Sunday Afternoon: Present
Kyle’s accusation rings in my head. You went along on Malone’s orders.
No way. No fucking way would Cole betray me and my unit like that.
Betray. The word rattles around in my head. Cole couldn’t betray me if I was merely misguided in my escape attempt. The fact that betray is the word Kyle used, and it feels like the right word, puts my past into sharper focus.
My memories from the warehouse—of my feelings for Kyle, the escape from the camp, all of the information I showed the others about who Malone is and what RedZone does—I remember all of it, and I believed it at the time. Absolutely believed it. I’m dying inside from a thousand details that had been wiped from my head.
Could I have been confused or simply wrong? It’s possible, but it doesn’t feel so likely. I knew exactly who I was running from when I broke Kyle out of the camp. He hadn’t been planting ideas in my head. I was the one who had the knowledge and made the decision.
I’d already been heading toward the conclusion that something wasn’t right about either the camp or Malone, but even the certainty that I was acting on my best available intel when I ran proves nothing. It definitely doesn’t prove that Cole is guilty of betraying me. Sure, he’s been acting strange lately, but then so have I. The memory loss is messing with my head. Cole’s strangeness could be the result of his loftier responsibilities around the camp or his unhappiness about my feelings for Kyle.
But if Cole’s content with his new responsibilities after everything I told him, does that mean he’s ignoring it? Or have his memories been erased too?
Or is Kyle right—has Cole been on Malone’s side all along?
Myriad thoughts and denials pound in my head with each heartbeat. I don’t know what to think or who to trust.
Myself. The only person I can trust right now is myself, and as long as I’m missing memories, myself may not be a reliable source.
“No.” The word falls from my lips, more so than is spoken. I’m not aware I say it aloud at first. “No.”
Cole takes my arm, not roughly but there’s something fiercely authoritative in the gesture. “We’re leaving. Seven has enough to deal with without your bullshit.”
The latter is spoken to Kyle, who laughs incredulously. “My bullshit?” He lowers his voice so I can barely hear him. “You think she won’t get her memories back? You think she won’t be furious when she discovers you’ve been lying to her? You don’t get to rewrite this story to be the hero. She’s not yours.”
I’m processing the implications of Kyle’s words when Cole lets go of me and punches Kyle in the face. Swearing, I dart toward Kyle, but Cole grabs me and pulls me out of the cell. I’m so dazed by everything that just happened that I don’t put up much of a fight.
Cole locks the door and hurries down the corridor, half dragging me with him. My head finally clears enough that I jerk my arm away. “Damn it, Cole. Stop it.”
“One,” he says with a tight jaw. “My name is One. Your name is Seven, and Kyle Chen is a prisoner who will say anything to play on your sympathy.”
“No.” I stop in the middle of the corridor. While I silently berate myself for slipping up and using Cole’s unofficial name, that mistake is the least of my problems if anyone is listening to our conversation. Hell, simply visiting Kyle was more dangerous than this conversation.
And on that thought, it’s time to continue pushing my luck.
“I want answers. I believe you have them, and I believe if you don’t have them, it’s because Malone deleted some of your memories too. So which is it?”
Cole’s face pinches with unhappy emotions. “Come with me.”
“Not until you explain how I got back to the camp, why Kyle would lie, and—”
“Not here.” He smacks the controls that open the corridor door far harder than necessary. “For your own good, Sev.”
I purse my lips together and reluctantly follow him down the corridor, up the stairs and into the brisk outdoors. Cole doesn’t speak or slow his pace, and because of his longer legs I have to work to keep up. We cross through the main camp and past the lots where parked jeeps and trucks, some covered in melting snow, nudge additional memories around in my head.
Beyond the vehicles, Cole leads me down an unshoveled path in the woods. The snow has been trampled by hordes of feet, and I curl my fingers into fists at my sides for warmth. In so many memories, I’m cold.
It’s not just the physical temperature that bothers me though. I’m cold inside, chilled with fear over what’s going on. I can accept that being back at the camp is a bad thing. That Malone is a bad person, and I was right to escape. That I need to free Kyle and escape again.
I can’t accept what Kyle told me. And yet, the thought takes root in my brain as I walk. Kyle accused Cole of being a mole when we were on the run. Then, like now, I wondered if the animosity between them had driven Kyle’s accusation. But I have no memory of Cole denying it. That’s weird.
I remind myself that I have no memories of a lot of things still, but it’s no use shrugging this off as a coincidence. We’re all trained liars here. We’re all decent at it, if not great. The only reason Cole would avoid lying—if Kyle’s accusation is true—is because Cole would see lying to us as dishonorable. Sure, betraying us would be too, but if Cole believed in what he was doing, if he truly thought he was on the side of good…
Damn it. The more I think about it, the more convinced I become of the truth in Kyle’s words. I need a memory to surface, preferably one of Cole denying Kyle’s charge. But the only things I remember are Cole insisting his phone wasn’t bugged and that he didn’t have a tracker.
I’ve got nothing new. My memories aren’t coming back on demand. So typical.
Cole doesn’t stop until we’re in the middle of the woods, a spot near a partially iced-over lake that Fitzpatrick froze us in when we were younger. Despite my shit-for-memories, I know this spot well. The associations I have with it are strong.
The camp’s security cameras and traps fill these woods, but this spot is one of the largest dead zones in the system. As such, it’s where Cole and I met the morning before I left for RTC, and where, months later, I figured out that Kyle was the boy I’d been sent to RTC to find. Where Cole kissed me both times.
My body flushes with the heat of those memories, but they contribute to my confusion. Cole could only kiss me out here because any relationship between us was forbidden. So when did Malone’s policy change?
I can think of only one reason—Malone is rewarding Cole for capturing us. Cole has proven his loyalty to Malone over his unit. The thought makes my gut churn. I want so badly for it to not be true, but I’m having a hard time imagining what Cole could say to convince me otherwise.
“So?” I cross my arms, a gesture designed to keep my distance. Since this was our kissing spot, I don’t want Cole getting ideas. “How did I get here? Is everything I discovered about this place true? Did your memories get wiped too? Speak.”
“Slow down, Sev.”
“I don’t have time to slow down. Malone could be reviewing my latest set of tests at this very moment and figuring out that I remember more than I’m supposed to. I’m trusting you just by admitting as much, and I’m not sure it’s such a good idea, but I don’t see any other choice. I need answers, One.”
Cole starts to reach for me then seems to realize that’s not a good idea either. “Things aren’t going to fully make sense to you until you get all your memories back. But it sounds like they are coming back. That’s promising. You need to hang in there.”
“Is it promising? Malone wouldn’t think so, and you don’t sound entirely convinced.”
He sucks in a breath through clenched teeth. “I am. I am and…” Cole fights to regain control. “I need you to trust me a little longer. I don’t want to lose you again. Please. You know you can trust me. I haven’t breathed a word to Malone about you getting your memories back, have I?”
“No, but you haven’t needed to. Why won’t you answer my questions? Why won’t you swear to me that you never betrayed me?”
“Because it’s complicated, and—”
“Complicated?” My emotions explode out of me. I feel twice my size, amorphous and chaotic. “So it’s true. Kyle wasn’t lying.”
Cole closes his eyes. “I didn’t say that.”
“But you’re not denying it. Damn it. It’s all adding up. I should have known it wasn’t a coincidence when you showed up in the van with Summer during our escape. Never trust a coincidence—Fitzpatrick drilled that into our heads, and the first time I had to really trust my training over my instincts, I failed.”
“Seven!” Cole yells after me, but I don’t stop shoving my way through the snowy brush. “Sophia, wait!”
Wait for what? More lies? More betrayals? More memories to be deleted?
I’m done waiting. Done with everything. Cole’s voice steals my breath as I hurry away, and my chest tightens in pain. I need to be alone, but this is the camp. There is no alone. And I don’t know what I’m going to do.