Because, as scared
as I am that Dad will find
out, and try to beat
that sex demon out of me,
or disown me for it,
or both,
the need to embrace
this part of myself
is escalating.
Lately, my dreams
are inhabited
by lust-infused images.
Feminine.
Masculine.
Both.
Right. Left.
Up. Down.
Over.
Beneath.
Sometimes I wake
to find myself touching
the most intimate
parts of my body,
satiating a hunger
so deep, so vital,
feeding it is integral
to my well-being.
but I could never find
the courage
to do it consciously.
My programming insists
it’s wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
So why
does it feel
so right?
Right?
Right?
Now I need
to know what it’s like
with someone else.
Someone I trust.
Someone I care about,
and believe they care about me.
I think it could be tonight.
I’m terrified.
Thrilled.
Determined.