Chapter Thirty-Five

Brenden waved goodbye to his parents and in-laws one last time before reentering his house. At last, there were no more houseguests to catalog his mourning. Today, the darkest chapter of his life ended as he laid a single white rose atop his little girl’s casket.

He shucked his coat and began down the foyer. As he passed the stairs he found himself absently searching for Paige. She had been strong throughout the last week, but it all came crashing down during the memorial service.

Six days ago when he brought Paige home, he hadn’t been able to cater to her in the way he planned because their mothers had arrived and smothered her with care. A part of him had been jealous. He wanted to be the one to help ease her pain of losing the baby, and he needed to assuage his guilt. In his head, taking Paige to be his wife had led to her being poisoned. The burden he experienced from knowing what truly happened to his wife and child made it difficult to sleep at night.

Brenden stopped at the French doors of the master bedroom leading to the balcony. From where he stood, he could see Paige gazing out onto the Gulf. She was distant and in deep thought as the wind carelessly blew her dark hair.

At that moment, his mind drifted. A picture formed of Paige in a green dress, standing on a balcony as her hair blew like ribbons in the wind. He tried hard to remember when that might have been, but then filed it away with all the other random, confusing flashes he had been getting over the last few days.

Eventually, he decided to stop watching and join. With slow, measured steps he walked onto the balcony and stood a few inches from her. “Milady,” he greeted with a gentle nod before sniffing the sea air and casting his attention to the moonlit sky. “Gaze upon the moon’s rays. Watch them dance and play over crashing waves. See the illuminating glow haunt the night sky while kissing the once blue sea. Seducing me and setting my spirit free.”

His eyes fell to her profile. He was still overcome by her beauty and saddened by her pain. How he wished he could erase it. But for now, he was content with their companionable silence.

“The Sonnets of Horace,” Paige chimed. Her smile beautiful, magical in the same way the moon lit the dark earth. “In fact, that very one inspired Rovigatti to paint Light of Dark Love.”

“Luce Dell’amore Oscuro,” Brenden translated.

“Gawd, you always sound so sexy when you start speaking in those foreign tongues.” Brenden gave a hearty chuckle. He quieted at the sight of her flushed cheeks. She continued. “I especially love when you speak French…and Italian and German; they all do something to me.” A visible shiver rolled over her body, and then she took a deep breath before focusing back to the open sea.

He scanned her for a few moments, not sure where this conversation would lead but knowing this was the first time since leaving the hospital that they had spoken beyond a one- or two-word exchange without emotions running high. The calm surrounding them urged him to keep trying. They both still needed to open up to each other again.

“Rumor has it I’m a head case when you go all art dork on me.” Smiles landed on both their faces as Paige nodded in confirmation. Her laughter was music to his ears after seeing her so miserable the last week. “I still don’t think I’ll ever understand how someone with all your knowledge and talent when it comes to art chooses to be a college administrator,” he said. She giggled, shooting him a side-eye. “What’s so funny, Paige?”

“You always say that after I decode my morning piece of art.”

“Well, tell me this.” He turned his body, propping his elbow on the balcony to get a better view of the woman making him feel like a teenager searching for his first kiss. “Have I ever seen you standing on a balcony in a green dress?”

Her complete silence disarmed him. Had he said something wrong? Oh shit, the temporary happiness she held had evaporated into thin air. Just like that, he’d killed the mood and reminded himself why the holes in his head were dangerous.

He turned to leave. He didn’t want to be a constant source of disappointment.

“It,” she whispered, effectively freezing him in place. “It was the night we first met. Almost a year come January.” She turned to him with a hand across her heart. “You experienced recall?”

He shrugged. “I think, yes. Not a lot, but that came to me as I watched you out here.” They searched each other’s eyes, unwilling to break whatever connection was attempting to form. “Tell me something else.” He took a step closer.

“Anything.”

“What is your favorite memory of us?”

Paige reached up and cupped his cheek. “Your smile. I’ve missed it. And there are so many memories.”

Brenden fought for control over the sudden spike in temperature. The woman gave him a dizzying effect, and he wondered if it had always been like this with her. “Give me one.”

“On the night you rescued me from Richard, we were in your car. This song by Gato, ‘She is Michelle’—”

“Love that song.”

“I know.”

He smirked. “No one plays the tenor like Gato.”

A hushed giggle escaped her as she fingered a wet sheen from the corner of her eye. “So, anyway, the song came on. Next thing I know, you stopped the car”—her words slowed, as if they were strolling through that night—“pulled me out, and we slow-danced in the street.”

“Me?” he mouthed, pointing to himself. “I did that?”

Paige rolled her eyes. “Yes, you.” She smiled, then began fidgeting with her hands. “And thank you for being here for me this week. Aside from our honeymoon, I didn’t know you could miss so many days.”

“You’re my wife. You—”

“You don’t have to pretend anymore. Everyone is gone. It’s just us.” She looked him square in the face.

Her words slammed into him like a sledgehammer hitting ice. The tension she injected cut him in a way he’d never suspected. There was not a single time since he stayed at her side in the hospital up until now that he had been “pretending.” After losing Emeline, they had each lost a part of themselves. He knew he needed Paige as much as she needed him.

“Losing my memory doesn’t mean I’ve lost all of me. If you know me, then you know I’m not a people pleaser. I didn’t pretend to be here with you for our parents or because we just buried our daughter.” He swallowed hard, watching fresh tears pool in her eyes. “I’m here because I see the pictures of us around the house. I watched our wedding video, and I am convinced you meant something to me, and I to you.”

…

Brenden moved until his body pressed against hers. She gazed up into his eyes and saw the galaxy unfold. That collision of blue and gray with specks of brown always knocked her down at the knees, and these were her husband’s eyes. They glittered again with life, love, and a bit of mischief.

Paige came back to her senses. She relished the sincerity of Brenden’s words and the feel of his body against hers. Forever had passed since they made contact like this. For the better part of a week, the most affection between them consisted of holding hands at the hospital and memorial service.

“Am I wrong?” He lifted her chin until his lips hovered just above hers. His thick hand wrapped at her waist, flirting with her libido.

“No,” she whispered, drunk from his intoxicating touch.

His lips pressed to hers. First testing then tasting the dormant fire trapped within as they swallowed each other’s moans. She looped her arms around his neck, melting into the frame of his long, hard body as his hand threaded her hair. Their tongues dueled, mating to become one again, in a scorching waltz.

The glow of a neon light accompanied by a buzzing sound made them break apart. Their eyes fell to Brenden’s wrist where his dreaded Q8 lit up. He muttered a curse then took a step back and brought his wrist eye-level. He cursed again while shoving his hands through his tousled mane.

“Duty calls.” Paige made no effort to hide her disdain before returning to the bedroom. “Don’t they know we buried our baby today?”

He followed her inside. “Trust me, they know. So for this to happen…” He stopped talking and began tugging at the buttons of his shirt.

And just like that, Brenden entered that zone where she wasn’t allowed. When he left the room, Paige squeezed her eyes shut and collapsed on the end-of-bed bench. Mere moments ago, the world had faded to the background and it was just them. His lips upon hers, his touch so welcome and intoxicating, but now reality had crash-landed. Hard and uncompromising, reminding her of the love and life she had lost.

“I have to go.”

She snapped her head up at the rough edge she detected in his voice and met his hard stare. Her heart rate doubled upon seeing Brenden in his black-on-black gear.

One second her body tingled with anticipation from drinking in his tanned, well-defined arms as her fingers itched to trace the ink of his tattoo.

Then, there was that other second when her mind attached to logic. What Brenden wore symbolized departure and had torn their lives to incongruent pieces of a whole. His uniform would forever be her greatest contradiction.

She gulped back lust, anger, sadness, then settled on disappointment and simply said, “I know.”

“A week, max. This won’t be a complicated operation. Was this… Is me leaving something we argued about?” His eyes searched hers, seeking truth.

For the first time in their relationship, he had uttered more than, “I have to go.” A tiny part of her celebrated this victory, knowing it would probably never happen again. Secrecy had been a plague on their relationship. However, now wasn’t the time to explain. To her knowledge, this would be his first mission since the accident, and he needed his confidence.

Confessing her fears of him not returning, her constant disappointment every time he left, and her misery over the secrets he kept would only become a distraction he didn’t need. After all, she had agreed to this life.

“Not all the time.” She stood, folding her arms across her body, then took a few steps to close the distance between them.

Only, Brenden seemed to prefer the space. His hesitation was noted as he attempted to take a step forward, but then decided to remain in the doorway. “I won’t ever apologize for what I do.”

She huffed, looking off. “You’ve said that a thousand times.”

An unsettling silence entered and erased whatever ground they had conquered on the balcony. Where they would end was still a mystery.

“Look.” He paused, glancing at his wrist for a second to acknowledge another round of vibrations. “I’ll understand if you aren’t here when I return. A lot has happened.”

“Where else would I be?” She hugged herself tighter.

His hands sunk into his pockets while his line of sight left her and went to the balcony. A red flush crawled up his neck and into his face before he finally faced her. “With someone who will remember loving you.”

“Brenden, I—”

“Promises are hard to keep. Don’t make any. If you’re here when I get back, we’ll have a lot to talk about.” His hard eyes traveled her body before he gave a curt nod and disappeared.