Chapter Twenty-One

LILY

 

“Great day,” Scott said on the way home.

Lily nodded. “I enjoyed it.”

“I hadn’t realised you and Bodhi’s teacher had become so close.”

Lily was suddenly relieved that Bodhi had travelled back with his cousins in Jacqui’s car. “Did I tell you I met her last year at some event I went to?”

“No.” Scott seemed surprised but not suspicious at all.

“Just the once, and then I wondered if I knew her when we met her at the start of the year. Well, we got talking and realised we did know each other. She’s great.”

“She’s nice. She’s clearly gay.”

Lily nodded. “Clearly.”

Scott was silent, and then finally spoke. “Are you attracted to her?”

“She’s Bodhi’s teacher,” Lily said as if that answered the question.

“But…?”

Lily couldn’t believe he was asking. In the six years since Megan had died, relationships simply hadn’t been discussed between them. Megan had been the one to make them talk about it constantly, as uncomfortable as it had been at the time, talking about some hypothetical new relationship before they’d even grieved her loss. But now, out of the blue, Scott was asking. She didn’t know whether to tell him the truth or just play innocent. Finally, she spoke up with what she hoped would be enough. “She’s an attractive woman. I’ll say that.”

He nodded but then added, “You’re not answering the question.”

“Well, yes, I guess I think she’s attractive. I don’t know what you’re asking. She’s attractive.” Lily fumbled over her words, wishing she could hide away in a hole for the duration of this conversation. “I’m not looking for a relationship if that’s what you’re asking.”

Scott nodded and didn’t speak for quite some time. When he did, Lily was relieved that he discussed the song on the stereo and moved on to what they were going to have for dinner that evening. Safe topics. Lily and Scott conversation topics. It made Lily feel much more settled to return to normal.

*

AS SHE WAS dishing up slices of pizza for dinner, Scott walked past the kitchen and said one more thing to suggest the topic wasn’t entirely closed. “I’m pleased you’ve been going out a little more lately. It’s nice to see you socialising.”

Lily stuffed a small bit of pizza in her mouth and smiled. “Mmm” was all she said in response, and he shook his head. She hated that she was not responding to him attempting to open up lines of conversation. She just hadn’t been prepared for it, and she wondered if he suspected something. Finally, she spoke, “It’s nice going out a little. You should too. It’s good to have some fun outside of work and parenting.”

He nodded. “Good point. It’s nice to have the balance. I might try it too.”

She called Bodhi to the kitchen and handed Scott a plate. “Thanks, this looks good,” he said.

*

SCOTT HAD TAKEN most of the first week of holidays off work to spend time with Bodhi, so Lily went to the office. Jacqui went home early on Thursday afternoon, so Lily had taken the opportunity to invite Parker to the office to explore. Their new staff were commencing in about ten days, so Lily wanted to use the opportunity to show it off to Parker while she had a vacant office—something that would become harder in the days to come.

When Lily opened the door to Parker, she was impressed. Parker stood there in fitted black jeans, a black V-neck shirt, and a denim jacket. White sneakers and spiky hair complimented the look, but it was her cheeky smile that melted Lily. Lily grinned, shook her head, and pulled her inside into an embrace, then, ultimately, a passionate kiss.

“Well, that’s one way to say hello,” Parker said, grinning once they broke away. “I could get used to this kind of greeting. So, tell me about the place.”

Lily gestured around the room, now feeling silly that she’d invited Parker to the office. She hoped Parker wasn’t expecting something more impressive. It had felt important to share her workplace, but now that Parker was here, she wondered if it was a crazy idea—they weren’t in a relationship, for starters, and secondly, it was hardly an impressive top floor on a city skyscraper. No, it was just an office space. Sure, it was an office space she was damn proud of, having worked very hard to get to this point in her business, but how did it look to an outsider? “Well, there’s not much to tell.” She shrugged. “This is the space, but for some reason, I wanted you to see it.”

“I love the feel of it!” Parker said, and that got Lily more enthused again.

“Really?”

“Yes, the wooden floorboards, the red accents all around, and I love all the posters.” Lily had decorated the office space with childlike posters, due to the nature of their business. Although Lily and Jacqui were more likely to go out for meetings, whenever they did have an advertiser come into the building, she wanted them to walk away with a sense of fun and happiness. She’d colour themed red, black, and white as much as she could with vases, posters of The Little Mermaid and Bambi, and some old advertisements on the walls. The old ads were more Jacqui’s thing, but Lily loved them too. They depicted an image of a simpler family life. On one long wall, they had framed some of their favourite magazine covers.

Parker’s eye finally rested on this wall, a wall Lily was most proud of. She stepped forward. “Wow, are these your magazine covers?”

Lily nodded, grinning. Parker did a short walking tour, reading the headlines of each one. “This is great. I’ve seen it before but never bought one.”

“We’re so lucky to have the support of so many newsagencies and stores.”

Parker kept looking at one of the covers as she spoke, “I don’t think it’s luck, Lil. Why wouldn’t they want to sell your magazine? You’re offering a great service to local families.”

“Thanks.” Sometimes Lily thought their business was just a business, and other times, she felt the same as Parker had said—that they were really offering a service. When she was proud of her business like that, she could work for hours and hours without feeling like it was a chore.

“You really are impressive,” Parker said, now shifting her gaze from the posters to Lily. “Sometimes you act like this business is just a little thing, but it’s pretty big, isn’t it?”

“I’m so excited that we have our first employees starting in just over a week.” Deep down, she hadn’t really thought she was successful before Jacqui had given up her job. Once she had, she started to wonder if this business might actually work. But now, they had two employees starting, and to her that was a sign of success. To have a couple of employees was a lot of pressure—there needed to be enough work for them, for starters! And money to pay them!—but it was also a sign of how much they’d grown the business already and how much potential there was. “They’ll only be part time. Two days a week each. Erin is studying marketing, so she’ll be focusing on promoting our education program and connecting with schools. Alex is setting up his own business on the side, so we’re thinking of getting him to work on some of our administrative processes. And at this stage, we have Fridays to ourselves, but over time, it might be better to have Alex and Erin in together on the same days. It will all depend on how it works out, how much crossover there is.”

“Even if you did one day together. Then you could have all staff meetings for planning.”

Lily was impressed that Parker was clearly engaged enough to have an opinion on it, and it was a good idea—one she hadn’t yet thought of. “That’s a really good idea. I’ll talk to Jacqui. Hopefully, they’re flexible enough that they can make it work.”

“And hopefully not on a Tuesday…” Parker smiled cheekily.

“Hopefully not,” Lily responded, but felt unsettled by the comment. She didn’t know why.

“So, is Thursday the new Tuesday?” Parker said, moving closer to Lily. “Do you want to go home with me? Or was this just a hang-out?”

She looked at Parker and wondered what on earth they were doing. Something didn’t feel right. But instead of saying something, she simply nodded. “Yes. I’ll take my car too.”

*

THEIR AFTERNOON IN bed was amazing—as always—but Lily still felt unsettled.

“This was great,” Parker said. “I’ve been thinking. I had a great time meeting Jacqui and Scott and spending time with Bodhi and your nieces.” She looked at Lily. “Is there any chance…you and I…that we could go public?”

“Go public?” Lily suspected she knew what Parker was inferring but was hopeful she wasn’t right.

“Is there any chance you’d…be my girlfriend?” She sounded anxious to ask. “And have a proper relationship, not just…this?” She gestured around the bedroom.

Lily sighed and then looked at Parker, her forehead creasing, as she shook her head. “I’m sorry…”

Parker shook her head. “Don’t be. I got my hopes up, that’s all. After the beach.”

Lily felt awful, but she knew it wouldn’t be fair to Parker, or to Megan, to try to do this. “It’s just, Megan… I would hate to ruin things with you because I’m not over her.”

“You don’t have to be over her. I wouldn’t expect you to be. She’s not your ex! I’m not expecting that it’s over. I know that if you had your way, you’d still be with Megan. I understand that I’ll never replace her. I’m not asking to. All I’m asking is that you give us a chance.”

Lily couldn’t believe how generous Parker was being. It seemed too good to be true. To have Parker and not have to give up on Megan? Part of her wanted to jump at the chance, but the other part of her thought of Bodhi and Scott and the life they’d built together. Wouldn’t saying yes to Parker be an end, not only to Lily’s past, but also her present? It was nearly impossible to explain all of that. She’d sound crazy. “I just don’t think…”

Parker turned away, and Lily sensed her sadness. Her heart leapt for the woman who was hurting because she couldn’t commit. “I’m sorry.”

Parker shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t be sorry.” Lily knew Parker was tearing up. While Parker had a moment to herself, Lily grabbed her clothes and started to dress, ready to leave.

“Have you even told anyone about us? Or am I really your dirty little secret?” Parker asked, tears in her eyes.

“Maree knows, and Jacqui knows. Jacqui loves you.” Lily smiled, her voice gentle.

“At least one sister does,” Parker said, still not looking at Lily.

Lily nodded, even though Parker wasn’t looking. “Yes, she thinks I’m an idiot for just doing the friends with benefits thing. But…it works.”

“I can’t do it anymore, actually.” Parker’s voice squeaked. “It’s unfair.” Now the tears were flowing, and Lily put her arm around her. She moved away but turned to look Lily in the eye. It had been hard not seeing Parker’s face, but now that she was looking at her, it seemed even harder to be confronted with the pain she’d caused. “I love being with you, but it’s not right. This is not what I want.”

Lily was devastated to hear it. Parker had brought so much happiness and fun to her life. And now things would be back to her old life, with no Parker, no Tuesdays. She breathed in deeply and gave Parker a small smile and nod. “Okay, I’m not going to try to convince you…but…I can’t say I’m not sad.”

“The thing is, Lil, I can’t compete with Megan. I understand that. I always did, but I also can’t compete with your relationship with Scott.”

“Scott?” Lily screwed up her face. “I don’t have a relationship with Scott.”

“Maybe not, but you live with him, and he doesn’t even know about us.”

“Because of his connection with Megan.”

“You’ve told me the reason. It doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I get that. And I’m really sorry.”

“Lily, please don’t say sorry. It is what it is. You always told me… I got my hopes up that things were changing, but I was wrong. That’s my fault, not yours.”

Lily felt like the worst person on earth. She just nodded and backed away. “I like you, Parker. A lot. It’s just…”

“Don’t.” Parker’s look gave Lily a warning.

In return, Lily glanced down at the floor, not wanting to meet Parker’s eye. Finally, she did. “Are we going to be okay?” She was worried that Parker seemed upset—perhaps even angry—and she was still Bodhi’s teacher.

Parker gave her a thin smile. “This isn’t about Bodhi if that’s what you mean. I’m a professional.”

Lily was instantly relieved and nodded. “Thanks.” Deep down, she’d known it wouldn’t be an issue. Parker was great—mature, sensible, kind. All the things she wanted in a partner when she was ready. And incredibly sexy to boot. Even when she was glaring at her, even with her eyes filled with tears, she had a certain something and not for the first time, Lily wondered if she was crazy. She drove home imagining what Megan would think of it all.

“That girl is hot,” Megan would no doubt be saying, from wherever she was. “What on earth are you doing Lily?” Even Megan would think she was crazy, and Lily couldn’t help but wonder if she would be right.