Chapter Thirty-Eight
Brenden looked over to where Paige lay tucked under his arm. Absently his fingers began twirling the strands of her hair fanned across his chest. Making love to Paige had opened Pandora’s box. Fear, jealousy, confusion, anger, and so many more emotions suffocated him and threatened to ruin everything. Yet there was also hope. More affection than he was allowed filled his soul as he cuddled her in his arms.
Now he understood why it had been so easy to walk away from a life he couldn’t remember than to be rejected and ridiculed by the life he should remember. Even now, he couldn’t remember loving Paige.
Yet something tugged at his heartstrings for this woman. No other woman had ever given him the freedom to dream of more as he lay at her side. Paige had been everything he wanted and better than he ever imagined. Her lust had branded him in unimaginable ways while chasing back the fog in his head. He had been a fool, a traitor to his vows for not believing his wife’s words at Landstuhl.
With deep-seated reluctance, Brenden dragged himself from the bed. For a minute, maybe two, he stood at the edge, staring at his sleeping beauty before he turned and padded to the bathroom. While submerged in the haze of the warm shower, his mind couldn’t help wondering what came next. Was he supposed to keep taking her love without offering any in return? Would his memory come back? Would he love her again?
“Mind if I join you, soldier?” Paige opened the shower door and stepped in, effectively shredding his mind-boggling thoughts.
Words failed him as her tousled mane became silky black spirals underneath the shower spray and transformed her into an exotic dream. A sudden rush of blood to his throbbing cock had his mind thinking about only one thing—being inside Paige again. “Your pussy won’t make it out alive, Nichols.”
She gasped. “You called me Nichols.”
“Sorry, I don’t know why—”
“No, don’t be upset.” She lifted his chin to meet her eyes. “It’s what you always call me. You rarely use Paige.”
Her wide smile clutched another part of his heart. This has to be heaven, he thought as she went on tiptoes and crushed her body against his while fusing their lips together. Every hot, impulsive desire he had suppressed before leaving the bed rushed in. He encircled her waist, lifted her from the ground, and slammed her down onto his pulsing cock.
…
Hours later, Paige stood at her desk balling up the official summons for a hearing with the Ethics Committee. She had to hope the truth would come out, but until it did she would be on pins and needles praying that Richard’s lies would be exposed. She took a deep breath then gingerly lowered into her office chair. Thoughts of Brenden’s muscular body dominating hers…the kiss that made her heart race, his cock stretching her hot center, gave temporary relief to workplace stress.
Brenden had made her a cock-loving nymphomaniac, and she wasn’t ashamed of assigning herself such a shameless title because he was her husband. Paige had missed their intimacy, especially the naughty dominance Brenden captured her with between the sheets. Passion and desire had danced as one in their bonfire last night. All that was missing was love.
Love. The word echoed inside her head. She slumped in the chair, wishing she could erase that part of last night. Twice, she told Brenden she loved him. Each time his response had been breathtaking kisses.
There were many more times she wanted to say those three words. Even more times she felt it bubbling to the top as they made love, but she held back. Pride—or was it fear?—wouldn’t let her say it. Brenden had only accepted her body, not her love.
Still, she held on to hope. His unspoken words were contradicted by the way he caressed her cheek, gazed into her eyes, and held her tight. His actions were hallmarks of the man who once loved her, not a man in lust or obligated to her because of titles. Paige knew she couldn’t live without Brenden, but she didn’t know how she could live with him not loving her. Which was why his refusal to see a counselor was worse than a punch in the gut.
Despite their date nights the last four weeks, his pride remained as stubborn as it had been months ago when she first suggested he see someone for the night terrors. He hadn’t suffered one last night. Paige absently wondered if it was because of the sex or if dreams of Daniel had finally abated. Hard to know, given that last night was the first night they had slept together since his injury.
A phone chime silenced her musings and alerted her to a text message. A sliver of hope bloomed inside her chest seeing Brenden’s name on her screen.
For a minute, Paige stared at the screen. That was a loaded question. Should she confess the mass of confusion she had become since last night or protect her heart? Right now, he didn’t want her heart, and it ached. Her fingers hovered over the keypad a second before she decided safe over sorry and typed a reply.
Paige blushed. The man turned her into a crush-struck teenager. Before she could respond, another message came through.
Anxiety hurtled through Paige while driving to meet Brenden. With five minutes left before she would be deemed late for her lunch date, she wheeled into the parking lot of the base. Thoughts of seeing him again after last night and this morning made excitement surge in her veins as she all but skipped across the lot toward his building.
“Paige.” The all-too-familiar voice halted her steps to the entry door. “I’m surprised to see you here.” Amanda closed in and pulled her into a sweet hug.
“Brenden invited me to lunch,” Paige stepped out of the hug. “Should I not be here?”
“No, I think it’s good for him…and you.” Amanda’s kind eyes pitied her the way they had at Emeline’s memorial. “Even if his mind doesn’t remember, his heart does. Which, I think, explains this witch hunt he’s planning for your ex.” Amanda huffed as Paige drew back.
“I told him to let me deal with the legalities of his donation and your character clause but”—Amanda shrugged—“he won’t listen. Talk to him.” She kissed Paige on the cheek and hurried to catch up with another woman in the distance.
Guilt drowned Paige for a few heartbeats before she continued her steps to the door. Her mind stumbled to last month’s downward spiral. If Brenden hadn’t found her the way he did, then he would be focusing on the attack that stole his memories, not some off-kilter personal vendetta.
With another deep inhale, Paige stepped inside Brenden’s unit and into security that reminded her of scenes from a sci-fi movie. While waiting for her husband, she contemplated Amanda’s words, wondering what he was planning for revenge against Richard. She knew he would never tell, and for once in a long while she was okay with the secrets he kept.
“I don’t mean to stare,” a man said from across the hall. “I’ve just never seen a civilian here, especially one as pretty as you. Do you need help?”
Paige brought her shoulder from against the wall and stood straight as the man approached. “No, I’m good, thanks.”
“Sure?” He bent to look her in the eye and smiled.
“Yes, I’m waiting for my husband.”
The man took a step back. His eyes raked across her body before they settled back on her face. “I thought I’d met everyone’s spouses. You didn’t attend the cookout at the beach?”
Paige shook her head, invariably understanding the cookout must have been during the time Brenden refused to acknowledge the place she held in his life. She then pulled out her phone and sent Brenden a text. An interrogative chitchat with soldier X was not something she was in the mood for. Not after her run-in with Amanda, and definitely not after being reminded of the distance Brenden had kept.
Despite a fresh wave of bitterness, she managed to smile. For the past few months she had been a chameleon. Damn sure wouldn’t stop now. No one was allowed to know the pain of her heart.
…
“Paige,” Brenden called as he rounded the corner and found her smiling at Gavin Talcott, an ex-SEAL he recruited before landing in the coma. His teeth clenched just as a slow burn started in his chest.
When Paige whipped her head in his direction and smiled, he had to catch himself from falling. Her skin radiated an unmistakable glow, and he loved the way her thick wavy hair tumbled down her shoulders. God, she was beautiful and all his, Brenden reminded himself as she waved to him.
He stopped beside Paige and watched as Talcott went to attention and saluted him. After saluting his subordinate, Brenden claimed his wife’s lips. That dull ache in his heart jumped to life. He felt just as he did wrapped in her arms last night—free. He pulled back, gazing into her eyes, and smiled. This woman deserved all of his affections after he had denied her for so long.
“Talcott.” He sized the man up. “This is my wife, Dr. Paige Jasper.” Paige and the man exchanged a handshake. “Paige, Lieutenant Talcott transferred in roughly two months ago.”
“Sorry, I wouldn’t have hounded you had I known you were the commander’s wife.”
Paige waved her hand, dismissing the obvious chagrin of the other man. “It’s okay. I didn’t want you doting on me like everyone else does because of Brenden.”
“Apologies, Commander,” Talcott snipped.
Brenden ignored the tick in his jaw and simply nodded. He gently tugged Paige by the hand and led her from the building. A force beyond his control helped him keep his shit together. Since when had he become the jealous type?
He got his answer when he opened the car door and watched Paige slide in. Her hourglass shape and sexy legs were made for him only. Damn Talcott for flirting with his wife. Never mind the banter flowing into his office from new recruits describing his “hot” wife to a perfect T, which made him aware she had arrived before receiving her text message.
Brenden adjusted in the driver’s side, gripping the steering wheel. He had it in his mind to make all those fuckers run ten miles tomorrow instead of five. A hushed giggle diverted his attention from planning the PT from hell.
“I’ve seen you act like this once.” She giggled again.
“When?” He avoided eye contact by checking the rearview mirror as he backed out.
“The day you proposed.”
“And you still said yes?” His brows knitted together in confusion.
Paige erupted in laughter. “Before you proposed, we, uh, we had broken up. You tracked me down at my conference then chased away an old friend vying for my affections because you realized you couldn’t live without me, Brenden.”
A quiet calm settled between them. Thank God for the familiar streets and turns. His long-term memory was genius but incapable of giving him what he needed to know about them. Dammit, he needed to remember because he didn’t want to make promises of love. Not unless the words were true.
“You look really pretty. I like your hair curly.” He looked across to Paige. She turned away and stared out the window. Clearly he hadn’t said what she wanted to hear.
“You always do. It’s your favorite,” she uttered on a sigh.
Another dull ache sliced his heart. Hate for his failed memories began to eat away at him, and so did jealousy. “Was Talcott flirting with you?”
“A little, then you arrived and it went no further.”
Regardless of the importance surrounding Paige meeting Talcott, the fucker was definitely running ten tomorrow. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him you were my wife. Are you embarrassed? Is it because I don’t remember?”
“No, of course not.” She turned in her seat and faced him. “It’s because everyone gets all ass-kisser sweet once they find out. You said it was fine before the accident.”
Mere seconds passed as he contemplated her words. Maybe he had said those things before, but this was now, and things were different. He was still relearning his wife and their relationship. Now wasn’t the time for interference. “I’m not certain what I agreed to. From here on out, when you’re on this base or at any military function, people will know you are the wife of Lieutenant Commander Brenden Jasper, and they will address you as such.”
“Where’s all of this coming from? You’ve never been so, umm, possessive.”
He clicked his left turn signal, following the flow of traffic. She was right. He couldn’t remember being possessive or protective. Yet sudden thoughts of another man receiving her sweet smile or passionate kiss turned his stomach. And after Fajheed’s minion had stalked her and administered poison to kill their child, he’d become obsessed with her safety. “No? Maybe I suppressed it. Because when it comes to you…”
“Then will you come to the ethics hearing with me?”
Brenden left the monster raging within. Paige deserved more of him, which was why this lunch date was important. With slight hesitation, he reached across, took her hand, and kissed it. “I already planned to.” The stiffness of her body began to melt before he pulled into the empty parking lot of an old colonial mansion.
“I thought you said lunch.” She perked up, surveying their surroundings.
“I did, but my wife said counseling.” Brenden got out of the car and went to the passenger side. He stuffed his fidgeting hands inside his pockets for fear of Paige seeing his desperation to prove he could once again be her knight in shining armor. When he took her hand and helped her from the car, their bodies pressed together.
His heart rate spiked as he gazed down into her brown eyes. “I want us to work as much as you do. My mind can’t remember us or what we shared, but I think my heart does. When I kissed your lips, my body felt you, remembered you, just like now. I don’t believe anyone else will ever make me feel this way.
“It may be a while before everything comes back…that’s if it does. Whatever we shared must not want to be gone. I want the chance to find my way back to you and the memory of us.”
As one of her hands cupped his face, the other squeezed his hand. Paige exhaled and closed her eyes. “I don’t know what’s worse,” she choked out just above a whisper. “Me loving you and you not remembering, or you wanting to remember loving me but can’t.”