Chapter Twenty-Three

“Goodbye, Brenden.”

Paige blinked back the sting at her eyes. The words still haunted her as the lead tip of her pencil raced against the back side of what used to be her presentation notes. The only man she had ever fallen in love with would rather keep secrets and suffer night terrors than let her love him.

Once, maybe twice, she thought Brenden had looked at her, kissed her, as more than a woman he liked. Apparently, that hadn’t been the case, because you couldn’t love anyone until you were willing to give love away. And he wanted his heart shielded from anything that would ever complicate his life.

“Still afraid to give me a chance, Dr. Nichols?”

Paige steadied the pencil in her hand. She looked up from her sketch of the harbor and into familiar chocolate eyes. Yeah, Devon was most women’s wet dream with his tall, athletic build, honey-brown skin, and face carved by angels. But he wasn’t Brenden.

Devon’s eyes didn’t make her dream of lost galaxies. His voice didn’t stir naughty desires, and his presence didn’t make her heart beat its last battle cry. She took a deep breath, gazed back out of the café window, and restarted her drawing of the sailboat catching the ocean wind. Her wrist stroked in a downward motion, creating another dark line she would use to increase the perception of depth.

“Not afraid, Dr. Shaw, just not available.” Paige continued sketching without looking up. “Besides, you aren’t my cup of tea.”

Devon huffed a laugh and placed a warm paper tumbler in front of her. “If I recall, chai with honey, no milk.” He then pulled the chair across from her and sat. “The lies you tell, Paige Nichols. Marissa and Jennifer told me your most recent tryst has come to an end.”

“Is that what you think?” She blinked up for a second and then went back to shading a ripple within the waves she sketched, wishing for a bit of charcoal instead of a number two pencil. “It wasn’t a tryst. Unlike you, I don’t change lovers like I change my panties.”

“I won’t settle until I have the right one.” He placed his hand atop hers. “We could be good together. If only—”

“I’m not over him.” Her breathless confession rushed to the surface. She finally met Devon’s gaze and saw he’d taken another punch in the gut from her. He’d tried since graduate studies to date her. However, he had a reputation. He was also her friend, which made him off-limits. “I’m sorry, Dev.”

He shrugged. “Had to try again.” A half smile parted his lips. “Drink your tea. We know how you are without it, and you’ve got a presentation in forty-five minutes.”

Paige obliged the request of her old friend. She sat listening as he divulged his recent research project and career plans. Devon had always been an open book, no secrets. Once upon a time she frowned upon his openness, especially the way he flaunted his playboy status. However, she now appreciated it after having had a lover whose main goal was to keep her in the dark. A darkness she would gladly rescue them from if it meant their souls could be free and his heart would be hers.

None of it mattered now. Paige had done the one thing she promised herself she wouldn’t do: walk away. The equivalent of a Dear John. Brenden would never forgive her.

In fact, he’d proven as much yesterday as she sat having tea with his mother. Her intent was never to eavesdrop, but she had heard Joan ask Brenden if he wanted to say hello. Obviously he said no. So, just like ten days ago, he still didn’t want her or the baby growing inside her.

The unsettling realization stole beats from her heart. With shaky hands she set her tea down and began fumbling to clear her space. She stood, ignoring Devon, and then gripped the edges of the table to maintain balance. Her eyes closed and she took a deep exhale.

“What’s wrong?” Devon darted from his chair to her side.

“Nothing, I…I gotta go.” Paige squeezed her eyes shut. “A little dizzy, that’s all. Guess I’m getting cold feet about the presentation.”

Devon entered her personal space. The gentle caress he offered seemed to intrude on her deepest, darkest desires of having Brenden touch her like this again. She took a step back. Brenden Jasper had ruined her from the touch of any other man.

“I’m just trying to help, Paige.”

“I know, I know.” She reached up and pecked his cheek. “Thank you, I’m fine. I should get going.” She reached for her phone and checked the time before clutching her briefcase as she avoided Devon’s hard stare. “Seriously, I’m good. I have like fifteen minutes until showtime. I’ll see you after I present.”

“You bet, and I’m taking you to dinner tonight.” He smirked.

Paige hesitated. “Gotta go, Dev,” she mumbled and then turned on her heel.

“Think about it?” he shouted across the café.

She already had. Even as she waved back, she knew the answer was no. Her heart was not yet ready to entertain the affections of another man. Not when deep down she still hoped for another chance with Brenden. There had to be one, or she would face the ridicule of the Nichols clan for turning up pregnant and unwed to a man her father didn’t exactly approve of.

An hour or so later, Paige stood at the podium in the Narraganset Ballroom flaunting a red-carpet smile as she received applause from some of the greatest minds in academia. No one, not even her mother or Bellamy, could have guessed she had delivered a career-defining speech with her mind plagued by Lieutenant Colonel Brenden Jasper. How could she not think of him after he had served as her mock audience when she wasn’t practicing in the mirror? He had encouraged her, even pretended to understand the correlation of academic progress and art therapy. The support he’d given had helped her prepare for this moment, and she couldn’t even share it with him.

Paige looked down to the front row as she went back to her seat and spotted Devon, along with Marissa and Jennifer, her two amigos since undergrad. The three had always looked out for her. Even now, their winks and proud smiles gave Paige the boost in confidence she needed to stay focused until the session was dismissed.

When the mob rush finally cleared, Paige, along with Devon, Marissa, and Jennifer, took their time leaving the ballroom. No one was eager to discuss research or debate theory with stragglers.

“Can’t wait to see a recap of your presentation in the journal next month,” Marissa beamed, wrapping a long, olive-toned arm around Paige.

“Ditto,” Jennifer sang as she moved to the opposite side of Paige. “Sure Dev can’t either, for obvious reasons.” The ebony beauty looked over her shoulder to where Devon had gotten held up by another conference attendee.

“Please, Jen, not this again. Nothing is happening between me and Devon.”

“But you’re single. No more Richard. No more Brenden. You and Dev have been jonesing for each other since dissertations.” Jennifer gave Paige a pointed stare.

“Have not!”

“Just try dinner tonight. It may be what you need.” Marissa giggled then gestured to Devon as he strolled to where they stood in the hallway. “Nice of you to join us.”

Devon rested his hand on the small of Paige’s back. “Got held up in Paige’s fan traffic,” he said, pressing his lips to her temple.

At that moment, a tingling sensation raced up Paige’s spine. She experienced the sensation only whenever Brenden was near…

Impossible. Last night, on two separate phone calls, Katie and Bellamy confirmed he was still on one of his disappearing acts.

Paige palmed her forehead, chasing away the aggravation from pondering silly notions. She then tried, as she had for the last ten days, to push her handsome ex-lover from her mind.

“Paige,” Marissa whispered. “Don’t look now, but there’s this drop-dead gorgeous guy with the most amazing gray eyes that are frozen to your ass.”

Paige took a deep breath. She felt Devon’s hold on her waist strengthen. She knew he was desperate for a chance now that he thought she was officially single.

“What does he look like?” Paige asked, finger-combing her longer-than-shoulder-length hair.

“A damn dream,” Jennifer muttered. “Tall, sexy, sandy-blond, and I think his eyes are blue, not gray.”

Paige slowly turned around to meet the hardest, coldest blue-gray eyes and chiseled jaw she had ever seen. If looks could kill, she’d be dead. Brenden’s line of sight went from her to Devon’s hand at her waist as he began walking toward them. On shaky legs, she proceeded to close the distance between herself and the man who broke her heart.

She walked the tightrope, feeling her emotions ache and rejoice at once. Her body heated as she devoured the way Brenden’s tanned skin contrasted against a crisp white polo and baby blue chinos. The way her fingers itched to play with his tousled mane before she undressed him of his preppy sail boy look was insane. No one should be allowed to look so damn good in Sperrys.

And then she remembered: Brenden was no longer hers. She couldn’t kiss him, touch him, or anything else with him. A surge of anger cut through her bullshit daydream, and her blood began to boil. The nerve of him popping up unannounced and thinking he could stake a claim.

Paige stopped moving toward him. No way was she going to give him the impression that she would just take him back after what he had put her through the last two weeks.

“We need to talk.” Brenden stopped maybe two inches from her. His hands slid into his pockets and he looked down into her eyes.

“You want to talk here? At my conference?” Paige glanced up at the ceiling. She was fighting hard to hold back the floodgates and not leap into his arms. It was especially hard after smelling his fresh scent that was like the harmony of an Italian isle, coaxing nostalgic memories in the warm sun and ocean breeze. “Not happening. I haven’t heard from you in like ten days.” She dared to take a step back.

“Today makes eleven if you walk away.” The strain in his voice and redness staining his face gave her pause.

She didn’t move when he closed the distance between them. “Are you done keeping secrets?” she asked.

Brenden gulped hard. “I’m done living without you.”

Paige looked away. Her lips pressed together and she began a slow, steady count to ten.

“Paige.” Devon’s deep voice trailed close to her side. “Is everything okay?”

“Tell that motherfucker to take a hike or I will break his fucking neck.” Brenden’s harsh tone forced her to draw back.

There was no doubt in her mind that he would do something. He was wearing the same expression he had the night he brought Richard to his knees. The only difference now was she didn’t want Devon hurt. He was her friend.

Paige whipped around, holding her hand up to halt Devon’s stride. She took a deep exhale, feeling Brenden’s body heat dance around and spread desire within her. “I’m good. I’ll meet up with you guys later.”

“Are you sure?” Devon stopped short of reaching her.

She nodded, then turned her attention back to Brenden, her fist planted on her hip. “You need to calm the fuck down. Since when did you become the jealous ex-boyfriend?”

“I’m not your ex. I am the man you’re in love with and the father of our child.” Brenden reached up and pushed a stray hair behind her ear. Her eyes closed for a second. There was no way she could protect her heart when it was crying out for him. “Come with me, please.” He extended his hand.

Why should she? She stared down at his hand. He didn’t want her love. At least not the way she was prepared to give it. In the same breath, if she didn’t go, then she would never have another chance to prove she deserved to hold his heart, or that he could hold hers.

There was much uncertainty. Yet, the thought of once again being in his arms allowed her to reach out and lace her fingers with his. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze then gazed into the eyes of the only man she would ever love.