Let us begin with a prayer …

We, the Crazy Cat People, do solemnly vow to praise and pamper all purring beings.

We pledge to hold Thee, Cat, in higher regard than jobs, property, and sanity.

We promise never to refer to You as “that foot-high demon that lacerates my flesh and turns my flowerpot into a litter box,” but only as “my fur angel.”

We vow to shower You with toys, gadgets, gourmet treats, and luxury furniture—and we pray that You accept our gifts and do not pee on them.

We beg to be worthy of Your good graces and to never earn the Glare of Damnation.

And should we ever commit the sin of laughing at you for getting your head stuck in the tuna can, we will humbly ask for forgiveness.

We are, after all, lowly humans, and Thou art the Divine Feline.

Amen.