Ellie pondered the situation as they made their way to the corner store. His offer to be present when she broke the news to her parents had surprised and pleased her, and yet at the same time disappointed her. Had she expected more or were her hormones messing with her? Regardless, she had to admit she yearned for an admission that he’d missed her as much as she had him and that he regretted the no-strings-attached part of their arrangement. She needed to remember her vow to stay rooted in reality. Learn to want what you have, not wish for what you don’t. Even if he’d proposed marriage, she wouldn’t have accepted. She didn’t want to end up like her mother with a kitchen table that had a lazy Susan but no one to use it. No shared meals or lively conversations. Now, her parents sat in front of the TV so they didn’t have to talk and slept in separate bedrooms. They were like ghosts rattling around in the same house. Things hadn’t been like that before her diagnosis and Ellie carried the burden of guilt. If she hadn’t gotten cancer, would her mom and dad still be that loving, demonstrative couple she remembered from her pre-cancer days? The thought of doing something like that to her own child chilled her.
Instead of dwelling on a past she couldn’t change, she pushed aside depressing thoughts to admire the differences and similarities in the homes lining the narrow street. Front porches and columns were common, although some had ornate railings and trim while many of the homeowners had boxed in the rococo trim using vinyl siding. She glanced back at Liam’s and admired how his had only original details...except one. “How come yours is the only one with an external fire escape?”
“I’m the only fireman on the block.”
Before she could comment, an elderly woman wearing a burgundy sweatshirt that said World’s Greatest Grandma came toward them, dragging a fully loaded fold-up shopping cart.
Liam approached the woman. “Good morning, Mrs. Sullivan, looks like you could use some help getting that up your steps.”
“Morning, Liam. I’m not the doddering old woman you seem to think, but since you’re here...” She opened the gate on a chain-link fence surrounding a three-decker painted the same red and cream as Liam’s.
“It’s not your age but your beauty that attracts me, Mrs. Sullivan.” He took the shopping cart from her.
“Oh, you are so full of it today, Liam McBride.” She leaned around him and smiled at Ellie. “Is that because you have this lovely young lady with you?”
“You wound me, Mrs. Sullivan, I assure you I’m totally sincere.” He picked up the cart and set it on the wooden porch of the home.
Ellie’s stomach tingled at Liam’s solicitous behavior toward the older woman. It confirmed what she’d always known about his character.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” The older woman clucked her tongue.
“Of course. Ellie Harding, this is Mrs. Sullivan.” He motioned between the women.
“Fiddle faddle, I told you to call me Barbara.” The woman poked him. “A pleasure to meet you, Ellie.”
Ellie shook hands with the woman. “Same here.”
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” the older woman said.
Ellie smiled at Barbara Sullivan. “That’s because I live in Vermont. Loon Lake.”
“Ah, that explains why Liam was gone so much this summer.” The woman grinned and poked him again. “And here you were, telling me you were helping your sister.”
He raised his hands, palms out. “I was. I helped them add a new master suite and family room.”
“Why didn’t you say something about Ellie when I tried to set you up with my granddaughter Chloe?”
He wanted her to live upstairs so he could take care of her? Yeah, right. And how would Chloe feel about a third or fourth wheel? Or maybe he wasn’t interested in this Chloe because of their summer fling. Realistic? Maybe not, but it helped her to keep smiling at Chloe’s grandmother.
“Shame on you for not telling me you already had someone in Vermont,” the woman continued.
“That’s because I—”
“We’re not—”
Mrs. Sullivan looked from one to the other. “Uh-huh. Usually I see him and he’s running or jogging or some such thing to keep fit for the ladies. You’re not running today, Liam? But I guess if you’ve already been caught...”
“I’m not running because—” His brow knit and he hooked his thumb in Ellie’s direction. “She’s crap at keeping up.”
“Apparently I’m crap at parallel parking, too,” Ellie muttered. She didn’t want to think about Liam and other women. And she certainly didn’t want someone insinuating that she’d “caught” Liam as if she’d deliberately set a trap by getting pregnant.
“Don’t worry about it, dear. I’ve lived on this street for fifty years and never learned to parallel park.” Barbara Sullivan winked at Ellie.
“You don’t own a car,” Liam pointed out.
The woman shot him an affronted look. “What’s that got to do with it?”
Liam heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Apparently nothing. Do you need help getting your shopping inside?”
“No, but thank you. Now you and your Ellie enjoy your walk.” The older woman made a shooing motion.
“She seems nice,” Ellie said as Liam shut the gate with a clang of metal.
Liam nodded. “Mmm, she is...for the most part.”
“Sorry if she assumed that we were...well, that we were together.” Good grief, why was she apologizing? This baby wasn’t an immaculate conception—even if that’s what she’d love to be able tell her dad. Not to mention all the elderly ladies at the church next time she volunteered at the weekly luncheon. Oh, grow up, those women were all young once. “But then, we’re going to have a baby so I guess you can’t get more together than that.”
He frowned. “Are you saying—”
“I’m not saying anything. Like I said—huh, well, I guess I am saying something.” Damn hormones. “But I’m not pressing you for anything.”
“For God’s sake, Ellie, I’ll do my share.”
The rational part of her brain, when it still worked, knew that expecting him to move would be as crazy as him expecting her to move. Offering her a place to live might solve the problem of distance for him, but being on the periphery of Liam’s life was not what she wanted. She wanted to be Liam’s life. She wanted what Meg and Riley, or Mary and Brody, had. Yeah, that right there was the problem. “That might be difficult since you’ll be here and I’ll be in Loon Lake.”
“Careful.” He placed a hand under her elbow and pointed to the uneven sidewalk.
“I’m pregnant, not blind.” She cringed at her own waspish tone and blinked to hold back tears. Since when did she have the power to make people react or feel the way she wanted? If she had that power, she’d have put her parents’ in-name-only marriage back together.
“But with my schedule, I can get ninety-six hours off, unless I take extra shifts. That’s four days.”
“I know how long ninety-six hours is.” And she knew how long it took to drive from his place to hers. How involved could she honestly expect him to be? She might have regularly scheduled hours at her job but it wasn’t as if she was always able to leave on time. Same for Liam if they got called out before quitting time; she knew he couldn’t just leave.
He blew out his breath. “Are you trying to start a fight?”
“No.” Liar. “Maybe.”
He stopped, placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. His gaze scanned her face, his blue eyes full of concern. “What can I do to get your mind off fighting?”
An image popped into her head. Yeah, like she was going to suggest something like that. She chose option two. “You could try feeding me.”
Was that disappointment on his face? Hmm, seems his mind had gone there, too. Join the club. But now was not a good time to muddle things with sex, her sensible half pointed out. But it could be so much fun, her daring half argued.
At the moment hunger was the deciding factor. Those cookies and milk she’d eaten while Liam was in the shower seemed like ages ago. “Is that pizza I smell?”
“There’s a small place around the corner.”
Her stomach growled. “Can we go there?”
“It’s barely ten and that place is a grease pit.” He frowned.
“And your point is?”
“Grease can’t be good for...for—” his Adam’s apple bobbed “—the baby.”
“For your information, grease is a food group.” Despite her insistence, a pizza didn’t hold the same appeal as it had a few minutes ago. And yet a feeling of dissatisfaction made her persist. “Are you going to feed me or not?”
“Fine. We can go to there if you really want or we can go to the store and get milk, some stuff for sandwiches and maybe some fruit or salad.”
She already regretted acting so disagreeable. Why did being with Liam again make her feel so contrary? She was blaming her body’s reaction to his touch. “Fruit and salad? Who are you and what have you done with the Liam I know?”
“Smart aleck.” He dropped his hands, but not before giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze and dropping a kiss on the end of her nose.
She fell into step beside him. “Actually, sandwiches sound better than pizza.”
He draped an arm around her shoulders. “If you insist on empty calories after sandwiches, I have some snickerdoodles from Meg and—”
“Had,” she interrupted.
“Huh?”
“Had, as in past tense. I...uh, found them while I was tidying up. Why do you think I drank the rest of your milk?”
“Huh.” He rubbed his chin. “I guess my cupboards weren’t as bare as you claimed.”
“Don’t push it, McBride.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Harding.”
A bell dinged and a cashier greeted them when they entered the neighborhood store, reminding Ellie of the Whatleys’ Loon Lake General Store; Liam’s offer of an apartment in his building flashed through her mind, but she just as quickly discarded it. They’d muddle through somehow, especially since their work schedules gave them both stretches with days off.
The cashier who’d greeted Liam by name as they entered immediately engaged him in a discussion of the baseball playoffs. Listening to the two debate a controversial ruling at second base, Ellie wandered to the rear of the store and a well-stocked deli.
“Morning.” A woman with short dark hair and a Red Sox baseball cap stood behind the deli counter. She hitched her chin toward the front of the store. “You a friend of Liam’s?”
“Something like that.” Friends who just happen to be having a baby. Being friends with Liam was easy; resisting his crooked smile and quick wit was a different matter. Sleeping with him again would only complicate things. But it sure would be fun.
“What can I get you?” the clerk prompted, tightening the ties on her bibbed apron.
“Hmm...” Ellie’s gaze traveled up and down the display case. She never knew what her stomach was going to accept. One minute she craved something, the next it made her gag. Her appetite was as mercurial as her moods.
“Liam’s partial to the honey ham,” the clerk suggested.
“Okay, that sounds good.” At least he could eat it if her stomach revolted. “And some provolone.”
Liam approached carrying a loaf of white bread and Ellie shook her head. “I’m not eating that.”
He held the package up and eyed it. “What? You don’t like bread now?”
She liked bread but was trying to eat healthy, or at least healthier. She was going to be someone’s mom and needed to set a good example. “Don’t they have whole wheat or twelve grain? Did you learn nothing from me this summer?”
“Yeah, I learned to hide my junk food,” he said, and rolled his eyes.
A suspicious snickering sound came from the other side of the counter and Ellie glanced over. The woman’s back was to them but her shoulders were shaking.
“Glad you find my being forced to eat healthier funny, Mrs. O’Brien,” Liam said in a dry tone.
The woman turned around. “It’s about time you settled down with a woman who is interested in taking good care of you, Liam.”
“We’re not—”
“Oh, we’re just—”
The woman winked as she handed over two packages wrapped in white butcher paper. “I sliced it the way you like.”
Liam was still stuffing his wallet into his back pocket after paying when Ellie poked into the bag and pulled out a package of chocolate-covered graham crackers. What the hell? He shook his head. She’d given him grief over some stupid bread and she was chowing down on more cookies. He made a mental note to ask Riley if pregnancy made women unreasonable.
Ellie stuck the package of cookies under her arm and held out her hands. “I can carry some of that.”
He lifted the bags out of reach as they exited the store. “I got it.”
She glanced back as they turned the corner onto his street. “See? That’s why I could never move in upstairs.”
He turned his head. What was she seeing that he wasn’t? The street looked the same as it had when they’d arrived. “I don’t follow what you’re getting at.”
“They assumed we were together.”
“Umm...we were.”
She shook her head vigorously. “I mean together together.”
Maybe he was the one losing his mind. He chose silence.
“Once my pregnancy starts showing, people would be asking all sorts of questions and making assumptions.”
“Assumptions? Like that we’d had sex?” Damn his big mouth. “C’mon, they’ll do all that in Loon Lake.”
“Yes, but, judgment or not, they’ll also be there for me if I ever need help.” Her lower lip came out in a pout.
Ooh, what he wanted to do with that sexy lower lip. Even in a pout, that mouth called to him. “This is Dorchester today, not in the 1950s. No one is going to judge you.”
“That’s what you think. How come you never went out with Mrs. Sullivan’s granddaughter?” she asked as they passed Barbara Sullivan’s three-decker.
“Because I have to live on this street.” Evidently they were done talking about moving. He’d bide his time, but he wasn’t giving up. Huh...he should be relieved she wasn’t demanding all sorts of concessions from him, but the idea of her being so far away from him, in Vermont, annoyed him.
“But you said you always part on friendly terms with women you date. No harm, no foul,” Ellie said.
“You wanna try explaining that to Grandmother Sullivan?”
She nodded. “Good point.”
“And for your information, I’m not some sort of serial dater.” However, he’d had enough relationships to understand the signals leading to the point where women began uttering accusations like “emotionally unavailable” and ended things before that happened. He liked to end on good terms. If the relationship progressed to the point of using those phrases, the inevitable parting could become acrimonious. He never wanted anything like that for himself and Ellie. Is that why he’d hesitated getting involved with her in the past? Of course the no-strings-attached thing hadn’t exactly worked in his favor. He glanced at Ellie. Or had it? Could a child keep them together?
“You have to admit, you’ve dated a lot of women,” she was saying.
“True, but they’ve been spread out over sixteen years. Never two at once and I never poached.” Why did he feel the need to defend his dating history? He never had in the past.
They were back at his house and he shifted the bags so he could reach his keys.
Ellie reached over and grabbed a bag. “Here, let me take one of those.”
Their fingers brushed and there was that spark he’d remembered but had tried to deny for the past two months. He needed to ignore it if he was going to put Ellie back into the friend zone. That was where she needed to be if they were going to work on a partnership for the sake of their child.
After lunch in the living room, Ellie brought her empty plate into the kitchen and paused in the doorway. Liam’s hair had flopped over his forehead as he bent over to load the dishwasher and her fingers twitched with the need to brush it back. Their summer fling was over, and pregnant or not, she didn’t have the right to touch him with such tenderness, as much as she ached to do so.
“I should leave soon to beat the traffic.” She handed him her plate and grabbed another chocolate-covered graham cracker from the bag on the counter.
“Leave? Already?” He glanced up and frowned. “Why don’t you stay tonight? You look beat.”
“I’ll be fine. I didn’t plan to stay, so I didn’t bring anything with me.” She contemplated her cookie before taking a bite. The thought of packing an overnight bag had occurred to her, but she didn’t like the message that would send. Whether to Liam or to herself, she wasn’t sure. Maybe both.
“We can go and get you whatever you need. Boston happens to be a very cosmopolitan city. Stores, restaurants, hospitals—”
“Don’t start with me.” While she believed in co-parenting, living in such proximity to him without sharing his life would be impossible. She wanted it all. She was sick of being in the friend zone with guys. Was it too much to want one who saw her as a friend and a lover, a life partner, a guy whose heart sped up at the sight of her? Someone who was interested in something other than her bowling score or batting average? One who wouldn’t bury himself in work when life got tough?
Her father used work to bury his emotions brought on by the uncertainty of her cancer. But blocking out his emotions meant he couldn’t deal with his wife’s, either. Ellie couldn’t blame it all on her dad. She understood not everyone could handle all those emotions surrounding such a diagnosis. Of course, she also understood her mother feeling abandoned by the man who was supposed to be there for her in sickness as well as health. Trying not to take sides meant her own relationship with her parents was strained and not as close as it had once been.
He slammed the dishwasher door shut. “If you insist on going back this afternoon, I’m driving. I don’t want you falling asleep at the wheel.”
“Hello? I’m an ER nurse. I know better than that.” If a brisk walk around the block didn’t work, she would think of something that made her spitting mad. Angry people tended to be more alert. If that failed, she’d pull into the first rest area.
He leaned against the counter, his arms folded over his chest, his feet crossed at the ankles. “Either stay here with me tonight or I drive you back to Vermont. That’s the deal.”
She grabbed another cookie. She could argue with him, but what would that accomplish? And she really was dead on her feet and not looking forward to the drive to Loon Lake. Now that she’d delivered her news the nervous energy was gone, replaced with the usual afternoon fatigue. “But how will you get back?”
“One of the guys can drive my truck to pick me up.”
“Were you able to get enough sleep on your shift?”
He nodded. “Yeah, a couple callouts but not bad.”
“Okay, you can drive me back.” Spending more time together was important if they were going to co-parent.
His head jerked back as he studied her. That devilishly sexy grin appeared, the one that deepened the grooves bracketing his mouth. The one that threatened her resolve to not throw herself at him. The one she was powerless to resist.
When he opened his mouth, she pointed her cookie at him. “Don’t crow. It’s not attractive.”
“Says you.” He straightened up and pulled away from the counter, his light blue eyes gleaming with mischief. “Let me get some things so I won’t get caught short spending the night.”
“Fine, but if you stay at my place, you’ll be sleeping on the couch,” she called to his retreating back.
He turned and began walking backward. His low chuckle said he was remembering the things they’d done on her couch. Damn. Now she had all those images in her head.
Those pesky snippets were still playing like movie trailers in her head as they drove through the narrow, winding streets of Boston.
“What can I say to convince you to move here?” he asked.
Tell me you love me and can’t live without me. Tell me I’m the most important person in your life. Tell me you’re in this for the good times and the tough ones. “Nothing. It ain’t gonna happen.”
He glanced over at her as he took the on-ramp to the interstate and sped up to blend into traffic. “The upstairs apartments are just as nice as mine. You said you liked it and you could decorate any way you wanted.”
“I’m sure it’s very nice, but I want to stay in Loon Lake.” There, she wouldn’t have to watch Liam living his life with her on the periphery. In Boston, she’d be cut off from friends. If she were truly already a part of Liam’s life, giving up Loon Lake wouldn’t be that hard. But she wasn’t and it mattered. “You said Meg picked Loon Lake to live in to raise Fiona. I want the same things for my child. I have nothing against where you live. Your street is very nice and if Mrs. Sullivan is anything to go by, the people are nice, too. But I enjoy small-town living for all its inherent problems.”
“Okay, I won’t press.”
“Thanks,” she said, but she had a feeling the subject wasn’t dead, just dormant. But she’d enjoy the respite. “I love the idea of our child growing up close to Meg’s kids.”
He nodded and sighed. “There is that.”
“Just think, another seven or eight years and Fiona will be able to babysit.” Family ties were another reason to stay in Loon Lake. Her child would have ties to the town and its people the same way she did.
“Fiona babysitting. Lord help us all.” He chuckled.
Ellie laughed and yawned. She settled back against the seat. It seemed like she ran out of steam every afternoon, no matter how much sleep she’d gotten the night before. And due to her pending trip, she hadn’t gotten a whole lot last night.
Despite her pregnancy fatigue, her mind wouldn’t turn off. Yes, she wanted to do what was best for her child and she was convinced Liam would be a wonderful father. Not to mention, the rest of the McBrides would surround her child with family and love.
Was it selfish to want some of that for herself, too?