THE PASTA House was not the type of place Phillip would have expected Barry to choose for dinner, but he was happy he had—it was one of his favorite restaurants. He was lucky enough to find a parking place close by and locked the car doors, ambling down the sidewalk toward where Barry waited for him, wearing tan slacks and a red polo shirt that hugged his chest and arms. Jesus, Barry had grown up and filled out in all the best ways.
“Thank you for this,” Phillip said as he approached. “It was a rough day.” That was the understatement of the century.
Barry pulled open the door, holding it for him, and Phillip went inside the small dining room. There were probably more tables on the sidewalk than inside the restaurant. The walls were lined with banquettes, with a single line of chairs across from them at the tables. That was all the space there was, and Phillip wondered how Barry had managed to get a reservation. The Pasta House was a Milwaukee institution, with a reputation that went well beyond the city. They were often booked for weeks in advance. It was notoriously small and incredibly delicious, with all their pastas made in-house.
“Barry,” a man called as he came out from the back, arms outstretched. He was about their age and had the same sort of build as Barry, though his hair was longer, extremely lush, and shiny black. The two of them hugged tightly, patting each other on the back and smiling.
“Phillip, this is Marcello. He and I served together for two years. His family has owned this restaurant since it opened. Marcello’s mother is the woman behind the incredible pasta dishes they serve.” He turned back to Marcello. “This is Phillip. He and I were best friends when we were kids, and he saved my academic butt more times than I care to remember.” Then he added to Phillip, “Marcello, on the other hand, saved my real butt from far too many bullets.”
“Come, sit down,” Marcello said as he motioned to the only empty table. “I saved this one for you. Mama will be up to see you as soon as she stops terrorizing the kitchen staff.” Phillip could tell he was teasing, and the easy manner between the two of them made Phillip wonder if Marcello and Barry had ever been involved. “I need to go perform a high-risk rescue, but I’ll be back out soon,” he said, grinning. Then he hurried away as Phillip slid onto the banquette seat, leaving Barry the chair.
“Marcello and I enlisted a month apart, and our first deployment was to the same posting.” Barry put his napkin on his lap, but didn’t reach for the menu. “Don’t worry. I called ahead and requested Mama’s special. The reason the staff is being terrorized is because Leona is in the kitchen cooking for us. She doesn’t do it often, but Marcello and I are like brothers.” A shadow passed in front of Barry’s eyes and then faded away.
“I suppose sharing hardship makes you close,” Phillip said.
Barry didn’t answer as their water glasses were filled and garlic bread, steaming a little from the basket, was placed on the table. “It’s hard to describe. I can name every man I’ve ever served with. I know what each of them looks like, and even after eight years, I would know them in an instant by voice, by smell…. They had my back, and I had theirs. When bullets come your way or you’re stuck in some hellhole where there’s very little law outside the gates of the base and your job is to try to instill some kind of order… I know every guy, from every tour of duty. They’re all my brothers. Like Marcello.”
All Phillip could do was reach for his glass and nod. His life had been very, very different from Barry’s, and a lot less interesting. But that was okay with him. And he had a few close friends, but none of them that he would consider brothers. It sounded scary as hell and comforting at the same time. Scary because there was no way that Phillip could maintain an active relationship with that many people—he’d rather spend his time buried in his video games. And yet, it would have been comforting to know that he belonged to a tribe and that those people would be there for him, no matter what. He’d never experienced anything like that. “That’s so cool.” Yeah, it probably sounded lame, but it was what Phillip was thinking and it just came out. “And yet strange.”
“Don’t you have people to watch your back?” Barry asked. “You own your own company.”
Phillip laughed. “It doesn’t work that way. It’s my job to look out for everyone else. I didn’t realize when I started the business just how worried I would be for the people who work for me. I only wanted to develop video games that I could spend hours playing. There have been times when I thought about giving up, but then what would happen to all the people who work for me and their families? I feel responsible for them.”
“I guess I can see that. You helped me so much, back in the day. College was difficult for me, even after the Marines. I had to work hard to get through it.”
Phillip snickered. “I thought college was easy. It’s only life that’s hard. I wish I’d have understood that back then.” Well, difficult and lonely. “I’m so glad that you went back. I always knew you had it in you. I tutored a ton of people, and you were the most tenacious.”
“Stubbornness can be a pain in the ass a lot of the time. But sometimes it helps. I guess I don’t believe in giving up.”
Phillip thought a minute. “Maybe that’s something we have in common.”
Barry grinned. “I always thought that.” That smile touched Phillip deep inside, in a way that no one else’s had before. It was as if Barry somehow saw something different about him.
“How are your parents? I remember your mom’s cookies,” Phillip said with an uplift in his voice, thinking of things to catch up on.
“They’re retired. Mom still bakes some when I visit. They’re huge Disney fans and they both work part-time at the Magic Kingdom.” Barry smiled. “Things turned around for them after I joined the Marines. But they still need to work so they can do the things they want to do, and I help them out when I can.” He grew sad, and Phillip wished he hadn’t mentioned them.
“Barry, sweetheart.” A small woman with enough energy to power the city breezed into the room, throwing her arms around Barry before he could even get up. “The boys are bringing you some antipasti, and I have some special salads coming out after the pasta, just like back home in Florence. Then there’ll be a little pasta, and a special Florentine steak I made especially for you boys. I hope you brought your appetites.” She grinned at both of them.
“Leona, this is Phillip. He was my best friend when we were kids, and he’s had a hard day.”
She straightened up. “Then you sit back and let me feed you. No one can feel bad after one of my meals.” She hugged Barry again and extended her hand. Phillip took it and held it a few seconds. It was a sweet gesture. Then Leona breezed out as the antipasti arrived—a board with heavenly goodies laid out on it.
Phillip put a few choice tidbits on his plate. “How did you know Roger?”
“He and I were friends the first time I went to college. And then, after I got back from DC, he approached me about coaching. He was working up something in his athletic program. I don’t know why he thought I’d be good at that.” Barry shook his head. “Team sports were never really my thing. But I worked with him and….” Barry wiped his mouth. “Roger was diabetic. Actually, he was what you’d call a brittle diabetic. His disease was hard to manage, and he’d developed other health issues having to do with his circulation.”
“So there was nothing suspicious about his death, as far as you know?” Phillip asked.
“Not that I know of. I talked to his sister, and she said that the doctors think that he must have mistakenly taken too much of one of his meds. It turned out to be more than his body could take. Why?”
“No reason,” Phillip lied. He didn’t want to think about the other things he’d found out today. His mind was running in circles.
“How did you know Roger?” Barry asked as he leaned over the table, and Phillip’s spine tingled, sending warmth passing throughout him under the gaze of those intense sapphire eyes.
“I tutored him, the same way I did for you and… well… I liked him. He was sexy and an athlete, and he was nice to me back then. I was this geeky, gangly kid….” He felt the color rise in his cheeks. “I had a crush on him, and he used to flirt back, but nothing came of it. Once the tutoring was over, things cooled.”
“So nothing happened between you back in college? I thought you might have dated other guys back then,” Barry asked, taking a bite of prosciutto.
“Not really. But I met up with him a few weeks ago at a charity dinner, and he asked me to a game up in Green Bay. I thought we clicked. There were sparks, and he kissed me good night when we got back. Then I found out that he’d died.” Phillip tried not to make too much of it. At least he knew what had happened, as opposed to just being left hanging, the way he’d been with the others. He finished off his antipasti and hummed softly. The food was really good, and suddenly, he could feel his appetite returning. “I don’t want to be maudlin or anything, but today was just kind of rough. I hate funerals. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sounds good to me. Do you travel much?” Barry asked. And throughout the evening, they talked about Italy, Paris, the Eternal City, and London. It was surprising the number of places they had both seen, Barry while in the service, and Phillip mostly for business.
“I did a deal in Korea a few years ago. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle the food, but I was wrong. It was amazing, and the culture and history…. It’s all so different from ours.”
“I spent a lot of time in the Middle East, as you could probably guess. It wasn’t a bad time to be a Marine. The folks who were there before me had a more difficult time. I even flew down to South Africa during one of my leaves. It’s a very different country—stunningly beautiful. But like a lot of places I went, I experienced incredible beauty, yet saw abject poverty that nearly broke your heart.”
“Yeah, I went to the Caribbean a few years ago to get away. I rented a house, and sat up on this hill on my veranda, knowing that the people working around me were luckier than most, because they, at least, had a job. ” He sighed. “I’ve been thinking of starting a foundation to try to help people in those poorer countries. Then again, maybe it’s better to donate to one of the foundations that’s already doing that kind of work.”
They’d barely finished the antipasti before the server brought the most amazing dishes of pasta. The scent was irresistible. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah. The pesto is incredible. I love how she adds just the slightest amount of cream to make it richer. Leona knows this is my favorite,” Barry said. Then there was no more conversation, only small grunts of appreciation. At one point, Phillip closed his eyes and let the flavor carry him away.
“I think I’m going to tell my assistant to order my dinners from here, if they’ll deliver.”
Barry nodded as he swallowed. “Ask Marcello. I’m sure he can arrange it for you.” Barry suddenly scowled as his attention shifted to the large windows in front. Phillip looked over, but only saw a few people passing outside of the restaurant.
“Something wrong?” he asked, wiping his mouth and sitting back happily.
“I don’t know. I think I’ve seen the same person walk by a couple of times. He stares in the window, then moves on.” Barry shook his head. “Sometimes I get overly suspicious. I’m used to watching for people doing things out of the ordinary—it’s the key to catching suicide bombers or enemy fighters. Of course, the guy could just be waiting for someone, but his actions seemed strange.” Barry turned back to him. “I was wondering… are you with someone right now?”
“No.” Phillip scoffed lightly. “I have the worst luck with guys. I think the longest relationship I’ve ever had is two months. I’ve got the awful feeling I must really suck in bed, because I can’t keep a guy any longer than that.”
“Try having a relationship with someone when you’re gone for a year at a time. Every guy I meet… well, let’s just say that it’s been too much for them. The last boyfriend I had lasted almost four months, and he was another Marine. We had a good thing going, and I thought we were serious, but duty assignments had other ideas, and he ended up halfway around the world. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder… just lonelier.” Barry gave him one of those looks.
“Did you at least get to say goodbye and end things?” Phillip took a drink of his water and leaned over the table. “A year ago, one of my boyfriends sent me an email telling me things weren’t going to work out and that we should just be friends. Then he closed the account.” Phillip met Barry’s gaze in a “top that” sort of way.
Barry hissed. “That’s pretty bad. But how about a voicemail that I didn’t get for four days because we were out on a mission and I’d had to leave my phone in the barracks? By the time I got back, the number had been changed.” Barry folded his arms over his chest, looking smug.
Phillip smiled indulgently. “The last three guys I dated—died.”
Barry’s mouth fell open. “Okay, you win.”
Phillip sighed. “Somehow, I think I should take a bow, but I’d probably stab someone in the eye.”
Barry laughed, then tensed, standing up. “Excuse me.” He strode down the center of the restaurant and out the front door. Phillip watched, wondering what was up. And, okay, he let his gaze wander over Barry’s retreating form, swallowing at the way he filled out those pants. My God, I bet you could bounce a quarter off that backside. His throat went dry, and when he glanced around, he noticed that most of the women, and maybe a few of the men, had turned to get a better look at Barry as well. Not that Phillip could blame them. Of course, the staring stopped as soon as Barry came back in and headed toward their table.
“I thought I saw that guy again.” Barry pulled out his chair and sat down as their salad course arrived.
“Did you get a good look at him?” Phillip asked.
“No. But I think I scared him off. He jackrabbited away as soon as I got up, and I couldn’t see him out on the street.” He put his napkin back on his lap and finished his salad. “I’m probably being overzealous. But after years in the Marines, not to mention security work, suspicion becomes second nature.” He finished his salad. “So, were you kidding about the last guys you dated?”
“Nope. Albert died six months ago, apparently, Winston three months ago, and now Roger. I found out about the other two today, and I have to admit, it freaked me out a little.” Well, more than that, but he didn’t want to seem like a giant wuss. “Apparently they were accidents, but, well, it makes you think. Maybe I should stop dating.”
Barry rolled his eyes and leaned over the table, his eyes growing an even deeper blue, like the color of midnight. He licked his lips, and Phillip drew closer to him as if pulled by an invisible magnet. “I’m willing to take my chances.”
Phillip swallowed hard and wondered if he’d heard clearly. “Huh?”
“I’ve liked you since we were kids. Back in college, though, you and I were on different pages. Back then, I wasn’t sure of who I was. You were just yourself and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of you, and I was still figuring shit out. But now it seems we’re at the same point in our lives. And unless you’re in mourning or something—and I would totally understand if you are—maybe you and I could see each other again.”
Phillip thought he must have misheard. “Are you messing with me?” He waited and Barry shook his head. “Seriously, you thought about me that way in college? I was the biggest geek on campus, and a gay geek at that.” God, there had been so many times when he’d felt like a total freak back then.
“You were cute and so earnest, though.” Barry smiled, his voice just above a whisper, and Phillip had to strain a little to hear him. “And you were genuine. So many people put on airs or pretended that they were more than they were. You never did that.”
“I was so uncomfortable in my own skin then. It wasn’t until I graduated and was actually on my own before I became comfortable with myself.”
Barry lifted his glass, watching him over the top of it. Phillip liked being the object of Barry’s attention. “Do you think you were alone in that regard? Everyone needs to figure some shit out for themselves. I was a Marine, a gay one. When I figured it out, the first guys I told were friends, and they understood. A few men gave me a hard time. I ended up breaking one guy’s nose, and the other ended up with two black eyes that swelled shut. I was only defending myself, and my buddies stood up for me. No one bothered me after that.” He nodded. “I was just one of the guys. Being gay didn’t mean I was weak or different from anyone else. Knowing that meant I could stand tall and hold my head up. I was a Marine, the same as everyone else… and I was a damn good one.” He smiled that amazing smile once again.
“I can understand that.” There were times when Phillip would walk into a meeting, and he knew that some of the others would take one look at him and immediately assume they had an edge because he was a geek. Phillip wasn’t good at everything, but he was savvy enough to hire good people. And when it came to lawyers and dealmakers, he’d hired the best. He didn’t have to be able to do everything—he just needed to find the people who excelled where he didn’t. Computers spoke to him; people sometimes not so much. “Sometimes it’s just a matter of finding your tribe.” Phillip liked to think he had found his. He was a gamer, through and through.
“Sometimes, you only find your tribe after changing your life. As a Marine, I knew my tribe; as a civilian, I’m still working that out. I left the Marines because I felt that there was more for me. Most of my brothers-in-arms have their own lives now, and I thought it was time I found mine.”
The server took their salad dishes and brought fresh plates. Then Leona delivered her Florentine steak, and Phillip’s stomach rumbled. It didn’t matter that he had eaten pasta and salad or anything else. This amazing beef, served on a wood plank, seared and steaming, looked and smelled incredible.
“Okay, boys. Enjoy.” She had already cut it in large pieces, and placed one on each of their plates. Then she huffed a little. “I need to get back to the kitchen. Sometimes they just need to be reminded of how to do things right.” She hustled off, and Phillip was pleased he was on the receiving end of her food instead of the whip she seemed to be cracking in the kitchen.
“She’s really a sweetheart. She just doesn’t want anyone to know it. She believes in a ‘bosses should be feared’ kind of attitude. Marcello will tell her to go home pretty soon. He usually does. That’s why he has a kitchen staff left.” Barry ate his steak, and Phillip cut off a piece of his, humming with delight. He’d never tasted anything better.
“I missed this the last time I was here,” Phillip explained, and Barry nodded, eating more quickly. Phillip did the same, and their conversation died out. Not that he was the least bit uncomfortable or felt the need to fill the silence. It was nice just to be together without the need to prattle. By the time they were done, the plank was empty, their bellies were full, and Phillip wondered what else was on the menu. Lucky for him, the meal ended with limoncello and tiramisu that melted in his mouth.
“Can I ask you something completely off topic?” Barry set down his spoon. “You were always so earnest in college and seemed to know what you wanted. Did you get it?”
Phillip shrugged. “I got some if it, but the rest… I guess I’m like most people in that regard.”
“Okay. I know you built the business. But what’s missing? What your dream now?” Barry took another mouthful of tiramisu, and Phillip did the same, giving himself a chance to think.
“Well… I think I want a home, a real home with a fenced-in yard, a dog, someone to come home to, and maybe eventually a couple of kids. Not babies, but maybe a boy and a girl who need love and attention. My dreams aren’t going to change the world, I guess, but like everyone else, I want to be happy.”
It had been a long time since he’d truly felt that way. When he first started the company, Phillip couldn’t wait to get out of bed each morning. His life had been both challenging and exciting, but over time, some of his enthusiasm had worn off, and he discovered that video games and his company were never going to keep him warm at night. His work wasn’t going to make him happy in that deep-down way that he realized he wanted.
“Sounds almost perfect,” Barry agreed just above a whisper, and they returned to their dessert as they lapsed back into companionable silence.
“This was a perfect meal.” Phillip leaned back, full and relaxed. He finished his water and waited for the server to bring the check, but all the man did was clear the last of the dishes, ask about coffee, and when they both declined, disappear into the back.
“We should go,” Barry said.
“What about the bill?” Phillip asked.
“It’s already taken care of.” Barry smiled and stood, waited for Phillip, then followed him out of the restaurant and into the night.
“Damn, whoever has been watching us sure doesn’t take a hint,” Barry said, rushing down the sidewalk. Phillip stood in one of the squares of light shining out from the window, wondering what the hell was going on. “That guy was back, watching us through the window.”
“Are you sure?” Phillip asked.
“He took off as soon as I got close to the door. If he hadn’t been spying on us, he wouldn’t have run.” Barry looked both ways and then escorted him to the car, insisting that he check under the car and the hood before allowing him to start the engine.
“Don’t you think you’re going a little too far?” Phillip asked.
“Nope. I know when I’m being followed. But I don’t think this has to do with me.” He turned to Phillip as the summer air became chilled. “Someone was watching us at the restaurant. Do you have any idea why?”
Phillip shook his head vigorously. “Why would anyone follow me? It isn’t like I’m hiding company secrets. This makes no sense.” Maybe it was best if this day came to an end. Phillip wanted his own bed and the protection and safety of his loft. The sudden pressure behind his eyes was growing more intense by the second. He swayed and held the side of the car as Barry finished up, finally declaring that he didn’t find anything. “You know, this could have just been someone waiting for someone else in the restaurant. You are a little intimidating.”
“What are you saying?” Barry put his hands on his hips, doing his best impression of an immovable brick wall. Phillip had to laugh, because Barry’s expression was just this side of menacing. Thankfully, his attitude only lasted a second, and he turned his lips upward into a smile. “Okay… I get it.”
“Of course you do. You can be scary as shit.” Though Phillip wasn’t intimidated for a second. “As long as you don’t try that stuff on me. Remember, I knew you before you built this Marine body of scariness. I know what’s inside.” Phillip pulled open the door and got into his car. “Thank you for a lovely evening. You have my number. Call me and we can do this again, maybe without anyone following us.” Phillip wasn’t fully convinced one of them had a stalker, but it would be stupid to discount it, given what he’d experienced. Or maybe he just didn’t want to believe it, because the thought worried him so much. He’d have to keep a close eye out.
After saying goodbye once again, Phillip pulled out of his parking space and into traffic, waving to Barry before turning at the next corner and heading downtown.
OKAY, MAYBE Barry was onto something. Phillip tried not to panic as he made yet another turn and the vehicle two cars back did the same thing. Sure, they might be going in the same direction, but this was too much of a coincidence. Phillip was being followed and he didn’t like it. He tried to think of the things people did in cop shows to throw off a tail, but he had no clue if they worked in real life. Maybe he was just letting his imagination run away with him.
Phillip made another turn, now close to home, and the car sped past him, through the intersection. He breathed a sigh of relief and turned into the parking garage entrance, then opened the gate with the remote and drove inside.
A black SUV pulled in right behind him before the gate could swing shut. Phillip went into his parking space, locked the doors, and got out his phone, ready to call the police. He had been on edge the entire afternoon and he didn’t need this shit. “Phillip, it’s me.” Barry’s bulk nearly filled his view through the back window. God, he was a hunk and a half.
“What are you doing?” Phillip opened his door and got out. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“I was just making sure you got home all right.”
Phillip stalked up to him. “By scaring me half to death? I thought I was being followed by whoever was at the restaurant, but it was only you.” He put his hand over the center of his chest.
“Drama much?” Barry replied, and Phillip let his hand drop.
“Are you always an ass? You could have told me you were going to see me home. Instead, you took a year off my life.” Now that he could breathe a little easier, he could see the humor in the situation. “So is this going to be a regular thing? Because I think I could get used to having a white knight around, looking out for me.” But God, with his track record, he’d better not get too comfortable or something would happen to Barry.
“Okay.” Barry put his hands up. “I’m sorry I scared you. I only wanted to make sure you got home all right. I probably should have told you.” The gate had already closed.
“Do you want to come up?”
Barry didn’t answer right away. “I think I should go home and you should get some rest,” he said finally, approaching slowly. He seemed hesitant, as if Phillip would spook. As he came nearer, Phillip wondered what was happening, what Barry wanted. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said softly and then kissed him. It was gentle and so different from what Phillip had thought a kiss would be from Barry. With a guy that big, he had expected power and testosterone. Those two attributes were definitely there—he could feel them, coiled, ready to burst forward—but Barry held them in check, and Phillip liked that he cared enough to be gentle.
“I’ll talk to you then.” Phillip waved to Barry, then exited the garage and let the door to the lobby close behind him. He called the elevator and rode up to his loft, locking the door after he was inside, then leaning against it. The day had been a whirlwind—the good, the bad… and the promising.
That only made him think more about what he’d found out at the funeral. Phillip strode through the living room to his home office and sat at his desk, pulling up a search engine to see what kind of information he could find out about the people in his life who had passed away. And the more he read, the colder he got. Finally, he made sure all the doors were locked and then crawled into bed, burying himself under the covers.
Barry watched as Phillip disappeared from his view, second-guessing himself as he made his way back to his car. Maybe he should have gone up with Phillip. He smiled as he pulled open the car door. Damn, Phillip had a bit of a dramatic streak about him, and the way his eyes had flared when he’d been startled—Barry hadn’t meant to do that at all. He’d only wanted to make sure he’d gotten home okay. He was pretty sure Phillip had picked up a stalker, and the thought made him angry. The thought of anyone hurting him…. Barry slid into his car seat and pulled the door closed with more force than necessary.
Phillip was different from the guy he had grown up with… and yet, he was the same. Phillip had always been smart and good-hearted. That hadn’t changed at all. And though he was a geek through and through, where most guys were trying to figure things out, Phillip owned who he was. Oh, Phillip had always been funny, and he had a stubborn streak in him. But the man Barry met today had confidence. And Barry found that very attractive. He’d never doubted that Phillip would be successful, but there was also a part of Phillip that seemed vulnerable. A part that brought out Barry’s protective instincts.
He was a fool, or at least, he had been a fool. Barry started the engine and pulled out of his parking space, heading home, turning the radio off so it didn’t interrupt his thoughts. He should never have allowed someone as wonderful as Phillip to drift out of his life. Phillip had naturally gravitated toward math and science, while Barry had been into athletics. Barry wished now that he had tried to bridge that gap, back when they were kids. But he hadn’t. Still, he’d had a second chance in college… only things hadn’t worked out then either. He’d liked Phillip then, too, though in a different, more adult way. But before he’d been able to ask Phillip out, he’d had to leave school. And that had been that.
Well, Barry did not intend to let his geeky gazelle go this time. He smiled as those words entered his mind. That was Phillip to a T: slender and kind of graceful in a way that Phillip probably wasn’t even aware of. Those intense brown eyes with their flecks of gold drew Barry in. Their kiss had taken Barry’s breath away, and he’d had to use all his willpower to keep it gentle. He’d wanted to feast on Phillip’s lips for hours and push him against the wall so he could run his fingers through his hair, and his hands all over his body.
He pulled to a stop at a light and took a moment to adjust himself. Just the thought of another kiss from Phillip had his heart racing and excitement coursing through him. The light changed color, and he drove through the intersection. Somehow the fates or the god of gamers, whoever that might be, had given him another chance, and Barry wasn’t going to let this one slip through his fingers.
First, though, Barry needed to find out if Phillip felt the same way.