Chapter Twelve

PARKER

 

“Hey,” Parker said, smiling as she saw Lily. She half wondered if she was mad catching up with her, but she’d felt awful ever since Lily had left her house early Sunday morning. She’d spent all of Sunday and Monday analysing things, and finally did a class handover that morning so she could have a day off work to hopefully catch up on some sleep. She hadn’t planned for it, and in fact had turned up to work ready for the day, but suddenly realised she wasn’t really there for her students, and the best thing to do would be to take a day’s break.

She certainly hadn’t planned on asking Lily for a coffee—that wasn’t the goal of the day off—so she didn’t really know what she wanted to say. She just knew that the moment she saw her walk into the classroom, they had to talk. It was too awkward to just let the whole thing go, especially when they had to deal with each other for the whole year.

As they grabbed a table in the back corner, Parker mentally rehearsed how to start discussing any of it. She sighed audibly once they sat, and Lily gave her a bemused smile, or perhaps a confused smile. Parker made a big deal out of picking up the menu and going through each item line by line. Lily looked impatient, but she still hadn’t worked out what to say. Finally, they ordered their drinks, and Parker sighed again.

“Sorry for the impromptu coffee on a work day. I saw you come in this morning, and I was having the day off, and… I don’t know what to say.” Parker felt awkward and anxious, which was crazy given they’d been naked together. They weren’t teacher and parent; they had been so vulnerable to each other. All she had to do was start talking openly. “Look, I guess I’ll just say what’s on my mind. I want you to know that I’m Bodhi’s teacher before anything else. I’m professional, and I’ll strive to do the best for Bodhi that I can this year. Like I would for any kid.” Lily frowned but nodded, and Parker continued, “That aside, I’m super attracted to you, and I’ve never been in this position before. Obviously, I know we can’t go anywhere, and we need to be careful not to be alone after today. I feel like an asshole, unless you have an ‘arrangement’?”

Lily looked even more confused now, and Parker was wondering if she had to spell it out for her. Surely not. She continued, “Our two nights together were amazing, but I just can’t do it.”

Lily seemed relieved when the waiter turned up with their drinks. She made a big production out of stirring sugar into her coffee, then looked up at Parker and shook her head again. “I agree. I’m just not in the right place to date anyone.”

Parker couldn’t believe she was lying to her. Furious, she bit the bullet. “Do you and your husband have an arrangement? Or is that the reason you’re saying you’re not in the right place?”

“My husband?” Lily asked. “Husband?” She gave Parker a look of disbelief. “There’s no husband. There was a wife, but there’s definitely no husband.”

What the hell was she talking about? Parker pressed on. “Bodhi’s dad?”

“Scott. He was our donor, initially, but now he plays the role of dad.”

“Oh. Right.” Parker didn’t know if she was relieved or more confused than ever. “I’m confused.”

“He lives with us.” Lily smiled. “He’s a big part of our lives.”

Hmm. In what way? The normal way, or a co-parenting way?

“You mentioned a wife. Ex-wife? Bodhi doesn’t have another mother, does he? I’ve never met her.” Could she have done a runner? Or was Lily cheating on her? This was very confusing.

Lily looked down at the table and then looked Parker in the eye. “He did have another mother, my wife. She died. I’m a widow.”

Oh shit. Parker said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise. Wow, that’s awful. This whole thing is so…unexpected. I actually thought you were cheating on your husband.”

Lily shook her head. “No, I’m definitely not cheating on my husband. Cheating on Megan is what it feels like.” She smiled sadly.

“Megan is your wife who passed away?” Parker needed to be certain there wasn’t someone else in the story.

Lily nodded. “She died when Bodhi was just two.”

Parker nodded, but she thought it seemed like a long time to still feel like she was cheating on her wife. “You must have had a great connection.”

Lily nodded and smiled. “She was my person. If I believe in soulmates, she was my soulmate, one hundred per cent.”

Parker sat back in her chair and searched Lily’s face, looking for answers about her marriage and how things were for her now. “And how’s life now…?”

Lily responded, “After Megan got sick, I gave up my job, and I became a stay-at-home mum for Bodhi. I never thought my life would go in that direction.” Lily paused. “I enjoyed it, though, but once he started school, I was considering my options, and that’s when Jacqui and I started our business—we started from nothing, and now we employ the two of us full time, and it looks like we’ll get a third employee. Bodhi’s doing well. I’m doing mostly well. Scott is doing well. Life is good.”

Parker’s heart lurched for Lily. Life might be working for her, but there was something missing. She was missing that connection with someone. She was holding herself back out of loyalty. Nevertheless, she said all the right things to Lily—congratulating her on her business and complimenting what a good boy Bodhi was and how successful she’d been at raising him so far—but then she asked the silly question that was on her mind. “Scott’s your donor, but you have the same surname. Is he a relative?” She didn’t know why she needed to know, but it felt like the missing piece of the puzzle.

Lily smiled. “No, he’s not. He was Megan’s best friend. His mum and Megan’s mum were best friends—they met in mothers’ group when the kids were two or something. They were family friends, and Scott and Megan went to school together and somehow became best friends along the way themselves.”

“They never dated?” Parker couldn’t help but be curious.

Lily shook her head. “He’s gay too. He came out first. I think they were fifteen. Then Megan met some lesbians through him, and that prompted her own realisation and coming out. She saw something in them that she knew was in herself but hadn’t had the words for. She was about seventeen when she came out, and I met her at nineteen. We met at university.”

Parker smiled. “That’s lovely.” She couldn’t believe Scott was gay, too, after all of this. Lily nodded.

“The surname? You have the same surname as him?” That part made no sense.

“His name was Scott Richards. Bodhi is Bodhi Richard Delaney-Jones. When Megan was dying, we asked Scott to play the role of dad, rather than donor. Scott jumped in, fully, and in fact he suggested he legally change his surname so that we all had the same name. Megan and I had changed our names legally when we’d had our commitment ceremony. I added Delaney to my name, Megan added Jones. We ended up legally marrying later, when that came in, but we already had our names by then. We knew we wanted children from the start, and they’d be Delaney-Jones. Well, we only had Bodhi in the end.” Lily swallowed and then continued, “I never expected Scott to take on Delaney-Jones. It was beautiful that he wanted to though. A real signal that he was fully committed to us.”

“Wow.” Parker was practically speechless. Somehow, even though she wasn’t causing Lily to cheat on Scott, she still felt like she’d intruded in on something really special between them.

“What Megan and Scott had…their friendship…” Lily shook her head. “Sometimes I felt like I was their third wheel. When Megan initially suggested he be our donor, I said no way. I didn’t know what to do. And over time, I went with it, but there was a small part of me that was worried. Not that they’d run to the hills together or anything like that, but that I was a going to take a backstage role to their leading acts in raising our baby. As the non-bio mum, I think it can be common to worry about that, but then their friendship was so fierce, plus their families were so connected. In some ways, it was a little weird, like did everyone really see me as a valid parent?”

“You’re the non-bio mum?” Parker hadn’t even thought about that.

Lily nodded in response. “When we realised that Megan’s days with Bodhi were numbered, I felt so guilty for all my thoughts. So guilty for ever worrying about my role in all of this, and ever being envious of what I had deemed Megan’s ‘leading role’. Shit, we were in it together the whole time, and Scott really was respectful. Megan and I were the parents. Even Megan and Scott’s families were really great. But Megan got diagnosed during her pregnancy, and Scott stepped up from the start. If at the outset you’d told me I’d be living with Scott and Bodhi would call him Dad, I’d have run a mile. That wasn’t what we wanted at all, but it has been perfect. All my fears about our donor selection were totally wrong—he couldn’t have been more perfect for us, and he has helped us so much. I can’t help but think it was meant to be.”

Parker couldn’t believe what Lily had been through, and what Bodhi had been through, over the years. The way Lily spoke, talking about Scott helping us, it almost sounded like she was including Megan in their present.

“I’m happy. Life is good. It’s not what I expected my life to be, but Bodhi and I are good.”

Parker nodded. Again, it might be good on the surface, but it still seemed like Lily was missing something in her life. Fun. Was that just parenting, or was she choosing to punish herself because of what happened to Megan?

“Lily, what happened between us…”

Lily smiled. “What happened between us was the first time…”

Parker’s eyebrows raised. “The first time since Megan…?”

Lily nodded.

“Wow, I wouldn’t have known you were out of practice,” Parker said, trying to lighten the mood a little and inject some flirtation.

Lily blushed. “Thanks. You weren’t so bad yourself.”

“Not so bad, huh? Shit, I need to up my game.”

Lily grinned, eyebrows raised. The mood had definitely become more flirtatious. “I had actually tried to do some online dating about two years ago. I met two women face to face, a heap online. The first one was desperate to become a co-parent. She wanted to be Bodhi’s other mother immediately. Grr, it was awful. She was clearly dating me because I had a child. We hadn’t even kissed! I ran a mile. When I returned to the site, I removed the fact I had a child from my profile. I met another woman, and it looked promising. Then I told her about Bodhi. This time she ran a mile! She had chosen me because she didn’t think I had a kid. I couldn’t win. If I ever do date someone, I want them to be accepting of Bodhi, but also happy to let their relationship evolve naturally.” Lily shrugged. “If I meet someone, I want them to want me, and then accept my package deal. I don’t want the package deal to be the lure or the turn-off. Maybe I’m asking for too much. I’ve decided not to date til Bodhi’s much older now. I have too much to lose.”

Parker looked at Lily, wondering what the future held for them.

As if reading her mind, Lily spoke up. “I’m not ready to date, and you’re Bodhi’s teacher. It’s wrong for many reasons. I said to you when we first met I wasn’t relationship material, and that hasn’t changed. In fact, even more so now because you’re Bodhi’s teacher.”

“From where I’m sitting, you do seem like relationship material. You were married.”

Lily nodded. “Yes, you’re right. You’re very perceptive. I am relationship material, but my circumstances have changed. If I had my way, I’d be in a relationship. With Megan.” Lily paused to make the point and then continued. “I don’t need to bring that baggage into someone’s life. Second-guessing where they stand in relation to my dead wife and all of that. Then there’s the whole Bodhi thing, and being sure that whomever I date would be good with him, but not dating me because of him.” She shook her head. “Plus, in terms of you… You’re his teacher. Isn’t there some kind of rule against that?”

“I don’t actually know, and I don’t know how I could find out.”

“You don’t need to find out.” Lily smiled. “I meant what I said.”

She nodded, but the disappointment hit her immediately. She felt sick to her stomach. She knew Lily was right—it was far too complicated—but she couldn’t help the tugging at her heart and the pull she felt toward her. But Parker had too much pride to push, and she had to think of her job and the fact she was at a new school. She just nodded and grabbed her wallet off the table. “I suppose I should go home. I’m home sick today, after all.”

“Sure,” Lily agreed. “I’m sorry that…”

“Hey, I’m just pleased I wasn’t somehow part of you cheating on your husband, Mr Delaney-Jones! I felt awful after Saturday night. I just hoped you had an open marriage, and it was above board.”

Lily laughed in response and then rubbed her hand down Parker’s arm. Parker stepped backwards, knowing that if she didn’t, she’d melt into Lily’s arms. She had too much respect for Lily already to push.

“Thanks, Parker. I don’t usually talk about Megan. Everyone who knew me then knew the story, and now Megan’s an old memory for them. Apparently, I’m meant to have moved on by now.”

Parker couldn’t imagine how that would feel. She shook her head. “Any time you want to talk…I’m happy to hear all about her.”

“I’d love to take you up on that actually. Dinner out some night?”