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What Companions Do You Want With You On Your Journey?

 

What sort of companions will you need on your hero’s journey?

To answer this question you must consider your own strengths and weaknesses.

Seeking out friends who are strong where we are weak doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes we even feel defensive around people who are better than we are in certain areas, and we become unnecessarily competitive or envious of them.

It takes humility to admit that others are better than we are at certain things, and that these other things are important. This sort of honesty is hard, but it is the stuff of real humility (quite distinct from being a wimp) and will bring us indispensible and highly beneficial companions for our journey.

Humility, of course, is only a start. Strong, loyal relationships also require effort. Set aside time for those who have always supported you; show them that you will always support them. Be curious about other people’s hopes and dreams; learn to be interested; seek ways to help. You might be surprised to find that as you focus on someone other than yourself, your own problems shrink; your horizons open up; your perspective broadens and deepens. Eventually you will find yourself part of a healthy support network, a community that will help sustain you through your hero’s journey even as you sustain others through theirs.

Much of our long-term happiness comes from strong, relationships, but such relationships require a deliberate investment of time and thought. As you sow, so shall you reap.

 

The Garden

Rev. Robert Sirico

 

Over the course of several years when I was upgrading my fluency in Italian, I would go with some seminarians to the small northern Italian town of Verbania located on Lago Maggiore, not very far from Switzerland and the Italian Alps. There I would spend the better part of two weeks in the company of any number of Italian high school teachers who had the summer job of tutoring non-Italian students in their language.

The setting was idyllic: an old monastery had been turned into a “pensione”—a kind of economical hotel. There I spend many pleasant hours reading Machiavelli or Mansone in the original; writing a speech I might have to give in Italian and having it corrected by my tutor; trying to grasp the meaning of some Italian idiom (which still elude me).

One day in the garden of the monastery, where I was reading, I noticed two elderly ladies making their way through the flowers, negotiating the unsteady cobblestoned path, pausing from time to time over this or that flower or cluster of greenery.

As I watched them I realized something amazing which I might have missed if there were distractions: One of the ladies was rather badly crippled, and while she was able to walk, it would have been very perilous on the unsure footing of the garden. The other woman was a bit younger, and steady on her feet; but she was blind.

Together, they experience a lovely Italian garden that neither could have negotiated alone.

 

Choose Your Fellow Travelers Well

Jeff Sandefer

 

One of my biggest failings is that I have not been particular enough about those I choose as companions on the journey (and I’m sure many have felt the same about me!).

The temptation in launching a business is to “get started now,” no matter what the costs. That means accepting some team members, customers, or suppliers who don’t have the requisite passion, skill, or integrity, just to fill a need. This is always—and I mean always—a mistake.

The temptation with family and friends is to tolerate people who tear us down instead of building us up, or who tell us pleasant lies instead of bitter truths. Too often we take the easy way out to avoid conflict. But sticking our heads into the sand makes us less than we should be.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been blessed with some of the finest friends, investors, customers, partners, and employees in the world—people who have performed extraordinary acts of kindness and generosity and who have treated me with far more loyalty and forbearance than I deserve.

But often I have been in too much of a hurry, and that has delayed me in my quests. I’ve been determined to “make it happen” and willing to settle for “good enough” in people, work ethic, talent, and character.

So I pray you’ll learn from my mistakes:

Lesson One: Surround yourself with people of integrity. We all have lapses, but it’s pretty easy to tell the difference between people who are trying to be good and people who aren’t. And yes—people can change. But it’s a terrible bet to believe that they will. So surround yourself with people who strive to make ethical choices, who don’t cut corners, who are unflinchingly honest with themselves and with you.

Lesson Two: Surround yourself with people who are optimistic and kind. Life is just too short to surround yourself with jerks.

Lesson Three: Surround yourself with people who are passionate. A high IQ and raw talent are no substitute for integrity and passion. Choose companions who are pursuing a “calling.” Don’t tolerate those who are just “phoning it in”—they will be far happier somewhere else and inevitably become a soul killing cancer for the group.

And never forget that your spouse is your most significant companion of all. Especially mine.

 

Do your friends complement you, or merely compliment you? In other words, are you willing to surround yourself with people who possess strengths that you yourself lack, or do you just surround yourself with people whose words or weaknesses flatter you?

 

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Excerpted)

L. Frank Baum (1856–1919)

 

They walked along listening to the singing of the brightly colored birds and looking at the lovely flowers which now became so thick that the ground was carpeted with them. There were big yellow and white and blue and purple blossoms, besides great clusters of scarlet poppies, which were so brilliant in color they almost dazzled Dorothy’s eyes.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” the girl asked, as she breathed in the spicy scent of the bright flowers.

“I suppose so,” answered the Scarecrow. “When I have brains, I shall probably like them better.”

“If I only had a heart, I should love them,” added the Tin Woodman.

“I always did like flowers,” said the Lion. “They seem so helpless and frail. But there are none in the forest so bright as these.”

They now came upon more and more of the big scarlet poppies, and fewer and fewer of the other flowers; and soon they found themselves in the midst of a great meadow of poppies. Now it is well known that when there are many of these flowers together their odor is so powerful that anyone who breathes it falls asleep, and if the sleeper is not carried away from the scent of the flowers, he sleeps on and on forever. But Dorothy did not know this, nor could she get away from the bright red flowers that were everywhere about; so presently her eyes grew heavy and she felt she must sit down to rest and to sleep.

But the Tin Woodman would not let her do this.

“We must hurry and get back to the road of yellow brick before dark,” he said; and the Scarecrow agreed with him. So they kept walking until Dorothy could stand no longer. Her eyes closed in spite of herself and she forgot where she was and fell among the poppies, fast asleep.

“What shall we do?” asked the Tin Woodman.

“If we leave her here she will die,” said the Lion. “The smell of the flowers is killing us all. I myself can scarcely keep my eyes open, and the dog is asleep already.”

It was true; Toto had fallen down beside his little mistress. But the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman, not being made of flesh, were not troubled by the scent of the flowers.

“Run fast,” said the Scarecrow to the Lion, “and get out of this deadly flower bed as soon as you can. We will bring the little girl with us, but if you should fall asleep you are too big to be carried.”

So the Lion aroused himself and bounded forward as fast as he could go. In a moment he was out of sight.

“Let us make a chair with our hands and carry her,” said the Scarecrow. So they picked up Toto and put the dog in Dorothy’s lap, and then they made a chair with their hands for the seat and their arms for the arms and carried the sleeping girl between them through the flowers.

On and on they walked, and it seemed that the great carpet of deadly flowers that surrounded them would never end.…

They carried the sleeping girl to a pretty spot beside the river, far enough from the poppy field to prevent her breathing any more of the poison of the flowers, and here they laid her gently on the soft grass and waited for the fresh breeze to waken her.

 

There is the sort of friend who is full of enthusiasm, but disappears when the going gets tough. Do you have friends who will stay with you and help you when the going gets rough?

 

The Pilgrim’s Progress (Excerpted and Abridged)

John Bunyan (1628–1688)

Language modernized by Mary Macgregor

 

[The hero of the story, named Christian, wants to reach the wicket gate and so enter on the path toward the blessed country. As he walks, he tells his companion, Pliable, about all the wonders of this far country to which they are headed.]

 

As Pliable heard of the excellence of the country and of the company to which they were going, he said, “Well, my good companion, glad am I to hear of these things. Come on, let us go with more speed.”

“I cannot go as fast as I would by reason of this burden that is on my back,” said Christian.

Now I saw in my dream that just as they had ended their talk, they drew nigh to a bog that was in the midst of the plain, and they being heedless did both fall suddenly into it. The name of this bog was the Slough of Despond.

Here therefore they struggled for a time, being grievously covered with dirt. And Christian, because of the burden that was on his back, began to sink in the mire.

Then said Pliable, “Ah, Neighbour Christian, where are you now?”

“Truly,” said Christian, “I do not know.”

At this Pliable began to be offended, and said angrily, “Is this the happiness you have told me of all this while? If I get out again with my life, you shall possess the wonderful country alone.”

And with that he gave a desperate struggle or two, and got out of the mire on that side of the bog which was next to his own house. So away he went, and Christian saw him no more.

Christian was left to tumble in the Slough of Despond alone. But still he tried to struggle to that side of the Slough that was further from his own house, and next to the Wicket-gate. But he could not get out because of the burden that was upon his back.

And I beheld in my dream that a man came to him, whose name was Help, and asked him what he did there.

“Sir,” said Christian, “I was bid to go this, and as I was going thither I fell in here.”

“Why did you not look for the steps?” said Help.

“I was so full of fear,” answered Christian, “that I fled the next way and fell in.”

Then said Help, “Give me thy hand.” So Christian gave him his hand, and he drew him out and set him upon sound ground, and bid him go on his way.

 

When a fair weather friend shows his true colors, do you ignore the signs or heed them?

 

The Travelers and the Bear

Aesop (circa 620–560 BC)

 

Two friends were walking along the road, when a Bear came suddenly upon them. One of them got first to a tree, and climbed up into it and hid among the branches.

The other, who was slower, fell flat upon the ground, and made believe that he was dead.

When the Bear came up to him, and poked him with his nose, he held his breath; for it is said that this animal will not touch a dead man.

The Bear went off, and the Man who was in the tree came down, and asked the other what the Bear had whispered.

“He told me,” said the other, “not to travel with friends who would desert me when danger came.”

 

Are you and your companions able to set aside minor differences in order to work together toward a common goal?

 

The Farmer and His Sons

Aesop (circa 620–560 BC)

Retold by James Baldwin

 

A farmer had seven sons, who could never agree among themselves. He had often told them how foolish they were to be always quarreling, but they kept on and paid no heed to his words.

One day he called them before him, and showed them a bundle of seven sticks tied tightly together. “See which one of you can break that bundle,” he said.

Each one took the bundle in his hands, and tried his best to break it; but it was so strong that they could not even bend it. At last they gave it back to their father, and said:

“We cannot break it.”

Then he untied the bundle, and gave a single stick to each of his sons.

“Now see what you can do,” he said. Each one broke his stick with great ease.

“My sons,” said the Farmer, “you, like these sticks, will be strong if you will stand together, but weak while each is for himself.”

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9–12

King James Version

 

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

 

It’s good to be a hard worker; but sometimes by ignoring the resources our companions offer, we cause ourselves more work than is necessary.

 

The Lever

Modern Folktale

 

A boy was earning some extra cash one hot summer day by removing rocks from the family’s front yard. He moved small ones and he moved medium sized ones, and finally tackled the biggest one.

From the porch his grandfather, resting from his own labors, stood watching. The boy pulled at the rock; he pushed at the rock; he fetched a shovel and dug around the rock, exposing its deep base, and then he pushed again. Still the rock would not budge.

The grandfather sat down on the porch swing.

The boy wiped sweat from his eyes. He turned his back to the rock and leaned hard against it, shoving with all his weight. The rock did not move.

The boy pulled the garden hose over to the rock and wet the dirt at the rock’s base. He took the shovel and dug beneath the rock’s edges. Then he sat down on the ground and planted his feet against the rock, pushing until his face turned red.

Still the grandfather watched.

The boy turned around and sat in the mud with his back to the rock. Bracing his feet against the ground, he pushed backwards with all his might. The rock did not move.

Exhausted and filthy, the boy threw up his hands. “It won’t budge,” he told his grandfather. “I’ve tried everything. I give up.”

His grandfather shook his head. “Don’t give up until you’ve tried everything,” he said.

“I have tried everything. Weren’t you sitting there watching? I tried everything twice!”

“You haven’t tried everything yet,” the grandfather said. “You haven’t tried asking my advice.”

Ask This

Do I have companions who will help “keep me awake” on the journey?

Where is my most dangerous blind spot?

What has kept me from overcoming this weakness? How can I overcome it or compensate for it?

How can I enlist the aid of someone who is strong in areas where I am weak?

Can I ask someone to keep me accountable with regard to a specific danger?

I need faithful companions who help me on my journey. Am I such a companion to others?

How can I protect and nurture the relationships I already have?

 

Try This

Imagine some life-threatening scenario—bankruptcy, cancer, divorce, a permanent injury that destroys your career. Who would continue to stand by you? Who is most likely to run? How can you find and nurture better companions for your journey?

Often the most loyal friends are ones who feel accountable to a higher power. Consider joining a fellowship of such people. If you already belong to such a group, ask yourself how you could strengthen your ties with them.