Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE

PRACTICE

CHECK YOURSELF

One way I keep myself from going back down the road of addiction is with a practice I call “checking myself.” The tenth step of the 12-step fellowships states, “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” This step is not only applicable for those in recovery, but really for anyone with a pulse. Taking a personal inventory means taking an honest look at ourselves: our actions, attitudes, and the way we treat people (including ourselves) on a daily basis.

The practice itself is simple and consists of taking a few moments each night before going to bed to mentally review our day. We take an honest and fearless look at our behaviors, actions, reactions, and most importantly, our motives. When we find something that we know we could have handled better, we own it. We make the proper amends as soon as possible. Our amends don’t need to be grand gestures. They can be as simple as letting the other person know that we were in the wrong, that it was our bad, and that we’re sorry.

Those in recovery may need to be a little more thorough while practicing this step because, as most recovering addicts probably know, the disease will use anything, including seemingly minor and insignificant guilt over our past actions, to its advantage. Even for those of us who aren’t addicts, the voice in our heads still loves to play the blame game. So why give it the chance when it’s just as easy to own our mistakes and make good with the person we offended or treated in a shitty way? This practice can be beneficial for anyone who applies it. Early on in my own recovery from addiction, a huge part of my process was to offer my sincere apologies and regrets to those I’d harmed, from girlfriends I wasn’t mentally or emotionally there for to family and friends whom I’d put through emotional hell, and many more. Saying a sincere and heartfelt “I’m sorry” can be very healing for everyone involved in our lingering messed-up life situations.

These days, this practice has gone on to become an organic part of my life, recovery oriented or not. I’ve found that using the various practices I share with you in this book has helped me to live from a place where I’m much more aware of my words and behavior toward others—because as I’ve mentioned, I’m human and still have plenty of faults. What’s interesting, however, is that since checking myself has become such an integral part of my life, any time I have been in the wrong with someone else but haven’t owned it, I experience an urgency to right that wrong no matter what story my ego is saying about who is right or wrong. (Just ask my wife.) From my work with making amends, I know that I have the choice to experience peace rather than allow pride to dictate my well-being.

The best part of this practice is that all it takes is a few moments! You can even do it every few days if that’s what feels right for you. Being proactive in our own healing and growth benefits all beings because, when we’re coming from a stronger mental and emotional place, we’re offering all of life our best possible self. What more could anyone ask for?