Daisy squinted against the bright lights from above that blared down on her. She stood in the middle of the stage, waiting to begin while the director looked down at a stack of papers with his assistant.
Her mind kept going back to the brewery and the book of ideas she’d left behind. On the train ride, she had jotted down another two full pages and even researched a few things. It helped distract her and keep her from getting lost in her doubts. She needed to be confident when she stepped on the stage, unlike all the other times when she’d let her fear swallow her whole, causing her to forget a line or stumble on a word.
She smiled thinking about all the ideas, a giddiness bounced around inside of her as she envisioned all the possibilities for the brewery. She hoped Mason would find the time and be able to hire more people so he could make it possible. It made her a little sad to think she wouldn’t be able to see it come to fruition. But it was just as well. Someone else would be able to make it the success it deserved to be probably better than she ever could.
Now without the lulling noises of the train and standing beneath the bright lights of the stage, the fear that loved to consume her slowly started to spread through her veins.
She took a deep calming breath and hummed the Barney theme song to herself. The uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, the slight quiver in her hand wouldn’t cease no matter how many times she repeated the song.
You got this. Nick’s voice popped into her head like it always did when she needed comfort, but this time instead of comfort she felt regret. She’d walked out on him again without a goodbye. There was no way he would ever forgive her and she wouldn’t blame him. She was the worst kind of person.
But he knew that her time in Red Maple Falls was temporary. New York was always her end game. She was only supposed to go home and get herself back on her feet. With the hours she put in at the brewery, she had a little cash. Not much but more than she had six years ago. Penny said she could crash on her couch for a couple weeks.
If she nailed this audition, she’d be able to get a place in no time. It might not be in Manhattan, but she could find something in Queens or Brooklyn.
“Your name?” the casting director’s assistant asked.
Daisy ignored the fact that they had called her and answered. “Daisy Hayes.” She was well aware of the tremor in her voice. She forced down the fear of failure and focused on the crowd.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Tracy said.
Daisy closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened them she transformed into the role. That was the one thing she loved about acting—for a few minutes she could be someone else, someone who wouldn’t run away from her problems and who would be brave in the face of fear, someone she wasn’t ashamed of.
The words flowed out of her and her confidence built with each new line she delivered with the perfect balance of emotion and conviction.
Her life felt like it had crumbled around her, yet she kept her focus delivering perfect line after perfect line. When she said the last word, she looked out toward the rows of seats and waited for the victory to seize hold of her but all she felt was empty.
The realization was like a bucket of ice water to the face. New York had been her dream, her life for the past six years, and now she wasn’t so sure anymore. It wasn’t just Nick either. It was everything. It took being home for longer than a few days to realize how much she missed seeing her family, reminiscing with her siblings, eating Terry’s apple, bacon grilled cheese sandwiches, and bumping into people she knew at every corner.
She also realized how much she was missing out on. Her nephews were getting so big and so quick and before she knew it they’d be teenagers, and she’d have a few vague memories from when they were kids.
What was the point of success when you had no one to share it with?
It was like a fog lifted from her mind and she was seeing the world clearly for the first time in a very long time.
The thing about home was that those ties were never fully severed. They were so deeply embedded in her mind, walking the streets of New York beside her and reminding her that a part of her would always be there, whether she was or not.
“What was your name again?” Tracy asked.
Daisy stared out at the two people who held her livelihood in their hands. They shuffled papers, not even bothering to give her their undivided attention.
“I’m sorry. Your name?” Tracy asked again.
She loved New York and didn’t regret a single thing that brought her to this very moment, but it was time to go home. She had a family there, a nephew who was counting on her, a potential job she had no doubt she would succeed at because she truly was passionate about it, and she had a man who loved her despite her flaws and who she loved with every fiber of her being.
Daisy didn’t bother answering. Instead she walked off the stage and toward the exit doors.
Broadway was her dream, but she was awake now, and she knew exactly what she wanted.