You’ve been asked to give a toast to honor Pat at her retirement. Public speaking is scary enough, but now you have to say nice things, reference inside jokes, be careful not to offend anyone, and, oh yeah, be funny, too. You’re sweating bullets just thinking about it. Relax. Consider the following.
A toast is a unique setting.
You are speaking in front of a crowd, but the real audience is only one person. You are telling everyone in the room the value Pat has brought to the team, but you’re also talking only to Pat to share how much she is valued. In that regard, it’s a private conversation delivered publicly. As a result, it should be a very personal statement. It’s not only okay to be a bit corny, but it’s expected. This isn’t a professional moment. It’s a personal moment that happens to be delivered in a professional setting.
I once helped a young client prepare the comments he planned to deliver to his bride and her family at their wedding reception. He came ready with a great draft filled with stories about how they met and how he had fallen in love with her as they got to know each other. He was off to a good start, but he was having trouble getting some of the language right. I suggested a few twists in the language and added a few schmaltzy lines guaranteed to get a few “aaww”s from the audience. He hesitated about incorporating some of the lines because he felt they were too flowery. I emphasized to him: “It’s a toast to your new bride on your wedding day. It’s supposed to be florid and sappy and sentimental and gooey. You have decades of marriage ahead of you to be dull. Give her a little schmaltz on her special day.” If he had said “These aren’t the sentiments I feel,” I would have advised him differently. You have to be genuine. Ultimately, he took some of the suggestions. He used what he could say sincerely and comfortably, which is the best approach to take, and it was all she needed to hear.
Read Chapters 18 and 19 on leadership and vulnerability.
It’s important to be yourself and know what you do well. If you try to be something you aren’t, it will show through. Most of the time, if you come across as disingenuous, it impacts only your own credibility. But this is Pat’s retirement party; the spotlight is on her. If you come across as phony in this setting, it ruins the moment for her, too.
If you know you’re not funny, don’t try to be funny in a toast. It’s painful to watch. If you think you’re funny, but you’re the only one who usually laughs at your jokes, ask someone whether you should tell a funny story at Pat’s retirement. If the person says, “I’m not sure she likes that sort of thing,” he may in fact be telling you that you don’t have the skills, so don’t go there.
It’s Pat’s special day. Let her revel in the moment. Your job is to give context to the moment, not steal the show.
If you have been asked to say a few words because you are the most senior leader in the room, but you don’t know Pat very well, the audience really does want you to say a few words. You thank her for her service. If you gather a few facts about her from someone who knows her, you can obliquely reference those. You shouldn’t pretend you know her well, since everyone knows that isn’t the case. You can draw parallels between the skills and attributes she has brought to bear for the company as examples of the type of talent that has made the company successful.
Do not comment briefly on Pat and then segue into a more broad-based presentation on your latest initiative. If you do, eyes will roll, people will sigh, and your audience will be angry that you stole from Pat.
Be conscious of “inside jokes.” If less than half of your audience knows what you are talking about, don’t tell that story or make that reference. It’s irrelevant. Half the room doesn’t know what you are talking about, and some of those who do don’t think it was funny in the first place. Save it for when you and Pat are reminiscing at the bar after the party.
This isn’t the time to make a snarky comment about Pat or anyone else. Take the high ground. Stay positive. Let Pat have her moment. You also need to know your audience. If Pat is highly uncomfortable being the center of attention, she might welcome the occasional gentle poke that lightens the mood in the room and puts the attention on the story rather than on her.
All toasts at work events have a single theme: how this person impacted the organization and its people. Think of stories that emphasize that theme. Each can focus on a different attribute Pat brought to her work. If you have five stories about when Pat was a klutz, share one. Follow the suggestions on storytelling from Chapter 2. If you know Pat well, sharing a few anecdotes about your time together is the best way to structure the toast. If you get choked up while speaking, that’s okay. It’s supposed to be personal.
Remember, this is a personal moment delivered in a professional setting. What you say reflects on Pat. The way you say it reflects on you. You don’t want to be known as the snarky, smug leader. That’s not the personal brand you want. In addition, don’t tell truly embarrassing stories or a story that feels even remotely off-color. It’s not helpful to Pat, and everyone else feels uncomfortable.
In short, keep it short. Keep it simple. Be yourself. Relax and have fun. The toast isn’t about you. It’s about Pat.