Chapter Six

“I could vomit just looking at you.”

-Dorothy Zbornak

“He said what?”

Lola sighed at Frankie’s question. She really didn’t want to talk about Luke Erickson anymore. But since Frankie had been asleep when she’d returned the night before, this was their first opportunity to dish in person. Naturally, they’d been texting about the situation all day long.

“No way did he say he kissed you because you were sad,” Frankie continued before Lola could answer her first question. “I mean, were you sad?”

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little bit. I was telling him about my parents.” She shrugged. “But if Luke went around kissing every woman who looked sad then he’d, well, he’d…”

“Have some really chapped lips,” Frankie finished for her. “Besides the horrible ending, how was the rest of the night?”

Lola flopped down onto the couch, a large sigh following in her wake. “It was great. Really fun actually.”

“That’s a shame.” Frankie joined her. “So what’s going to happen with his family reunion this weekend?”

Lola repressed a groan that wanted to escape. She really, really didn’t want to think about his family reunion. On the one hand, she’d made him a promise, and she didn’t like reneging on promises. But on the other, well, there was no way in hell she was going now.

To answer Frankie’s question she threw her hands over her face, leaned back on the couch, and finally let out that groan. “I’m doing what I always do.”

“What would that be?”

Lola removed her hands from her face and sat up straight. She pointed an accusatory finger at Frankie. “You know.”

Frankie stuck her nose in the air. “I know nothing.”

“Yes, you do. You’re my best friend, and sometimes you know me better than I know myself. Therefore, you are perfectly aware that I always do this. I don’t say what I mean in the moment. I say something, but it doesn’t make me feel better. Then, here I am, almost an entire day later and I’m beating myself up for not having stood up for myself.” Exhausted, she collapsed against the cushions of the couch.

“Sadly, it’s true. You don’t stick up for yourself. Why? I’m not sure. You have everything in the world going for you.”

“I wish I could see what you see when you look at me.”

Frankie’s face softened. “So do I. And anyway, there’s a simple solution to this problem. You need to find your voice.” Frankie paused, her face deep in thought. “Find your voice and then use it.”

Her best friend’s words warmed her heart. “Aw, thanks, Frankie.”

“Well, I mean it. I wish you would have stuck up for yourself with Mark when he broke up with you.”

Lola hugged a pillow close to her chest. “Oh God, me too. See, that’s another time. I stood there and let him tell me that he was leaving me to date someone younger.”

“Don’t forget prettier, too.”

“Thanks, Frankie.”

“Shut up. I don’t think she was prettier than you. I’m simply repeating what douchey-doucherson said. You know what you should have said back to him?”

This time, Lola didn’t need to think about it. She’d already been doing that for the last couple weeks. “I should have told him that he was a classless jerkwad for saying something so hurtful to someone else. I should have pointed out that he’s not God’s gift. He has flaws. Like his nose hair.”

“His nose hair? Ew.” Frankie laughed, even as she cringed.

“When you got up close to him, it was sooo obvious. Boy needed to go in for a trim. Like yesterday. And he belched under his breath all the time. As if I couldn’t hear it. Covering your mouth with your hand when you burp does not render the other person deaf all of a sudden.”

Frankie started bouncing on the couch. “What else? What else?”

“He wasn’t that good of a kisser. I mean, was that his tongue or a plunger?”

“Yuck! Anything else?”

Lola straightened her shoulders. “Yes. I should have told him that I was too good for him. That he was lucky to have dated me. And that he could…well, he could…”

“Come on, Lo. You can say it,” Frankie said.

“He could go fuck himself.”

Frankie punched her arm into the air. “Yes! That’s my girl. How do you feel?”

She took a deep breath and counted to five. Lola waited for the onslaught of guilt to filter through her. She didn’t normally say negative things about people. Of course, that was probably why people usually walked all over her.

At the moment, she actually felt kind of good. Alive. “I feel both exhausted and empowered.”

“Great. Now let’s tell Luke Erickson to fuck off, too.”

Just like that her mood plummeted at the mention of Luke. She wanted to say something to him, but it wasn’t that.

“Oh, Lola, what’s with the sad face?” Frankie moved closer and draped an arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t know. I guess I…I don’t know.”

“Hm, maybe you really liked that kiss with Luke and wanted it to be real. When he told you he only kissed you because he thought you were sad, it hurt you.”

Bingo. Even though Luke had already told her that he didn’t do relationships, she’d still believed that he’d meant that kiss. How could something that had felt so amazing not been real?

“Do you like him, Lo?”

“Does it matter? He doesn’t believe in relationships.”

Frankie watched her for a long moment. “That’s not an answer.” She glanced out the window behind the couch. “Let me ask you this. What would you do if you saw him right here, right now?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“Because he’s headed up the front steps.” She pointed toward the window.

Lola jumped up and looked outside, but she didn’t see anything. Which meant Luke was already in the building.

“Ohmigod, ohmigod. What am I gonna do? I don’t want to see him right now.”

“Calm down,” Frankie said at the same time a knock sounded at the door. “I’ll deal with this. You stay here.”

“Thanks, Frankie.”

Lola watched as Frankie crossed to the door. She cracked it open and spoke in hushed tones, except for when she uttered, “You’ve gotta be kidding me. You’re good.” Shaking her head, she closed the door gently, turned, and walked back to the living room.

“Is he gone?”

“Um, no.”

“What do you mean no? You were supposed to get rid of him.”

Frankie threw her hands up. “He really wants to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to him.”

“He wants to apologize and trust me when I say this, he’s come armed and dangerous.”

“What does that mean?”

“Go see for yourself.”

Frustrated, but also curious, Lola slowly and begrudgingly shuffled to the door. She glanced back at Frankie, who simply smiled and nodded. She took a deep breath, which did nothing to calm her, and yanked open the door.

She was about to channel her inner confidence when a definitive bark sounded. Startled, she stepped back and looked down.

“A dog? You have a dog?”

Luke shot her a devastatingly hot grin. He managed to be both boyish and sexy in one gesture. Her pulse picked up.

“Hey,” he said.

“Arf.”

“Um, hi?” She couldn’t help but ruffle the fur on the dog’s head. He was an adorable black and white mix. He looked like a baby panda. Lola crouched down so they were eye level. “Aren’t you cute.”

“Why thank you. Oh, you meant the dog.” Luke joined her. “This is Ralphie. He’s a friend’s dog. I’m watching him for the night while my friend is out of town at a business meeting.”

Lola continued to pet Ralphie, who was eating up the attention. His tongue hung out of his mouth, and his tail was wagging a hundred miles a minute. Unable to resist, Lola began lavishing even more attention on him and using her best doggie-baby-voice.

“Aren’t you sweet? You’re just the cutest little boy ever. Yes, you are. You’re so handsome. The handsomest boy ever.”

When she’d gotten her fill, she sat back on her heels and glanced up at Luke. “So why’d you bring Ralphie here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, but I assumed you might not want to talk to me.”

“You assumed correctly.”

Ralphie flipped onto his back, and Luke obediently crouched and rubbed his tummy. The dog’s excited legs went wild.

“I’d like to apologize to you.” His gaze flicked up to meet hers. “And to explain.”

“You could have texted.”

“You could have ignored that.”

He had her there. Seemed Luke Erickson thought of everything.

“I figured there was no way you could say no to this adorable dog. I mean, look at his big brown eyes and hopeful expression.”

She was too busy looking at Luke’s big brown eyes and hopeful expression. She felt her willpower dissipating, not to mention, she was curious.

“I don’t know…”

“Just come for a walk with me. With Ralphie. He’s dying to get outside.”

Ralphie was currently busy licking his privates. Lola didn’t claim to be a pet whisperer, but if she had to guess, Ralphie was probably quite content.

Frankie coughed in the background. Lola peeked over her shoulder, and Frankie made a shooing gesture with her hands.

“Fine,” she finally said to Luke. “Let’s go for a walk.”

At the word walk Ralphie leaped up, his tail showing his excitement. He practically bounced down the hallway.

Lola grabbed her flip-flops, and they exited the building into the warm evening air. The sun hadn’t quite set yet, and plenty of people were milling about the street. Even when the light was completely gone, the Shirlington neighborhood would remain active. Tables were placed outside every restaurant and bar. Twinkly lights were strung on the trees that lined the street with the cobblestone sidewalks.

They walked in silence for a while. Lola was enjoying Ralphie. She’d even taken over leash duty. Not shy in the slightest, Ralphie pranced down the sidewalk, greeting giggling children and going up to people dining outdoors.

For a special treat, they took him into the neighborhood dog store where he filled up on free treats from the doggy bakery. He met a French Bulldog and seemed to have fun playing.

They continued their stroll around the neighborhood, Ralphie leading the way. He’d stop to lap up water from the bowls that the local establishments provided for all the dogs.

It all felt so normal. Like they were a real couple who did this every night after dinner. Only they weren’t a real couple. And she hadn’t even eaten dinner that night.

Lola dreamed of a time when she would have someone to come home to. They would talk about their days as they ate a healthy and well-rounded meal that she somehow miraculously learned to cook. They would go on romantic weekend getaways. Maybe they would get a dog.

Lola let out a long sigh at that thought.

“What is it?” Luke asked.

“Nothing.”

“Want to talk about last night?”

“Not really,” she said.

While she really didn’t want to talk about their fight, Lola was impressed that Luke had come over at all. In the grand scheme of things, he didn’t need to. She wasn’t anything to him. He could have ghosted, as if she’d never entered his life.

“I’d like to,” he said. “I want to apologize, Lola.”

She bit her lip. It took a lot to admit you were wrong. She had to hand that to Luke. “So you didn’t mean what you said? You didn’t kiss me because you thought I was sad?”

Luke stopped at a bench. He sat down, and Ralphie made himself comfortable under the bench, content to rest and people watch. Lola joined him.

“I did think you were sad the other day when we had lunch, and that’s why I kissed you.”

“Oh.”

“But it wasn’t the only reason,” he added.

Lola felt her eyebrow rise in surprise. “It wasn’t?”

He shook his head. “I’m attracted to you. I know you probably hear this all the time, but you’re kinda gorgeous.”

Her mouth fell open. “Huh?”

“Don’t act like you’ve never heard that before,” he said with a laugh.

“My last boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn’t pretty enough. He found someone younger and more beautiful than me.”

“Sounds like a real prince.”

“He was special.”

Luke swiveled toward her, stretching his arm over the back of the bench. “That guy sucks, but I don’t. At least, I don’t want you to think I do.”

“I still don’t get why you kissed me.”

“It’s simple. I like you, Lola.”

…

Admitting he liked her wasn’t as hard as he thought. The truth was Luke did like Lola, a lot.

He snuck a glance at her now and saw the confusion on her face. Understandable.

A crease formed on her forehead. “But you don’t like relationships,” she said.

“I don’t believe in them.”

“What does that mean exactly?” She twisted her long hair into a knot and then let it fall around her face again. “Have you never been in a romantic relationship? Will you go your entire life without being in one? What about when you’re sixty? Will you be content to live all alone? And then what happens if you get sick, and who will be your beneficiary for your 401k and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up a few decades.” Luke laughed and held his hands up.

She relented with a half smile. “Sorry.”

Luke took a deep breath. He didn’t particularly enjoy talking about what he was about to reveal. In fact, it was rare that he would bring it up at all. But Lola was different. It was so much more than her physical appearance. When they had a conversation, he felt like he was the only person in the city. She listened to him, really listened. Because of that, he felt like he could be himself with her.

“My dad left us when I was little.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. It was a long time ago though.” That was his standard comeback. So when he kept going, he surprised himself. “But it still hurts as much today as it did back then.”

“Does it feel like something’s missing in your life?”

Exactly. He nodded. “I was five and my sisters were four. It was really tough.”

Ralphie let out a tiny bark, like he understood. Luke reached down to pet him for a few moments.

“It wasn’t just that he left. A lot of people’s parents get divorced. It was the way he did it and the way he was afterward.”

“What do you mean?”

“One day he got up and announced he was leaving. That was it. Like he was deciding he no longer liked a certain TV show. Done with that. Next. My sister Winnie used to say she felt like a shoe.”

“A shoe?”

“Like my dad bought a pair of shoes and when he got home he decided he didn’t actually want them anymore.”

“Wow, that’s really harsh,” Lola said. “He never gave you any reasons why he abandoned you?”

Hearing the word abandon always felt like someone punched him in the gut. You abandoned bags of garbage, not a wife and kids. He wasn’t something for someone to dispose of. Although, that’s exactly what had happened.

“One time, not too long after he left, he said that he wasn’t dad material. The life he was living wasn’t for him.”

Lola’s mouth dropped. “He said that to a five-year-old?”

“I think I was six by that time, but yeah. Probably thought I didn’t understand and wouldn’t remember. But I did, on both counts.”

“Do you have any contact with him now?”

“None. The first couple years he tried.” He used air-quotes when he said the word tried. “Cards, presents, phone calls, that sort of thing. Even as a child, I didn’t buy it. Neither did my sisters. Gwen especially. She’d also been the closest with him. Something about his efforts just never felt genuine.”

“Kids are intuitive, more so than adults usually,” Lola said.

“When I started dating, I guess I realized how fragile relationships really were. A person can up and peace out like that.” He snapped his fingers together. “If a certificate of marriage isn’t enough to keep a person grounded, what’s supposed to keep a couple with no legal ties together?”

Feeling worked up, he took a moment to collect himself. “To answer one of your earlier questions, I have been in relationships. None of them worked out.”

“So why even try,” she said.

“Exactly.”

She grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look right in her eyes. “No, Luke. You still have to try. I’m not saying that you need to be in a relationship with me, but at some point in your life you have to be brave enough to let another person inside.” She rapped a knuckle against his chest.

“Why?” He croaked out the question, his voice scratchy and his eyes burning.

“Because you’re missing out on so much. Think of the possibilities.”

Luke grimaced. “Think of what my dad did to my mom. Think of how hurt she must have been.”

Lola scooted closer to him on the bench. “I’m thinking about how hurt you must have been. How hurt you still are.”

She was right, and all that hurt was currently balled up in his throat, making it difficult to speak.

“You stay out of relationships because you’re afraid the other person will leave. You don’t want to get hurt.”

That wasn’t right. He shook his head, willing his throat to clear so he could explain properly.

“No. I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t get into relationships because I don’t ever want to cause another person that level of pain.”

Lola placed a soft hand against his cheek. “You’re not worried about yourself?”

He covered her hand with his. “I’m worried about the other person. What if I’m like my dad? What if I also decide that the life I’m living isn’t exactly for me?”

He realized he was admitting more to her tonight than he had in a long time. Maybe ever. Even to himself.

“Sometimes, even all these years later, I obsess about my dad leaving us. Over twenty years later, and the pain is just as real, just as raw. I guess when you told me about your mom and dad the other day, I thought I knew how you felt. My dad left me, and your parents left you. I know they’re not comparable situations.”

“Aw, I think I get it now.”

“But maybe you’re better at handling your pain that I am.”

She looked thoughtful. “I think people handle their issues in different ways. Besides, it’s not the same situation. My parents are gone and nothing can bring them back. But you, well, your dad is still around. Somewhere. In a way, that’s probably even harder.”

Exactly. No one had ever honed in on it so accurately before. Not his mom, not his sisters, not the counselor he’d seen in elementary school. His dad was out there, somewhere, living his life. Did he ever wonder about his son, his daughters, his ex-wife?

“So you understand why I’m not into relationships. They turn sour.”

At this point—if Luke even let things get this far—most girls had heard enough. The ones who enjoyed a challenge would persist. Try to break him down. Challenge accepted. Others would roll their eyes, storm out, stop following him on Instagram and Snapchat. The Millennial cold shoulder.

But Lola looked…thoughtful, he decided. She adjusted her glasses.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“What?”

“Your whole theory isn’t very substantiated. Take my parents, for example. They were married for twenty years. Well, before my dad passed away.”

“Do you think they’d be together today if they were alive?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “Their relationship was beautiful, their stories wonderful.”

He looked down at his feet, kicking at an imaginary stone with one of them.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Lola continued and touched his forearm. “Things weren’t perfect. Every day wasn’t a second honeymoon. They fought. They drove each other crazy. My dad would walk around the house and floss his teeth, and my mom hated that. My mom wasn’t a good cleaner, and my dad was OCD. But that’s what was great. Their relationship was real.”

Her eyes lit up as she spoke about her parents. In fact, they practically sparkled as a huge smile blossomed on her face.

“What are you thinking about now?” he asked.

“Hm? Oh. I was thinking about one of my favorite stories. My parents’ first date.”

She sat back, a dreamy expression on her face. It was as if she was instantly transported to another time, another place.

“I thought it was at the movie theater.”

She shook her head. “Nope. That was where they met. Their official first date was the next night.”

“My mom was Italian so my dad took her to an Italian restaurant in Georgetown.”

“Ciao Bella?” It was a popular place on the corner of M Street and Wisconsin. Tourists loved it.

She scrunched up her nose. “Nah. That place is a chain and way overpriced. He found this little hole in the wall called Ristorante Formaggi.”

“Cheese Restaurant?” he said translating the name with a chuckle.

“My dad always said don’t judge a restaurant by its name, a cheese by its smell, or a movie by its trailer.”

Luke let her dad’s words soak in. He bet he would have liked Mr. McBride. More than that, he was really starting to like his daughter.

Speaking of not judging a book by its cover, Lola McBride continued to surprise him.

“Anyway, Ristorante Formaggi is in this tiny building. Maybe an old row house they converted. It doesn’t seat that many. The tables are wobbly, and they have candles out that look like they’re a million years old. My mom said it was incredibly romantic. Like being in an old movie.” Lola bit her lip. “They used to go back there every year for their anniversary.”

“That’s sweet.”

“They even remembered what they got to eat. My dad had the eggplant parmesan and my mom had the gnocchi. She said it was almost as good as her mother’s. Almost, but not quite.”

“Now you’re making me hungry,” he said.

“So, after this amazing dinner of wonderful and authentic Italian food they went for a walk.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Luke waved his hands. “I knew it was too good to be true.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They didn’t have dessert?”

She smiled. “Is that all you think of? Dessert?”

“Hell yes. And Italian places have some of the best. Tell me they got cannoli.”

“Sorry, they went for the tiramisu.”

“Everyone always does. But I’m telling you, splitting a cannoli is the way to go.”

“Do you want to hear the rest of this story or not?”

“I don’t know. I feel jaded now.” He leaned back against the bench.

“How about I let you change that one little detail. My parents split a damn cannoli.”

“That’s all I ask. Proceed. After they split their cannoli, they went for a walk.”

“Yes, they headed down by the Georgetown waterfront, along the Potomac River. They ended up at the Lincoln Memorial.”

“Everyone should see the monuments at night,” Luke said. They were a spectacular sight.

“Mom used to say that, too, but she always added that you should see them with someone you love.”

“Was that the end of the date?”

“Actually, no. They ended up talking. All night. In fact, they also got to see the sunrise over the monuments. Another thing that everyone should do according to my dad.”

Luke nodded. He’d tried to do that once at the end of his senior year of high school. He and a bunch of his friends woke at the buttcrack of dawn, trekked down to the monuments and set up camp to watch the sunrise. Unfortunately, it had been overcast that morning, and they’d never seen them.

Lola hit him lightly in the chest. “Can you imagine? A first date that is so amazing that you spend the entire night together.”

Luke wiggled his eyebrows, and Lola smacked him again. “Not like that, perv. They talked and talked. Can you imagine having that kind of chemistry with another person?”

He turned to face her fully. He looked past those glasses at the light blue of her eyes. He watched the way she spoke so passionately that her cheeks flushed. Yes, he could imagine having chemistry like that with someone. He was sitting with that someone right now.

“They knew that early,” Lola said. “They got that there was something special between them.”

Luke’s heart rate sped up. Hadn’t he just admitted to himself that he’d told Lola more tonight than he’d ever told anyone?

Shit. He was falling hard for her.

“Can you even fathom what that’s like?” she asked.

Luke honed in on her lips. Those perfect, pouty lips.

He didn’t think. He didn’t overanalyze. He just went for it.

Luke leaned toward her and pressed his mouth to hers. For one long moment, they stayed like that, lips pressed together on a bench in the middle of town. She shivered, and he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Then he kissed the hell out of her.

It was like every good sensation he’d ever experienced in his life came together to form this one perfect kiss. They were so in sync. But, of course, they would be. Their conversations were flawless. They had a good time together. So naturally their mouths were made for each other, too.

When he pulled back with much reluctance, he took a moment to push some of her bangs to the side. Really, it was to give himself some time to get his roaring pulse back to normal.

“I kissed you,” he said.

She let out a cute little sigh. “I noticed that.” Her voice was breathy, and the sound of it filled him with pride that he was the cause.

“To be clear, the reason I did it was because…well…”

She waited patiently. Or so it seemed. When he glanced down she was clenching and unclenching her fingers nervously.

“I didn’t kiss you because you were sad or angry or any other emotion. I kissed you because I couldn’t not kiss you in that moment.”

She let out a whoosh of breath. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

“I’m not sure where this puts us,” she said, a line forming on her forehead. “You don’t do relationships and I, well, do. But we keep kissing.”

He ran a hand over his head. “How about we not think too hard about it. Let’s concentrate on my family reunion this weekend, and we’ll worry about the kissing later.”

Lola agreed. They walked back to her apartment, Ralphie in tow.

After he dropped her off with another stunner of a kiss goodnight, Luke took his time walking with the dog. He’d meant what he’d said to her. They should focus on his reunion this weekend. Because, honestly, if he let his mind think about her—really think about her—he would have to admit that he was in big trouble.

For the first time in forever, the word relationship didn’t seem quite so scary.