Chapter Thirty

Brenden lingered, basking in the warmth of the shower spray. The water soothed the aches of his body but did nothing for the pain and confusion of his mind. He cut the spray, grateful that he’d found his way to the hotel rooms his father had secured, because he could no longer endure being treated like an invalid. He then attempted to leave bogged down thoughts of Rod lying in the hospital, the doctor’s grim prognosis, and knowledge of his compromised mission behind in the mist.

He reached for a towel, then stepped into the neatly appointed bedroom Paige had called home the last few days. His steps hesitated as he crossed the room to where a silk nightgown hung over the bedrail. His fingertips stroked the delicate softness of the gown before he lifted it to his nose and inhaled the scents of rose and jasmine. Innocence and beauty, a contradiction to the life he had sworn to live. A life that had stripped him of precious memories.

His fists clenched around the gown until his knuckles were white.

“Brenden,” his mother called, knocking at the bedroom door. Before he could move to the door, it cracked open. “Are you decent?”

The gown slipped from his hand and he quickly secured the towel around his waist. His mother appeared in the opening, unapologetic for not allowing him the chance to respond.

“Here.” Her hand stretched into the room dangling a bag. “I brought you some clothes. I figured after you showered you would feel better in something more suited to your taste.”

Brenden took the bag from her. He disregarded the look he had received during his teenage years whenever he’d done something to upset her. Obviously, she had an opinion on his current situation. Only, it was one he was unwilling to entertain at the moment.

He refused to apologize for escaping the confines of a sterile hospital bed. Not to mention the prodding of his mind.

“Why did you lie to me, Bren? Dr. Young is on the phone with your father now. You shouldn’t have left the hospital without being discharged.”

“Thanks for the clothes.”

“Thanks for the clothes! Really, Brenden?” Mom swallowed hard as her hands flung up in defeat. “Just hurry and get dressed. Paige and Carlos are on their way now.”

The simple mention of the woman’s name induced varied emotions. On one hand, he welcomed the sight of the beautiful stranger. On the other, she was a woman he should know, and it shredded him to pieces on the inside. Words failed him, and so he simply nodded and waited for his mother to leave the room.

Not ten minutes later, Brenden entered the common room of his parents’ hotel suite. He ignored his father’s interrogation, strolled across the room, and posted up at a window. A semblance of peace entered him while watching autumn leaves rustle in the September wind. Fall in the Rhineland-Palatine had been his favorite place as a child.

This was where he and Elizabeth fed their imaginations. They had discovered the primeval forest and pretended to be knights within the castle walls of Nanstein but…Elizabeth was dead. He couldn’t remember how his sister died and he sure didn’t remember Paige Nichols. His line of sight honed in on the woman emerging from an unmarked SUV with Carlos at her side.

“Carlos will be arriving with Paige any minute,” his father said, calmer than Brenden could’ve expected. 

“They’re here.” Brenden turned from the window and met his parents’ waiting gazes.

His father slid his hands into his pockets. Concern was evident and accompanied by something else Brenden cared not to guess. There was already enough shit occupying his head. Now wasn’t the time to explore the general’s disappointment.

“You need to explain to your wife why you left the hospital the way you did. Paige has been at your side since we notified her of your injury. Poor girl is worried sick, and your disappearing stunt has only made matters worse.”

“Wife?” Brenden scoffed. “Not sure how long you want me play this game. I thought marriage was frowned upon?”

“Still is. And yet, hearts don’t obey my orders.”

“No, they don’t,” Mom muttered, hugging herself hard.

“Wish they did, because I can’t pretend to know her.” Brenden’s jaw tightened and he folded his arms. “Something inside should tell me this woman means something to me. Especially if I loved her enough to forsake the code of Black 2131.”

“Son.” Dad stood and moved to Brenden. He squared his stance and placed his hands on Brenden’s shoulders. “Never have I seen you the way you are with Paige. You love and adore that woman. Have faith, Bren.”

“Pretty easy for you to say.”

“Brenden!” Breathless, Paige dashed inside the room and threw her arms around him. “What happened?”

Brenden jerked back and stood still. His eyes darted to the swell of her stomach, and his heart began racing. No one had bothered to mention this part of the life he couldn’t remember. He raised his line of sight, scanning her face. Her eyes were red and tear streaks stained her cheeks, but he couldn’t—wouldn’t make her believe life would be as it was before the accident.

“Brenden,” she whispered, taking a step to close the distance.

He remained still, fists forming into balls. “You’re pregnant.” He looked off for a second and swallowed another bitter taste of reality. “Is this why we were married?”

“Brenden! I raised you better than this.”

“Joan.” Robert grabbed her by the arm, ceasing her words and halting her stride. “Alvarez,” he bellowed. “Let’s give them some privacy.”

Neither footsteps nor the sound of the closing door pulled Brenden’s attention from Paige. Silence sat in the room for longer than a few heartbeats as his eyes bore down into her cognac irises. Dammit, he had to know.

“I don’t mean to offend, but I need to understand.” He stepped forward and placed his hand upon her belly. “Is this why?” he asked again, searching her eyes for truth.

She gasped for breath before water flooded her eyes and poured down her face. Tears had never worked on him, and they wouldn’t today. Not now, when he needed answers to the riddles life had given him from memory loss of the last two, almost three years.

He gulped, fighting a strange sensation to dry her eyes. “Answer me.”

“No, it’s not why.” She hugged herself.

“Girl or boy?” he asked softly.

“Girl.”

“Emeline,” he whispered, taking a few steps back.

“Yes!” Paige wiped her eyes, then attempted to close the distance between them. “You remember.”

“I remember promising my grandmother on her death bed that I would name my firstborn daughter after her.”

“Your memory will return.”

“Will it? The doctor’s prognosis gives me a fifty-fifty chance of gaining access to my lost memories, and it could be years.” He looked past Paige into the distance. “There’s a plane waiting to go back stateside. You need to pack your belongings.”

“Oh, I thought you needed more tests and—”

“Your plane departs within the hour.” He cut off her words and moved away to grab a jacket from a nearby chair. “You need to hurry.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

Brenden turned a blazing gaze on her. No one questioned his actions except for the President of the United States, and his father, when he wore his Secretary of Defense hat. “Go home, Paige.” He resumed his stride to the door.

Paige ran past Brenden and stood, blocking the door. “You can’t just leave and go back to doing whatever it is you do when you disappear for days. You woke up in a hospital this morning.”

“I woke up to a life I don’t know. Let me go.”

“No!”

“Now.”

“No,” she sniffled. “Dammit, I love you. I can’t watch you walk away after I almost lost you.” Her hand reached up, cupping his face.

“But I can walk away, because I don’t know you.” Brenden’s eyes met hers with tears stinging his irises, throat choking with emotion. “And if I don’t know you, how can I love you?”

Her lips trembled as her hand fell from his face. He turned away, unable to withstand the obvious agony contorting her beautiful features. He waited until her footsteps dragged from the door, then watched as she took slow, almost hesitant steps to the arm of the couch, where she stood bracing herself. He opened the door and looked over his shoulder one last time before stepping into the hallway.

Once the door closed, he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. What was this life, this shattered fairy tale he had woken up to and couldn’t remember?

Elizabeth and Daniel were dead, Katie lived with him, and he no longer had the hots for Megan because he had a very pregnant wife he was supposed to be in love with. A wife. Why? How could he be so naïve? Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine falling in love with a woman and making her his wife. Love was a complication, a luxury he couldn’t afford after accepting the danger, isolation, and hardships inherent to the life of a Black 2131 operator.

“You good, Jas?” Carlos made his way up the hall toward him. “How’s Paige?”

“Does it matter?” Brenden shrugged, then turned and faced the door.

On the other side was a woman more beautiful than any he’d ever known. Her presence seemed familiar, and the way her hand held his face made him warm and tingly while quieting the raging beast within.

But she was still a stranger. He didn’t remember her, nor did his heart.

“She’s your wife, Jas.”

“Then she’s just as fucked up as I am.” Brenden sidestepped Carlos and started down the hall.

“Where’re you going? She needs you. You need her.” Carlos blew a loud breath. “You can’t cover this up like you did with Daniel.”

Brenden froze, then turned to face Carlos. “How’d he die?” He got no response. “Answer me, Los.”

When Carlos hesitated, Brenden charged him, adrenaline at full throttle despite the day he’d had. He grabbed Carlos at the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the wall.

“What, are you going to gag me like you did the orderly?”

Brenden squeezed his eyes shut as he loosened his grip. “No,” he said, gazing up to the ceiling. “I needed out. I’ve got to understand what happened. Operation Jackal has not yet been deemed a failure. We both know what that means. I need my head right so I can be ready when we strike again. That’s why I had my father arrange transport back stateside for Paige.”

“Jas, what about the threats? What happened to us was no coincidence.”

“Have any come against her?” He gestured to Paige’s room.

Carlos shook his head, his hand involuntarily settling over his holster. “She’s been identified by those after us, but no threats.”

“Then let’s go. Trent set a rendezvous at a black site in Belarus. I need a full briefing—I can’t remember shit right now. And I want to know everything about this Paige Nichols.”