She waited until the door had closed behind Ben before she spoke. “I need this job.”
Matt’s features softened. Andy didn’t know for sure that those were the exact words Ben Haig had spoken to Matt Roderick the day the chief rescued him. But she could guess. Andy had picked through Ben’s FDNY personnel file, read between the lines, knew the story. She knew Matt had snatched Ben from the abusive work environment he’d been stuck in under Warrens, and she wanted Matt to remember the day he’d stumbled across Ben now, what a brilliant find the young man had been. She wanted Matt to remember the desperation. The exhaustion. The fury. The righteous vindication he’d felt when Haig began proving himself as an invaluable member of the crew, as both a firefighter and a criminal. She rubbed her face hard with her hands.
“Please, just hear me out.”
“No.” Matt put a hand up. “Honey, I get it. But you gotta understand: You don’t want to be here. You’ll get no respect. Most of these guys? They spend every spare minute trying to figure out how to get into the pants of the lady firefighters. We got this one guy Engo who makes life a nightmare for every girl who comes within sniffing distance of him. He’s like a terrier humping a table leg. When guys in this job find a way to get what they want from you, the regard for you as, like, a human being? It fucking swan-dives. So you’d already be starting from subzero here.”
“I get it,” Andy said. “But—”
“I ain’t finished,” Matt growled. “I’ve got pull around here, okay? So I get to pick my guys. I get to say yes or no to whoever they assign me. That’s a privilege I earned.” He tapped his meaty chest. “And I run an all-male team. Maybe that makes me a sexist asshole, but I’ve managed girls before and I’m no good at it. Now there’s a station up in the Bronx run by a—”
“I can’t be moved again,” Andy said. She drew a rattling breath, lifted her chin, defiant but on the edge. “If I’m moved again, I might as well quit.”
Matt paused. He’d been about to tear a sticky note off a pad.
“This is my third station in a year,” Andy explained. “I’m not from New York. I’m a transfer from San Diego. Hopefully, that’s all my file says about my work history. HR said they’d be able to keep my story off the paperwork so that the whole mess didn’t follow me out here.”
“What ‘mess’?”
“There was a … a problem. Out in SD.” She watched Matt’s eyes. “With my station chief.”
Seconds passed.
“So,” Matt said. “Spit it out.”
“Things went bad with me and him. Real bad.”
Matt waited.
“Sexually bad.”
Matt’s brow lowered.
“He wasn’t ‘on me like a terrier on a table leg,’” Andy said. “He was completely professional. Warm. Friendly. Everybody loved him. Me and the two other females, we were treated very well there. It was a big city place with a good reputation.” She pretended to lose herself in the memories. Stared at her feet. “Anyway, the night it happened, I was three years in with this guy. So it was completely out of the blue, both for me and for the people I reported it to.”
“What was out of the blue? What happened?”
“Christmas party.” Andy tightened her jaw. “I think he put something in my drink. I woke up and tried to fight him. Broke his nose. He told investigators I got drunk and took a swing at him because I wanted a promotion.”
Matt massaged his heavy brow. Took a while to find the words. “Well, I’m sorry.”
Andy nodded.
“Who is this guy?”
“I’m not gonna say.”
“He does all that to you and you won’t burn him?” Matt’s eyes sparkled with buried rage. “You’re crazy. Tell me his name. I’m not askin’ ya.”
Andy just sat there. More empty seconds. Something changed in Matt’s features again, curiosity fighting to the forefront. He reached for the coffee on the edge of the desk.
“Doesn’t matter. I can’t help you anyway.”
“Yes you can,” Andy insisted.
“No, I can’t.”
“Chief, this guy chased me all over San Diego. The investigation came back ‘inconclusive,’ not ‘unfounded,’ so he was pissed. I was moved a bunch of times. Every time I settled somewhere, he’d pop back up wanting to have a little chitchat with my boss, chief-to-chief. I was basically run out of town. I’ve moved to the other side of the goddamn country to get away from this thing, and that won’t mean shit if I can’t get another job.”
Matt drank his coffee. All the fire had gone out of him. He was thinking. Andy let him think. Eventually he shook his head, but it was with regret this time, not disgust.
“I meant what I said about the couples thing.” Matt shrugged. “I don’t do that. Nobody does that. It gets people killed.”
“Look, there’s nothing between Ben and me.” Andy let desperation creep into her voice, pretending to have seen a mirage of hope on the dark horizon. “You gotta believe me about that. It was a mistake. I just arrived here last Tuesday, okay? The shitty apartment I rented was supposed to be furnished, but it’s not, and I’m still fighting it out with the landlord. For the first three nights I was here, I was sleeping on a yoga mat on the goddamn floor. I went out Friday night just so I didn’t have to stare at the walls anymore. I saw Ben, and yeah, the idea of sleeping in someone’s actual bed got the better of me.” She let her hands slap down on her thighs, defeated. “It was just supposed to be a one-night stand.”
Matt folded his arms.
“I checked with the bartender if the place was a firefighter hangout.” Andy huffed. “I Googled, too. This was the last thing I wanted.”
“Why didn’t Ben tell you he was in the job as soon as you started talking?”
“Probably because he knows that’s the biggest turnoff a girl could ever hear.”
“It is?” Matt balked. “That’s news to me.”
“Literally the only thing that’s attractive about firefighters is their bodies.” Andy sat back in her chair. “You stink too much, drink too much, and spend all your time around toxic males playing hero games. You’re shift workers. Jesus.”
Matt shook his head.
“Please don’t make me go back to HR and tell them that I screwed up the first posting they’ve managed to get me,” Andy begged, “because I went home with one of the crew.”
The chief blew out a humorless, disbelieving laugh.
“It’s going to get around anyway that you did that. Half the station will know by now. By next week, all of Midtown will.”
“I don’t care,” Andy said. “I’ll have money in my bank account by then. I can shake off the reputation with hard work.”
Matt cocked his head, appreciated her. “You sure got a bad sign hanging over your head, woman.”
“I just need help,” Andy pleaded. “Your help, Chief.”
Matt was quiet. Then the alert tones started, three fast tones that indicated a job had come through. Shouts from the hall. The warbling PA system. Matt stared at Andy, and Andy stared at Matt.
“Ah, fuck it.” Matt waved an arm at the door. “Our engine is in bay five.”