Cracks in the ceiling, crooked pictures in the heart.

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, “IN THE FADE”

22

TONY HAWK, PUBLIC ENEMY, AND THE UNIVERSE INSIDE

Sometimes I feel trapped in the relative level—bound to this physical body and material universe. It’s an intimate—and at times horribly claustrophobic—feeling, this trapped-ness. I spent many years somewhat baffled by it because I’m fine in tight situations, like a crammed elevator. Hell, I’m even good to go in show and concert environments—from small punk clubs filled with sweaty, adrenalized people going nuts, to larger hip-hop festivals, I don’t feel the slightest tinge of anxiety or claustrophobia. Still, on occasion, and in times of solitude, I feel as though I’m a prisoner in my own skin, bones, muscle, and veins.

Throughout the years, these self-contracting and chest-tightening experiences, besides being a serious pain in my ass, have become a blessing in disguise. I say that because they inspired me to deepen my meditation practice, which time and again has left me with the experience and awareness that I am much more than just this physical body even though I may at times feel bound by it.

Before I go any further, it’s important to note that shunning our physical bodies as burdens on our spiritual journey is not only futile, but also a great waste of time. Christ, just look at the Buddha who spent all those years as an ascetic, trying all sorts of practices that brought him to the brink of death, only to find liberation on the middle path (cultivating a practice somewhere between indulgence in pleasures and inviting self-harm).

With time spent sincerely in meditation and other practices, we can experience the transcendence of our thoughts, emotions, and physical bodies as we delve into our Everything Minds and deepen our familiarity with the Witnessing Awareness of all that is arising (which also includes our physical bodies). And as I mentioned earlier, this Witness is actually right here, right now, already coexisting with our normal waking consciousness.

So then, what’s stopping us from experiencing this Witness on a regular and consistent basis? Well, we’re conscious beings who, for the most part, experience said consciousness smack-dab in the middle of our heads. It’s as if there were a small being navigating our lives from a captain’s chair in the middle of our skull—which results in our identification with our physical bodies, thoughts, and emotions as the ultimate truth of who we are.

For example, right now, from my ego’s perspective, I, Chris Grosso, am experiencing my physical body sitting in a slightly chilly room, listening to Deafheaven and trying to think of witty and accessible ways to explain this rather daunting topic. The room I’m sitting in is in a house, which is surrounded by grass, trees, birds, and all sorts of other nature-y goodness; and all that is surrounded by the sky—a sky that extends out into the farthest reaches of the universe.

From my ego’s perspective, this is a completely accurate depiction of my immediate reality. And while many of the great wisdom traditions assert that yes, our physical bodies are of course a part of the equation, they’re also very clear that they’re not the be-all and end-all we think they are. And this is where ultimate reality comes in, and concepts such as dharmakaya, Spirit, God, and Brahman are meditated upon.

Now this Spirit (or whatever you choose to call It) is a pretty amazing thing. So amazing, in fact, that Zen masters have said It can swallow the entire Pacific Ocean in one gulp. . . . One gulp! At face value this whole “one gulp” thing might sound a bit ridiculous, and that’s fair. When we explore the implications (through things like meditation, mantra, yoga) of who we are beyond our finite physical selves, if we stick with it long enough, we’ll inevitably start having some experiences that result in that “one gulp” statement making sense. (Remember that it’s only through personal experience that things like this go from sounding completely bat-shit crazy to making sense.)

I’ll try to explain this insane-sounding—yet completely-natural-once-experienced—statement. Here goes: The reason we, as Spirit, can drink the entire Pacific Ocean in one gulp is because, when the strict identification with ourselves as bodies and senses is set aside, no matter how temporarily, we come to see—better yet, come to know—that we are the entire Pacific Ocean. More specifically, in this place, we embody Witnessing Awareness, which as we’ve established, underlies our entire physical, manifest experience.

Anyway, returning to my initial example of the whole room/house/nature/listening to Deafheaven thing (and by the way, their Sunbather album is incredible and you should buy it, though by the time this book is out, they’ll probably have a new album, which I’m sure will be equally as good, so you should probably buy that, too), let’s revisit it from the place of Witnessing Awareness rather than ego.

As the Witness, I gaze across this room and still “see” everything as I normally would—noticing things like musical instruments scattered here and there, a wall decorated with various prints from Public Enemy to Ram Dass, some Star Wars action figures on a shelf, and my very first Tony Hawk skateboard in the corner. And as I rest in this Witnessing Awareness (rather than my ego self), I experience, in crystal clarity, that neither my body nor any of these things are actually out there, or even in the universe at all. Instead, my body and these things (which even include the universe itself) are all within Me—within the Witnessing Awareness that at my core, and at your core, We truly are.

In this recognition, there is no room left for any of the claustrophobic feelings of trapped-ness I’d previously felt, because I no longer identify with my body. In fact, I’m now free to experience this body as housed within Witnessing Awareness. It’s in this place of Witnessing Awareness that swallowing the entire Pacific Ocean in a single gulp makes more sense than anything else I know. This is the place of Everything Mind, where the relative truth of form and the absolute truth of formlessness are equally embraced and experienced. Huzzah!