It’s been just over a year since the official publication of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, our 500-page manual on the ethics, emotions and practicalities of plural relationships. In that time, the book has sold about 20,000 copies, and we’ve heard dozens of stories of the personal and relationship transformations it’s brought about. We’re amazed, humbled and more than a little stunned by the overwhelming response to the book.

But we wanted to reach more people than just those who feel up for a 500-page deep dive. Although we designed More Than Two as a reference book, so you could jump straight in to the chapters you need most, we wanted a way to give people what they need in a more bite-sized format—as well as an easy entry point into the book. And so More Than Two Essentials was conceived. The idea: Release key chapters from More Than Two, revised and with new material, focused on particular problem areas. The obvious topic to start with was jealousy.

We’ve learned a lot in the past year, talking to hundreds of people at conferences and on our book tour. We’ve learned about some things we left out, and some things we got wrong. This booklet is adapted from chapter 9 of More Than Two, but we’ve trimmed and added, revised and reworded, and tried to make the chapter even more relatable to a wider range of people. The most important change is that we try to speak more directly to the at-times overwhelming emotional experience of jealousy—and to the fact that people who experience it are not alone—and attempt to separate the need for self-care, support and reassurance during the jealous experience from the cognitive work and communication that needs to come after.

We hope this work helps you on your journey.