I don’t dare
go there
ever.
Yes, I want
to fall hard
for someone,
experience love
and maybe
even lust.
However,
capital H,
it can’t be
with a girl.
That’s not
who I am.
Mustn’t be
what I am.
Not only
because of Dad,
who’d happily
kick the crap
out of me after
calling me every
name in his antigay
slur book.
homo
fag
dyke
butch
muff diver
carpet muncher
etc.
would come words
he reserves for
my lesbian mother
and/or her girlfriend:
home wrecker
cheater
liar
whore
These things
are contrary
to everything
I know about me.
Though I have to admit
that knowledge
is elementary.
Who am I,
really?