INDI
After working in the SOA office the next day, I headed out of town to Ford’s place. In the course of just a few weeks, he’d become my new habit. My joy. My everything.
I was leaving tomorrow for the guide trip, and I wanted to soak up every last minute with him before I went.
I parked on the gravel drive in front of the main house. Roscoe barked from somewhere else on the property as I headed up the steps to knock on the door. It was the first time I’d been over here since the storm, and now I noticed what good repair everything was in. There was a new roof on the main house and fresh paint. The wooden porch looked freshly stained and sealed. There was drip irrigation installed all along Mrs. L’s flowerbeds, and the five giant pine trees that stood in front of the house had some lower branches trimmed and their cuts sealed.
The guys were obviously taking good care of Ford’s grandma.
Mrs. L answered the door at the same time Roscoe ran up behind me, wagging and licking my hand when I greeted him by name.
“Hi, Indi. How are you doing, honey?” She gave me her usual smile as she wiped her hand on a dishtowel. The scent of brownies hit me and made my mouth water.
I leaned in to give the spry old woman a hug. “Great. Is Ford around?” I glanced in the direction Roscoe had come from, guessing that’s where I’d find him.
“The guys are up in the greenhouse. It’s their training room now, you know.”
“Ah yes, the training room.” I wouldn’t mind watching a little of that training. Especially if it involved Ford taking off his shirt and flexing all those powerful muscles. “I’ll just head over there, then. Thanks.”
Roscoe and I walked to the greenhouse, and I pushed the door open. This time it wasn’t locked, and I saw the window I’d broken to get in had been replaced. I wasn’t disappointed by what I found. Four very hot Navy SEALs working out. Of course, my gaze was immediately drawn to my mountain man. Ford was doing chin-ups on a bar attached to the back wall, the muscles of his arms and back flexing in perfect coordinated rhythm with each surge upward.
Taft was on his back on a bench in the center of the room pressing iron. Hayes was doing pushups on an incline, and Kennedy had on sparring gloves and was working over the punching bag.
Ford looked over his shoulder without pausing in his routine. “Hey, Blue.” His eyes crinkled with more warmth than I ever imagined I’d see in the guy.
I tried not to swoon. Or jump him.
“Hey, Indi!” Hayes panted. Kennedy waved. Taft set the weights down on the rack and sat up.
“Don’t stop on my account,” I said. “I don’t mind the show.”
“Hey. Eyes over here,” Ford demanded, and I chuckled. “I’m almost finished,” he added.
“Don’t rush,” I said, trying not to drool. “Seriously, take all the time you need. I’ll join you guys.”
Carrying heavy packs and paddling rafts down the river kept me in excellent shape, but I enjoyed working out in a gym now and again.
I walked over to where Taft sat and picked a kettlebell from the shelf. I held it in both hands between my legs to do my squats. He was in shorts, and I could see the angry scar that ran from the outside of his calf past his left knee and part way up his thigh.
“Gunshot wound,” he said, answering my unasked question. “Put me out of the SEALs with a medical discharge.” He flashed a rueful smile, but I knew he had to be faking it. I pegged him a few years younger than me, so he’d barely been in the service before he’d been forced out.
My heart ached for him, and I pushed away the thoughts of what he’d been up to—and had to endure—to be shot. I had to believe he’d been as dedicated and gung-ho about his military career as Buck and Ford had been. “Getting sidelined has to suck,” I commiserated.
He smirked and grabbed his water bottle off the floor by his feet. “Yeah. Getting the call from Ford to come join his security company pretty much made my year.”
“I’ll bet.” I set the kettlebell down to rest for a moment.
He squeezed the plastic bottle and water shot into his mouth like a fountain. “But being on the team without Ford sucked, too,” he said after he swallowed. “When he was dishonorably discharged over Buck, we all wanted to quit on the spot.”
Ice cold washed over me, and I was glad I wasn’t holding the weight or I’d have dropped it on my foot. “Dishonorably discharged?” My stomach seized up in a tight knot. Why hadn’t I heard anything about this? What the hell? I flicked my gaze at Ford. “Over Buck?”
Taft’s eyes flew wide, and he had a panicked look. One that hadn’t appeared when he’d told me about being shot, but when he’d obviously stuck his booted foot in his mouth. “Oh shit…I mean…uh…you didn’t know that part?”
My body started shaking like a leaf. “What part? What happened? Tell me now.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Ford take note of my tone and drop. He prowled my way.
“No, no. It’s not what you think,” Taft backpedaled. All the guys stopped what they were doing. The tension in the room ratcheted up. “I mean, I don’t know what you think, but he wasn’t involved. Ford didn’t cause Buck’s death. He was looking into it. Because we all know what they said he did was bogus, right?”
Taft looked around for help from his teammates.
I caught Kennedy making the throat cut gesture to shut him up.
What the actual fuck?
I whirled to face Ford. “You were dishonorably discharged.” I was reeling. He’d been keeping things from me. Things that pertained to him. To Buck’s death.
He held his hands out. “Hang on, Blue. Why are you upset?”
“I’m upset because you’ve been keeping this from me.” I threw my arms wide. “All of this.” I paced away to get my temper under control and saw Kennedy tipping his head at the other two, and they bolted for the door.
I waited until the three left the greenhouse—Kennedy whispering a Nice job, dumbass to Taft on the way out—before I lit into Ford again.
“Why were you dishonorably discharged?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
Ford’s jaw clenched. “Officially? Failing a urine test. Which was bullshit. But I believe it’s because I wouldn’t stop asking questions about Buck’s death. We’re going to figure it out, Indi. The team is on it.”
I blinked and tried to figure out who this man was. If he was the same one who’d been with me the night before. Said he loved me. But this? This wasn’t love.
“You’re… looking into Buck’s death? What happened to Buck’s gone. Nothing we do will bring him back?”
Ford opened his mouth then shut it again. Yeah, he couldn’t answer that. “Okay.” He cocked his head to the side and spread his hands in placation. “Listen. I didn’t want you poking into it, Blue. It could be dangerous. Buck would kill me if I put you into danger.”
I dropped my head back with frustration and stared up at the glass ceiling. We were full circle. Meeting in the greenhouse after all these years, arguing. Starting things up.
It seemed we’d be arguing and ending it all right here too.
“Oh, great. Here’s Buck in the middle of our relationship again. And I’m just the kid sister who needs protection. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Ford!”
I wasn’t usually into drama, but I needed time to cool off and think about this, so I whirled on my heel to march out.
“Hang on.” Ford caught my elbow and tugged me back, which only further angered me.
“Let go!” I snapped, and his hand instantly sprang free.
“Whoa.” He held his palms up once more. “Sorry. Fuck, please don’t go. Let’s talk this out.”
“Talk this out? Talk this out? No, Ford. You had your chance for talking when you saw my bulletin board. You chose to keep me out of it when you knew how much it meant to me. You could’ve told me the truth, to give me hope that Buck wasn’t—” I couldn’t finish that sentence. I took a deep breath. “So no, we’re not going to talk this out right now. I’m leaving. I’m not sure when or if I’ll get over this.”
“Indi!” Ford called to my retreating back.
Roscoe whined.
I flipped him the bird as I made my way to the open door.
Damn him.
Damn Ford and his high-handed, big brotherly bullshit.
I stopped to turn just outside. “I’m leaving for my guide trip. While I’m away, you need to choose—are you my man or are you my big brother? Because you sure as hell can’t be both.” With that, I marched out, my fingers balled into fists.
“Indi!” Ford shouted again, but I ignored him, beelining it for my 4Runner.
I got behind the wheel and drove off with Roscoe chasing me, barking as if he knew his master didn’t want me to go.
FORD
Dammit.
Things were too new with Indi for me to know whether or not I just completely lost her or could fight my way back from this.
No, fuck that. I wouldn’t lose her. I would definitely fight for her. For us. I’d fight until she believed in me.
She’d given me an ultimatum. She didn’t say she was done completely. That part gave me a sliver of hope.
Still, the pain that lanced through my chest was almost as sharp as the pain of losing Buck. To think that yesterday I thought maybe I could have it all, and today, everything crashed and burned so catastrophically.
It had been wrong to keep all this from her. Indi was right—she deserved better. She must feel patronized and underestimated right now.
Fuck—maybe she felt that same rejection I’d served her with when she’d shown up in my bedroom years ago. Because I’d pretty much rejected her for my friendship with Buck. I could have had Indi that night, had the most incredible time with her, but Buck would have hated my fucking guts.
Looking back, we hadn’t been ready then. It would have been one time and nothing more because I couldn’t have stayed. The US government had been my employer. I couldn’t disobey orders and just quit. AWOL wasn’t an option. Deep down, I’d done the right thing.
But the price of that rejection had been solely Indi’s. She’d seen it as that. Being turned down because she wasn’t enough. I’d had to choose between her and the military with her brother.
I’d chosen the military.
Now? Now… I chose her and solely because the military had kicked me out. She was the only good thing that had come from the fucking double-cross. No. Not the only thing. I’d thought returning to Sparks was like being exiled. But it was a new life. A better life. With Indi.
So yeah, I chose her. Even if my name was cleared and I was invited back, this time, I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t leave her again.
But I had. Because I technically hadn’t left. My head was still caught up on the fuck-all of Buck’s death. Of my discharge. And I wouldn’t be free to belong to Indi outright, to give her everything that I was until I was cleared.
I ran a hand over the back of my neck, tugged on my hair that was getting too fucking long.
No. That wasn’t true. All I had to do was tell her what we were up to. Why the guys were here working for me and my security business not only for a post-military life—because we all wanted justice for Buck. She’d have let us do our SEAL, mountain man shit.
I should’ve given her everything.
While she’d literally gotten on her hands and knees for me, submitting in the most intimate of ways, I’d still held back.
I was a fucking asshole.
I pulled out my phone to text her. I’m your man. No more big-brothering. I’m sorry, Blue. Can we talk?
I stood there like a dumbass watching my phone and waiting for her to reply, but she didn’t.
Blowing out my breath, I trudged back to the greenhouse. I would need at least three more hours of chin-ups to keep me from running after her, busting down her door and pinning her to a wall until I figured out the right thing to say to make her forgive me.
But I knew that wasn’t what she needed at the moment. I had to give her space and time to cool off. I’d texted, and she hadn’t responded. I would try again in a few hours.
Fuck.
If she went into the wilderness without us getting this resolved, I was going to go apeshit.
Oh, the irony was so fucking sweet because this was exactly what I’d done to her. We argued and left her to go off to war nine years ago.
Payback was a fucking bitch.
With a curse, I jumped for the chin up bar and heaved my bodyweight up to get my head over it. One…two…three…
Fuck.