure could. I had a '72 Hemi-Cuda, navy blue, not so mint. Got eleven thousand for it. I could have done better as well, but I guess I was in a hurry too."
"You sold it to move here?"
"No, I sold it for a bike. I've still got my place in South Florida, on the river in Port St. Lucie. It's beautiful there, the water, the boat, my gardens. I'd love to take you there," he says, leaning into her.
"Sounds like you'd love to take her everywhere, Ray," Abbie says, not as bitterly as she meant it.
"That's right," he nods at Abbie, then back at Ruby. His voice ebullient with sincerity, "I don't mean to offend you. But you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Dreamy, really." He slowly shakes his head, looking her in the eye. "It's a good thing I wasn't climbing when I first set eyes on you, because I would have died."
Ruby looks at him, then at the table. She clasps her hands in front of her, as if trying to be patient. Abbie is quiet, waiting for her to tell him that she prefers women. Ray swallows and keeps staring at her like he would never take back a single word.
"Everyone done here?" the waiter asks, clearing their fish 'n' chips baskets.
"Oh, I don't think so," Abbie says, her eyes twinkling.
Ray orders another round, just as Luis, Charlie's friend, stops by the table.
"Hey man. Think you can keep all the exotic beauties to yourself?"
"Exotic?" Ruby screws together her eyebrows.
Abbie flips her hand at him, pushes up the bridge of her glasses, rolls her eyes. She lights up a cigarette.
"Hey, what's the problem, babes?" he asks, raising his chin at Abbie, cupping his chest as if he had tits.
"You best just keep on walking," Ray says, his nostrils flaring. Charlie strolls up with Mindy, both have bed-hair and afterglow skin. He greets his friend Luis first, who holds up his hands, and walks away. Charlie introduces Mindy to everyone, and kisses Ruby's hand. They pull the two tables together; Ray takes the opportunity to grab a seat next to Ruby.
"So what d'you say to Luis, dude?"
"He's some fucked-up shit."
"He's just drunk, man. He's cool. His brain's a bit frozen from years on this Argentine island, Tierra del Fuego. Sounds like it would be a hot place, but it's close to the Antarctic, man. Then he comes here. He's a little nuts, but he's cool. Wouldn't harm no one."
"Whatever." Ray raises his brow.
"Really, you'd like him. He was a woodcutter, he could relate to what you're doing now."
"Okay, man."
Abbie asks Mindy how long she's been in Healy. She answers three summers, adding that she's left her native Vermont every summer since she was sixteen. Ruby guesses she is about twenty-five at the most, and Charlie more likely forty, but they are closer in age than she thinks.
Since Charlie, Abbie, and Mindy are talking, Ray leans over to whisper. "I don't think you understand. I've never even thought of having children before, until I met you."
Ruby opens her eyes wide as if to say, You are crazy.
"Look at me," he says. And she looks until he burns right through her. His eyes are now watery, his expression radiant, as if reborn. "Do you see what I mean?"
Ruby leans over to kiss him. She tickles the roof of his mouth, shines his teeth with her tongue until he gently bites it, then sucks it. As if this first kiss was delivered in too famished a way, they end it sweetly, like babies learning. They look at each other, Ruby touching his ear, his neck, then his chin. She brushes the light brown hair on his forearm. He stays perfectly still, as if she were a wild animal he doesn't want to scare away. He leans over to kiss her again, this time circling the inside of her mouth, but this annoys her and she subtly pulls away. He then softly cups her face and holds it there, as he corrects their tongues' journey, both of them slowly, maddeningly losing all sense of place and time.
"Hey, hey, heyl" Charlie says, fanning them with two cocktail napkins. Mindy laughs with her head thrown back, she is lovely.
Ray pulls out his wallet, leaves three twenties, tells Abbie to keep whatever change is left. She gives him a tense smile as he quickly squeezes her hand, then shakes both Charlie's and Mindy's. Ruby is so shy over the dampness in the crotch of her jeans that she can only bend swiftly to kiss Abbie's cheek, then hold up her hand to wave at Charlie and Mindy. But none of them are looking at her, eyeing instead the large pup tent behind the zipper of Ray's jeans.
As they leave the table, Ruby hears Abbie exclaim, "But she's gay!"
"Then Ray just stole your date," Charlie says, and laughs.
Ray walks her to the elevator door, where they hold each other so close, and for so long. He lifts her from the floor, both of them pressing their groins into the other. She lets go first, and with a voice heavy and breathy with lust, tells him that he can call her in the morning. As the doors close, he is still standing there with a look of enchanted disbelief on his face.
Jeannie, the thing about climbing, is the fear. An all encompassing, smothering feeling. The way I imagine rage to be, something I've never allowed myself to feel. Having always been so even-keeled, I push myself in everyway I can think of, just to feel what it's like to be overpowered. Drugs would be too easy. It has to be real. That feeling like one wrong move, and I could be dead. The panic in losing my breath, the dizzying in my head until I have to take control of it, meet the fear head-on. Using my body, every muscle from my head to my toes. The feeling of running myself ragged with something like this. It's not that feeling of—Climb the mountain because it's there—but rather Climb the mountain because you can.
I met a guy night before last, Ray. He picked me up yesterday and this morning, with packed lunches for my climbs. I haven't fucked him. I know it's only been two days, but we are kissing in cars and bars. He is familiar. At first I thought he reminded me of my friend Joop, because they're similar in type, but then I realized it's much more than that. Because I'm really scared for the first time. Not scared to have sex with him, but scared to ever be without him. And how can I feel that before I've even slept with him?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME, JEANNIE? Tell me I haven't met a freak who told me too soon how deeply he's fallen in love with me. For how could he know? How does anyone know that kind of thing when they are simply in heat for each other.
I miss you. I think of you everyday. I've only written a few times because I hate to be so boring with this climbing thing. And now there's a guy. I apologize, in advance, for all you'll have to read from now on. ;)~
And do keep telling me, blow by blow, everything that's going on with the case. It's my right to hear, and my right to help. I hurt with you. Let me. Lean on me, I'm not that far away. Big kiss to Al. He loves you so. He's just trying to distract you with this restaurant thing. And he knows how you love to cook. No one in this world is a better baker than you. Let him make you into a chef, if you want to. You can do it!!!
Big smooch, Ruby
On the third day, Ruby breaks her climbing schedule to go kayaking with Ray. They go tandem—he sits in back to steer, while she madly but happily eats water, paddling too fast. She grunts, roars with glee every time the icy current chomps at the bottom of the boat, knocking her up in the air. As Ray calls the placement of the holes, and their rhythm back into sync, she inhales loudly through her throat, sticks her tongue way out, pushing out the exhale like a Maori warrior chant.
They grab barbecue to take back to Ray's little cabin. As Ruby sets down the bottle of wine on his nightstand, he spins her around and lifts her to the bed, peeling off her clothes with his hands and teeth. He struggles with the hooks of her bra as if he had never seen such a contraption. She laughs, he holds her down, and with the basest of baritones vibrating from her ear to her belly, talks a nasty, hard but heartcore, opening her all the way up. She puts her nose in his armpits, bites his tiny, tiny nipples, keeps her eyes open as he enters her, studying the proud bristle hairs on his cheeks looming out of their large pores, giving him the appearance of a wolf. They fuck too long for the clutter—which had emptied from her head—not to re-collect in fear of finally giving everything of herself to someone else.
Minutes after he comes he is hard again. He doesn't tell her what the scars and pockmarks are on his hips, until they coo and rest again before the third time. She traces the lines and dips the tool belt made with the Florida water, sweat, and infection. And not before the fifth time when it strikes her that he is the flesh of her unconsummated adolescent sexual fantasia, does she consider saying something to him about the unnatural firmness of her breasts, and the scar arcs on the top of her nipples, as he kisses, licks, eats, and sucks.
Seven hours without darkness is merely a flash in the brain. They eat cold barbecue, he goes out for bottled water. Days that turn into weeks that turn into months of marathon fucking are elusive spots of heaven, flecked with only gashes of bitter jealousies of the other's past. This is no big deal, as gashes heal.
Much later Ruby will be disappointed that she cannot wholly visualize their meeting. She'll imagine it as more dramatic, less comfortable. And there will be nothing to correct her. Even though she will have him right there next to her, his memories cannot be hers. Visions of him licking her asshole, making her come when she menstruates, the sound of his voice telling her he will catch her vomit in his hands, all allow her to think kindly about growing old. How wonderfully lucky she is to have found a man unafraid of all bodily functions. This makes him perfect for any tragic disease or disaster that could befall her, she thinks. And not the worst of it being a coma, because there is always the romantic possibility that he can wake her up out of it.