TWO

ORDINARY MAGICAL THINGS

“JUST WALK BESIDE ME AND DON’T BE AFRAID OF ANYTHING,” I SAID to Droopy.

The enormous shaggy creature was clinging to my leg—well, not exactly my leg. The dog’s size allowed it to stick its moist noise in my armpit while still standing on all fours, yet the monster was trembling with fear. For the first time, I had decided to break the solitary existence of the honorable guard of my royal residence and take him out for a walk around Echo. The hustle and bustle of midday Old City overwhelmed the “puppy.”

“Not exactly what you’re used to seeing in the Barren Lands, huh?” I said. “It’s not that bad, though. You can’t imagine how lucky you are that I’m not walking you down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan.”

Alas, Droopy lacked the necessary information (and imagination, for that matter) to realize just how lucky he was. Still, he somehow managed to make his first firm step out into the heart of the terrifying city.

As soon as Droopy climbed into the amobiler, however, things got better: he sprawled on the soft leather of the back seat, relieved, as though he had returned home after a long absence.

“I see now,” I said. “We like taking a ride, don’t we? Who would’ve thought.”

Naturally, I set off for the House by the Bridge then and there. To show off. I just had to show my wonderful dog to everyone I knew. And where else could I find the maximum concentration of familiar faces at noon if not at the Ministry of Perfect Public Order?

My four-legged friend liked the House by the Bridge at first sight. Apparently, we saw eye-to-eye on certain matters. True, the dog first rushed to the side occupied by the City Police. I ran after him trying to prevent an interdepartmental disaster.

Fortunately, Droopy ran into Lieutenant Apurra Blookey—the best candidate for an introduction to the neighboring organization. By the time I caught up with the dog, the two were already hugging and sniffing each other.

“He didn’t scare you, did he, Apurra?” I said.

“Oh, no, Sir Max. How could this beautiful boy scare anyone! He’s the friendliest thing in the universe!”

“I completely agree with you, but if this behemoth had sprung out from around a corner, it sure would’ve scared the bejeezus out of me. Thank goodness it wasn’t General Boboota, or we’d all need earplugs.”

“Indeed,” said the lieutenant. “But I love dogs. Where did you get this one? I’ve never in my life seen anything like it.”

“That’s because you’re not in the habit of spending your vacation in the Barren Lands,” I said.

“Oh, so he’s from your homeland?”

“Yes. Technically, I’m supposed to have a few hundred of these for protection—I’m not sure from what, though. Fortunately, my subjects had enough brains to bring me just one monster.”

“On the contrary, it’s very unfortunate. Trust me, there are plenty of people in the Capital who would love to have a dog like this at any price.”

“Bah. Can’t believe how stupid I was. I could’ve sold dogs in between my shifts—better yet, during my shifts, because I’m supposed to sit on my throne in between them. Quite an idea!”

“Certainly. It didn’t occur to me that all your time was occupied,” said Apurra.

“If you want me to, I can ask my subjects to bring another one for you. They’d be grateful if I asked them for anything at all. Until now, I’ve only requested one thing: no more gifts. Did you know that those crazy nomads brought me three identical wives?”

“Yes, Lady Kekki Tuotli told me. She and Sir Kofa have taken the girls out to dinner a few times.”

“Right,” I said, smirking. “Sir Kofa loves taking neophytes out. So nice of him to be the girls’ guardian. I can only imagine what they’re going to turn into after a year in his company. Well, I’m happy that you and Droopy have become friends, but now I’m going to try to drag this creature back to our side.”

“Of course,” said Lieutenant Apurra, nodding. “You know, Sir Max, if your subjects can bring another dog, I’ll be happy to take it into my care.”

“They sure can,” I said. “Remind me about it from time to time, though. My head is full of holes as it is. This will be my first stern command. After all, I’ve got to give them commands every now and then to maintain my reputation as a tyrant.”

I grabbed Droopy by the scruff of his shaggy neck, and we marched to the side of the House by the Bridge occupied by the Secret Investigative Force.

My colleagues had just gathered in the Hall of Common Labor for collective consumption of kamra and cookies. Even Lookfi Pence had come down from the Main Archive for this occasion. The only one missing was Sir Kofa Yox. He must have been out lapping up fresh rumors in the city taverns, as he was supposed to do.

“Gotcha!” I said. “Gobbling down delicacies, thinking you can get away with it, huh? Thought I’d never show up? Well, you thought wrong. Here I am. And I brought a sponger with me.”

“Who would have thought you’d love your job so much?” said Sir Juffin. “If I remember correctly, your shift doesn’t start for another seven or eight hours.”

“You do remember correctly, Juffin, but I thought you’d eat everything up if I didn’t show up sooner.”

“Sinning Magicians, what’s this!” said Melamori, who was already snuggling up to my dog. “I had no idea there were dogs this big!”

“I’m told he’s still a puppy,” I said. “So he’s going to grow even bigger.”

“Oh, he’s so cute!” Melamori was completely enamored. She squeezed and hugged the dog so vigorously it looked like she was playing an accordion. The rest of the gang was slightly less enthusiastic. Juffin and Melifaro had already seen the dog. Lonli-Lokli maintained his trademark imperturbability, and Sir Lookfi didn’t even notice him. He was fumbling with a cookie, probably counting the number of crumbs that comprised it.

“Now you’re not the only one who walks the halls of the Department with a furry creature,” I said and winked at Melamori. “Speaking of furry creatures, where’s yours?”

“He’s sleeping in Melifaro’s office. These gentlemen think that a hoob has no place at their table, you see,” said Melamori.

“You guys don’t seem to be very good at loving nature,” I said, reproaching my colleagues.

“It’s nature that doesn’t seem to love us,” said Melifaro. “That Arvaroxian spider tried to bite me the other day.”

“Liar!” said Melamori. “First, it’s not a spider; it’s a hoob. Second, Leleo doesn’t have any teeth; he has whiskers.”

“He doesn’t? What was he trying to bite me with, then?” said Melifaro.

“I seem to have become a zookeeper at some point without noticing it,” said Juffin with a sigh. “I consider this to be a demotion. What do you think?”

“Well, it depends,” I said, sitting down at the table. “Until now, you were the head of a Refuge for the Mad. The smallest in the entire Unified Kingdom—though maybe the most fun.”

“How nice of you to call things by their names,” said the boss. “All these strange people insist on addressing our organization as the Minor Secret Investigative Force. What nonsense!”

“I have a business proposal for you,” I said, turning to Melamori. “You stroke my dog and I finish your cold cup of kamra. Deal?”

“Hmm. The price seems to be about right,” she said. “I think I’ll accept without haggling.”

About an hour later, Juffin decided it was time for him to get some work done, and my presence was not facilitating favorable working conditions. “I have a special mission for you, Melamori,” he said in a dramatic tone. “The most difficult of all the missions you’ve had so far. I’m not even sure you’ll manage.”

Melamori’s pretty face showed absolute concern and concentration. “Has something happened?” she said in a whisper.

“You bet it has! The Secret Force cannot operate: the building is crawling with foreign monarchs and pets. I want you to kick them out one by one and make sure they don’t land on my poor head for the next two or three hours.”

“Are you telling me that Max and I can go take a walk?” said Melamori. “Just like that, apropos of nothing? Oh, Sir Juffin, you’re wonderful!”

“I know I am,” said the boss.

“She’s going to fail the mission,” said Melifaro. “You should give it to me. I’ll make sure he stays out for half a year, not just two or three hours.”

“No can do,” said Juffin. “You’re too indispensable. Nothing will induce me to part with you before tonight. You still have that boring case at the Customs hanging over you. Sir Shurf, that means you, too.”

“I was just about to ask you how long you were going to ignore that unfortunate incident,” said Lonli-Lokli. He got up from the table and carefully straightened out the folds of his snow-white looxi. “May I count on finding you in the Armstrong & Ella when I am finished, Max, or should I look for you elsewhere?”

“Elsewhere be damned, if you are going to pay me an official visit,” I said. “In any case, I was going to drop by and see Tekki an hour before dusk, or even earlier.”

“Then I will stop by there on my way home,” said Shurf.

“I’ll wait for you here,” said Melifaro. “Recently, our Venerable Head has taken a fancy to the aroma of my toil and sweat, so there’s no chance I can sneak out of here for many long hours.”

“How sagacious of you,” said Juffin. “Sir Max, you’re still here? Scram, or I’ll find a job for you, too!”

“Ooh, now I’m scared,” I said, but made a move to leave, nevertheless.

Droopy was lying in the middle of the room. I grabbed him by his huge ear with one hand, and with the other I grabbed Melamori’s sharp elbow. I was so happy I was ready to dole out hugs and kisses to strangers.

“Whose dog is this?” said Lookfi. “Yours, Sir Max?”

Now he was so interested in the dog that he managed to knock someone’s empty cup off the table. I had already lost all hope that he’d ever notice my pet.

“Mine and no one else’s,” I said.

“It’s been so long since you and I took a walk together,” I said as Melamori and I were getting into the amobiler. “Last time was when we heroically saved poor Moxi from the deadly grip of the greatest poet-cannibal in history—if one can consider that a walk at all.”

“Why not? It was a walk, and the moon was full, if I remember right.”

“You remember right. So, where to? The sky is the limit, right?”

“Let’s go to the former Residence of the Order of the Secret Grass, Max. Remember, they have that beautiful garden, and they also serve excellent drinks. It’s not too cold today. We can sit outside. You liked it there, didn’t you?”

“Yes sirree,” I said.

Then I realized that a thin veil of vague regret had suddenly fallen upon my good mood. It had all happened a long, long time ago, and I had had very specific plans concerning this wonderful lady. Plans that, as it later turned out, had fallen through. Vain efforts. A pie in the sky. We were “just friends.” Oh, well.

“Sorry, Max, this won’t do,” said Melamori, worried. “If you’re going to be all sad about it, who’s going to lift the heavy boulder from my silly heart?”

“Droopy. He’s born to do that sort of work. Also, what makes you think I’m sad?”

“You know, if you want to control your facial expressions half as well as Sir Lonli-Lokli, you have a long way to go,” said Melamori and laughed. “All right, let’s pretend that I was wrong about it. Now let’s go.”

We drove to the New City, found the right street, left the amobiler by the gate, and entered the huge neglected garden. Two years ago, when Melamori had first dragged me into this place, it had been late evening. The garden had been bathed in a bluish light from tiny glass balls filled with glowing gas. Now it was daytime and the transparent glass of the lamps glimmered in the winter sun. The rest was exactly the same. The air of this magnificent place was again cool and crystal clear. The greenery was as fragrant as I remembered. Ideal conditions for an acute resurgence of a case of unfulfilled longing.

We sat down on a bench nestled between the evergreen Kaxxa bushes. Droopy ran off and returned with a stick in his teeth, which he dropped at my feet. Dogs in all Worlds share the very same notions about how to make their masters happy. But I paid no attention to his efforts.

“Well, lady, you’re doing a number on me,” I said with a sad smile. “Just moments ago I was feeling great, and now I’m again the same guy who sat with you here two years ago. What am I supposed to do with him?”

“Nothing,” said Melamori. “When we leave here, that guy from two years ago will vanish of his own accord. Can you suffer for thirty minutes or so?”

“Sure,” I said. “There’s even something nice about it.”

“There sure is. Could you order me something strong? Getting smashed in this garden in your company once every two years—I’m beginning to come up with my very own tradition that anyone can be proud of, huh?”

“What’s not to be proud of? A person can be proud of anything if he’s determined enough,” I said, my mind wandering elsewhere.

Droopy decided he needed more attention and didn’t hesitate to show it. He put his huge shaggy legs on my shoulders and licked my nose. The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back on the ground, floundering, my feet in the air, like a giant bug trapped by a gang of young nature lovers. Frightened, the author of my shame sat down on his hind legs. Apparently they didn’t give dogs a pat on the back for such behavior in the Barren Lands.

Melamori laughed a tinkling laugh. “You sure can cheer me up when you want to, Max! I should be buying you a drink to reward you for amusing me like that. It was brilliant!”

“I’m taking you up on that,” I said, struggling to get up. “And give me a hand, or I’ll amuse all the waiters here completely free of charge.”

Melamori grabbed my hand and returned me to an upright position without losing a beat. She was a strong lady. She kept her word and ordered us some exotic booze. I’d never met anyone whose tastes were so different from mine. During the tasting, I had to exert a great deal of effort to make it look like I was enjoying the drink. It would have been rude to make expressions of disgust upon imbibing a drink chosen by a beautiful lady.

Things were getting better: my “bug” stunt, combined with a hefty dose of the strange bitter beverage, did a quick job of chasing away the clouds that had started gathering over my mood. I was again the Max of the present, the happy slapdash owner of the Mantle of Death, the experienced sorcerer from the Secret Investigative Force, the novice traveler through Xumgat. The love-struck nutcase I had been two years ago was gone. Good riddance, I thought, to him and other ghosts from the past.

I was so happy about my quick return to my beloved self that Droopy got a much greater share of caresses than he deserved after what he had done. The dog was wagging his long ears: he had no idea he could wag his tail like his fellow dogs in my home World.

“See? I’m totally fine now,” I said, smiling at Melamori. “A brazen, complacent son of a gun. Exactly the way I like to be. Does this vacant gaze, the mindless glint of my eyes, suit me? What color are they now, by the way? I’ll bet they’re blue!”

Melamori grew very serious. She stared into my eyes for a good minute and then said, “No way, Max. They’re yellow, like Kurush’s. Well, almost—a little darker.”

“That’s something new,” I said. “By the way, it was you who first noticed that my eyes change color. And you reported this phenomenon to me at this very spot, remember?”

“How can I forget it? It had been one of the most stubborn of mysteries to me. I came up with the craziest explanations. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I even wondered whether Loiso Pondoxo’s infamous promise to return to life and come back from hell had come true. Stop laughing! I grew up hearing and reading about the mysterious disappearances and returns of great ancient Magicians. They were my bedtime stories. Our house was chock-full of these books. And dinner conversations? I wish you could have heard them, Max! By the way, it’s all your fault. You should’ve just said right away that you had come from another World.”

“I don’t think so,” I said. “‘From another World,’ you say? Nah. You’re all brave now, sure, but back then? I’d like to see how you would’ve taken it. Plus, Juffin had told me not to tell anyone, though I still don’t understand why he pretended that my origin was such a big mystery and why you guys were left in the dark about it all that time.”

“It was something of a test,” said Melamori with a sigh. “Not for you, for us. We were supposed to solve that little mystery by ourselves. Unfortunately, I turned out to be the dumbest pupil in the entire Secret Investigative Force. But I know why: a personal interest always dulls the mind. Sir Kofa and Shurf had guessed way earlier. Lookfi doesn’t count. He can’t be bothered with such trivia.”

“That’s all right,” I said, comforting her. “You beat Melifaro, which wasn’t too shabby, either.”

“Are you kidding, Max?” said Melamori. “Melifaro knew everything the moment you guys met. He just looked at you and knew it. It happens to him sometimes. True, he doesn’t like to boast about his abilities, but you might have guessed.”

“Ouch,” I said. “Don’t count on taking away the honorary title of Biggest Dummy of the Secret Investigative Force. That title has already been taken by yours truly. Seriously, until now, I’d been absolutely sure that Melifaro was the only one who still believed the silly story about the Barren Lands that Juffin and I made up. Believed it despite everything, just because it makes things funnier.”

“That’s partly true. He’s so used to playing along that sometimes he forgets which one of your biographies is the real one. Then again, he couldn’t care less.”

“Instead of this nonsense”—I waved my palm with the ancient letters of my “True Name” written on it in front of Melamori’s nose—“instead of this nonsense, this should read, in plain language, ‘People are not what they seem.’ And I should begin my day with a mandatory mantra of this simple truth. Otherwise I’m going to fall victim to yet another predictable surprise.”

“Don’t say that! You shouldn’t give other people so much credit. If any old person could take you by surprise, we would be living in a completely different, incredible World—terrifying, yet beautiful,” said Melamori. “But that’s a big ‘if.’ I don’t think you should write any such words on your palm. In any case, I’m not going to be the one to surprise you. That I can promise. I think I’m exactly what I seem. Maybe a little dumber. And maybe far more cowardly.”

“Good golly, Melamori,” I said. “What’s with all the self-criticism all of a sudden? You have a duty to love and cherish yourself. You can’t entrust others with such a momentous task.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” said Melamori. “I’ve been disgusted with myself recently. I’m tired of dealing with the consequences of my own stupidity and cowardice.”

“Are you regretting not having gone to Arvarox with Aloxto?” I finally understood what the whole conversation was about. “But that’s exactly one of those rare occasions when you can change everything. He’s coming back in a year, give or take a few days.”

“Even sooner,” said Melamori in a gloomy tone. “You know, I managed to talk Kamshi into giving the Arvaroxians their precious ‘filthy Mudlax’ this spring. I convinced him that Aloxto’s warriors and their encampment by the ferry were spoiling the landscape. Well, that alone wouldn’t have been enough to convince him, of course, but it so happened that I was the proud owner of a small piece of information about a minor job violation that could’ve cost that stubborn warden his career. Yes, Max, I resorted to blackmailing a high-ranking government official: my kin in the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover would be proud of my performance.

“Anyway, I then sent a call to Aloxto. He’s happy, of course. He can manage to live without me, more or less, but he dreams of his long-lost ‘filthy Mudlax’ every day, nonstop. So our magnificent Sir Allirox has already put his ‘two times fifty Sharptooths’ on a ship and is bound for Echo, sword in hand. He dreams of beheading that poor, hapless king who lost some stupid war. They should be here come spring—that is, in two or three dozen days, barring any mishaps on the way. Then again, what accident could befall such a horde of herculean studs?” Melamori’s voice was full of anger and derision. I couldn’t believe my ears.

“Wait, then I totally don’t understand why you seem to be growing gloomier and gloomier by the day,” I said.

Up until then I was sure that the reason for her permanent depression was the absence of the blond beauty boy Aloxto Allirox. Now that her reunion with him was in the cards, things should have been looking up for her. Or not?

Melamori punched the bench with her little clenched fist. I watched a few splinters fly off in different directions following this careless gesture of my elfin interlocutor.

“Of course you understand it perfectly!” she said, irritated. Then she tempered justice with mercy, and ire with sorrow. “No, I guess you don’t. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not going to happen, Max. It will be just like before. I’m going to weigh everything again, and again I’ll come to the conclusion that the better is the enemy of the good. My parents would be proud to know how well they’ve raised me. I used to think I was so brave, strong, and independent. Now I don’t think so anymore. My mother’s carping that ‘a lady shouldn’t hang around strange places by herself’ doesn’t faze me a bit when I’m determined to go out and have some fun. But when I begin to think about leaving everything behind and going to Arvarox, it turns into a powerful mantra. A spell. A curse. Once I close my eyes and imagine how I disembark the ship and step onto an alien shore, I start thinking that Mother was right: a lady shouldn’t hang around strange places by herself.”

“Well, I can relate,” I said. “I don’t think I’d have the guts to up and leave for Arvarox myself. You’d have to be some big-time hero to survive there, what with all their crazy customs.”

“You wouldn’t have the guts?” said Melamori. “That’s a bald-faced lie if I’ve ever heard one, Max! You had the guts to up and leave your own World, the place you were born, and come here. Going to Arvarox is nothing compared to that.”

“Trust me, for me the decision to leave was much easier. I was just lucky. I had nothing to lose there, where I was born. Absolutely nothing. Life sucked. But for someone who was about to run away to another World, that was an ideal situation. One couldn’t have wished for anything better. You, on the other hand, have something to lose. Am I right?”

“Of course I do,” said Melamori. Then she paused and shook her head. “It’s only an illusion, Max. In fact, I also have nothing to lose. Of course, I love Echo and love my job. There are a lot of nice people around whom I love to spend time with, but none of that matters. Let me tell you something. Back then, when I refused to go with Aloxto, my main motive wasn’t my love and attachment to everything I had to lose. My decision was governed by caution. Cowardice, rather. Panic in the face of the unknown, to call things by their true names.”

“Kurush would have said something like ‘Humans tend to fear the unknown,’ and he would’ve been right,” I said. “Fear is the most fundamental human quality. It’s probably even more significant than other anthropological traits.”

“And yet I’m sitting next to the person who once decided to set out on a journey between Worlds,” said Melamori. She touched my shoulder, as though my material existence could be a forcible argument for her claim. “This means that this ‘fundamental human quality,’ as you put it, the fear of the unknown, can be overcome. In my case, it’s simply a journey to another continent. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“You know, I think it’s even simpler.” I decided to be blunt. “If you really want to leave with Aloxto, you will. If not, then you won’t. Isn’t that what it all comes down to?”

“Oh, Max, you’re so funny!” said Melamori. “What’s Aloxto got to do with any of this?”

I was taken aback. “What do you mean? You had one heck of an affair with him, which shocked all your relatives, certain Secret Investigators, and Echo in its entirety, to boot.”

“It doesn’t matter what I had with him, or what I will have,” she said impatiently. “Aloxto is an unusual creature. He swept me off my feet, I lost my head, whatever—I know, I know. But passion is just passion, Max. You and I both know very well that a person is capable of saying no to his passion, and it doesn’t mean that his life goes to rack and ruin. Do you really think that I’m suffering only because, only because—”

“Yes,” I said. “Until now, that was exactly what I had thought. Was that silly of me?”

“Silly? No. A bit too romantic for my taste.” Melamori’s mood had visibly improved. “Maybe I’d even want you to be right,” she said. “One true love, broken hearts, they kiss, they die—in the end, everybody cries. But my actual problem lies elsewhere. I only knew what I was really worth when I declined to go with the beautiful blond giant Aloxto. At first, I thought he was offering me a romantic voyage, very much to my taste. I was very excited and almost said yes. But then I got scared, so scared that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even budge. I should’ve realized it sooner, when I felt so scared of you and your strange dreams. I should’ve asked myself, ‘What are you so afraid of? Your own cowardice?’ But I hadn’t yet learned to uncover the reasons for my own actions, dispassionately and without bias.”

She gulped down the rest of her drink, tossed the glass away, and dropped her head onto her arms. Now her voice sounded muffled, as though it came from the depths of her bodily crypt, where under the vault of a happy human life and charming flesh, the real Melamori—a beautiful, weightless creature I had barely known until now—was suffocating.

“The fact is, I’m governed by my banal cowardice and banal attachment to the familiar. True, it won’t kill you. In fact, many people live long and happy lives with it. They have families and raise children, future little cowards, much to their loving mothers’ joy and satisfaction. I am alive and well and quite attractive. But in light of what I’ve just said, I find it very difficult to respect myself. I shouldn’t have boasted about my one-of-a-kind life. Mom was right: a lady from a good family should live a life of propriety. Get it, Max? Pro-pri-e-ty. I guess propriety is what I opted for. It’s who I am now.”

For all intents and purposes, Melamori should have burst out crying long before reaching that conclusion. Instead, her rigid gaze was fixed somewhere straight ahead, her eyes completely dry.

“Did you decide to discuss all this with me because you thought I was an expert in radical change of one’s place of abode?” I said. “Well, I guess you’re right. On the other hand, I couldn’t have imagined sitting here with you and trying to persuade you to forsake Echo for the devil knows where. It sends shivers down my spine thinking that I might come to the House by the Bridge one day and you won’t be there.”

“That isn’t going to happen,” said Melamori. “Your devil can’t possibly know where that ‘where’ is because I’m not going there. For better or for worse.”

“You never know what’s going to happen when a good person realizes he has to turn the world upside down just so he can carry on living somehow,” I said. “You know, when I was seventeen, I realized that I couldn’t—didn’t want to—live with my parents. But it took me another year and a half to muster the courage to leave because, just like you, I’m a creature of habit. And deep down inside, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own, however silly that might sound. I did go through some hard times, but I made it, as you can see. I still think it was the most daring thing I’ve done in my life. The rest just unraveled on its own once I got the ball rolling. You know, there are two things that can help a lot in this situation.”

“What two things?” Melamori stared at me, her mouth agape. My candor had taken her by surprise.

“First, it’s your stubbornness. You can’t imagine what a person can do in spite of something. Doesn’t matter what you do or in spite of what you do it—you just do it. And you have plenty of stubbornness in you. Way more than I do, trust me.”

“Maybe I do,” said Melamori, cheering up. “What’s the second thing?”

“The second thing is fate,” I said. “Sounds too bombastic, doesn’t it? Yet when fate has plans for us, it finds the means to make us act according to its script. If there is a reason for you to go to Arvarox, fate will keep throwing the opportunity at you over and over again until you do what it wants you to do. That troublemaker fate is also in the habit of making the clouds gather overhead when we resist its persuasion. Only once did you refuse to do what it wanted you to do, and your life has become much worse than it used to be. Fate is very good at persuading us. On those rare occasions that it fails to persuade someone, it kills the poor disobedient hero. Where I come from, there is a saying: ‘Fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant.’ This is true. Yet when it drags you along, it drags the lifeless corpse of a fool who had lost his only chance.”

“Sinning Magicians, Max! Is this really you?” Melamori was staring at me as though she’d never seen me before. “I had no idea you could speak like that!”

“I can do a lot of things. I’m a jack-of-all-trades,” I said. “Unfortunately, I’m also master of none. I used to write poetry, and very lousy poetry it was, let me tell you. I guess it shows occasionally. Like a tic.”

“I’m sure you used to write good poetry,” said Melamori, smiling. “At any rate, your passionate monologue about fate was just what I needed. You put my mind at ease. Well, you also scared me, but that’s even better.”

“Really?” I said. “Well, you know best.”

“We should go now,” she said, getting up from the bench. “Shurf will be dropping by your place soon, and I should probably head back to Headquarters. Life goes on, right?”

“And how!” I stood up and stretched my limbs. “There’s one more thing. You’ve probably forgotten, but I remember it well: I once stopped by your place dressed as Ms. Marilyn Monroe.”

“Oh, I remember,” said Melamori, laughing. “She was a nice girl. She did manage to trick our clairvoyant Melifaro, by the way. He never figured you out until you told him. It’s still my favorite story.”

“I’m glad I left a lasting impression,” I said. “I wanted to remind you about something else, though. You served some wine that came from the cellars of your uncle Kima. It was called Gulp of Fate, if I remember correctly. When we drank it, we saw little blue sparks playing and glinting in our glasses. You said it was a good sign, that the sparks appeared in the wine only when everything was fine between the people sharing it—wait, not fine but right. That’s what you said. So you and I have no reason to be sad. Whatever is happening between us is right. This memory has saved my life on many occasions.”

“But that’s just a silly sign,” said Melamori, shaking her head.

“Right, it’s just a silly sign, but it’s a good sign,” I said. “And one good sign is still better than nothing.”

“All right, I’ll keep that in mind, too,” said Melamori in a serious tone and nodded. Then she grabbed Droopy’s shaggy ear and they both raced off, challenging everything that lay in their path. Our heartfelt, soul-searching conversation was over. The score was 1–0, only I had no idea know who was winning.

I dropped her off by the Headquarters and drove home. Nominally, of course, the Armstrong & Ella tavern wasn’t my home, yet I was absolutely sure I was driving home. Where else? To compensate for leaving Droopy at my so-called royal residence for three dozen days, I decided to bring Droopy along with me. Moreover, I was hoping to bring him with me to work, even though I suspected that for such folly Sir Juffin Hully might turn me into ashes. Personally.

“Max, now you’re really going too far,” said Tekki. “First you bring me your cats. Then you offload your numerous wives on me, putting me in charge of their upbringing. Now you’re going to make me take care of this beast?”

The aforementioned cats, furry Ella and Armstrong, stared scornfully at their enormous fellow pet from the height of an old cupboard. They were in no hurry to climb down and introduce themselves to Droopy. One could understand that.

“Dream on,” I said, climbing onto the bar and pecking Tekki on her nose. “I’m not going to part with him yet.”

“It’s the ‘yet’ part that worries me!” she said. “In a dozen days, you’re going to leave him here, saying you’re attending an audience at the Royal Palace and that dogs aren’t allowed in. Then you’re going to say that Droopy looks fantastic, and that I’m taking much better care of him than the inhabitants of the Furry House, and that his fur looks great against the color of my hair and the pattern on the carpet in the bedroom, and that means that the dog should stay here. I won’t object, you’ll kiss me, and by the time I come to my senses, this dog will have taken me for his new master. Max, I know you too well, and I’m freaking out in advance.”

“Oh, no. I’ve had enough today of beautiful ladies who fear looking into their future,” I said, sitting down on my favorite barstool. “Trust me, a personal bedroom and a couple dozen servants all longing to fill his food bowl await this beautiful dog back home. They don’t have anything else to do anyway. As for my ‘wives,’ you could have put them to good use. The trio would look fantastic behind the bar, and you and I could go on a well-deserved vacation somewhere. You could also up the prices. As far as I know, the inhabitants of the Capital have never before been waited on by three beautiful identical foreign queens at the same time.”

“Great idea, but it reeks of international conflict a mile away,” said Tekki. “Besides, they are too serious to fill the glasses of drunken Echoers, if you haven’t noticed.”

“When would I have the time to notice anything?” I said. “I’ve seen them three times tops.”

“It’s your own fault. Also, who’s the ‘beautiful lady who fears looking into her future’?”

“You have three guesses.”

“I see,” said Tekki. She smiled, came out from behind the bar, and sat down beside me. “You had the pleasure of listening to Melamori’s dramatic reading of the story of the distant and beautiful Arvarox and her alleged cowardice.”

“She only covered the latter,” I said. “I tried to explain to her that her problems are not unique, and that the inhabitants of all the Worlds—known and unknown to me—face them on a daily basis. I only mentioned in passing, however, the fact that very few of them are actually capable of dealing with and overcoming said problems, and only barely.”

“Ah, so you can be wise sometimes, too,” said Tekki. Then she buried her nose in my shoulder and added in a quiet voice, “To leave or to stay: I’d give anything to have that kind of problem on my mind.”

“How so? Can’t imagine your life without wild anxieties?” I said.

“I could do away with wild anxieties, Max. You don’t understand. I simply have no choice. And I’ll never have one. I can’t leave Uguland unless I want to continue my existence as a ghost, you know.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t get too far away from the Heart of the World, or I’ll die. I’ll expire like any other miracle that’s been slapped together in a hurry. That’s just my nature, honey. Or did you think the children of Loiso Pondoxo were ordinary people?”

“I didn’t think about any such thing at all. Plus, I still don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say. I guess I don’t want to understand.”

“There isn’t much to understand. We—my dead brothers and I—are not ordinary people. I think our prankster of a father simply couldn’t have normal children. We are the products of his strange magic and his … dark humor. On the one hand, it’s not that bad. In a sense, we are immortal. I have no reasons to doubt it since my brothers, after dying during the Troubled Times, became functional beings rather than apparitions. On the other hand, we’re not completely free. Forget about traveling between Worlds or to Arvarox—I can’t even leave Uguland. My best option is to stay in Echo until the day I die. It’s only then that the true life of strange creatures like us really begins. Is this too shocking for you, Max? Maybe I shouldn’t have started this conversation. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no. Please don’t be sorry. It’s good that you’ve told me. It just makes me a little sad. I had hoped to show you my favorite dreamworld, the little town in the mountains near Kettari. And then maybe some other place worthy of your beautiful eyes. But it’s okay. I’ll gradually get accustomed to the fact that you’re a stay-at-home Tekki and that you’re revolted by the thought of someone willingly swapping his favorite bedroom for a room in a cheap inn.”

“Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t paint it all black. Everything changes. I don’t know how, but sometimes ‘everything’ just up and changes.” Tekki laughed. “Who knows, maybe someday you and I will have our chance to take a long walk there.”

I had nothing left to do but kiss her. The tavern was still empty, and kissing was much more pleasant than processing the information she had just let loose on me.

I felt someone’s heavy stare drilling into the back of my head and turned around. In the doorway stood Sir Shurf Lonli-Lokli. He was absolutely calm. Then again, I’d be surprised to learn that such a trivial spectacle as a kiss could shock this guy. I think that even if Tekki and I had decided to move right along to the next stage he would have simply sat down at the farthest table, taken out some interesting book from the folds of his snow-white looxi, and waited until we were done.

Tekki didn’t know Shurf as well as I did, so she hurried to retreat behind the bar. There she gave a big sigh of relief, as though this change of location had invalidated all the actions she had committed on the other side of the bar.

Droopy recognized in our visitor an old friend but restricted his excitement to wagging his ears. He was smart enough to know which of my friends were okay with him jumping on them, and which he should keep a polite distance from.

“I’m always glad to see you, Shurf, especially here,” I said. “Why are you standing in the doorway? Come over here.”

“I am not standing in the doorway,” said Shurf. “I am trying to close the door. It is cold outside. The wind is blowing in from the Xuron. I have read a great deal on the positive effects of conditioning oneself to the cold, but I do not think drafts are a particularly good source of health. Lady Tekki, I believe it is imperative that you have this door handle repaired as soon as possible. I have reason to believe that it will never keep the door latched as it should without a good spell.”

“You’re right, Shurf,” said Tekki. “I’ve been meaning to take care of it, to call someone to have it fixed, or whatever it is one’s supposed to do in such cases. Then I tell myself that it’s much easier to cast some spell to keep the damn thing closed. Please don’t frown: the second degree of Black Magic does the job nicely. Even your beloved Code of Krember or Magician Nuflin the Terrible himself could have nothing against it.”

Lonli-Lokli shook his head and sat down beside me. “I have come to ask you for a favor, Max,” he said, taking a sip of the best kamra in Echo.

“Anything,” I said.

“You told me you would someday try to obtain another book from your World,” he said.

“And completely forgot about it,” I said. “No worries, though. I’ll get to it right away.”

“Right away?” said Lonli-Lokli.

“Sure, why wait? I’ll forget again, and then, a couple dozen days from now, you’ll remind me about it politely, and I’ll be ashamed. Why go through all this?”

“Sometimes you can be very rational,” said Lonli-Lokli. I thought I spotted the shadow of a smile in the corners of his mouth.

“First I need to relocate,” I said, looking around. “There’s no place to hide my hand here.”

I walked around behind the bar, where, admittedly, I wasn’t supposed to go. Nor was I supposed to crawl on all fours behind it. In this place, however, I could get away with far worse things. Tekki either enjoyed my intruding on her turf or mistook me for the dog—I don’t know which. In any event, she patted my head and even scratched behind my ear.

Here I had to rack my brains over where I could hide my hand, which was absolutely necessary. Even experienced magicians, not to mention some novice like me, couldn’t fumble in the Chink between Worlds in plain sight. I gave up and just stuck my hand under an old floor mat. I couldn’t find anything more appropriate.

My hand got numb right away, as though it had been longing for this job and was now making up for what it had missed. First I got hold of yet another umbrella, a ladies’ model: it was yellow with little flowers. The Chink had always been very generous in presenting me with umbrellas. I think it had to do with the fact that people lost umbrellas more often than anything else. But I am not a collector by nature and had no intention of augmenting my collection of multicolored umbrellas with another specimen. Instead, I stuck my hand under the mat again and tried to focus: I thought of a library, its bookshelves filled with hundreds of thousands of good books.

For a few moments, I didn’t get anywhere. My head was crammed with unrelated thoughts: about my unfinished kamra, for example. Then it occurred to me that I wouldn’t mind smoking a cigarette. Also, Tekki was hanging around all the time, and I couldn’t get rid of the idea of grabbing her leg. It took an enormous amount of concentration to shoo away these fragments of useless thoughts and get hold of the only necessary one: The Library.

My hand got numb again. I tried my best to imagine myself climbing a ladder to reach a book with a bright-red cover on the top shelf. The next thing I knew, a red paperback book was falling out of my numb fingers onto the floor. Lonli-Lokli was on a streak with cheap editions. Both the book, Big Earth in Small Space, and its author, Steve Harris, were unknown to me.

“What the heck!” I said. “Why can’t I fetch something I know and love? It shouldn’t be that hard. I used to be such a bookworm in my day.”

“Are you unhappy with the book you got for me?” said Shurf.

“I’m not unhappy. I just got another unknown title by another unknown author, just like before. I think it’s our fate, Shurf, to read different books. I’m warning you, though: you’re going to have to tell me what it’s about again. I doubt I’m ever going to read it, but I might easily die of curiosity.”

I gave my haul to Shurf and returned to my spot at the bar. Tekki, true to form, ignored everything that was going on. She was tactful enough to bury herself in yesterday’s Echo Hustle and Bustle, though I suspected that she was more interested in the contents of the newspaper than Shurf’s and my bibliophile issues anyway.

“Why are you so surprised that you landed an unfamiliar book? Or do you think that during your lifetime you have read everything that has been written?” said Lonli-Lokli.

“Well, not everything, of course,” I said, smiling, “but you’d be surprised by how much I have read. I used to be quite a reader, I’ll have you know. That was basically all I used to do. It wasn’t the worst pastime, frankly.”

“It seems you do not read as much now,” said Shurf.

“No, not a whole lot,” I said. “Basically I don’t read at all nowadays. But everything changes, especially when one life ends and a totally new one begins, right?”

“You are quite correct. I should have taken into account the fact that your present life might seem very rich and eventful to you.”

“You can say that again,” I said.

The door opened, then shut with a bang again.

“You are in high demand today, Max,” said Tekki.

I looked at her. She had taken her eyes off the newspaper and was looking at someone behind me. I looked around and shook my head. It was none other than Mr. Anday Pu—practically sober and, therefore, very gloomy.

Droopy lifted one ear and gave a single, indecisive, but very impressive bark. Anday took an instinctive step backward, trying to give the dog a menacing stare in return. It wasn’t impressive, but I had to admire the attempt. I can give you a list of people who would rush back outside upon hearing such an unfriendly hello coming from the mouth of such a monster. My name, by the way, would be on the top of that list.

“Wrong tree,” I said to Droopy. “He’s a friend, silly.”

“Thanks, Max. Your dog has the manners of some flea-ridden village mutt. I don’t catch why you decided to keep him in the first place. Dogs belong on a farm, not in an urban apartment,” said Anday. His French accent was stronger than usual. Was that because he was frightened?

I decided that he deserved the right to show off as compensation for the stress he had endured, so I refrained from lecturing him on Droopy’s numerous virtues. Instead, I slapped a friendly grin on my face. Few people would dare call my bared teeth a smile, but Anday was happy.

Lonli-Lokli put his heavy hand on my shoulder. I jumped up in panic, then broke into a laugh: of course Shurf was wearing his protective gloves. If he hadn’t been, there would be no one there to panic in the first place.

Lonli-Lokli shook his head. I mentally prepared for a lecture on the benefits of breathing exercises, which one should practice daily and not once every dozen days—something I totally agree with, in theory—but Shurf was magnanimous enough not to say anything. Perhaps my face expressed a most convincing repentance.

“Thank you for the book, Max,” he said. “I hope you will not be offended if I take off for home now. I have great plans for tonight.” He waved his present in the air.

“Have you ever seen me take offense?” I said.

“No, I do not recall such an occasion,” said Shurf. He bowed to Tekki and then turned to Anday. “Will you be at the Three-Horned Moon tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Anday said with a nod.

“Then I will see you there, provided nothing interferes with our plans,” said Shurf and left.

I gave Anday a meaningful stare. “What’s between you and Sir Shurf, mister? What’s the Three-Horned Moon? And how come I don’t know anything about it?”

“The Three-Horned Moon is where all great poetry happens here in the part of the Xonxona continent called the Unified Kingdom,” said Anday. “It is the only place in this untidy World where respect is given to poets who are still alive, and not just to those for whom the dinner is already over.”

“Oh, a poetry club? How come you never told me about it?”

“Are you interested, Max? I figured you didn’t give a damn about poets, dead or alive. Now your colleague Sir Lonli-Lokli, he really knows the price of words well aligned and rhymed. Or are you saying I’ve been looking at you from the wrong window all along?”

“The wrong window? What?” I was confused.

Tekki laughed her tinkling laughter and dropped her newspaper on the floor. “Oh, Max, it’s an expression. Anday wanted to say that his opinion of you does not match reality.”

“One heck of an expression,” I said. “Very graphic. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many windows you should look at me from, buddy. And at other people, too. I’ve made the same mistake myself.”

“So I didn’t catch then,” said Anday. “It’s all right. It happens. I can take you to the Three-Horned Moon if you’re interested.”

“I’m interested in everything. A little. Especially poets societies.” At this phrase I cut myself short. This was the second time today I had almost admitted I had once been a poet. That was two times too many.

“Just admit that you learned that your friends frequent a tavern you’ve never heard of and don’t invite you,” said Tekki. “Now you don’t know whether to burst with curiosity or tear everything to pieces. Poor, poor Sir Max.”

I laughed, nodding. “Precisely.” I then turned to Anday. “Whether you want it or not, I’m going to dog your footsteps tomorrow.”

“I didn’t catch that. You’re going to what me?” he said.

I smiled a wicked smile. The presence of Anday Pu invariably provoked me to dig through the baggage of my passive vocabulary, looking for some odd colloquialisms that would throw off that poor scribe. Tekki also raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“To dog someone’s footsteps means to follow someone who thinks he can easily do without me. But, at the same time, it means that no one will dare slap me in the face and say, ‘Get away from me!’ Now am I making sense?”

They nodded: Tekki with enthusiasm and Anday with a hint of embarrassment, or so it seemed.

“You know, Max, I actually came to you with something …”

I never thought Anday was capable of speaking in such a hesitant tone. Maybe I had just never seen him before he got his hands (or, rather, his mouth) full of a pitcher of the local firewater.

“‘With something’? Sounds like you mean business. Did you and Sir Rogro have a misunderstanding?”

“No, Sir Rogro has been behaving quite decently,” said Anday in an arrogant tone.

I smirked. If only the chief editor of the Royal Voice had heard him, although he probably wouldn’t have been surprised. Long before he became the sovereign of the press in the Capital, Sir Rogro Jiil had been an astrologist. So now he had an excellent flashlight with which to peer into the darkest corners of the souls of his numerous subordinates.

“Okay, who’s not behaving decently then? One of your colleagues? I’m curious,” I said.

“What do I care for those peasants of the paper!” Anday demonstrated to Tekki and me an excellent peevish fold at the corner of his mouth, a contemptuous squint, and an arrogant profile, in that order. Having played with his facial muscles like a bodybuilder plays with his biceps, he continued. “Max, I was robbed eight days ago.”

“Robbed?” I said. “Well, that sure is a bummer, but I’m not exactly the person to turn to. Robberies are the problem of our neighbors in the House by the Bridge. That’s actually why we keep them there. Oh, hold on a second. You don’t take kindly to our friendly policemen, do you? You probably didn’t even bother to report this to them. Am I right?”

“Sure I reported this to the rodents,” said Anday. “Actually I wanted to talk to you right away, but you weren’t here or in the House by the Bridge. I met Melamori there, and she told me exactly what you just did: that you Secret Investigators are too cool for everyday crimes, and that you’re not going to investigate some petty burglary. Now if someone were to steal His Majesty’s favorite hat from Rulx Castle, that would be a different matter. Then she took me over to the side with the rodents, to another girl. I forget her name, you know, she’s all like …” Anday’s eyes suddenly grew wide, and he ran his hands along the contours of his own tubby body.

I knew he was talking about Lady Kekki Tuotli: I hadn’t met any other curvaceous girls in the ranks of the City Police.

“Melamori did the right thing,” I said. “What happened then?”

“I told her everything, and she said she’d see what could be done about it,” said Anday. “But they still haven’t found anything. And I think, Max, that they’re not really looking. Who’s going to go out of their way looking for some old chest with my granddad’s stuff in it? I think they don’t catch that—”

“Hold that thought,” I said. “Are you telling me that the burglars stole some old chest? Sir Kofa told me that some burglars of the Capital are first-class imbeciles, but I didn’t believe him. Silly me. What was in the chest? Your grandpa’s pirate outfit?”

“So you know already,” said Anday.

“Huh? It was just a guess. Was I close?”

“The dinner is over! You totally catch, Max! That’s exactly what was in the chest. Well, maybe a few other things. I kept it in the basement of my house on the Street of Steep Roofs. The last time I opened it was when I was entering the Higher Institute, so I don’t remember exactly what was in it. I’m totally blank.”

“How did you notice it was gone then?” I said. He didn’t strike me as a fellow who does a routine inventory of his own basement.

“It wasn’t me. You know that I rent half my house to that pesky Pela family,” said Anday, wincing. “I had to give them a twenty-year lease some time ago when I ran out of those shiny round objects without which it’s not easy to relax. So they live there now, and I try to avoid going home because those plebeians are very noisy and they’re always cooking something.”

“Oh, dear,” said Tekki.

Anday sensed sincere understanding in Tekki’s tone. She had such an abhorrence of kitchen smells that she refused to have a cook in her tavern. In that sense, the Armstrong & Ella was a unique place in Echo: it served only kamra and alcohol, much to the chagrin of Echoers who loved to gobble. It seemed that most of them only came here with one objective: to make sure it still existed.

“You two just don’t get it,” I said. “It’s so nice when the smell of something frying wafts right under your nose.”

The two looked at me as though I were the devil. Finally Anday went on. “Eight days ago my tenants’ kids were playing in the basement. Those Pelas, they have tons of kids, you know. I can never count how many exactly. And they’re always playing!” This time Anday winced so violently it might have seemed the aforementioned children had been playing Kick the Can with their enemy’s head for a can. “They were playing hide-and-seek or some such game, and then they saw that there were two strangers in the basement. Two men in plain looxis. The kids got scared and decided to stay put in their hiding spot. They saw how the two men grabbed my grandfather’s chest and disappeared.”

“Did they go down the Dark Path?” I said.

“Who knows? That’s your department. I got an excellent education, but it was after the Epoch of Orders. I don’t catch all those ‘Dark Paths’ or whatever they are,” said Anday, “although that has a nice ring to it. The fact is, they took my grandfather’s chest with them, and now I figure maybe there was some hidden treasure in it.” His almond-shaped eyes shone when he said the word “treasure.”

“In any case, guys who can take the Dark Path are rarely complete imbeciles, that’s for sure,” I said. “You know, Anday, I’m intrigued. I’d like to dig through that old pirate chest myself. Anyway, what exactly do you want me to do about it? Drop everything and step on the trace of those thieves? Lady Kekki Tuotli is a good girl. I think she can handle this case without my help.”

“I just want you to remind her about my chest, Max,” Anday said. “Maybe the girl didn’t catch that she was supposed to find it? I wouldn’t bother with something like this if I were her. She probably thinks that the thieves did me a favor by hauling away some useless old junk free of charge.”

“No, I don’t think so. That ‘girl’ is not as flippant and frivolous as you might think. But I will remind her. Forgotten treasures of Ukumbian pirates, mysterious thieves going down the Dark Path—a lovely story. I’ll help you. Under one condition, though: once the police find your precious chest, you let me rummage around in it. I’ve always wanted to find some pirate’s treasure.”

“Thanks,” said Anday. “If you tell them it’s important, the rodents will turn the city upside down to find it.”

“How nice of you not to doubt my omnipotence,” I said. “Now, instead of sucking up to me, take me to the Three-Horned Moon. The shortest path to my heart is to drag me to some tavern.”

“Can you manage to sneak out from work tomorrow night? We usually gather there about three hours before midnight and stay late. Well, some of us, anyway.”

“I think I will. Sometimes my omnipotence knows no bounds. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t—you never know. Send me a call before you set out.”

“Max, I’m going to say something nasty now,” said Tekki.

“Tell me I’m late for work?” I said. She nodded. “Then I’m leaving him with you. As a present. A souvenir. And as my revenge. No one can expel me from a tavern and get away with it.”

“It’s not revenge, just another client,” said Tekki, smiling. “Don’t take it personally, Sir Pu. This vicious gentlemen only tyrannizes those he loves.”

I jumped off the barstool and shook Droopy, who had dozed off.

“Don’t forget about my chest,” said Anday.

“I won’t. And don’t you forget to take me to the Three-Horned Moon, or I’ll get furious and find the mysterious chest of Captain Kidd myself. And I’ll keep it.”

“Who’s Captain Kidd? My grandfather’s name was Zoxma Pu.”

The House by the Bridge wasn’t as full as it had been at noon, but it was still a fun place to be. I heard General Boboota’s epic roar as soon as I entered the hallway.

“Bull’s tits! I’ve got enough of my own crap in Echo without these crapshooters coming here from the rest of the World! It’s high time the Capital was a closed city. You just wait! I’m going to feed your own crap to you until you puke!”

To my surprise, the roaring came from our half of the Headquarters and not from Boboota’s natural habitat. I imagined walking into Juffin’s office and seeing General Boboota in his armchair. Then I imagined that Boboota was the Venerable Head of the Minor Secret Investigative Force. That’s how people go insane, I thought. Out of the blue, without warning—boom!—and the next thing you know is you start thinking some surrealistic thoughts.

For what it was worth, when I opened the door to the Hall of Common Labor, I felt like shutting my eyes and yelling “Geronimo!” like a paratrooper leaping down toward the unknown. I felt like I was diving into another dimension, some parallel universe where General Boboota Box was welcome in the Headquarters of the Minor Secret Investigative Force.

In reality, however, a true interdepartmental idyll reigned in the Hall of Common Labor. Sir Melifaro, dressed in a turquoise looxi, was handing half a dozen frightened criminals over to the open arms of the infuriated General Boboota. Their exotic pantaloons testified to their foreign origin. The general put an enormous amount of effort into making the poor lost souls realize what the score was in the Capital. The door to Juffin’s office was ajar. The boss was enjoying the show.

The show, alas, was almost over. When he saw me, Boboota gave a nervous cough, shut up, and tried assuming the most intelligent expression he could pull off—a sight to behold. He should have noticed long time ago that I began spitting venom every time I heard obscenities, but bad habits die hard.

“Good evening, Sir Max,” Boboota said, almost whispering. I opened my mouth to return the everyday mantra of courtesy, but Droopy got ahead of me. He gave a single loud, ringing bark. Startled, General Boboota jumped to the ceiling, the arrestees squealed, and Melifaro fell in his chair, moaning: it all was too funny.

“Shush, boy. This is a serious establishment,” I said to my dog.

“Serious?” moaned Melifaro.

“Very, very serious,” I said with a stony face.

A moment later, we were alone. General Boboota preferred admiring me from afar. That way he felt safer. Melifaro stopped laughing and yawned.

“We were doing their job again,” he said. “Wasted a whole day chasing these fellows who had been terrorizing the Customs, along with chief officer Nulli Karif. Turned out they were regular thieves from abroad. It’s so not our profile. Had to share our finds with the neighbors, naturally.”

“What did they do?” I said.

“Nothing interesting, Max. Trust me.”

Sir Juffin finally left his office, sat down next to Melifaro, and began yawning demonstratively. A very convincing duo. I almost believed that they had lived through the most boring day in the entire history of the Secret Investigative Force.

“The fellows came all the way from Kirvaori,” said Juffin. “Their extravagant national customs were way too similar to the rituals of one ancient Order, so I thought that something extraordinary had happened. It’s my fault—I shouldn’t have listened to that chatterbox Nulli. Now all I need is some sleep. Nothing exhausts you more than doing someone else’s job well.”

“Sleep is good,” I said.

“I don’t need you to tell me that,” said Juffin. “Are you going to drag this beast along with you everywhere you go now? Kurush won’t approve. He’s used to being the only fauna in my office.”

“Actually, I just didn’t have time to take him home. I was running late when I realized it. I had a rough day myself. A whole bunch of people stacked their problems upon my muscular back. I even began to like it. Want me to do something for you, too?”

“I don’t. Just don’t wake me until noon, even if the sky falls, okay?”

“No problem. But if the sky falls, you’re going to wake up, what with the racket and all.”

“I’m a very sound sleeper,” said Juffin, who yawned once more, then left.

“I can take your dog home,” said Melifaro. “It’s almost on the way.”

“‘Almost’ being the operative word here,” I said. “Did it take you long to come up with a pretext to sneak into my royal chambers?”

“Not too long,” said Melifaro. “Praise be the Magicians, your house isn’t the most well-guarded place in the Unified Kingdom.”

“Precisely. Anyone can just walk into any of my houses without overloading his brain coming up with a believable pretext. Why would you even need a pretext, may I ask?”

“You may,” said my colleague. “First, it’s more fun that way. There must be some sort of storyline. I’ve always wanted to steal away your wife, and you’re turning that exciting undertaking into a mundane task, akin to going to the grocer’s.”

“Guilty as charged,” I said. “And what’s second?”

“Second, the upbringing of your beautiful queens from the Barren Lands is radically different from yours, unfortunately. Which is strange, if you think about it: you’re supposed to be their countryman. Anyway, unlike you, those ladies don’t think anyone can just ‘walk into’ your house. They’d rather deal with people who can explain what they’re doing in not so many words. Besides, they also need to like my explanation.”

“You know them so well already. Whenever did you have the time?”

“I didn’t,” said Melifaro in a sad voice. “Unlike you, those girls are dead serious about their marital status. You should really talk to them about it.”

“What exactly do you think I’m supposed to tell them? That you’re more handsome? Anyone can see that. Too handsome, I’d go so far as to say.”

Melifaro shrugged, paced the room, and sat on the window ledge. “I want them to know that you don’t consider yourself to be their legitimate husband,” he said. “You’ve already told this to everyone who’s reached puberty in the Unified Kingdom. Don’t you think Kenlex, Xeilax, and Xelvi should know, as well? It concerns them, too, after all. They are still under the impression that you’d reprimand them for flirting with other men.”

“Hmm. I didn’t think about that,” I said.

“Didn’t you?” said Melifaro. “Or did you think you’d keep them for yourself, for a rainy day, huh?”

“Yeah, when I’m old and nobody needs me. That’s when I’m going to remember about them. You’re so wise, Melifaro. Thanks for the advice. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself.”

Melifaro waved me away and laughed.

“You’re right,” I said. “The girls must know that they can live their lives however they wish. It’s only fair. So we’re going there together. Do you think people will find it strange that it takes two men to walk such a huge dog home?”

“Shame on you, Your Majesty!” said Melifaro. “Now you’re looking for a pretext for a visit to your own home.”

“Speak for yourself, mister,” I said. “If I’m looking for anything, it’s a pretext to shirk work and not feel too guilty about it. The little bureaucrat in me agrees that the House by the Bridge is no place to keep dogs. Now I have to explain to him why I can’t send Droopy home with you. Give me a minute and I’ll wear him down.”

“Are you seriously going to give your beautiful harem a speech?” said Melifaro. “Right now?”

“The sooner I do it, the better. And your presence is mandatory, just to get rid of you once and for all. Besides, I’m going to use your precious body as my armor. I’m a little scared of them, you know.”

“That’s funny,” said Melifaro. “You? Scared? Think of something better.”

“Where’s your famous clairvoyance now?” I said. “You were insightful enough to crack open the legend about my origin that Juffin and I had concocted on day one. Now you’re telling me you fail to see that I don’t know what to do with my hands or what to look at when I see those girls.”

Melifaro’s eyebrows shot up. Then he smiled and dismissed my words. “Oh, I see what you mean. Don’t worry about it. It’s hard to fool me about something really important, but under ordinary circumstances, I’m as clueless as the next guy. You should’ve guessed that by now. Remember when you came here with the face of that hot Lady Marilyn? I bought into her curly hair like a fool. Or do you think I was pretending?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe you thought it was more fun that way.”

“I could have,” said Melifaro.

I poked my head into Juffin’s office, where the wisest bird of this World was sitting on the back of the armchair, looking all-important. “Kurush, I’m going to step out for a while. You’re in charge.”

“Does your ‘for a while’ mean until morning?” said the buriwok.

“No, no. My ‘for a while’ means just what it says—for a while. It also means tons of pastry to boot.”

“Try not to forget,” he said in a sleepy voice.

Thank goodness reaching an agreement with that gluttonous wise guy was a piece of cake.

I motioned at Droopy, and all three of us left the Ministry of Perfect Public Order. Boy, do I love that place! Working there is like one big endless party. Still, I love to sneak out during my working hours from time to time. I guess it fits into my primitive notions of freedom.

My Furry House remained furry in all seasons. To my utter delight, the vines that grew along its walls from top to bottom were evergreen. I was thinking of settling in there for real someday—someday when the dark era of my conceptual reign over the people of Xenxa had come to an end. When no one would prevent me from fulfilling my most cherished desire: to throw out the window most of the bulky junk in the palace and retire the numerous servants—that was the first thing I’d do!

“If I understand it correctly,” said Melifaro, “you don’t show your face here at all? That’s too bad: all this beauty’s thrown away on the only barbarian in the city, one who can’t even appreciate it.”

“On the contrary, I appreciate this place and realize that it’s too good for me. Besides, there’s too much of it. I’d dissolve here like candy in the mouth. Maybe sometime later … You know that I barely spend any time in my place on the Street of Yellow Stones, and it’s only got two stories and six bedrooms.”

“When was the last time you were there?” said Melifaro. I wrinkled my forehead trying to remember. “Don’t answer. The jury has already reached the verdict. You have too much real estate and only one sorry butt, which, by the way, prefers the hard chairs in cheap taverns to luxury.” And with that, Melifaro stepped out of the amobiler.

Droopy followed him and jumped down on the sidewalk. He recognized his abode and exploded into enthusiastic barking. Unlike me, he felt at home here.

As soon as I stepped inside, I froze in disbelief: it seemed as though Melifaro and I had made a few circles around and returned to the House by the Bridge. In the doorway of the living room stood Sir Kofa Yox and Lady Kekki Tuotli. Kekki was waving around her thin silvery gloves, anxious to put them on and walk outside.

“Has my humble abode turned into a branch of the Ministry of Perfect Public Order?” I said. “Where’s my dog going to live? Droopy needs comfort. He’s a royal dog, after all.”

“I’m used to seeing Sir Melifaro around here all the time,” said Kofa, “and I’m almost certain I know why. But you, Max? What are you doing here?”

“I kind of thought I lived here,” I said.

“If I’m not mistaken, right now you’re supposed to be sitting in Juffin’s office, your feet propped up on the desk. We’ve all learned to accept that as part of your job description,” said Sir Kofa, smiling.

“I ran off. But for all intents and purposes, you are supposed to be sitting in some tavern, since I’ve learned to accept that as part of your job description. Am I speaking too fast?”

“No, you’re not. I was just going to ‘some tavern,’” said our Master Eavesdropper. “See, I’ve been thinking that engaging in public appearances in the company of just one lady is below my dignity, so I’ve come to borrow the three of yours.”

“And they’ve already spent three hours dressing up,” said Kekki. “Talk about royalty.”

“I’m in luck!” said Melifaro. “In fact, I’m going with you. Deal with it. And you, poor thing”—he made a face at me—“you have to get back to work. It’s almost nighttime and you haven’t killed anyone yet. Not cool.”

“My innocent victims can wait,” I said. “In any case, I need a meal.”

“You should change,” said Kofa. “Your Mantle of Death is a dead giveaway for all of us.”

“Change into what?” I said. “I don’t keep any clothes here.”

“You’re going to thank me for this,” said Melifaro in an avuncular tone. “The Mantle of Death doesn’t help digestion.” From his pocket, he produced a tiny thingamajig. He then rubbed it between his palms and pitched it to his feet. A moment later, a bright-blue looxi with an intricate fringe lay on the floor.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you that the color scheme of your wardrobe gives me culture shock,” I said, putting on the looxi. “I’m lucky that you haven’t brought something pink.”

“Are you complaining, or was that your way of saying thank you?” said Melifaro. “Because if you don’t like it, I can take it back and you can wrap yourself in one of your carpets.”

“Okay, okay. I give up,” I said. “Say, do you always carry a spare set of clothes with you?”

“Sure. In case you come to work in your birthday suit. You know how much I care about you.”

“Seriously, though. Why?”

“Well,” said Melifaro, “I hate wearing dirty, torn clothes. And given our line of work, clothes become dirty and torn on a regular basis. So it’s always a good idea to have a spare looxi on you. Just in case. Got it, Your Majesty?”

My Majesty nodded his head, registering respect for Melifaro’s prudence.

Three identical sisters appeared at the far end of the living room. When they saw me, they froze. Soon, though, they recovered and minced toward us. To be frank, they didn’t look as identical now. After a few stops in the Capital’s fashion boutiques, the girls had undergone a radical change. It turned out they had different tastes. One of them preferred a black-and-white palette, the other combined different shades of green, and the third sister wrapped herself in a bright-yellow looxi worn over a cornflower-blue skaba. I’m sure she’s the one Melifaro has fallen in love with, I thought. They’d look terrific together.

Finally, everybody was ready and we left. The triplets desperately tried to fuse together as one: they held hands and clung to one another like three freezing kittens in a cold winter wind. Granted, it was winter and the wind was blowing hard. Thank goodness the temperature rarely falls below freezing in Echo.

“We’re not all going to fit into one amobiler, that’s for sure,” said Kofa. “And I’m not crazy enough to even think of keeping up with your driving. The only thing left to do is to walk to the nearest tavern. The Sated Skeleton is just a stone’s throw away, and it’s not a bad option.”

“And a few more of our crowns will end up in the bottomless pockets of the master of all Skeletons, Goppa Tallaboona,” I said.

I had worked up quite an appetite during the day, so for the first fifteen minutes at the tavern, I just moved my jaws in silence and paid no attention to the usual dinner small talk. I did watch the rest of the company, but not too closely. I noticed that the sisters had started to take Sir Kofa for their daddy, which, if one were to believe the legends of the Xenxa people, they’d never really had. Lady Kekki Tuotli had also earned their trust. I wondered how many quiet dinners like this one they had already had together. Melifaro, however, they eyed with a great deal of suspicion, for reasons unknown to me.

I opened my mouth as soon as I had enough energy to put down my fork: I had remained silent for too long. “Thank you, Sir Kofa. It was so nice of you to take care of my family while I was off who-knows-where.”

“I’ll tell you ‘who knows where,’” said Kofa. “I, for one, know very well where you were. But don’t mention it, Max. If you have half a dozen more maidens you need taken care of, I’m at your service any time, day or night.”

Lady Kekki Tuotli giggled at these words. Apparently, she had nothing against them.

“Oh, Kekki, I just remembered I had something to discuss with you,” I said. “A certain man complained to me earlier today that he thinks you didn’t pay enough attention to him or his case of the lost treasures of his beloved late grandfather. Ring a bell?”

Kekki stared at me for a moment, then realized what I was talking about and smiled a shy smile. “He’s gotten to you, too, now, that funny young man?”

“You bet he has,” I said. “My ear is by tradition the long-suffering receptacle of his sob stories. Tell me, are you on his case, or have you decided not to fill your head with trivial nonsense?”

“Frankly, Max,” said Kekki with a sigh, “I was going to, but I had absolutely no time. I’m swamped. You know how it is at the police department nowadays: too many incomplete cases and even more complete idiots who don’t let me complete the incomplete cases. Besides, I haven’t quite reached the period of my life when I want to take my work home because I have nothing else to do, you see. I have quite a bit to do, actually.”

Sir Kofa smiled, flattered. My debut as a matchmaker had proven to be a resounding success. The two of them clicked together like two fingers of my own hand. Who would have thought? I could have opened a dating service.

“In other words, the poor fellow was right when he told me you wouldn’t consider the disappearance of his chest the biggest case in history,” I said. “Well, in that case, I’m just the messenger boy here. Hold on a second.” I made a sad face, pressed my hands against my chest, and squeaked, “Kekki, please try to find that sinning chest!”

“Or else you’ll die!” said Melifaro in an even thinner voice. I was too surprised to say anything, to his utter delight.

“What sort of a chest is it?” said Kofa.

“No idea,” I said. “The fellow didn’t even think about it for years. Now he’s taken it into his head to think that it’s full of some pirate treasure. I think the problem is his lively imagination: he’s a great poet, no less, you see. Then again, it may very well be that Kekki and I are two witless fools, and the chest is filled with unimaginable riches. The most interesting part of the story is that the thieves went down the Dark Path, if the testimony of a gang of frightened kids is any indication.”

“Precisely my point,” said Kekki.

I knew she desperately wanted it to be a most predictable, uninteresting case since she had all but forgotten about it.

“Don’t children have eyes?” said Sir Kofa. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t take their testimony seriously. Children, I’ll have you know, are often much more observant than adults. What’s more, they don’t imbibe. Children make excellent witnesses, my dear lady. Mark my words.”

I never knew how Kekki was able to swallow this without wincing. Yet she didn’t move a muscle: she looked at Kofa as though he were Santa Claus, as if she expected to get her present at the end after all, no matter how naughty she’d been.

“If the thieves did take the Dark Path, the story might prove to be quite interesting,” said Kofa. “But the Code of Krember doesn’t ban the citizens of the Unified Kingdom from taking the Dark Path, for the simple reason that Apparent Magic is of little use here. And that is also the reason almost no one can use it, except for the former Grand Magicians. Even among them, there aren’t too many specialists in that area.” Kofa gave me a long, meaningful look. “I have reason to believe that your friend should’ve turned to us, instead.”

“And he did,” I said. “He wanted to find me, but instead he ran into Melamori, who decided to save me (noble-minded as she is) and kick him off to Kekki. I can understand why: when told by Mr. Anday Pu, any story seems unworthy of attention. He’s just special in that way.”

“I see,” said Kofa. “Now I wish to hear the details. Go ahead. First you, Max.”

I briefly retold him the story of the “robbery of the century”—everything I’d learned from Anday. “Kekki should know more about it,” I then said. “He turned to her as a professional. He came to me just to complain.”

“He went to the right address,” said Melifaro. “If a person hates his life, he should just tell you about it. You will help the poor fellow to get rid of it quickly and painlessly.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but he’s still alive and kicking,” I said.

“Really? Oh, my. Your game’s gotten worse,” said Melifaro.

“I’d love to sit here and listen to your banter all day, but I want to hear Kekki’s version. She hasn’t had the chance to get a word in edgewise,” said Sir Kofa.

“I basically have the same information as Max,” said Kekki. “Plus a detailed description of the chest. It’s an old wooden box, painted dark red. The locks haven’t been working in a long, long while. Mr. Anday Pu broke them himself when he was a boy. On the top of the chest, there is an inscription reading ‘The Stub of the World,’ which was the name of the ship his grandfather sailed on to execute his piratical feats. That’s about it. Mr. Anday Pu doesn’t quite remember what was in the chest. Some old clothes, maybe something else, according to him. He’s not sure. That’s why I didn’t make it a priority to find his belongings. It wouldn’t be very wise to waste time looking for someone’s old junk.”

“That’s exactly what he thought,” I said. “Almost word for word! All right, Kekki. Don’t lose any sleep over it. Maybe I’ll go see his sinning basement soon. To Magicians with the old pirate’s junk, but the Dark Path really is something else.”

“Now I also think we should find those thieves,” said Kekki. “It doesn’t matter what they stole, but if there are burglars that can go down the Dark Path in the Capital, it’s not just ‘something else.’ It’s disturbing.”

“We have radically different outlooks on life, my lady,” I said. “Sir Kofa, I think it’s time we lured this beautiful lady into the ranks of Secret Investigators. Working for the City Police has turned her into a pessimist.”

“True, so very true,” said Kofa, “but I’m currently preoccupied with something else.” He fell silent, pondering.

“Preoccupied with what?” I said. “I thought I was the only one here with a silly obsession with that chest.”

“Now it’s our obsession,” said Kofa. “Or, rather, mine. Get it out of your heads, guys. I’ll take the case. It might even prove to be entertaining.”

“Okay. I stuffed my belly, and I talked about the chest. Now I’m ready to go to work,” I said. “Thank goodness I can catch up on some sleep there, what with my tight schedule and all.”

Melifaro gave me such an expressive stare that I almost felt the chair underneath me smoking. He was right: I’d gotten sidetracked. I’d left the House by the Bridge with the intention of giving my wives a lecture on freedom in general and their personal freedom in particular. Okay, I thought, it’s time I did that. Plus, the atmosphere in the Sated Skeleton favored signing some declaration of independence.

“All right,” I said. “I guess a couple of extra cups of kamra wouldn’t hurt after all.” I winked at Melifaro: buckle up, mister, and enjoy the show.

He was all buckled up already, though, eager to hear what I was going to say to the girls. Heck, I was eager to know that, too. I stared at my cup of kamra and began composing a speech in my head. The composing wasn’t quite working out.

“Did a werewolf bite you?” said Sir Kofa. “Has Goppa Tallaboona hired a bad chef? The expression on your face suggests that you’re trying to digest a block of wood.”

“I’m a primitive being, I’m not denying that, but I’m not that primitive,” I said. “This has nothing to do with my digestion. I’m thinking.”

“Oh, he’s thinking,” said Kofa. “Poor boy. And what, pray tell, are you thinking about?”

“About these three beauties,” I said, nodding at the sisters. Three pairs of eyes stared back at me.

“Not the worst thing in the world to think about,” said Kofa. “And what kinds of thoughts are you thinking about them?”

“Assorted thoughts,” I said. I discovered it was much easier for me to address my family-related issues when talking directly to Kofa rather than to the alarmed triplets.

“Imagine if you will, Kofa, three beautiful young ladies growing up far, far away in the Barren Lands. How they lived and what they did there, I have no idea. But, one would imagine, they did live and did do something, and everything was more or less simple for them: the sky was up, the earth was down, menkals had antlers, and so on.” I took a deep breath and continued. “Then one day, some wise elders put the girls on antlered menkals and bring them to the house of some stranger and say that he is the new king of the Xenxa people and their new husband to boot. Then the aforementioned wise elders turn around and go back home, leaving the beautiful Kenlex, Xeilax, and Xelvi in a huge foreign house. What’s more, the girls probably don’t know what to do and how to live now.

“The stranger they consider to be their husband gets rid of them, promising to drop by for a friendly chat someday—something he hasn’t yet done, by the way. Well, we all know I’m a regular swine. But, unlike their husband, all kinds of nice folk who claim to be good friends of his do come visit them regularly, praise be the Magicians. It’s all fine and dandy, but I doubt it lives up to the young ladies’ notion of matrimonial responsibilities.” I took my stare off Kofa and turned to the sisters. “Am I describing the situation more or less accurately?”

The girls were smiling. Their smiles were very shy, almost indiscernible, but all three of them were smiling. That was a success. Nay, it was my hour of triumph. I had been waiting all my life for something of this kind. If anything, I was ready to die right then and there since I’d already put on the best show of my life.

“It’s good that you’re smiling,” I said to them. “It’s the shortest path to my heart, if that silly muscle is of any interest to you. Plus, you and I have landed in a really awkward situation, so your reaction is most appropriate. Marriage is a funny thing, especially our marriage.”

“You don’t need us?” said one of the sisters, the one whose bright-yellow looxi had made me laugh. “When Fairiba took us with him, he warned us that this might happen. He told us that you were not like the former kings of the Lands of Fanghaxra, which our elders still remember. From the beginning, we were ready for anything.”

“Well, don’t lay it on too thick,” I said. “I’m sure I need you for something, ladies, since you’ve appeared in my life. Fate is no fool: she won’t bring people together for no reason. I never needed a wife, not to mention three wives, that’s true. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to kick you out. I want you to stay here at the Furry House and do whatever you want, as long as you’re having fun. The only thing I’m going to have to ask you to do is to forget all this nonsense about husband and wives. Let’s just agree that you’re my guests. Wait. No. That’s not exactly right. Guests come and go, and you don’t have anywhere to go, nor do you have to. Echo is a wonderful place. You’re lucky that fate brought you to the Capital of the Unified Kingdom. I’m still crazy about it, even though one might say I should’ve gotten used to it by now. Let’s say you’re something like my nieces. Are you okay with this term?”

One of the sisters smiled and nodded. The other two stared at her in disbelief and then looked at me again.

“I’m sure we’ll soon be able to replace the word ‘nieces’ with the word ‘friends,’” I said. “But the process of turning someone you barely know into someone you can call a friend is not something you have much control over. It just happens, so let’s not plan anything ahead.”

“If I understand you correctly, our lives should somehow change after this conversation. Right?” said the girl in the yellow looxi. She was the most serious of the three, despite her frivolous taste in clothing.

“That’s right,” I said. “Your lives should change radically. First, I’d be happy if you stopped trembling in my presence. There’s no need for that. Listen to Sir Kofa: you should talk to me in the same way he does. I know it’s going to be hard in the beginning, but you’ll get the hang of it sooner or later. Oh, and the most important thing you should know: you’re totally free. You can leave the house and come back whenever you feel like it. You can invite whomever you want. And you should turn to me if you need help or a piece of advice or some other silly thing, like money, but never to ask my permission. If I don’t like something, you’ll be the first to know. And if someone happens to step all over your heart, as we say here in Echo, just know that your life is your life. I’m not going to stick my nose into it—unless you ask me to, of course.” I wiped off my forehead and gave Sir Kofa a sorrowful look. “Do you think I sounded convincing?”

“Very much so. I never knew you were capable of giving such fiery speeches with such a straight face. You had me worried for a second there,” said Kofa.

“Well, I’m still worried,” said Melifaro. “Very worried, in fact.”

“Stuff it, mister,” I said.

“Oh, I’d love to,” said Melifaro, “but there’s nothing in this sinning tavern to stuff it with. Would you mind if I performed this barbarian ritual some other time?”

“Permission granted,” I said. “I’m in a very good mood today.”

The sisters were still examining me. I thought they looked a little more relaxed now, however. I should’ve had this conversation a few dozen days sooner, I thought. I have a nasty habit of putting off forever what I should’ve done a hundred years ago.

“Okay. Now let’s move on to the introductions,” I said to the sisters. “I’m going to try to tell you apart, if I can.”

“I’m Xeilax,” said the girl in the bright-yellow looxi. “This is Xelvi,” she said, pointing at the giggly sister who had liked my proposition to call them nieces. Then she put her hand on the shoulder of the third sister and said, “And she’s Kenlex.”

Kenlex was the one dressed in a strict black-and-white outfit. She gave me a sudden heavy, piercing look, sending shivers down my spine. Up until that point, I’d thought she was the harmless goody-goody, the meekest of the three. Then again, I’m such a poor judge of character.

“Okay, let’s hope I won’t mix you up next time. Now I really must go back to work. Kurush would peck out my eyes if I stayed another minute here, and he would be absolutely right to do so.” I gulped the rest of my kamra and got up. “Good night, everyone.”

“Take care, buddy,” said Melifaro. “Don’t get into trouble, and if you do, take my favorite looxi off first.”

“Aw, I kind of already set my heart on rolling in the nearest puddle,” I said. “What am I supposed to do now? Change my plans because of your whining? Tough luck, mister.”

I returned to the House by the Bridge in a superb mood. A good dinner combined with the satisfaction of my “conjugal visit” had affected me in a most invigorating manner. I brought Kurush a dozen pastries. It was clear he’d never eat that many, but in this respect, he and I adhered to the same principle: the more the better.

It turned out I wasn’t terribly late. Kurush mumbled something about how it was typical for people to say they were going to step out for just a minute and then come back two hours later. I thought I’d been gone for much longer. It didn’t matter anyway because nothing had happened while I’d been out. Which was typical: in this wonderful World, bad things prefer to happen precisely when I’m in.

It didn’t seem as though bad things were going to happen today, however. For about an hour and a half, Kurush and I loafed around peacefully. I browsed through yesterday’s Royal Voice, and the buriwok ate his pastry. Then I wiped the cream off his beak. Finally Kurush puffed up his feathers and fell asleep. Around midnight, one of the junior staff members of the Headquarters poked his head into the office.

“A visitor for you, Sir Max,” he said.

“Let me guess: short, plump, and very brazen?” I thought it must have been Anday Pu, still shocked about the loss of his grandfather’s chest. I was sure that his imagination was running wild, coming up with new hypothetical “treasures” that had once been unfairly neglected and were now suddenly gone from his life.

“On the contrary, Sir Max. The visitor is tall, thin, and very polite. He’s dressed like an Echoer, but he has a beard down to his waist and braided hair. He also has a Tasherian accent.”

“Heh,” I said. “When I’m wrong, I can’t be more wrong. Well, if he really has a beard that long, show him in. I can’t miss a show like that.”

The courier nodded, embarrassed, and left. My jokes have the tendency to befuddle and confuse our junior staff, and I’m still trying to be more democratic with them.

A tall bearded man in a dark looxi stood in the doorway.

“Captain Giatta!” I said. “Of course! I should’ve guessed it was you.”

This captain from Tasher had been hanging out in Echo for almost two years, and frankly, it was my fault. I had once saved his life. It was almost an accident: back then I hadn’t known what I was doing or why. Captain Giatta, however, took my actions very seriously, however: he had taken it into his head that he must pay me back with something worthy of my feat. As I had never gotten around to coming up with a task for him, he’d had to stay in Echo. He still hoped that sooner or later I’d need his help. I had almost forgotten about his “eternal debt” to me—too many things had happened since then. I’d been through numerous troubles, but they’d required the help of specialists in completely different fields.

“Am I interrupting something, Sir Max?” said Giatta.

“No, of course not. Has something happened?” I said.

“If you mean to ask whether something bad has happened, then no, nothing of that sort,” he said, sitting on the edge of the armchair. “I just came to say goodbye.”

“Good,” I said. “I told you I didn’t need anything from you. I’m sure you have been missed at home.”

“You’ve misinterpreted my words, Sir Max,” said the captain. “I still hope to pay you back for saving my life someday. I’m not going home. I’m just going on a sea voyage.”

“That’s excellent,” I said. “Where are you going?”

“Frankly, I’m not quite sure myself. The captain of the karuna that hired me hasn’t yet told us where we’re going. He says, though, that the voyage shouldn’t take more than a year. I came to tell you that no later than a year from now I will be at your service again at any time.”

“Hold that thought, Giatta,” I said. “I don’t get it. What captain? Who hired you? You’re a captain yourself. Plus, as far as I know, you have your own ship. The entire staff of the Minor Secret Investigative Force went to admire your Old Maid when you arrived in Echo. Has anything happened to it?”

“No, the Old Maid is all right, praise be the heavens,” said the Tasherian. He looked perplexed. It seemed he’d just remembered his ship and was happy with his rediscovery.

“Okay, I’m confused,” I said. “I think we need a large pitcher of kamra to get to the bottom of this. Or would you like something stronger, Giatta?”

“I think I would,” he said.

“Something stronger it is then,” I said and sent a call to the Glutton Bunba. I had been going to do it anyway.

“Spit it out,” I said, when my desk was crowded with empty dishes. “Because I just don’t get it. Instead of going on your own ship, you’re hired by some other captain who didn’t even bother to tell you where he was going. Is he an old friend?”

“No,” said the Tasherian, staring at the ceiling as though he were trying to read the answer there. “Until this morning, I had never heard of him.”

“Why then? Is the pay good?”

“Probably … I didn’t ask.” Captain Giatta looked like he had just woken up.

“Well, I’ll be,” I said, shaking my head. “Now I’m beginning to understand how you ended up working for that scoundrel merchant Agon. I’m sorry, Giatta, but is this how you usually get hired?”

“No. You probably won’t believe me, but I’m actually a very cautious man,” he said. “I understand you must have a different impression, but when Mr. Agon offered to hire me, I found out every possible detail of the journey and then spent a few days pondering it. I was actually going to decline because I thought he’d been holding something back. I think that was why he put his blasted enchanted belt on me.”

“I’d love to believe that,” I said. “But your latest venture has surpassed all my notions of human carelessness. All my notions, mind you. Did your new acquaintance put something on you, too?”

“No, no. Nothing of the sort. After the last time, I made a vow not to accept gifts from people I don’t know well. The odd part is that I wasn’t really looking for a job. I get a good salary at the Customs Service: I transfer large shipments of confiscated goods to warehouses outside town. My Old Maid is excellent for this kind of job. It’s a spacious and fairly lightweight banf. I even hired a few people to help me. You have to have other people helping you on a ship even for such short trips. I signed contracts with them until the end of this year. If I leave my job now and go on that voyage, they’ll sue me. What was I thinking?”

Captain Giatta gulped down a glass of Jubatic Juice that I had ordered for him and drew a deep sigh. He looked like he had just woken up after an unhealthy midday nap in a poorly ventilated room.

“I take it you’ve changed your mind about leaving now,” I said. “I’m very keen on getting into all sorts of risky ventures, but you’ve clearly outdone me here.”

“Thank goodness I was smart enough to remember my debt and come here to say goodbye to you,” said the captain. He took a few more sips from his glass and shook his head. “What was it? It’s like a spell. I saw that captain, listened to him telling me about this upcoming ‘great voyage,’ and got as excited as a kid. I completely lost track of everything. Now I realize I was prepared to go with him to the ends of the earth as a regular sailor if he’d called me.”

“Really?” I said. “Talk about charisma.”

“I beg your pardon?” The Tasherian blinked.

“Oh, I’m always talking nonsense. Sorry. I just meant that the fellow has an uncanny way of charming others and wrapping them around his little finger.”

“I guess you’re right,” said Giatta, wiping his forehead. “You can’t imagine how strong was my sudden urge to go on that accursed voyage! I completely lost my head. I’m so thankful that you started to ask me questions and made me remember so many details. I think I should go home, sleep two dozen hours, and not stick my head out until his Tobindona weighs anchor.”

“Tobindona?” I said. “Strange name. Is it a woman’s name?”

“No, it’s some kind of exotic plant,” said the captain.

“A plant you say? Oh, well, to Magicians with that plant. I just repeated the name so as not to forget it. Maybe everything’s all right, and you just met a great guy with a great gift of persuasion, and grabbed your first opportunity to get out because you’ve stayed here too long. That’s not impossible. Yet I want to make sure you weren’t the victim of some spell because spells are my specialty. I would be sad if I missed my chance to meet this guy. When did you say he was about to set off?”

“He told us to arrive tomorrow at dusk,” said Giatta, “and I think he’s casting off an hour after that.”

“Wait, there were other takers besides yourself, then?”

“Of course. About two dozen more people listened to his speech, and all of them were willing to be employed on the Tobindona.”

“All of them? Well, well. And how did you meet him?”

“There’s a little square in the Port Quarter. It doesn’t even have a name, or perhaps it was forgotten long ago since nobody needs it—everyone knows the place. Sailors come there looking for a job, captains looking for a crew, and plain bored old geezers come there to chat with their younger colleagues. You know how it is.”

“More or less.”

“Well, I came because I wanted to hire help for the coming year. It’s been too much work for me to handle alone recently, so I was looking for a sailor who’d stand in for me on the Old Maid. I saw a group of people gathered around some gentleman, so I approached them to listen to what they were talking about. I ended up signing on to his crew, instead of …” Captain Giatta made a helpless gesture and fell silent.

“Okay, put it out of your mind,” I said. “If you had come to your senses somewhere around Tuto Islands, despair would have been in order. What’s your brilliant orator’s name again?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t even ask him.” Captain Giatta was no longer surprised at his own absentmindedness. I think he was beginning to get mad, although I wasn’t sure at whom. Not at me, I hoped.

“Captain, go home and get some sleep,” I said. “All’s well that ends well. And you know what? I don’t think you should venture out tomorrow. Just to be on the safe side. What if that was a spell? Wait until the Tobindona casts off—did I get that name right?”

“You did.”

“Good. So you are supposed to meet tomorrow at dusk. Where exactly? The port is a large place,” I said.

“At the end of the Main Pier of the Right Bank. That’s where the Tobindona is docked,” said Giatta.

“Thank you, Giatta. I think I’ll find it. Well, good night, and don’t hesitate to send me a call if your plans suddenly change once again. It’s not a good idea to fight spells alone. I know this from personal experience.”

Captain Giatta went home, and I fell into deep thought. At first I thought I should go to the port right away and get to the bottom of this Tobindona case, but soon I realized that wasn’t the best idea. I doubted I was capable of finding anything quickly in the dark alleyways and nooks of the Capital’s port. Worse, I could get lost there. I couldn’t tell a karuna from a banf, and I knew next to nothing about anything that had to do with the sea or navigation. True, I thought, that might not be necessary in this case, but … Exactly: but.

If I wanted to go to the port, I needed help from Sir Kofa, or even Melifaro. Besides, I should probably discuss it first with Juffin, who had pleaded with me not to disturb him until noon. Well, at least I had time—not until noon but until breakfast time tomorrow.

I spent the rest of my energy on a feat of a different kind: I called in a courier and demanded that he clean off my desk. To my surprise, the fellow managed this impossible task in almost no time—did he use magic?—and left the office without making a sound. I moved another armchair next to the one I was sitting in, put my legs up on it, and dozed off. Melifaro’s warm looxi, which I had forgotten to take off and change for my Mantle of Death, served as a great blanket, its horrific turquoise color notwithstanding.

It was still dark when Sir Kofa woke me up.

“If you like sleeping so much, you can do it at home,” he said. “I need to think, so scram.”

Of course I didn’t have the guts to tell him about Captain Giatta: the word “later” sounds so tempting an hour before dawn. I was so sleepy that I just muttered a thank-you and dragged myself over to a company amobiler, much to the driver’s shock: he had never seen me leave Headquarters in the back seat of an amobiler. Usually I try to grab the lever myself no matter what condition I’m in. Today, though, I was really out of shape.

On top of that, the driver unloaded me by my house on the Street of Yellow Stones. Half awake, I realized what had happened only after the amobiler had disappeared around the corner. I wasn’t going to submit to fate. Struggling to keep my eyes open, I walked to Tekki’s place. Praise be the Magicians, the Armstrong & Ella was just a few blocks away. For someone who’s half asleep, though, walking a short distance feels like traveling half the globe.

Good grief, I thought as I opened the bedroom door, I’m being so childish. What difference does it make where I crash? But as soon as I got into bed and pulled the few remaining inches of warm blanket over myself (Tekki had grabbed the rest of the furry cover), I realized there was a difference after all.

Once in bed, I couldn’t go to sleep. I started thinking about my most recent conversation with Tekki. She couldn’t leave Echo—this was bad news. I had been planning to ask Juffin for a vacation so I could go to Kettari and, of course, take Tekki along with me. I desperately wanted to go back and walk with Tekki through that wonderful place, whose magnificent bridges, empty gardens, and narrow embankments had once made me lose my head. I also had hoped that we’d be able to return to the small nameless town in the mountains that had once been part of my dreams and then became a real place on the edge of the newborn World, a place quite suitable for living. If the words of Mackie Ainti, the old sheriff of Kettari, were to be trusted, I had been solely responsible for that miracle. If only I knew how I’d pulled it off. Until today, I had been positive that I would invite Tekki to go on that trip with me some day, and then—boom!

Maybe I’ll be able to share my dream with her, I thought. Once Sir Shurf Lonli-Lokli and I had managed to stroll through my favorite dreams together just by putting our heads on the same pillow. Granted, it was Shurf who was doing the magic—I’d never tried this trick myself. On the other hand, I could sometimes pull off things that I thought I’d never be capable of pulling off. Why not try it now? What if it works? It’s an unorthodox way of asking your girlfriend out, sure, but then again, it’s me we’re talking about.

I laid my head on Tekki’s pillow. A silver lock of her hair tickled my ear, and I gently pushed it away. I suppressed the desire to bite the sweet lobe of her ear, relaxed, yawned, and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, smelling the honey aroma of her hair, and fell asleep.

Sometimes it’s as easy as pie to fall into another adventure.

I dreamed I was walking up the gentle slope of a hill. It was hot. Too hot for my taste. Short dry grass, faded in the sun, crackled under my feet. It was hard to walk. After taking a few steps, I noticed the slope wasn’t so gentle after all. And yet I kept trudging upward, not knowing how I had suddenly become so adept at mountain climbing.

Now I was on the top of the hill. I wiped off the sweat that covered my face and looked around. From here, a magnificent view opened up onto a nondescript valley among the gentle outlines of hills. Searing heat and shades of golden yellow ruled the landscape here. Dry grass rustled in the hot wind. This was the only vegetation: there were no trees, no bushes, no water, no houses—only the motionless ocean of sunburned grass under a shimmering white sky, with no sun or suns that I could discern.

“You like it here, Max?” The voice came from behind me.

It this hadn’t been a dream, I definitely would have jumped three feet in the air and maybe even screamed. But in my dreams, I’m as calm as a boa constrictor. I didn’t even turn around. I couldn’t take my eyes off the enchanting golden folds of this strange landscape. I answered without bothering to learn who was talking to me. “I’m not sure. This doesn’t feel like my dream.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” the voice said. “It’s not my dream, either. Actually, it’s not even a dream. Just the silly fantasy of one lonely daydreamer. But it’s livable, as I’ve had the chance to find out for myself recently. And why aren’t you turning around? I’m not the most disgusting creature in the Universe, whatever Magician Nuflin may think of me.”

“I’m sorry. It seems this place inspires a peculiar form laziness,” I said. “I am a first-class idler, but until now I never thought one couldn’t be bothered to simply turn around.”

While I was saying all this, I managed to break the bondage of my gaze at the golden landscape. I felt I could move now, although I didn’t feel particularly inclined to do so. Good manners took precedence, though, and I turned to face my interlocutor.

He was sitting motionless on a small flat rock that shimmered and glistened with all shades of honey. The rock looked like a chunk of amber. The man sitting on top of it was of an indeterminate age. He wore loose white pants and a loose collarless shirt. On his feet he wore soft orange leather Uguland boots. His long, skinny arms with their large, strong hands were folded and resting on his knees. His appearance looked a little funny to me. I might have mistaken him for a fashionable beachgoer or a nutty dentist who had decided to open a practice in the middle of a vast desert. I couldn’t make out his face because of his long light hair. I took one glance at it and knew it was as coarse as metal wire. His appearance, however, didn’t matter. I knew who it was I had come face to face with in this strange place. I don’t know how I knew. I just did.

“Sir Loiso Pondoxo?” I said, my heart sinking. “The Grand Magician of the Order of the Watery Crow. Maybe you’ll be able to explain to me why your formidable Order had such a silly name. No one I’ve asked has yet given me an answer. I knew one day you’d appear somewhere right beside me.”

“Really? What made you think that?” His surprise seemed genuine.

“Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t mention your name to me,” I said.

“Well, that doesn’t explain anything. People mention lots of names.”

I tried to explain to him honestly what I’d always found inexplicable. “I’ve always had an unusual reaction to people mentioning your name. I’d either laugh like a lunatic or become completely despondent. I mean, it could go either way. Why else would I go from one extreme to the other if I hadn’t had this vague premonition?” I surprised myself with my excellent explanation.

“Funny,” he said. “See, I didn’t ask because I wanted to chat. My only shortcoming is that I’m not clairvoyant. I’ve never been good at it. This makes life more interesting and less predictable, but sometimes it’s a real obstacle. Believe it or not, I’ve never had a premonition in my entire life. I could never sense what was going to happen or what the outcome of an event would be. I could calculate or make an educated guess, but that’s an entirely different process. It’s hard for me to imagine how it all happens. You’re much luckier in that respect.”

He tossed back his long tangled hair and looked at me with bright, attentive eyes. His face looked very familiar, and a moment later I understood why. It was my face—well, almost my face. Sir Loiso Pondoxo looked exactly how I had wanted to look like when I had been young, back when I had believed that a small change in the size of my nose, the outline of my chin, or the shape of my eyes would make my life better.

I was shocked by this discovery, but then I remembered what Juffin had told me about this fellow only three dozen days ago. We had been talking about Tekki. According to Juffin, all Loiso Pondoxo’s children were “mirrors”—creatures that reflected their interlocutors. Juffin had said that talking to Tekki was akin to having a split personality. He then had said that Loiso himself had been the best “mirror”—“the most devastating kind of personal charm” had been what Juffin had said. I couldn’t agree with him more.

I decided not to tell Loiso that I knew his trick. Let him think that I’m dying to kiss the soles of his boots, I thought. Keeping a little secret had never been against my principles. Besides, I wasn’t really interested in his face. I wanted to grab my chance: I had a plethora of questions for this legendary man.

“So you survived?” I said, sitting down on the yellow grass. “Or did you die and this is your personal hell?”

“Both. Are you really interested?” he said.

“Of course I am. It’s not every day you get the chance to learn such a great mystery. Besides, I’ve suddenly got the chance to find out exactly what it is I’m dreaming about. I don’t know about anyone else, but this doesn’t happen to me too often.”

“You’re an amazingly frivolous person,” said Loiso, grinning. “I can imagine what you’ve heard about me from the Kettarian. What others say about me, I can’t even begin to guess—my imagination has its bounds. And yet you just sat down beside me and began this small talk. Is this bravery? Or is this a new form of madness that just came into fashion in the Capital of the Unified Kingdom?”

“The latter, I think—although, no. You just don’t reek of danger. For now, at least,” I said honestly.

“Will you look at him? Well, your nose hasn’t lied to you. I don’t reek of any danger,” he said and made a funny, helpless gesture. “But I will, and sooner rather than later.”

I smiled. Sir Loiso Pondoxo copied my gestures and intonations in a very cute and cunning fashion—just like his daughter. Juffin was right. I was lucky that the boss had found time to lecture me on this subject. That new information had added fire to the flame of my relationship with Tekki. How could it not, such an exotic little detail? But now I knew better than to melt under the “kind” gaze of her infamous daddy.

I was still in danger of melting, though, but for an altogether different reason: it was roasting hot here. Every minute it was getting hotter and hotter, which only reinforced my crazy hypothesis about this place being Loiso’s hell.

“Well, this is all fine and dandy,” I said, wiping the sweat from my face again, “but I’d like to wake up now, thank you very much. Just tell me whether I’m your guest or your prisoner. Because if I’m a prisoner, I’m going to have to start fumbling in the Chink between Worlds, hoping to get hold of a fan, or at least an ice cream cone.”

“Oh, this isn’t hot; it’s just very warm,” said Loiso mildly. “If you stayed in this World a little longer, you’d know the difference. To wake up, you just need to walk downhill a little. It’s very easy to walk away from me, Max. Especially for you. Trust me, the last thing I need is to quarrel with you. After all, you’re my first visitor since the day that Kettarian lured me into this trap.”

“He says he lured you into a disappearing World,” I said, “and that according to his calculations, you should’ve disappeared along with this place a long time ago. But you didn’t. Or did you?”

“No, I did not, as you can see,” said Loiso. “You and I find ourselves in that very disappearing World as we speak. It was born out of the dreams of one crazy old hag—an unbearable old bitch, you can take my word for it. There are many Worlds in the Universe that are born out of someone’s dreams. When Juffin pulled me in here, that lady was just about to die—very considerate of her. After her death, the World was supposed to disappear, taking me with it, it’s true. There was one thing that Juffin didn’t take into account, though: the vestiges of my powers were enough to render the old lady virtually immortal. I don’t know how long she’s going to linger, but it’s going to be much longer than people normally do. I can only feel for her heirs: they’re not getting anything, not in their lifetime. The funny thing is that the old hag has no idea why Death has been avoiding her. And she never will, I suppose.”

“I never thought I’d have to bring such news to Juffin,” I said. “I don’t know which he’s going to like best: the news itself, or the fact that I’m going to be bringing it. Because I’m going to tell him, even if you don’t want me to. You know, Sir Loiso, I have this nasty habit of telling him everything. It’s like a tic—I can’t help it.”

“Of course you will tell him,” said Loiso. “I wouldn’t have let you in this place if that mattered one way or the other. I’ve become quite used to things here. Adapting to them has been my only pastime and the only way to fill my endless leisure hours. Juffin made sure I couldn’t leave this World, and I made sure no one could enter it uninvited. It’s not a lot, but it’s something. So you can tell Juffin anything you wish. You can even make a few things up—I don’t mind. I think he probably knows I’m still kicking, and I suspect he had left this little chance for me to stay alive on purpose: he desperately wanted to watch me try and get out of here. Do you know what they called him when he was sheriff in his hometown?”

“What?” I said.

“They called him a chiffa,” said Loiso and gave me a long look. “Right, you probably don’t know what a chiffa is. A chiffa is a small silvery fox that lives in the mountains of County Shimara. A very cunning critter. It’s so cunning that it’s almost impossible to catch him. There is only one way: chiffas are as curious as they are cunning. If a hunter stops behaving like a hunter and begins to do something out of the ordinary, like standing on his head or juggling with his own boots, for example, then there’s a chance that a chiffa will leave his hideout to see what’s going on. But this will only trick young, inexperienced chiffas. Old chiffas will only buy a real miracle. Back in the old days, there were plenty of good sorcerers among Shimarian hunters. They went to great lengths to get hold of the chiffa’s silvery fur.”

“I see,” I said.

“Well, in that case, you may also see why I don’t think the Kettarian will be too surprised to learn that I’m still alive. Deep down, he’s probably hoping that I am. It’s very much in his character to poke his curious nose out of his burrow and see what I’m going to do in a desperate situation. I actually quite like his attitude.”

“So do I,” I said. “You know, Loiso, I’m really interested and all that, but I don’t think this climate is good for me. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead and take your advice and start walking down this hill. I can only imagine how ‘well rested’ I’m going to be when I wake up.”

“Of course, you should go,” he said. “See you.”

“Is that an invitation or a warning?” I said. I was on the verge of collapse from the heat. I only managed to stay on my feet because of my inborn stubbornness. The last thing I wanted was to ask Sir Loiso Pondoxo to take me in his arms and carry me where I needed to go. I really liked him, and that meant that I’d be desperate to show off and strut my stuff in front of him—at any cost.

“It’s a bit of both, an invitation and a warning,” said Loiso. “But I don’t think I’ll have to go out of my way to have you over here again. You’re even more willing to stick your curious nose out of your fox-hole than your guardian. You’re still a cub.”

“True, that,” I said. “Next time, though, try to assume the appearance of some beautiful girl from my adolescent dreams. I think there are plenty of wonderful specimens in the corners of my memory. You never know, maybe I’ll like you even more.” I was beginning to be really brazen—a sure sign that I was feeling really bad.

“There’s no need to go that far,” said Loiso. “You love yourself more than anyone else.”

“Touché,” I said, taking my first unsteady step down the hill. “Never mind me, I’m just being a young Turk. I hope you like having my face on yours.” My head was spinning, I swayed as if drunk, and my thinking fared no better.

“What’s a Turk?” the Grand Magician Loiso Pondoxo shouted to my back.

Funny. His daughter had once asked me the very same question. I couldn’t answer: I was laughing and that depleted the rest of my energy. My vision went blank, but I continued to walk down the hill until I tripped over a clump of dry grass and fell, rolling head over heels …

… and finally sucked in a draft of cool air. Praise be whoever should be praised, I was lying peacefully under the blanket in the semidarkness of Tekki’s bedroom. She was lying next to me, sleeping like a baby. All was well.

I looked out the window. The sun had just appeared in the sky. That meant that I had slept for no more than an hour. Who would’ve thought? Then I looked at my hands and saw fresh scratches on my palms. I had just gotten them in my dream when I clutched at the sharp dry tufts of grass, but the scratches were very real.

Well, what did I expect? That my encounter with Loiso Pondoxo had been one of those dreams one could discuss with a shrink and then painlessly forget? I was mad at myself. I hid the evidence of my romantic journey under the blanket and put my head on the pillow—my pillow this time. After a short but educational walk in the personal hell of the Grand Magician Loiso Pondoxo, I was feeling wretched and needed some real sleep, the kind of deep sleep I usually got when I returned home from a long, hard shift at work. In a sense, that was what had happened.

I fell asleep again, this time without any dreams, which was for the better. I didn’t get much sleep, but when I woke up from Tekki’s tender and somewhat hesitant touch, I realized I felt great. I also realized that the last thing I wanted was for her to find out that Sir Loiso Pondoxo had invaded my dreams right after I had put my head on her pillow. As if she needed to deal with my stupid problems on top of the consequences of the strange legacy she would have to deal with for the rest of her life. My story was good for Juffin and Juffin alone.

I looked into her calm, still sleepy eyes and listened to my two hearts knocking. The mysterious muscles were pumping blood through their arteries and didn’t seem to bother my head with bad premonitions. It was clear that Tekki had no clue about my encounter with Loiso. Good. I had other plans for the morning.

I had kept my promise not to wake up Juffin until noon even if the sky fell. I considered my heart-to-heart talk with Loiso to be an even more serious disaster, but the boss deserved the chance to have a good night’s sleep. It was way past noon when I sent him a call.

I desperately need to have lunch with you, Juffin.

Really? You sure go out of your way to save a crown or two.

Guilty as charged. Seriously, though, Juffin, I must talk to you. And you must talk to me. You just don’t know it, yet.

I suppose so. Otherwise you wouldn’t have troubled yourself with Silent Speech. Fine, come to the Glutton. I’ve been sitting here for several minutes already.

Uh, actually, my news will require a more intimate setting. I was planning to deliver it in the office. Better yet, in your detention cell with all your magic bolts bolted.

Nonsense, Max. Trust me, the walls of the Glutton Bunba are just as good at absorbing horrible secrets.

“Tekki, I’m off,” I said. “I have a feeling this is going to be one heck of a day. I don’t know when I’m going to be back. Maybe I’ll drop by in a couple of hours—where else can I get some kamra without paying for it? Or maybe I’ll come back in a year with a beard down to my belt, apologize, and say I accidentally went on a trip around the world.” I smiled, remembering Captain Giatta. Right, I had that case to deal with, too.

“Beards don’t grow that fast,” said Tekki. “If you want to boast a long beard, you’ll have to stay away a dozen years at least. But I don’t think it’s necessary—the beard, I mean.”

“I sure hope so,” I said. “Beards only trap food crumbs.” I ran outside. Another minute in Tekki’s company and I’d think that my talk with Juffin could wait.

Because I had returned home in a company amobiler yesterday, my own amobiler was still on the Street of Copper Pots by the walls of the Ministry of Perfect Public Order. This was no longer a problem, however. After Sir Lonli-Lokli and I had combined our efforts to destroy my first amobiler, I had lived almost a dozen days without any transportation. When I had finally gotten to the place that sold them, the variety of amobilers on the market had made me drunk. Without giving it a second thought, I had bought a few, thinking that I couldn’t have too many, given my lifestyle.

Today it turned out that my risky investment had been a farsighted one. Instead of ripping my hair out and crying, I took one of my spares and drove to the Old City, feeling quite content and somewhat perplexed by my own coolness: I had more or less gotten used to being a powerful sorcerer, but I’d probably never get used to being rich.

Sir Juffin Hully was sitting at our favorite table in the Glutton Bunba. “Sir Max has shown up in double-quick time, as usual,” he said to the pitcher in front of him. Then he looked at me and smiled. “Max, your face suggests that you’re going to tell me something extraordinary. Something along the lines of Loiso Pondoxo coming back to life.”

“So you know?” I said.

“I was joking,” said Juffin. “And so were you, I hope.” He stopped short and gave me a look that was a mixture of mockery and surprise. “Hold on a second, you’re not joking, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” I said. “So should I spit it out here, or should I wait until you’ve finished lunch and returned to the House by the Bridge?”

“Spit it out here. Makes no difference where one hears news like that.”

And I told him everything, beginning with the moment I put my silly head on Tekki’s pillow and ending with my showing Juffin the scratches on my palms.

“Why were you clutching at the sinning grass to begin with?” Juffin said. “To prove it to me later on?”

“Do you think I’m really that smart?” I said. “I grabbed it mechanically, without really thinking about it. I couldn’t think straight by that time. It was real heatstroke. You have no idea how hot it was there.”

“Oh, but I do,” said Juffin. “I’ve been there.”

“Right,” I said. “Well, how do you like the news?”

“Actually, I don’t know,” said Juffin, staring at me with unconcealed surprise. “In my book, it’s too much. I think I’m glad that Loiso is still kicking. I used to think that the Universe had become empty without him. Are you surprised?”

“Probably not,” I said. “I … liked him, although I do realize that I wasn’t dealing with the real Loiso Pondoxo, just my own reflection—idealized, augmented, and corrected in compliance with my own recommendations. You were right: it’s the most devastating kind of personal charm. In any case, I bought into it—lock, stock, and barrel. Who could ever resist himself? What does the real Loiso Pondoxo look like, I wonder? Or did you only deal with a nice copy of yourself, too?”

“It depends. Besides, Loiso and I have many mutual acquaintances. Take Maba Kalox, for example—he and Loiso used to be good friends. So I think I know what the real Loiso looks like. He’s moody but always aggressive—that’s the only thing that never changes in him. He’s not evil, but he’s definitely aggressive. When you’re dealing with the real Loiso, it seems as though he has no choice: he’ll either tear everything around into pieces or blow up himself. He’s a very charming person, and insufferable at the same time. His old friends in the Xolomi Higher Institute used to tell me that everybody adored Loiso. At the same time, they avoided inviting him to parties. Even back then, there was too much of him for others to be able to relax in his company. He poured bucketfuls of his unpredictability on others. Then again, Loiso was never really fond of parties or other social events. He was a self-contained fellow. Solitude fit him like a glove.”

“You seem to be madly in love with your old enemy,” I said.

“In a way, you’re right,” said the boss. “I love strange birds. Loiso Pondoxo was not just an eccentric psychopath; he was a brilliant sorcerer, too. He had an innate talent for Apparent Magic. People used to say that he’d learned to fly before he learned to walk, and I have reasons to believe that legend.”

“And yet you beat him,” I said.

“Well, looks like I didn’t after all,” said Juffin. “Still, better than nothing, I suppose. I was lucky that Loiso had begun taking lessons in True Magic much later than I had. Plus, he was more stubborn than talented. This put me at an advantage. It was probably the funniest battle in the entire history of the Troubled Times: two powerful magicians, neither wanting to kill the other yet being compelled to do it. On top of that, both of us were curious to find out how it would end.”

“Why did you even engage in that battle of the titans to begin with?” I said. “From the looks of it, you and Loiso could’ve become buddies.”

“It was my job,” said Juffin. “I had orders. Also, Loiso was very capable of destroying this World, and he certainly never lacked the desire to do it. It’s not a metaphor but a fact. He even had time to do some damage. Kettari, as you know, disappeared from the face of the earth, and for Loiso it was a mere warm-up before the main show. But in any event, we wouldn’t have become buddies. Fate has always been very persistent at making our paths diverge, and you can’t fool fate.”

“Yeah,” I said, “that I know. Well, that’s all very neat, but what am I supposed to do now, Juffin? I mean with myself, my darn dreams, Loiso, and Tekki, of course? I don’t know how to proceed.”

“Hold onto your seat, but I don’t know either. I don’t think you should do anything at all. Live and wait for the situation to unfold. Just make sure your head always stays on your own pillow. Perhaps Loiso can only communicate with you through his daughter. Tekki is his last living offspring, a small reservoir of his powers set aside for a rainy day. She’s a ‘window’ on our World. I suspect that your affair may have been a well-crafted trap from the outset.”

“But she has no clue,” I said nervously. “That’s for sure.”

“And that’s the dangerous part. If Tekki were capable of controlling the situation in any way, I’d feel much safer. She’s a good girl, Max. Don’t fret. You don’t need to run away from her to the end of the World. Just, to be on the safe side, don’t put your crazy head on her pillow, that’s all. Can you manage that?”

“It’ll be hard, but I’ll manage,” I said. My good mood had returned to me.

“Maybe it’ll be harder than you can imagine,” said Juffin. “You don’t know what your body is doing while you’re running around in your dreams. It tosses and turns, it kicks and mutters. The next thing you know, your head will be on Tekki’s pillow.”

“Ahem, that’s very unlikely,” I said, embarrassed. “Tekki and I sleep at different times and often in different places. This morning was an exception rather than a rule.”

“Okay, we’ll see,” said Juffin. “Deep down in my heart, I’m sure these are vain efforts. Loiso is probably powerful enough now to get to you without Tekki’s help. He got you once, and now it doesn’t matter which pillow your head rests on. On the other hand, who says that visiting Loiso will necessarily harm you? He’s a dangerous creature, of course, but you weren’t born yesterday, either. I’ll bet you’re curious as heck.”

“I am,” I said. “I’m so curious it makes my head spin. Loiso was right about that chiffa fox. You and I are very much alike.”

“You bet he was. I’m not sure which of us is more curious. You, probably.”

“I’m just younger so it’s easier to lure me out of my foxhole simply by standing on your head. And that’s exactly what your old friend there is doing.”

We both fell silent, each thinking his own thoughts. After a pause, I said, “You know, Juffin, I’m absolutely sure that your great and mighty Loiso Pondoxo poses no danger to me, at least not now. Otherwise, my heart would’ve warned me.”

“And it hasn’t?”

“Nope. So I’d love to pay him a couple more visits on my own volition. The only thing that stops me is that the situation might change at some point and there will be no going back.”

“There’s no going back for you already,” said Juffin. “Because there’s no going back for anyone. It’s just a fairy tale, a pacifier that’s as good as a lullaby. Okay, let’s consider this conversation about Loiso over. Enough for today. I suspect that you and I will have plenty of time to get sick of this topic. A word of warning, Max: this is a real secret. No one must know about your meeting with Loiso. And I mean no one. Period. Well, except maybe for Tekki, but it’s up to you. On the one hand, she has the right to know. On the other hand, who knows what she might do to try to protect you from her daddy?”

“What can she do?” I said.

“She still might try. She holds very dear the chance to touch your body from time to time, you know. Besides, she has her own bone to pick with Loiso. She really hates being in her own shoes, even though I know a lot of people who’d trade with her in a heartbeat.”

“Being in one’s own shoes is a special thing. There are very few who are lucky enough to be happy about it,” I said. “But we always find something attractive about being in someone else’s shoes.”

“Very wise words, young Max,” said Juffin. His lighthearted mockery had a pacifying effect on me. I knew that when Sir Juffin Hully spoke in this tone, the World was safe. It wouldn’t disappear or collapse. It would withstand whatever some Loiso Pondoxo or other might do to try to destroy it.

“Speaking of my wisdom,” I said. “Something intriguing and peculiar happened last night—” I was going to tell him Captain Giatta’s story, but Juffin shook his head and didn’t let me finish.

“Talk to Kofa about it.”

“How do you know what I was going to say?” I said.

“I don’t, but my heart tells me that story is meant for Sir Kofa’s ears. Did you think you were the only one with a good adviser sitting in your chest?”

“Fine. Then I’m not lunching with you,” I said. “To reach an understanding with Kofa, one must speak with his mouth full.”

“Are you saying that you’re willing to sacrifice one of the two possible lunches?” said the boss. “Now I see that Loiso cast the evil eye on you after all.”

I chuckled and sent Sir Kofa Yox a call.

Kofa, I’m starving. Besides, I’m dying to share a little secret with you and you alone.

Imagine that, I’m also dying to share a little secret with you, or possibly Melifaro. I haven’t decided yet. Where are you, by the way?

I’m sitting in the Glutton and staring at Juffin’s empty plate.

Good. Bring in Melifaro and start eating. I’ll join you in a quarter of an hour.

“Are you done talking with Kofa?” said Juffin, getting up from the table. “Wonderful, let’s go.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I said. “Sir Kofa told me to stay here and expand my circle of companionship, if possible.”

“I see. Good luck expanding it then. Kofa doesn’t give bad advice. Good day, Max. Maybe we’ll run into each other later today.”

“It’s a small world. And the House by the Bridge is even smaller,” I said. “Thank you, Juffin. You set my mind at ease.”

“Really? Silly me. I had hoped to scare the living heck out of you instead.” He waved goodbye and left. I sent a call to Melifaro.

I’ve been waiting for you in the Glutton for half an hour already. What’s wrong with you?

Nothing’s wrong with me, but did you ever stop to think that it’s a good idea to invite me somewhere before starting to wait for me there?

I did. Just now. That’s why I’m talking to you. Also, if you hurry, you’ll have a good chance of getting here before Kofa.

Is this a business meeting or a party?

Does it matter?

Less than a minute later Melifaro rushed into the Glutton Bunba, this time wearing a brand-new fiery red looxi. I cringed but my colleague was quite happy with himself.

“Did I beat Kofa?” he said. “Sweet. Just tell me, has something happened or not? I must know, because if it has, I’ll eat twice as much as I usually do so I don’t have to waste time on it later.”

“I’m not sure. First Kofa will come and tell me his news,” I said. “Then I’ll decide. But you should eat more, just in case.”

“Thanks for the advice. What would I do without you?”

“Mostly stupid things,” I said.

“True, that,” he said and opened the menu. I noticed that his mood was going off the scale on the “Good” side of the gauge.

“Is everything super?” I said.

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess. Yes. It is!” Melifaro wasn’t speaking; he was singing, addressing, for the most part, the ceiling. Look at him, mister, and learn, I said to myself. And keep in mind that when you begin an affair, your face assumes the same idiotic expression. Maybe even more idiotic because you just love going overboard with everything.

“What’s with the mocking stare?” said Melifaro.

“Don’t take it personally,” I said. “If anything, I’m mocking myself. Well, maybe you, too. But just a little.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. Go ahead. It’s your right. That’s the only thing that husbands who are being cheated on can do, anyway.”

“Am I already being cheated on?” I said. “So soon?”

“You will be,” said Melifaro. “After your speech yesterday, it could happen any minute now. You took such a load off the girls’ poor minds when you said they didn’t have to stay in the bedroom with such a monster as you for the rest of their lives. I love you, man!”

“Me? Why me?” I said.

“Why not? Hey, look! Here comes our Master Eavesdropper-Gobbler! And he has his own face, for some reason. Way to blow the cover. Good day, Kofa.”

“It’s been quite a day, indeed,” said Kofa, sitting down next to Melifaro. “How come you’re not eating anything?”

“We were too busy talking about women,” said Melifaro.

“Really? How very original of you. Still, I suggest we order something to eat and talk about something less exciting so it doesn’t interfere with digestion. About work, for example. What kind of news do you have, Max? Is it serious or not?”

“Frankly, I’m not sure,” I said. “It may be serious, or it may be nonsense. We need to discuss it.”

“Well, I have something really peculiar to tell you, so I’m going to start, if you don’t mind.”

“I’m all ears,” I said.

“Some of you should be all mouth,” said Kofa, giving a kind look to the trays of food. He tasted the contents of his pot, nodded, and began his story. “After you and Kekki chatted about that sinning chest for a half hour, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And if I think about something for more than just a few minutes, my feet inevitably bring me to where I can meet the protagonist of a story, or at least where I can find out more about him.” Kofa looked at me, smiling. “No, boy, this isn’t a metaphor. It’s just my little talent—well, one of them, but it’s very useful. When I was the General of the Police of the Right Bank, not a day went by that I didn’t have to use it. I still do, occasionally. There are hundreds of taverns in Echo, praise be the Magicians, and there’s just one me. I’d be worthless at my job if I couldn’t come to the right place at the right time.”

“Awesome,” I said. “Until now, I had a very different idea about your job.”

“That’s what I thought. That’s why I decided to explain it to you while we’re at it. In addition, I want you to know why I knew that my story has everything to do with your friend’s stolen possessions, Max.”

Kofa fell silent and began eating, as though giving me time to process new information. Finally, he went on. “Last night, I took our ladies home and went out, never stopping to think about that sinning chest. I let my legs take me where they thought I should be. I ended up in the Drunken Rain.”

“Oh, that’s a good place,” said Melifaro in a tone of an expert.

“A good place I’ve never heard of,” I said.

“Life is long,” said Kofa. “There’s still time. Please don’t interrupt me.”

Melifaro and I felt ashamed and tried to look intelligent. Kofa appreciated our efforts, nodded, and continued. “The Drunken Rain was almost empty, just what a man needs to meet an old friend of his. My old friend’s name was Zekka Moddorok. He once was an apprentice at the Order of Green Moons.”

“Oh, Anday’s father and grandfather used to make a living working for that Order,” I said. “They became cooks after they had tired of pirating and settled in Echo. Then they died, when the army of your legendary Gurig VII burned down the Residence of the Order. But I thought all the members of the Order of Green Moons were killed in the beginning of the Troubled Times. Looks like some of them survived.”

“Of course,” said Kofa. “A few apprentices and nineteen Junior Magicians—everyone who happened to be elsewhere at the time. The Junior Magicians had to sneak out of the Unified Kingdom, and apprentices weren’t prosecuted because no one saw them as a threat.

“I became acquainted with Zekka Moddorok under completely different circumstances. He was a marauder during the Troubled Times and liked it so much he couldn’t stop even after the establishment of the Code of Krember. During the first years of the new Epoch, several famous robberies were committed, with and without the use of Forbidden Magic. The police couldn’t crack those cases: in the beginning of his career, General Boboota Box was an even dimmer bulb than he is now, and the organization lacked people with the intelligence of Lieutenant Apurra Blookey or the late Shixola.

“Chaos reigned until I put my work in the Secret Investigative Force on hold to catch that sweet young man Zekka personally. I’m not joking about him being sweet. You should have seen his large blue eyes and freckled button of a nose. Back then he was as old as you two are now, yet he looked like a spoiled teenager, much to the chagrin of his numerous victims. He ended up doing time in Xolomi—ninety years, no less. He was convicted of two murders, though most likely those were cases of involuntary manslaughter. But a murder is a murder.”

“So he just got out recently?” said Melifaro. “When did you lock him up?”

“In ’26. He got out late last year. I had almost forgotten about him—I had other things on my mind—but I recognized him immediately. The same round eyes and innocent, childish smile, as though he’s about to ask you if he can have another piece of candy.

“I immediately remembered that Zekka Moddorok had once had a good chance of becoming acquainted with the relatives of your friend, Max. Then I realized that he could be one of the accomplices of the chest thieves. It’s just too much of a coincidence. Plus, my premonition led me to the Drunken Rain, and when I looked at the rest of the customers—the three fellows who were dozing off—I felt nothing but boredom.

“Zekka didn’t recognize me at first—I had shape-shifted beforehand, naturally—but I wanted to speak with him as myself. There was no need to beat around the bush. By the time I approached his table, I had already taken off the mask. Zekka was taken aback, but I was very polite and lenient. When you want to crack open someone who’s not too bright, the best strategy is to let him think you consider him a witness, not a perpetrator. Out of pure relief, he’ll start lying so blatantly and profusely that at some point he’s going to say something he shouldn’t. That’s my personal expert advice to you, boys, absolutely free of charge.”

“Congratulations, Kofa,” said Melifaro. “I’ve heard this advice from you six thousand six hundred sixty-six times. A neat symmetrical number, isn’t it?”

“Very symmetrical, indeed. So nice of you to keep track of my advice rather than make use of it. But why dream of the impossible?”

“Where would I encounter those ‘not too bright’ fellows?” said Melifaro. “I work solely with geniuses and can’t make use of your advice.”