Being a better communicator is about being present for and helpful to others. This is true especially when responding to questions during a meeting or a presentation. When someone asks you a question, he is revealing something about himself and how he thinks or feels about the topic at hand. At a presentation to a large audience, it takes a lot of guts for some people to expose themselves by asking a question. They are putting themselves in a vulnerable position by showing they don’t know a fact or understand an issue. Responding respectfully and effectively to their questions is a powerful way to build a relationship with the audience as a whole and with the individual asking the question.
What if they ask you something you don’t know?
This is the question we all fear when we’re planning to deliver a presentation or speak at a meeting. How can you be prepared for everything? You can’t, so don’t sweat it. In fact, if you have prepared well for your presentation, you will likely have the answers to any relevant questions. The questions that take you by surprise are those that are only tangentially related to your topic or are about a level of detail you didn’t expect. In either case, your audience is likely to be forgiving if you don’t have the answer.
In fact, in many professions, the value you bring to the conversation is not that you have all the answers. Your value lies in understanding the issues and situation so well that you can ask the right questions and then go find the answers. Nevertheless, you’ll be more confident if you feel armed with some techniques to respond effectively in the moment.
There’s a four-step process to responding to questions:
Throughout all of these steps, you should maintain strong eye contact and open and engaged body language. Let’s look at each step in detail.
You can’t possibly get the answer right if you don’t hear the question correctly. Often, when listening to someone’s question, we hear a “buzzword,” something that triggers a specific reaction from us. That buzzword prompts us to stop listening to the question and start forming an answer, or to speculate about the questioner’s motive. If we start forming our answer, we have, of necessity, stopped listening to the question. If the question veers from the direction we assumed it was heading, then when we respond we’ll miss the mark. You may, in fact, provide a terrific answer, but it won’t be to the question that was asked. Listen to the entire question. You’ll have time to think of a strong answer in a moment.
We are capable of thinking 10 times faster than we speak. That means if you say a few words after someone’s question and before the beginning of your answer, your brain has 10 times that amount of time to come up with a better answer.
There are two basic “thinking-time techniques” you can employ. We discussed earlier in Chapter 4 how important it is to maintain eye contact. We also discussed that thinking is a private process. It’s hard to maintain eye contact with someone while thinking. Yet, if you look away while pondering the answer to someone’s question, you can appear evasive or as if you are just making up the answer. Therefore, you need simple techniques you can build in, almost as reflexes, so that you don’t have to think about them.
It takes almost no brainpower to repeat or rephrase the question you just heard. Therefore, you can maintain eye contact when you do so. You can repeat the entire question or part of the question, or you can rephrase the question to minimize any negative connotation. Whatever you do with the question, you’ll repeat it as if it’s a statement rather than a question.
In both cases, you have given yourself a few seconds to come up with a better answer. Make your restatement or rephrasing of the question stand alone as a separate sentence from the answer. Our brains form a sentence all at once as a whole. If you make the restatement of the question the first part of a sentence of your answer, you undermine your ability to have flexibility in your answer.
Here’s an example:
Instead, make the repeat of the question a stand-alone sentence. You will have greater flexibility in how you respond.
A “lead-in” is any group of words that follows the question but comes before the answer, and which comments on either the questioner or the question.
Typical basic lead-ins include:
More sophisticated lead-ins incorporate the content of the question:
If you use the same lead-in repeatedly, it can sound rote instead of genuine. That’s why you need a number of lead-ins at your disposal.
You also have to be sincere. We all know from grade school that there are no stupid questions. We all learn from business meetings that there are actually many stupid questions. When someone asks a stupid question, usually one that is off topic or was just asked by someone else, you can’t respond “Great question.” You will sound disingenuous. Instead, use a value-neutral lead-in.
In either case, you’re not commenting on the value of the question. You’re just buying yourself a few seconds to figure out how to respond. In situations like this, avoid lead-ins that can be perceived as scolding in nature.
Many people think that thinking time techniques are stalling tactics. That’s exactly what they are. You are buying yourself a few seconds to form the better answer. It’s about quality, not speed, when responding to questions.
What does a “better” answer look like? Often, it means turning around the pronouns in the answer. Remember, our natural inclination is to be self-focused. Our responses will usually be about ourselves or our content. If you give yourself a few moments to craft a better answer, you’re more likely to make the answer about your audience.
Even in your responses to questions, it’s all about the audience.
How often should you use a thinking time technique? Not every time, but often enough to be facile at it. You’ll appear more conversational in your responses.
When should you not use thinking time techniques? Sometimes it’s not only appropriate to answer questions directly, but it is imperative that you do so. This is especially true when someone raises “attack questions.”
Using a thinking time technique in response to an attack question would undermine your credibility.
In some cases, just answer the question.
After you’ve used a thinking time technique, it’s time to answer the question. Keep it brief. You culled a lot of information when you pared down your presentation to fit within the time frame allotted. Someone’s question is not permission to add back in all of the content you deleted. Just give the person a few responsive sentences. If possible and relevant, reinforce the main point of your talk. You can never hit people over the head enough with your main point.
If the person who asked the question is the key decision-maker in the room, you can ask her whether more information would be helpful. If she is just one of the multitudes, answer briefly and move on to the next person.
When answering questions after a large presentation, you have a responsibility to both the person asking the question and to the entire audience. When one person asks a question, look directly at that person as you deliver the thinking time technique and the first third or half of the answer. If one person raised the question, others might be concerned about the same topic. As you get into the short answer, turn your attention to someone else in the audience. End on that other person, raise your hand, and ask, “Any other questions?”
When you end on someone else, you not only share the information with more than just the questioner, but you avoid creating a private conversation with one person in the room. If you stay with the person who asked the question, that person may feel obligated to ask a follow-up question. That person’s second question will always be more focused on the needs of that one individual than on the topic of your talk.
Every now and then, an individual’s question comes more from feelings and less from reason. When you are confronted with an emotional question, you need to respond carefully and thoughtfully. You also want to connect with someone on his or her emotional level.
Follow a three-part structure when you handle emotion:
Start by dealing with the question or statement first.
It’s important to name the emotion because in professional settings, emotions can be perceived as illegitimate. We should be making decisions based on rational analysis, not emotional reactions. And yet, people are emotional all the time at work. We get excited when we close the deal. We are nervous when a colleague quits. We become apprehensive when the company changes a policy. By naming the emotion, we make it legitimate for the person to feel that way. If we don’t get the emotion out and discuss it, it remains an undercurrent and people can’t hear our rational response.
There are two emotions you should not name.
“I feel your pain.”
This can be considered cliché or lead to someone challenging your ability to truly empathize with his or her situation.
“I know you’re angry.”
If someone is angry and you acknowledge it with that word, you are likely to get one of two responses.
“Damn right I’m angry! I’m furious!”
Now you have escalated the problem instead of deflating it.
“I’m not angry! I . . . am . . . not . . . angry!”
Some people deny their anger because they are uncomfortable with it. Once they have denied their anger, you can’t address it, and it will undermine the conversation.
When you sense someone is angry or experiencing another deeply confrontational emotion, frame the emotion as “concern.” Concern is a wonderful catch-all emotion.
“I know you’re concerned about this issue.”
Concern is more mature than anger or frustration or disillusionment. It suggests concern for more than just oneself. Most of the time, people will readily agree that what they are feeling is concern.
The second step in empathizing with someone is to relate to him or his situation. For example:
Only empathize with the person if you can do so genuinely. In professional settings, people are usually upset because of one of two issues. They either paid more for something than they thought they would, or they waited for something longer than they think they should have. We have all had matters go over-budget and we have all waited too long for something. You can almost always relate to someone expressing frustration at work. However, if you can’t understand the person’s emotion, you can either ask him why he feels that way or, better yet, just skip this step.
While empathizing with someone, your manner should be quiet, open, concerned. You should sit openly, leaning slightly forward, or stand comfortably with your arms at your sides. Maintain eye contact and speak in a subdued, but compassionate voice. In some situations, you may also opt to ask the questioner permission to answer or to offer her a choice.
People’s frustration at work is usually born from a lack of control. We become anxious when we can’t control our situation. Therefore, we can help people calm down when we offer them small bits of control, not necessarily control over the situation, but control over the conversation. Ask the person you are communicating with whether she would like to hear the rationale behind your statement. By doing this, you put her in control and her tension decreases. For example:
If your listener says no to all these questions, you can ask her, “What would be helpful?” All of these permission questions give the impression that you are a reasonable person trying to reach a common ground of understanding.
Once you have permission to explain something, you may give an answer.
One caution: Between steps two and three, avoid saying the words “but” or “however.”
“I know you are concerned about this issue, but. . . .”
The moment you say “but,” you negate all the positive rapport you have built in the first two steps of acknowledging and relating. “But” is usually heard as “But I don’t care” or “But you’re wrong to feel that way.”
“However” has the same impact. When I walk out the door in the morning and my wife says, “Honey, that’s a great tie. However. . . .” I don’t know what’s wrong with the tie at that point, but I know I’m changing before I get in the car.
Keep your answer simple. As you explain, you may also ask other questions to confirm understanding. If an explanation is not appropriate, you may offer the emotional person choices instead. For example:
“Do you want to see our analysis of the situation next Tuesday or next Thursday?”
Again, offering your listener choices gives her a sense of control and lowers hostilities. It also helps you reach an agreement.