Alejandra catches me in the morning—the two of us are always up first—and I get dragged by the arm out of camp and toward the lake. It’s clear she wants privacy, so I wait until she’s satisfied with the distance.
“What is up with you?” she asks.
I expected an explanation, not a question. “You’re the one who just yanked me into the forest ten seconds after my eyes snapped open.”
“Yeah, because clearly whatever it is isn’t something you plan to bring up with the whole pack. And Talisa doesn’t seem to know either.” Alejandra frowns. “We already figured out that you and Christiana are rolling around, so like...what’s with the secrets?”
“I wasn’t hiding that part.” Even if I wanted to, it’s obvious to any werewolf with a nose. “I’m worried about the full moon. That’s all.”
All I can handle at one time, anyway.
“Your wolf still—” Alejandra snaps her hand open in front of her face, mimicking a huge jaw. “Acting out?”
Shame scrapes the inside of my stomach raw. “Yeah. Guess I really fucked up.”
“Listen, that asshole deserved what he got. I’ve never judged you for it.” Alejandra shrugs. “But I know that lady seeing you went bad. Laws or not, watching one of us change is kind of like a horror movie.”
“I know.” My hand closes into a fist, resisting the urge to touch the tin in my pocket. “And if she’s going to be there, even if I don’t change—”
Alejandra cocks her head. “If you don’t change? That some alpha superpower I don’t know about?”
I can’t explain the deal I made with Vera. Even if it’s for good reasons, resisting the full moon is like spitting in the First Wolf’s face. The pack would try to stop me, but they can’t fear what they don’t know.
So I deflect. “My point is that she’s going to be there. What if after tomorrow night, she can’t look at me anymore?”
Alejandra whistles through her teeth. “Damn, you got it bad, huh? Never seen you like this with a girl before, even when half of the PNW was trying to climb into your pants.”
I wince. Fending off flirting is one thing, but it’s another to know someone’s trying to be with you so they’re close to power. By their logic, if they made me happy, my mother would reward them well. Never mind what I desired for myself. “I want her to be with me. I want everything.”
“That’s very cute, but she’s human,” Alejandra insists. “I like Christiana, and I’m cool with having her around, but you saw how she acted when Connor shifted. And all that really happened was his arm going fuzzy. How is this going to be different?”
There’s no way to get past the truth, is there? “She’s my mate.”
Alejandra’s double take is comical. Too bad I’m not in a laughing mood. “Whoa, wait a second. Run that by me again.”
“You heard me.”
“For real? But—” Her laugh is closer to a bark, the sound stretched thin and wary in her throat. “How do you know? How can you be sure?”
Might as well put everything on the table. “I knew from almost the second we met. Her scent was different, intoxicating. My wolf reacts to her constantly. The first time we kissed, I felt it in my gut, like a switch had been flipped, and there was no way to flip it back.”
“Shit.” Alejandra threads a hand through her hair, then flicks it past her shoulder. “That...really sounds like it. Salt and honey, right? Like it’s the only thing you’ve ever wanted to taste?”
I nod, and her eyes widen.
“That shouldn’t be possible,” she says.
I can’t be irritated at her skepticism—I thought the exact same thing. “Not according to Vera.”
“What?” Alejandra’s eyes narrow. “Since when?”
“Since the truth got too close to me to stay hidden.” My chest tightens. “I don’t think we’re supposed to know. It’s too big of a secret to bury unless everyone’s in on it.”
“Shit.” Her hands clench into tight fists, followed by an exasperated “Fuck.”
She bites her lip, mulling the possibilities over for a second, then sighs. “Okay. This is really messing me up. I hope you know that.”
Because of her parents. “Absolutely. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry!” Alejandra huffs. “It’s...good. I’ve spent more than ten years thinking my mom was getting the short end of the stick, so if there’s any chance that she’s not, it makes me feel a lot better about a lot of things. But to be clear, you also just flipped my world like a cheap-ass dirt bike.”
“I don’t think it can be anything else.” My whole life, I’ve known about the bond. Now that I’m not in denial, the pieces fit perfectly. “But I don’t know if she can feel it like I do. And everything that happened with her ex-boyfriend is in the mix too.”
“Wow.” Alejandra shoves her hands as deep in the pockets of her jeans as they can go. “It really does explain things, though. You were different the second you brought her back. Was your first time good?”
Heat surges up the back of my neck. “Kissing her was perfect.”
“Not the kiss, I mean—” Alejandra smirks. “You remember when Talisa and I got together. I think we went at it for two weeks solid before the worst was out of our systems.”
I also remember being a brainless teenager annoyed that my best friend wouldn’t hang out with me because she was busy with her mate. Thankfully, I got better. “We haven’t gone that far.”
“You really are made out of iron, huh?” she teases, then hesitates. “Wait, unless she’s ace or something? Like Connor?”
The night before is still raw and vivid in my mind—Christiana’s hips grinding down against my thigh, the moans she muffled against my mouth. Her scent sharp with arousal, the dripping heat I could practically taste.
I clear my throat. “No, I don’t think so. At least, not that she’s said.”
“So it’s this stalker stuff with Officer Andy, or whoever the hell he is?” Alejandra growls, low with annoyance. “He can take a long walk off a short cliff, but does Christiana know? Have you asked?”
“How do I ask her if she’s my soulmate?” My jaw tightens. I never thought I’d have to ask. It was just supposed to happen. “‘Sorry, Christiana, I know we just met, but you’re mine forever. The ancient wolf spirit you don’t even know exists said so.’ I could drive her away, and she’d be right to run, having some monster on her scent after getting away from that guy.”
“I’m totally on Royal’s ‘boundaries are good’ train, but you have nothing in common with some abusive bastard who chased her down in his cop car.” Alejandra looks me right in the eyes. “Is that what you’re worried about? Your wolf raging out on her in the heat of the moment?”
I nod again, stomach twisting. “I could tear her apart.”
“You won’t,” she says, sharp but confident. “Micah, I’ve never seen you hurt anyone who didn’t have it coming. Shifting out of anger might have put you off balance, but you’re closer to the beast than any of us. You have better control.”
Except it doesn’t feel like it. I can’t gamble on how I used to be, not when the damage could be permanent. “I don’t know how to say it in a way that she’ll believe.”
“It’s super cute when it happens during our holidays.” Alejandra smiles a bit. “But that’s the thing, right? She’s never seen that before. It’s not a part of her like it is for us.”
When I’ve seen other wolves find their mates, there’s no words involved. There’s just that perfect, golden moment when it clicks. Even those who have been in rival packs have set aside their differences on the spot. Elders say it’s the First Wolf’s way of keeping us together, proving no strife is stronger than the bond.
“But what if it is?” Alejandra says softly. “You’ve got to give Christiana some credit, Micah. You can’t deny her the truth, not if you really care.”
She’s right. If only that made this less terrifying. “Talisa told me once it was the easiest thing she’d ever done. Going to you. Sharing everything.”
Alejandra’s grin bares all her teeth. “Oh, it was so good. It’s still good, but realizing you’ve found the right one nourishes you inside and out. What I don’t know is how your mom did it. Three times? That blows my mind.”
No matter how much I try, there’s no keeping my mother out of a conversation. “Too bad I can’t ask her for advice.”
Alejandra’s smile fades, replaced by concern. “I mean, you could. I’m sure she’d be happy to hear from you.”
“It wouldn’t be just a phone call. She’d send someone to find me.” Probably Lyall. Out of my parents, he’s the best tracker. “Eventually, they could find the entire pack. What if Connor loses control in front of them? What if they don’t believe Christiana and I have a bond?”
“She’s your mom.” Alejandra’s brow tenses. “Do you really think she won’t believe you?”
“It’s not about what I think. What I know is that she cares more about keeping control than she cares about what’s right.”
The words are barbs on my tongue, bloody and agonizing, but there’s no point in taking it back when it’s true. I was seven the first time I saw her beat another alpha unconscious in front of his pack to make a point. Six months later, it happened again. If someone dared to step out of line, she never hesitated to make a public example of what happens to those who didn’t respect her laws.
“Micah.” Alejandra leans back against the closest pine and crosses her arms. “Leaving my mother was the worst thing I’ve had to do. Dad was so scared that even in exile someone would find out if we told her the truth. I love Talisa heart and fucking soul, and you watched out for me from day one. This pack is home. But as long as I’m away from Mom, as long as I’m lying to her, there’s always going to be a piece of me missing.”
That’s twice as cruel if her parents are mates and no one’s ever acknowledged it. “Well, your mother doesn’t drive silver through the heart of anyone who breaks the rules.”
Alejandra flinches. “Shit. Are things actually that bad?”
“They have been before.” Last I heard, the party line was staying more “hands off,” but the moment someone tries to reform the old ways, that ancient excuse for justice comes back with a vengeance. “I guess Talisa doesn’t talk about it either.”
I can’t blame her. Talisa and I saw too much too early, and the only thing we could do was pretend it wasn’t happening. It was easier to play pack games and never question why wolves twice our age averted their eyes in respect when we ran by. They expected we could grow up exactly the same, molded in the image of our parents.
Alejandra shakes her head. “Not really. I mean, I was only up north a little while before I met her, and you two agreed to move the pack right after. But her family is mixed up in this alpha bullshit too, right?”
“Yeah. And Royal’s fathers. We grew up easy because they were with my mother when the last war ended.” Heroes get everything they want. That’s not always a good thing. “But you don’t keep control over four states with ‘easy.’ She won’t let that pact go, no matter what.”
“Keeping the peace by beating the shit out of people,” Alejandra mutters. “That sounds familiar.”
Unfortunately. “And if humans can be our mates, doesn’t it make you wonder what else they’re hiding? Everything with alphas is smoke and mirrors anyway. Sure, I’m huge, whatever. We’re in charge because we built it that way. Packs should be family, not a fucking hierarchy.”
“Says the best leader I know,” Alejandra teases. “But I guess that’s because you bother to listen to us.”
My mother is the one who taught me how to listen. She said that’s how you find out people’s motivations and ambitions, everything that makes them tick. Spin their desires the right way, and they’ll want you in control. Being around someone who always has the answers is inherently seductive.
I never want to be like that. The day the pack stops questioning me is the day I’ve failed beyond repair. The only way I could escape the shadow of her legacy was to run past its reach, then run a little farther.
“I’m not sure how good I am to anyone right now,” I whisper.
“Hey.” Alejandra leans forward, playfully bumping her head up against my chin. She’s too short to reach the top of my head. “Be distracted by your mate. Let your wolf work out its tantrum on its own time. You’ve been with us through so much mess—maybe it’s your turn to roll around in the muck a bit, you know?”
Maybe. “I want Talisa to lead the run tomorrow. I’m going to stay in camp for the moon with Christiana.”
“Then say that to Talisa’s face.” Alejandra sticks out her tongue. “I don’t play messenger for you two and pack stuff. She should know what’s bothering you too.”
Talisa knows me too well. The second we have that conversation, she’ll figure out something’s up. There’s no way I can tell her about the tin Vera gave me without starting some sort of argument. We’re best friends, which means she’d do anything to keep me from being hurt. I’d do the exact same for her.
But someone’s getting wounded no matter what. My only strategy is finding the best way to contain the damage.
“That’s one hell of a frown,” Alejandra says, snapping me back to the present. “Listen. Talisa’s going to feel weird about the mate thing because she loves you, and anyone that might put you in jeopardy is on her shit list. But I’ll back you up. If you say Christiana is your mate, then she is, and that bond gets respected no matter what.”
A knot of tension in my chest unravels. “Thanks. Seriously.”
“Ugh. You make statues look emotive.” Alejandra throws her arms around me in a hug, squeezing tight enough to make my spine pop. “I hate saying sappy shit in public, but I want all of us to be a big happy puppy pile, okay? We help people. We live how we choose. Let’s keep it that way.”
I return the hug with one arm, not wanting to lift Alejandra off her feet. “We should probably get back for breakfast before everyone wonders where we wandered off to.”
Alejandra steps back and stretches. “I’m going to go jump in the lake. Tell Talisa to join me when you’re done talking.”
I raise a brow. “What was that a minute ago about playing messenger?”
“Mate privileges,” she counters with a grin. “You want me to whisper something in Christiana’s ear sometime, I’ll return the favor.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
She darts off to go wash up, so I head back to camp. Christiana is awake and chatting with Royal, who’s explaining how to stoke the fire. They can fix or build pretty much anything, which is why we never have a single spark or stone out of place.
Yet Christiana immediately turns around when I approach, smiling before she even sees me. My heart tightens, and a few frayed threads of restraint stop me from letting out a pleased growl. The pull between us is real—I have to believe that.
Two steps brings her to me, fingers folding around the front of my vest before she draws me down into a light kiss. “I woke up cold this morning. Everything okay?”
“I’m fine. Alejandra wanted to talk.” I stroke a hand down Christiana’s back, spreading heat across her skin. “Have you seen Talisa?”
“She and Connor went to fill up their bikes a minute ago.” Christiana’s voice drops to a whisper. “Last night was really fun, you know.”
Until I spoiled the mood. At least that doesn’t seem to have left behind any hard feelings. “Still on your mind?”
Her eyes light up. “You’re always on my mind.”
I’m halfway to kissing her again when Royal gently clears their throat. “I don’t mind you two getting hot and heavy, but I’m going to feel super awkward in about twenty seconds, so do you want me to go on a walk?”
Christiana offers them a sheepish smile. “No, no. My bad, just...getting carried away.”
“You’re good, Royal,” I say, but my eyes stay focused on her. “How about I make you breakfast instead?”
Her entire face lights up. “I’d like that.”
Talisa and Connor come back right after Christiana and I finish eating. He sniffs the air, hunger a hot flash in his eyes. “Oh, whatever you made smells incredible. Is there any left?”
“Not unless we caught the first deer with two hearts.” I expected Christiana to be repulsed, but apparently her father used to make something similar at home—albeit with a more standard kitchen. “You can have dibs on the next one.”
Connor mouths an overjoyed yes! and sits down next to Royal, leaning over to see what they’re working on. I catch Talisa’s eye, and she doesn’t say a word until we’re out in the trees together, far from view.
“Your mate’s looking for you, you know,” I start.
“Alejandra yanked you by the scruff, didn’t she?” Talisa briefly flashes her teeth. “I told her you’d sort things out, but I can’t blame my girl for cutting right to the point.”
One of the reasons they’re so good together. “She did. Which is why I want to ask you to lead the pack run tomorrow. I’m staying in camp with Christiana.”
Both brows shoot up toward her hairline. “By yourself? Micah, that doesn’t feel right. If it’s about—”
“Yes, part of it is about Christiana,” I admit, “but the rest is my wolf. I haven’t been able to do a full shift since that night I went rip-and-tear. Until that’s sorted out, I’m not running us anywhere.”
Talisa’s lips purse. “And being alone with the new girl is going to fix that?”
I look her in the eyes and linger, so there’s no mistaking my next words. “She’s my mate, Talisa.”
Silence. She doesn’t move a single muscle for ten strained seconds before letting out a hard snap of breath. “I knew it. Something in me did, even if it’s supposed to be impossible.”
That’s not the reaction I expected. “How did you know?”
“Because you and I have been through everything together, Micah. Since we were kids. The best and the worst. You always stop, you think, you plan. Back home, you didn’t even react when the finest wolf in a pack looked your way. But with her...”
It’s obvious.
“I remember what you and Alejandra were like.”
“Which is exactly what I’m remembering right now.” Talisa lets out a soft, dry laugh. “Those first few weeks, I thought I’d lost my mind. Every future I’d ever planned on didn’t matter anymore, because what could be better than her kissing me, or sleeping next to her at night?”
“Nothing,” I answer quietly. “If we’re being honest, it scares the hell out of me. I feel obsessed.”
Talisa nods. “You’ll find a new normal, if that makes you feel better. We just bond strong. I suppose we have to, considering everything that’s in the mix.” Then she frowns, looking at me very closely. “Does Christiana know about this?”
My hesitation provides an answer on its own.
“Micah. She’s human. You have to explain.”
“The fact that she’s human is why I haven’t,” I mutter.
“They have love at first sight too, you know. It’s just...well, it doesn’t always take.” Talisa mulls that last bit over for a second, then shakes it off. “If she’s yours, she won’t hide from it. The First Wolf puts us together for a reason.”
Can I believe that, when so much else has been proven a lie? “But I can’t change in front of her. If I hurt Christiana, I’ll never come back from it.”
“The change isn’t a choice, Micah, it’s who we are.” Talisa crosses her arms. “And I know you’re not going to leave her alone on the full moon. Not by decision or instinct.”
Thanks to Vera, I have a middle ground. “Will you do the run?”
“Of course.” Talisa sighs. “After the last few days, everyone could use some time in the desert.”
I couldn’t agree more. “Thank you.”
“We do anything for each other, Micah.” Talisa smiles. “Isn’t that the way?”
The only way I know.