CHAPTER 3

MAKE A GOOD CONNECTION

The New Testament does not envisage solitary religion.

C. S. LEWIS

Don’t ever come to church without coming as though it were the first time, as though it could be the best time and as though it might be the last time.

VANCE HAVNER

I LIKE THE STORY OF THE MOTHER who went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, “I’m not going!”

“Why not?” asked his mother.

“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. Two, I don’t like them.”

His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you will go to church. One, you’re forty-seven years old. Two, you’re the pastor!”

Scenes like this one are becoming common in churches today in America. More and more people seem to be AWOL on Sunday mornings. Increasingly, Sunday has become a day for sleeping in and going out, not turning up for worship.

Statistics bear out the decline in church attendance. One of the most startling aspects of the current trend is the movement of younger evangelicals away from the church. John S. Dickerson writes, “Research indicates that more than half of those born into evangelicalism are leaving the movement during their twenties. And the majority of them never return. This departure figure has never been higher in the United States. The number of those who return has never been lower.”[33] Josh McDowell found that “69 percent of evangelical teens leave the church after high school.”[34] LifeWay Research discovered that “70 percent of Christian church attendees from the millennial generation quit attending church by age twenty-three.”[35] George Barna “estimates that from every five young evangelicals, four will ‘disengage’ from the church by age twenty-nine.”[36]

While the most significant bleeding is coming from the millennial generation, the overall picture of church attendance and participation is not pretty. Thom Rainer puts his finger on what may be the number one reason church attendance is declining:

Most of us have our own ideas why attendance is declining. Many have suggested that our nation is shifting away from its Christian roots, and thus the churches are declining as a smaller proportion of our country are believers in Christ. I certainly will not argue with that premise. Certainly attendance declines are related to massive cultural shifts in our nation. But I would also suggest that one reason for declines has a greater impact than others. Stated simply, the number one reason for the decline in church attendance is that members attend with less frequency than they did just a few years ago. . . . No members left the church. Everyone is still relatively active in the church. But attendance declined over 12 percent because half the members changed their attendance behavior slightly.[37]

Ask most pastors, and they will confirm that members attend church less frequently than they did ten or twenty years ago. I’ve seen this in the church I pastor. To maintain the same attendance level requires more members because people come less often. The trend is troubling. Many more reasons for this phenomenon could be cited.

Donald Whitney suggests a few of the most common ones:

Ask why people don’t attend church, and you’ll get a variety of responses. . . . Some say they don’t go to church because they are turned off by what seems an endless asking for money. Others stay away because church services bore them. A percentage of those who have no interest in church say the sermons are irrelevant to their lives. Some refuse to go because when they do attend they leave feeling guilty.

Numbers of people stay home because Sunday is their only day off and they want to spend it doing other things. . . .

A few stay away because they think their lifestyle is too unacceptable to the expectations of churchgoers. A lot of folks are convinced the church simply has nothing to offer them. . . . And one of the most common reasons given why people don’t go to church is that there just isn’t time.[38]

My main purpose in this chapter is not to diagnose why people don’t attend church but to challenge you, in these last days, to find a church that faithfully preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ, loves people, and serves the church and the world, and to consistently show up, support the church financially, and connect with the people there. Why? Because God created us for relationship. We’re hardwired for relationship with him and with others. We must have a relationship with God’s Son, Jesus Christ, to have true life and salvation. After that, much of our growth as believers comes through the interaction and accountability that fellow believers supply within spiritual community. The Bible calls us to be with God’s people regularly because the Lord knows our spiritual survival is at stake. Isolation is not God’s will for his children. Isolation in today’s environment is dangerous and spiritually deadly.

Filmmaker Alex Gibney directed a documentary titled Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine. Summarizing the thrust of the documentary, one writer says, “What The Man in the Machine really wants to present is the contradiction of Jobs’s legacy: that he developed a technology that sought to connect while he lived a life of disconnection (alienating colleagues, pushing his girlfriend and daughter away, etc.).”[39] What an irony. The man who connected the world lived an isolated existence.

Jobs’s story is far from unique. More and more people, including professing Christians, are settling for detached, disengaged lives and are reaping the consequences.

Challenging the millennial generation, Kevin DeYoung says,

It’s possible we talk a lot about authentic community but we aren’t willing to live in it. The church is not an incidental part of God’s plan. Jesus didn’t invite people to join an anti-religion, anti-doctrine, anti-institutional bandwagon of love, harmony, and re-integration. He showed people how to live, to be sure. But He also called them to repent, called them to faith, called them out of the world, and called them into the church. The Lord “didn’t add them to the church without saving them, and he didn’t save them without adding them to the church” [quoting John Stott].[40]

DeYoung concludes with this wise warning: “Don’t give up on the church. The New Testament knows nothing of churchless Christianity. The invisible church is for invisible Christians. The visible church is for you and me. Put away the Che Guevara t-shirts, stop the revolution, and join the rest of the plodders. Fifty years from now you’ll be glad you did.”[41]

There are all kinds of ways to express the need we have as God’s people to connect with others. Togetherness. Networking. Fellowship. Doing life together. But whatever you call it, we all need it. Clearly, not every person can be in church. Attendance for some is precluded by health issues or advancing age. But most believers are able to be in church with some degree of regularity, yet a disturbing number simply choose not to come. Why? I’m sure there are many reasons, but one simple one is that it’s easier and less demanding to be home alone.

With this backdrop in mind, let’s briefly look at five essential reasons why you need to stay connected, especially in treacherous, uncertain times like these.

“AS WE SEE THE DAY APPROACHING”

The first reason we need to stay connected is in Hebrews 10:24-25. This passage addresses the need to live in meaningful community with one another as we wait for the Lord’s coming in these last days. It’s a clarion call to connect in light of Christ’s coming. It’s a last-days strategy for spiritual survival:

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Anyone who reads the newspaper, watches cable news, or follows world events online realizes our world is on fire. The Middle East remains a global hot spot. Israel is in the crosshairs. North Korea is a nuclear menace. The Russian Bear is roaring out of hibernation. Even those with a superficial knowledge of end-times prophecy realize this world seems to be getting near closing time. Many signs seem to be aligning, giving us every reason to believe the coming of Christ is near. No one on earth knows the time of Christ’s coming, but as believers, we’re to live looking, with an attitude of expectancy concerning our Lord’s coming (see 1 Thessalonians 1:10).

This hope and anticipation should energize every believer with a renewed sense of urgency to be about the Lord’s business. Hebrews 10:25 clearly states that a key aspect of that business is to stay connected with one another through the fellowship of the local church. The words “the day of his return is drawing near” or “as you see the Day approaching” (as in NIV) indicate that believers today should be gathering together more frequently, not less, as we see the approach of the Lord’s coming. With all that’s happening in our world today, churches should be packed. As signs of the times proliferate, church attendance should be soaring. Yet, sadly, we see the exact opposite. Malaise and indifference have set in.

Do you remember what it was like in the wake of the terrorist attack on 9/11? Churches were filled to capacity and in many cases overfilled. Faced with the fragility of life, people sought solace in God and reevaluated what’s important. However, the spike in attendance waned as life got back to normal. People settled into a pattern that fails to prioritize regular attendance at public worship.

There’s a humorous, well-worn, but worthwhile illustration about a church that announced “a special ‘No Excuse Sunday’” to “make it possible for everyone to attend church” on a specific Lord’s Day. The announcement contained the following incentives:

Ouch! That hits pretty close to home for a growing number of contemporary churchgoers. The writer of Hebrews leaves no doubt that regular attendance of public worship is not an option for believers; it’s a command. When it comes to the church, assembly is required. Regardless of this stern admonition, more and more professing Christians fail to take church attendance seriously. Hebrews 10:25 calls on us to gather for mutual encouragement as we see the day drawing near. In troubled times, we all need encouragement. We need encouragement to read our Bibles, to pray, to love our spouses, to sacrifice for others, to share, to tell others about Jesus, and to turn from sin. For me, as a pastor, just seeing God’s people on Sunday morning is an encouragement. Your simple presence is a much greater encouragement to others, especially your pastor, than you will ever know.

The call to assemble is urgent. As Erwin Lutzer says, “Never before in American history has it been so important to become an active part of a network of other believers for worship, encouragement, instruction, and prayer. Bible studies, prayer groups, and discipleship training of believers to be change-agents in their world.”[43]

The church is a place of safety and protection as believers come under the supervision and care of pastors who look out for their well-being (see Hebrews 13:17). Failing to have a church home and meet with God’s people regularly leaves you isolated, alone, and exposed, and strays from the herd are always the easiest for the lions to pick off. Far too many believers today are voluntarily leaving themselves and their families spiritually exposed outside the church in the devil’s domain. I like the story author Anne Lamott tells about a seven-year-old girl who got lost in a big city:

The girl frantically ran up and down several streets, looking for a familiar landmark. A policeman saw the girl, realized something was wrong, and offered to help. So she got in the car and he slowly drove through nearby neighborhoods. Suddenly the girl pointed to a church and asked the policeman to let her out. She assured him, “This is my church, and I can always find my way home from here.”[44]

As the world darkens and Christ’s coming draws near, never have so many needed to find their way home, especially in the millennial generation. Encouraging them to regularly be a part of corporate worship and fellowship is a strong beginning point.

WHEN THE CHURCH WAS YOUNG

The second, and perhaps the simplest, reason we need to stay connected with other believers is the pattern in the early church. The emphasis on connection is present in the very first church in Jerusalem a few weeks after the resurrection of Christ:

They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.

Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

ACTS 2:42-47, NASB

The first point mentioned in this snapshot of the early church is the apostles’ teaching, which is foundational to everything else. We must gather to hear God’s Word or our fellowship is little more than a social gathering. The truth is what ties us together. The faithful preaching of God’s Word is the heart muscle of the church, which pumps life into everything else we do. We rally around a common gospel, centered in our great Savior. But these verses in Acts 2 also focus repeatedly on the gathering together of God’s people. We’re not just believers; we’re belongers.

Notice also that there’s a beautiful balance here between the corporate gatherings of the church in the Temple area and smaller, private gatherings for meals in individual homes. We observe this throughout the book of Acts, which establishes a pattern for our gatherings today.

You and I need the corporate church setting to sing and praise God together, to pray, to learn, and to celebrate the Lord’s Supper and baptism. There’s something about the power of presence. Just being with God’s people every week is a strong encouragement. Seeing young families with young children worshiping the Lord; watching people singing, giving, and praying together; and observing the church surrounding those who are dealing with physical ailments or old age are all part of growing deeper in our shared life in Christ.

We also need to connect with other believers in smaller gatherings for meaningful fellowship and discipleship. Hebrews 10:24-25 says we must gather regularly to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (NIV). While this can and should happen as we sing and listen to the preaching of God’s Word in a corporate setting, in the deepest sense this happens in smaller gatherings.

These smaller gatherings take many forms such as home groups, lunch meetings, women’s or men’s Bible studies, adult Sunday school classes, and so on. I’ve even heard about one church that had a group of older men who called themselves ROMEOs (Retired Old Men Eating Out) who met regularly for Christian fellowship.

At the church I pastor, we have ABFs (Adult Bible Fellowship groups) that meet on Sunday mornings at parallel times with our corporate worship services. While it may appear in many forms, small-group ministry is an integral ingredient for healthy spiritual growth.

Of course, in all of this, our goal is not just to get people to church more and keep them busy meeting in more intimate settings. Church attendance and connection is a means, not an end. The end is a growing, thriving, maturing walk with Jesus Christ.

The story is told that a pastor who was new to a small Oklahoma town started his tenure as pastor by stopping by the houses of the church’s members and inviting them to come to church the following Sunday. When Sunday rolled around, however, he was disappointed to discover that the members he had invited weren’t there and the church was mostly empty. The next week he took out an ad in the local newspaper, inviting people to the funeral of the church.

When the time for the funeral came, the church was packed because people were curious how a funeral for a building might work. A hearse arrived, and pallbearers carried the casket into the sanctuary and placed it in front of the pulpit.

The pastor gave a eulogy for the church, and afterward he opened the casket’s lid for the congregation to pay their respects. The people didn’t know what to expect —what could possibly be in the casket to represent a dead church? —so they dutifully approached the casket. And once each person looked in, they saw it: their own reflection. The “dead church” was a mirror.

The death of a church is the death of the people because a church is not a building or an organization —a church is its people. And each church is a reflection of the spiritual vitality of those who claim membership there.

How is your church doing? In many ways your church is a mirror image of you. What does the mirror say about you and your family?

Let me add one point here. All pastors, elders, and church leaders must do all we can in our local churches to provide a setting that encourages God’s people to join us. God has commanded all Christians not to forsake assembling together, but we must do all we can to remove as many obstacles as possible and to make it edifying for people to come. God’s Word must be preached accurately, clearly, and practically. Our singing must glorify God and flow from passionate hearts. Our fellowship must be enriched by the Lord’s presence. The sheep are called to gather, but the shepherds must work hard to make sure the sheep find green pastures that nourish their souls. I love the saying “The world at its worst needs the church at its best.” Few would dispute that our world today is at its worst. What we’re witnessing is nothing short of tragic. This should provide ample motivation for us to be at our best when we’re gathered together on the Lord’s Day and then take that with us as we’re unleashed into the community throughout the week.

TAKING SIDES

The third reason for us to take our connection to the church seriously as the end draws near is that as church attendance becomes increasingly spotty and intermittent in our culture, one of the ways we give witness to our love for Christ is by going to church. Those who connect frequently with God’s people give visible evidence of their commitment to Christ and his Word to their neighbors and friends. Of course, we all know that going to church can be perfunctory and routine and has no saving merit, but what I’m talking about is not duty but delight. Being a real part of a local church with a sense of expectancy and excitement each week testifies to a watching world that we belong to Jesus and love him.

In some ways, attending church is a litmus test of our loyalty to Christ. It’s a birthmark and benchmark for believers. Think about it. If we aren’t loyal to Christ in something as simple as showing up for church on the Lord’s Day, how committed are we in other, more demanding aspects of our faith such as giving sacrificially, serving, praying, reading God’s Word, or sharing the gospel with others? Going to church consistently should be the bare minimum —the lowest rung —of our Christian commitment. If we can’t carve out time from our schedules to regularly meet for public worship, how likely are we to make deeper sacrifices for our Lord?

Doug McIntosh, in his book Life’s Greatest Journey, tells the story of an elderly man who lost his hearing late in life. Despite his hearing loss and inability to hear the songs being sung or words being spoken, he attended church every week. When one of his neighbors asked why he continued to go to church when he couldn’t hear what was happening, he simply replied, “I want people to know whose side I’m on.”[45]

Going to church can never wash away our sins or, by itself, make us more righteous, but increasingly in our culture it does show our friends and neighbors “whose side we’re on.”

PICTURING THE CHURCH

Fourth, the New Testament employs many metaphors to describe the church of Jesus Christ that stress our closeness to Jesus and to one another and how much we need each other.

Here are a few of the most basic ones:

Each of these metaphors involves close connection to Jesus and others. We were never intended to live and grow in isolation from other believers. These images also reveal that together we are much more than we could ever be alone. The church is much greater than the sum of its parts.

Nevertheless, going it alone is becoming more common. More and more people claim they’re finding all they need online. They stay home and watch a sermon on Sunday and check the worship box for the week. But listening to a sermon online is not enough. Certainly, times have changed since the first century, and we have wonderful, helpful technology that was not available then. Watching sermons online is a great way to keep up with what’s going on at your church when you’re ill or out of town. That said, sitting at home in front of your computer every Saturday evening or Sunday morning is not what the New Testament envisions for church connection. Spiritual growth and encouragement take place in the context of actual, lived community.

As David Jeremiah says, “Cyber-community seems nice until something bad happens, and then we want face time rather than Facebook.”[46] Certainly, in today’s world, social media is a great way to stay in touch with others, but the church is a face-to-face community that can never be replaced by Facebook. The pulpit can seem far away during the week. There’s no substitute for real community with other believers.

I like the old story about the pastor who visited a member of his church who had stopped attending without giving a reason. The pastor visited the man on a cold evening when the man was home alone, warming himself in front of the fireplace. The man invited the pastor to sit with him and waited for the pastor to lecture him about his church attendance. However, instead of talking, the pastor took the tongs by the fireplace and picked up a burning ember and placed it off to the side, all by itself. The pastor remained silent in all of this, which made the man uncomfortable, so he fixed his attention on the ember whose flame was quietly dimming and then extinguished.

After the ember had been dead for a few minutes, the pastor placed it back in the fire, where it immediately ignited. When the pastor made a move to leave, his host said, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I’ll be back in church next Sunday.”[47]

The truth is we cool spiritually and eventually stop glowing without the warmth of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We need each other more than we often realize.

Make sure you stay on fire and spread the heat to others, and do it even more as we see the day approaching. You need the church, and the church needs you. Don’t get isolated and exposed.

Your spiritual survival, and that of your family, is at stake in these last days when the world is at its worst.

“ONE ANOTHERING”

A fifth reason to stay connected is found in the many New Testament commands about how we live in connection with one another. The commands in these verses are often referred to as “one anothering.”

The New Testament records many “one anothers.” Some are repeated several times, so there are about thirty-three unique “one anothers.” Here are a few of the main ones. (Note that the New Living Translation usually translates this phrase as “each other.”)

We sometimes forget that “one anothering” can only be faithfully fulfilled if we are regularly with one another. First Thessalonians 5:11 summarizes this idea beautifully. It literally says, “Build up one the one,” that is, “one by one.” We build up God’s people one by one. This is true even in large settings in the church. Ultimately, all ministry is personal and individual. People are built up one by one. We need each other and the community of mutual support to survive and grow spiritually. God and his transformative grace are most evident in the sphere of a loving community. We need each other. Our salvation is personal, but it is not private.

There’s an old poem sometimes attributed to William Blake that says this well:

I sought my soul, and my soul eluded me.

I sought my God, and my God I could not see.

I sought my brother, and I found all three.

DEADLY DISCONNECT

Sunandha Kumariratana was the queen of Thailand in the late nineteenth century. Among the laws in that day was one forbidding anyone to touch the queen under threat of death.

While she was journeying to the summer palace with her young daughter on May 31, 1880, the royal boat they were traveling in capsized. There were many witnesses to the capsizing, but they were unwilling to pull her from the watery grave because of the law. A guard on another boat even reiterated the law that the queen was not to be touched. As a result, the queen drowned.[49]

Isolating yourself from others is dangerous and can even be deadly. If you keep others away and never let them touch your life, when you’re drowning, they may not be able to come to your aid.

Don’t drown needlessly in discouragement, sorrow, grief, loneliness, pain, and trouble. Meet with God’s people regularly, joyfully, and often. Allow others to connect with you, and be willing and eager to reach out and touch the lives of others in meaningful ways.

And do it all the more as “the day of his return is drawing near.”

Your spiritual health and survival hangs in the balance.