Megan knocked on her dad’s bedroom door, but there was no answer. It might be for the best. She could hardly stand on her own, and her teeth were chattering so hard that her dad wouldn’t be able to understand a word out of her. So, leaning against the hallway wall, she dragged herself to her room with halting, faltering steps.
She half fell onto her bed and curled into herself. Her head and limbs were heavy, and she felt like she was sinking deeper and deeper into the mattress. She imagined herself being swallowed up by it along with her loss and sorrow.
An odd numbness had come over her as she’d walked away from Daniel. She didn’t know how long it would last—how long it would keep the pain at bay. Anxiety crept into her. She felt like a rabbit being hunted as she hid from the inevitable grief. She jolted up and scrambled back into the headrest, pulling the covers up to her chin. Her breathing grew ragged. She didn’t want to face what she’d done. She couldn’t face it.
Was he gone? Had he left? Maybe if she ran back downstairs, she’d find him in the kitchen, standing exactly where she’d left him. Then she could tell him that she would marry him. That she would take whatever he could offer her. That she didn’t need his love as long as she had some part of him.
What was it he’d said? Ah, yes. She would have his respect and fidelity. That was something. And their passion. There was that. But how long could passion burn without love? An image of their cold marriage bed, where they slept with their backs turned toward each other, flashed through her mind. She shivered and pulled the covers more tightly around her.
Then the baby fluttered in her stomach as though he was saying, “And me. There’s me.” Yes, they would have their baby. The tears she’d been holding at bay finally started to fall. Would Daniel love their son? She knew he would—that he already did. And how long would it be before Megan began resenting their little boy for having his love—the love that he denied her?
The tears fell faster as sobs wracked her body. It would destroy her to marry Daniel knowing he didn’t love her. Her love for him would turn into poison inside her and she would become a bitter shadow of herself. She would lose herself forever. No, she couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t do that to her father, her sisters and her baby. She couldn’t do that to herself.
So she had to let Daniel go...no matter how much it hurt. Her sobs turned into wails that ravaged her throat, and she clawed at her chest. It was only when her dad wrapped his arms around her and tucked her under his chin that she realized he had come into her room. She wailed until her voice became a husky rasp, then she sobbed until her body went limp with fatigue, and she cried until her tears dried up—until she was empty.
Her dad held her tight against his chest even after she stilled and grew silent. He held her until exhaustion claimed her and darkness edged into her consciousness. At last, in the safety of his arms, Megan allowed herself to fall into a dreamless slumber where she could stop hurting for a little while.
Megan woke up early next morning with her throat raw and her eyes swollen. She knew the damage outside was far less evident than the mangled mess that was her shattered heart. Even so, she pushed back her covers and got out of bed. She showered, dried her hair and dressed in a cozy sweater and comfortable leggings. She had to show her dad that she was okay—that she was going to be okay. It must’ve broken his heart to watch her fall apart last night even after she’d betrayed him in the worst possible way.
She went downstairs to the kitchen and puttered around to make some tea and toast. Once everything was finished and arranged on a tray, she carried it upstairs and stopped in front of her dad’s door.
“Appa, I need you to open the door me,” she said, her voice husky but steady. “My hands are full.”
The door opened, and her dad’s eyes roamed her face for a moment before he stepped back to let her in. He was dressed casually in a pair of khakis and a polo shirt with a cardigan over it. He was planning on staying home—she swallowed a lump in her throat—to look after her.
Megan placed the tray on the coffee table in the sitting area and sat down in one of the armchairs. “Mrs. Chung will be back this afternoon. For now, you’ll have to make do with toast.”
With a noncommittal grunt, he settled into the chair next to her and spread his toast with a generous pat of butter and strawberry jam. He took a big bite before pouring tea into both their cups. She followed his example and munched on some toast even though she couldn’t taste a thing. She took a sip of her tea to help her swallow it down.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I know I’ve hurt you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m going to apologize for that in a minute. But more than anything, I want to thank you. Thank you for holding me together last night. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“You don’t ever have to wonder what you will do without me.” He gazed steadily at her. “Because I will always be there for you.”
“I know.” She sniffed and shook her head. If she started crying again, she didn’t know if she could ever stop. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I know.”
“And now, we’ve come to the portion of the program where I grovel,” she said with a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
“You made a fool out of me.” His expression turned thunderous in an instant as though he’d been suppressing his rage until he knew she was okay. He rose from his seat and paced with short, agitated steps. “To think I was trying to set you two up.”
“I thought I had good reason to keep things from you, but now all those reasons seem nonsensical.” She threw her hands up in a helpless gesture.
“There is no excuse for what you did,” he said in a low, furious voice.
“You’re right. I should have told you the truth as soon as I found out.”
“What?” Her dad’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He sat back down and wiped his hand over his face. “You didn’t know all along?”
“I’m sure you don’t want to hear this again, but I really did have a one-night stand with a stranger,” she said, swallowing her mortification. “When I found out I was pregnant, I had no way of contacting him. That’s all true. It doesn’t make what I did okay, but I never told you an outright lie.”
“Yes, it doesn’t make what you did okay,” he snapped, but some of the anger seemed to have seeped out of him. He jerked his chin toward her. “So tell me what happened.”
“I didn’t know who Daniel was...until that night you invited him over for dinner.”
He huffed an incredulous laugh then stared at her with wide eyes. “Wait. You’re serious.”
“Yes. Imagine my surprise running into my one-night stand—three months after the fact—in my own house.”
“And you had another surprise for him...”
“Daniel must have been shocked, but he asked me to marry him the moment I told him I was pregnant. I’m the one who refused him. He wanted to tell you everything, but I convinced him not to.”
Megan explained her brilliant plan to win over the board members so her dad wouldn’t react rashly to the news. “Daniel wanted to be in the baby’s life and didn’t want to risk having to relocate far away from me and the baby.”
“Thank you for thinking so highly of me,” her dad muttered.
“You can’t say I was wrong,” she said gently. “You asked him for his resignation last night. Remember?”
“I remember.” He sat up in his chair. “And I’m standing by my decision.”
“But Appa...” He raised an imperious hand and she snapped her mouth shut. She wasn’t there to ask him for a favor. She was there to beg for his forgiveness. “Just please remember that I’m the one who refused to marry him. He...he even asked me again last night...and...and I...”
“That’s all right. You don’t need to continue.” He sighed. “I can guess what you said from your state. Tell me, Megan. Why did you say no?”
“Because...” she choked out as every raw crack in her broken heart burned. She closed her eyes to gather herself. “Because I want to marry for love.”
“I think,” he said quietly, “you would be marrying for love.”
For a moment, all she could do was blink at her dad. “Am I that obvious?”
“A person doesn’t grieve like you did yesterday unless they lost someone they loved.” He understood. He’d grieved so deeply when her mom died.
“I do love Daniel—” Megan took a shuddering breath “—but he doesn’t love me.”
“Are you sure about that? The scene I walked in on last night...” Her dad arched an eyebrow. “You two were drowning in each other’s eyes and glowing with happiness. Hell, that sounds like poetry and I’m no poet. There’s just no other way to describe what I saw.”
“He thinks love is a fantasy...” she said uncertainly, her heart pounding with a terrifying glimmer of hope.
“For a smart man, he does a great job of acting the fool.” He clucked his tongue. “Have you told him that you loved him?”
“No.” She had planned to tell him. “I... I was afraid of pushing him away.”
“Have you ever considered the possibility that he was scared, too?” her dad asked. “Maybe he was afraid that you don’t feel the same way—so afraid that he couldn’t even admit to himself that he loved you.”
“That’s just wild speculation,” she whispered, but she couldn’t dismiss what he’d said. She didn’t want to.
“More like an educated guess.” He wagged his finger at her. “I know what I saw. Credit your old man with some wisdom. I’ve lived a lot longer than you have.”
She suddenly couldn’t talk about Daniel—or even think about him—for another second. She stood from her chair and kissed her dad’s cheek. “Thank you, Appa.”
“And don’t think I’ve forgiven you, yet,” he said as though he meant “you’re forgiven.”
Megan carried the half-empty tray back to the kitchen, not sure how to feel...not sure she wanted to feel anything at all. Now that she’d made the first step toward making things right with her dad, the guilt that had kept the devastation at bay diminished, and even her determination to appear okay seemed to dwindle.
She shuffled into the living room and lay down on the couch and curled into a ball—or as much as her growing stomach would allow. She did nothing to stop the tears that dripped down from the corners of her eyes until the hair on her temple became damp with them. Her eyelids became too heavy to keep open so she closed them, not caring she’d only just woken up.
In the end, she hadn’t fought for Daniel—for them. She’d completely chickened out. So much for being brave and courageous. Her courage had deserted her when everything had been on the line. She’d been too scared to tell him that she loved him. Even so...he’d let her walk away. A sob tore through her throat. Couldn’t he have fought for her just a little?
Even if her dad was right, she couldn’t risk getting her heart broken for a second time by confessing her love to him. At least, not yet. She needed time to heal—needed time to grow strong again. Only then would she know if she had the courage to fight for him.
Daniel hadn’t slept or eaten but he’d consumed quite a bit of whiskey. He was late for work—soon to be his former job—but he stood under the spray of steaming hot water to wash away the stench of alcohol seeping out of his pores. Effectively fired or not, he respected Jigu Corporation too much to go into the office looking—and smelling—like the wreck he was.
He told himself what a close call that had been. If he was like this now, how would he have been if he’d let himself fall in love with Megan? There would’ve been nothing left of him if he’d lost her after he fell for her. Laughter snuck out of him and echoed hollowly in the shower. His shoulders shook with the force of the laugh and he leaned against the wall for support. When he realized he sounded hysterical, he shut his mouth and clenched his teeth to stop laughing.
He needed to get to the office. He had a week to tie up loose ends and streamline the transition for his successor. Stepping out of the shower, he dried off briskly and wiped his hand across the fogged-up mirror. He scowled at the image staring back at him. He needed a shave, but he couldn’t stand looking at himself a moment longer, so he turned around and walked into his room. He carelessly pulled clothes off the hanger and rushed to dress himself. He was desperate to get out of his penthouse, away from his own company. He had to lose himself in his work.
Once he got to Jigu, he nodded curtly to his assistant, making her cheery smile slide off her face, and locked himself in his office. First thing first, he wrote his resignation letter. After typing and deleting a half dozen drafts, he decided to go with the first version he’d written: Please accept my resignation... Bland, generic and completely inadequate to express the remorse he felt for what he’d done to Minsung Han.
He printed out the letter, folded it with crisp, sharp edges and inserted it into a pristine white envelope. Then he held and stared at it for God knew how long before he picked up the phone and dialed Mr. Han’s extension. No answer. Daniel called the CEO’s executive assistant.
“Is Mr. Han in?” he asked more brusquely than he’d intended.
“No, Mr. Pak,” she said with cool professionalism. “He said he will be working from home this morning. He might come in late afternoon, but he said to cancel all meetings for today.”
Daniel hung up the phone with a mumbled thank-you and stood from his chair. Jigu Corporation’s CEO never worked from home and never canceled meetings at the last minute. He wore his professionalism like an armor and sought to be an example for all his employees. No matter how shocked and betrayed he might’ve been the night before, Mr. Han would not stay home to sulk or lick his wounds.
Megan. Something must be wrong with Megan. Daniel paced back and forth, clenching and unclenching his hands. It couldn’t be the baby. The baby was healthy and moving... His mind flashed back to the kitchen and the joy he’d felt in that moment. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t think about that. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to survive dwelling on that moment because it would remind him of what he’d lost. No, the baby was fine. But Megan...maybe she wasn’t fine.
Try as he might, he couldn’t forget the pain in her eyes when he all but told her that he didn’t love her. She would get over it, wouldn’t she? They’d both agreed that there wouldn’t be any promises. She had to have known that the affair would eventually end. Hadn’t she? She would’ve been the one to leave him. Like they all do. In fact, she was the one who’d ended things. She was the one who’d refused to marry him—the one who’d walked away from him.
He cringed with shame. That was a new low for him. He knew exactly what he was doing when he’d told her that what they had was enough—that he couldn’t give her the fantasy. He was the one who ended their relationship. He was the one who had hurt her. God, please let Megan be okay.
To hang on to his sanity, he threw himself into his work. He went from one project to the next, document after document, barking out orders to anyone who might slow him down. He had to keep moving.
When his phone buzzed, he nearly growled, “Yes?”
“Mr. Han would like to see you in his office,” Terri said quietly.
He gripped his phone and took a deep breath. “Let him know I’ll be there shortly. Thank you.”
Daniel raked his fingers through his hair and stood up. He put on his suit jacket and slid his resignation letter into the inside pocket before walking out of his office. He offered a small smile to his assistant as a meager apology for being an asshole all day, then made his way to the CEO’s office.
“I’m here to see Mr. Han,” Daniel said to the executive assistant.
“Yes, please go right in,” she said with a gracious nod.
After a courtesy knock, he walked into the CEO’s office, closing the door behind him. Mr. Han kept his eyes on the document he was reading until Daniel stood in front of his desk. When the older man finally met his eyes, he wished the CEO would resume reading. Daniel realized that he had never before seen what Minsung Han looked like when he was regarding an adversary.
Mr. Han’s gaze was both ice and fire and 100 percent intimidating. Not that Daniel couldn’t hold his own against intimidation, but he was in no position to stare the CEO down. He was there to grovel to salvage whatever he could of his relationship with his mentor, which couldn’t be much. But he had to try.
“Here is my letter of resignation.” Daniel held out the envelope, but Minsung Han made no move to take it from him. After an awkward, silent stretch of time, Daniel finally placed his resignation letter on the desk. “I know an apology doesn’t mean much at this point, but I still want to offer you my deepest, sincerest apology. I have no excuse for deceiving you...”
“And you have an excuse for impregnating my daughter?” Mr. Han barked.
“I didn’t know who she was...” Daniel clamped his mouth shut on the excuse. “No, I have no excuse for that either.”
“So you don’t want to marry my daughter?”
“No, sir. That’s not true. I want to marry her.” He swallowed past a painful lump. “More than anything.”
“Except you don’t love her.” Mr. Han’s scowl inexplicably softened as he regarded Daniel. “At least, that’s what Megan thinks.”
“Is she... Is she okay?” He gripped the backs of the guest chairs in each hand as his blood pounded in his ears.
“No.” Mr. Han’s face closed off again. “She’s not okay.”
Daniel spun on his heels and took several steps toward the door before he stopped himself. Where was he going? To Megan? He couldn’t go to her. He was the reason she wasn’t okay. He returned to his spot in front of her father’s desk.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said as something inside him cracked. He’d hurt Megan. He’d disappointed his mentor. “I’m going to take the week to get my projects in order and ready to hand off to my successor—”
“You think I could find your replacement in a week?” Mr. Han scoffed. “Get out of my office. I don’t want to look at your sorry face anymore. And take that damn envelope off my desk.”
“But, sir—” Daniel frowned in confusion.
“I thought I told you to leave.” The older man narrowed his eyes into menacing slits. “I also told you to take this with you. Do you think you can manage that?”
Daniel could only nod as he placed his resignation letter back in his jacket pocket. After bowing from his waist, he strode out of the CEO’s office. Back at his desk, he spun his chair to face the window and stared unseeingly at the city below him.
There was no doubt that Mr. Han was furious with him. Even so, he’d refused to accept Daniel’s resignation. What had changed his mind? He buried his head in his hands with a groan. Not what. Who. Megan must’ve told her father everything...down to the reason she’d refused his proposal. She had stood up for him even after he’d cast aside her love—
Daniel shot to his feet. Her love. Her answer to his proposal had depended on whether or not he loved her, because there was no doubt as to her love. Do you love me? He remembered her as she said those words—her eyes too wide for her face as hope and fear warred inside them. She loved him and all she needed to hear was that he loved her, too. She had given him the chance to have her—all of her—but he’d thrown it in her face.
He didn’t remember what it felt like to be abandoned by his mother—he’d been too young—he only knew the bone-deep emptiness of her absence. But he did remember what it felt like to find the woman he thought he loved in the arms of his roommate. He remembered what it felt like to listen to Sienna tell him that she’d never wanted him...that he wasn’t good enough for her.
Her betrayal had brought to surface the fear he’d carried with him all his life. That a boy his mother had abandoned—and his father didn’t want—couldn’t be good enough for anyone. He hated Sienna for that. He hated himself for that. The pain of that revelation had eaten away at him until he became someone who avoided commitment. A man who thought love was a fairy tale.
That was why he hadn’t allowed himself fall in love with Megan—even though he’d known that it meant he would lose her. But having lost her, he realized the pain he felt when Sienna betrayed him was like a paper cut compared to the devastation he felt right now. With her, it was his pride that was injured, not his very soul.
And he’d used the baby as an excuse—a cover for his own fears. His love for his son would never falter. Even though he felt as though the world was crumbling down around him—on top of him—he could only feel joy that he would soon be a father. Nothing could change that.
He had let his wounded pride and bitterness rule his life. He’d let them blind him to the truth, but he was done with hiding—done with denying the greatest truth of his life. The reason he felt as though his heart was being torn into shreds was because he had fallen in love with Megan. He loved her with everything in him. But he had been too stubborn and too terrified to admit that he’d been wrong. Love was real. And maybe if an incredible woman like Megan loved him, then he was good enough.
What if it was too late? Fear clutched at him with its jagged claws, but he cast it aside. He had to right this wrong. There was no alternative. No matter what happened, he owed it to the baby to become the best man he could be—a man who fought for his mother’s love. And he would strive to be good enough for Megan. He would do anything—risk any pain—to deserve her love.
But she was hurting. He couldn’t demand to see her and pour out his heart to her when she couldn’t possibly be ready to listen to him. He needed to give her time. As much as he could stand, which wasn’t very much at all. He would try, though. Then he would tell her everything. He hoped to God it would be enough.