| |
When she wandered into her room, her window stood open. The cool breeze swept inside, blowing the curtains in the air. Sidney twirled around, expecting Noah to be waiting for her. But alas, the room stood empty. She hurried to the windows to glimpse outside, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“I am sorry, My Lady. In my clumsiness, I tipped over a bottle of your perfume, and the air was heavy. I opened the room to clear away the odor. Allow me to close the windows for you.” Rose latched the windows, then turned to help Sidney undress.
Sidney stood still, disappointed as Rose removed her dress and helped her into a nightgown and robe. Rose wanted to gossip about Sidney’s engagement, but she pleaded tiredness and sent Rose on her way after she brushed out Sidney’s hair. Sidney tugged back the covers and climbed into bed. When she reached over to blow out her lantern, she saw her book lying on the side table. Sidney laughed at the irony of the book. She decided to read a few pages, hoping they would help her fall asleep. What better way to finish the evening than to read about the one subject she botched. Romance. There would be no more romance in her future. From what she experienced this season, she was unsure if she ever wanted to again.
As her fingers drifted through the novel to find her spot, an envelope floated out from between the pages. A parchment of paper folded with a seal and addressed with her name on the outside rested on the blanket. Curious as to how a letter to her became hidden inside her book, she broke the seal to see who wrote to her.
My darling Sidney,
I find I have many reasons to apologize to you. First reason would be for stealing your book and not returning it to you. I’ve had your book in my possession since the first meeting in our park. My reference to Hillside Park as ours is because it is the spot where you invaded my heart. I kept your book to help me find a way to steal your heart. During my pursuit, I read the novel and incorporated the hero’s actions into my own. I also confess to charming your dear friend Sophia to assist me with your gifts.
Please don’t be angry with her for helping me woo you. She is a wonderful friend, and I do not want to be the reason for any rift between you two. When I told her of my plans, she only wished to help with your happiness. Which I have seemed to blunder.
Second, I apologize for exposing your research secret. I overheard your conversation with your father when you discussed the matter. While I was not angry, but impressed with how your mind works, I was jealous of your betrothal to Sheffield. I wanted to sabotage your engagement and realized this was my move for revenge.
Third, I am very sorry if I have ruined your engagement. I never meant to cause your family a scandal. I set you up to be taken advantage of by Sheffield with my lateness in asking for your hand. I do take back part of my apology. For I am not sorry if Sheffield has withdrawn his promise to make you his duchess.
Fourth, I was a fool to play a game with Sheffield to win your affections. Everything has always been a game between us. Women, cards, drinking, you name it and we would compete. You were supposed to be no different, just a chit we could toy with for the season. However, Sheffield changed the stakes when he talked of marriage. I would not allow him to win your hand.
The final reason in my apology is for leaving you to wonder of my regards. The feelings you invoked in me frightened me. Terrified actually. In concern of my own fears, I left you in doubt of my intentions.
The most memorable experience of my life was making love to you. There are no words to describe how you touched my soul. I am ashamed of myself in how I took advantage of you and where. Part of the shame has kept me from your side. I tried to convince myself any man would be better for you than me, even Sheffield. But as I came to my senses, I realized I was wrong. I aspire to be the man you deserve. For the rest of our lives together I want to prove my love to you.
There are many apologies I must make to you and your family, and starting tomorrow I shall begin. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? I understand if you do not love me, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your love and respect. I wanted to remain in your room to watch your reaction but realized I could no longer ruin your reputation. Below your window, I await in the garden for your reaction. If you would grant me my wish and at least come to the window, I will know I stand a chance to win your heart. If not, I understand, but it will not deter me to win your affections, for I have many tricks up my sleeve to prove my love for you.
I am truly sorry, my dear.
I love you deeply with all my heart.
Your most shameful suitor,
Noah
Sidney let the letter slide to her lap as she let his words impact her decision. Should she rise from the bed and check the garden, or should she stay beneath the covers? He tempted her to see if he waited below, but the rational part of her brain debated the sincerity of his letter. It appeared their whole affair was nothing but a bunch of lies on both of their parts. Could they ever trust one another to not deceive? While Sidney’s heart shouted yes, the rest of her remained confused. The confused side of her mind kept her under the blanket. She stared at the windows, wishing she could see the garden from the bed. Sidney longed for any sign of him to climb the trellis to her. Why was he being honorable now, when he had not been before? It was his wildness, his namesake, that drew her to him. His spontaneity captured her heart. Sidney closed her eyes, wishing for him. When she opened her eyes, he was not there.
Her fingers flittered through the book, fanning the pages. Her mind was scattered with unspoken emotions she was still coming to grips with. She became distracted from her thoughts when she noticed the scribbles in the columns. The book was new when she lost it, and she had never written in it. When she read the scrawls, they matched Noah’s handwriting. She read his notes along the edges, laughing in delight at his comments where he remarked on the hero’s foolishness, points he wanted to try with her, and silly words to describe how he interpreted the story.
Sidney slid farther under the covers after she blew out the lantern. She closed the book and held it to her heart, along with his letter. She made the decision to stay in bed. While Wilde gifted her with an apology, she still needed to offer one to him before they met again. Tomorrow she would attempt to right her wrongs with everybody she had hurt tonight. Her eyelids lowered as she thought of a plan. Exhaustion overcame her, and she drifted to sleep with an apology formed in her mind. Tomorrow morning would be soon enough.
~~~~~
WILDE WAITED PATIENTLY in the garden for her to show him a sign of her forgiveness. When her light disappeared in her bedchamber and she never came to the window, he knew she had not forgiven him. He sat, dejected, on the bench. He hoped for any sign to come his way, but disappointment overwhelmed him when none came. As the night continued, he stayed there, even when the clouds covered the moon and the rain began to fall. He laughed, for it reminded him of the first night he climbed through her window. The rain didn’t deter him then, and it wouldn’t now. He stood, then snapped off a rose and climbed the trellis.
When he reached her window, he silently slid inside. As he stood, dripping wet, he saw her in a deep sleep. His smile widened when he noticed she gripped his letter and the book in her hands. He hunched down as he watched her sleep. How he wanted to slide under the sheets with her and draw her into his embrace. He wished to whisper to her his deepest desires but knew he couldn’t. He didn’t want her this way. He wanted her without ruining her. His past actions had done enough of that. Instead, he laid the rose on her opposite pillow. Then he slid a piece of candy from his pocket and tied it around the stem.
With a brush of his fingers across the locks of her hair, he lowered his head to press a gentle kiss to her lips. When she moaned in response and parted her lips, it took everything Wilde had inside him to pull back.
“Noah,” she moaned in her sleep.
“Sweet dreams, my Sidney,” he whispered in return before he returned to the window.
With one last glance at his love, he climbed back down the trellis and headed to rest on the bench. For the first time in his life, love directed his actions.