Sunlight streams through the window into my face.
Window?
I freeze, trying to make sense of my surroundings before my nose cues me into the obvious: Vera. Christiana is right beside me too, face buried against my shoulder. She’s tangled up in the blankets, cocooned between them and me. Her scent settles the sharp pulse of adrenaline running through my blood, but every inch of my body feels bruised in a way that I haven’t felt since my first change.
Last night I shifted. How?
The memories past that point are a blur of pain and exhaustion. I remember so many lights, but nothing so bright as the moon and my skin ablaze, rending itself open. Rubbing at the tension around my jaw reveals a knot of muscle from clenching my teeth the whole night, and trying to work it loose sends a fresh wave of agony through nerve and bone.
First Wolf take me. I’ll deal with that later.
Vera is outside by the sound of it, so I extract myself from the bed with care, not wanting to wake Christiana. She immediately turns into the gap I leave on the sheets, face pressing against the pillow, and every instinct tells me to climb back over and hold her tight. If I didn’t need answers to keep both of us safe, I would.
The front door swings open as I approach, and Vera steps inside, giving me a swift examination from head to toe. “Still in one piece, I see.”
“Not for lack of trying.” I keep my voice low, hoping Christiana will stay asleep. “You have something I can wear?”
Vera smiles. “A shirt. Maybe.”
She rustles up a very oversized—for her—shirt and offers it to me. The garment is worn thin, carrying someone else’s scent. I’ve noticed signs of another person in the cabin before, but this scent is entwined deep with Vera’s, overlapping in so many different threads it could never be teased apart.
“My boyfriend left it here,” Vera admits quietly. “But I’m not inviting him over until this business is finished with, so he won’t mind.”
“Are you sure?” I ask.
Her smile looks like my jaw feels, pain overlapping pain. “Edgar’s a good Oraibi man, who doesn’t know anything about...”
Vera gestures to the room—the world, the secrets she holds. She may not be a werewolf, but Wardens have to hide their nature just the same. We had that conversation the first time we met, when my worldview was blown a whole lot wider than insular Seattle pack politics.
“I’m sorry to keep you from him.”
She shakes her head. “It isn’t the first time, and none of the others have anything to do with you. He has enough going on in his life, trying to keep his family well and safe. He’s a nice, normal man.”
The pause that follows draws her brows tight, followed by a frustrated declaration: “I want him to love me without worrying that he hasn’t done enough. That’s all.”
I bite my tongue. At least Christiana knows what I am. Even if she hasn’t been told everything, it’s a lot different than hiding my true self from someone I care about. “But he meets up with you here?”
She lets out a soft laugh, dispelling the tension. “Edgar thinks I’m a park ranger, just like everyone else.”
We fall back to the corner of the kitchen, and even the old hints of grease around the stove make my stomach rumble. Vera casts a knowing look my way, then turns to fetch something from one of the cabinets. When she pushes a thick sheet of jerky into my hands, I hold on to polite restraint by a thread, taking off a chunk rather than shoving the whole thing in my mouth.
“Anyone ever tell you you’re a lifesaver?” I say, after swallowing.
She shrugs. “Not after my magic fails, traditionally. Which is why I’d like to know how you managed to break through twice-sworn silver and get all the way to my house.”
I’d like to know that too. “No idea on the second part. You said if I got provoked it might happen, but—”
What provoked me?
“Christiana carried you up the stairs. I already liked her, but I can see why the two of you are meant to be.”
“She...” By the Wolf, she’s incredible. “Did she get hurt? I didn’t smell any blood.”
“I expect she’ll be rather sore when she wakes up, but otherwise no.” Vera gives the back of my hand a light tap. “Eat.”
The rest of the jerky goes down in a few quick bites, and my brain makes its way back up from my stomach. “Honestly, Vera, I barely remember anything. The silver was definitely working, and then I snapped.”
Her eyes flicker over to the bed. “Because she was in danger?”
“No. We were alone.” I remember carrying her to the lake, holding her close. The forest, the dog, a hundred different scents, but not a single hint as to why I lost control. “I probably scared her half to death.”
“Christiana seemed a lot more worried about you being safe than the change, beyond not understanding the reason.” Vera frowns. “But you still haven’t told her, have you?”
“Vera.”
She takes a step forward, head tilting up sharply. I might have a good eight inches on her, but Vera can turn anyone into a fumbling pup. “You can’t act surprised your wolf is losing its sense when you are fighting every instinct you have, Micah Nubilo. It’s her life and her choice to make, but you know better than to hide this truth, don’t you?”
My voice falls to a rough whisper. “I was going to before the police decided to raid the park and try to kidnap my mate.”
Even calling Christiana that pulls at something deep inside me, visceral and yearning. Yes, she’s yours, yes.
“Then do it now, before the world steals your opportunity again.” Vera takes a step back. “And you should get back to the camp. Your pack must be waiting for you.”
Fuck. I hope the hunt went well—and that they were as far as they could be from the cops. “Thank you for letting us stay.”
Vera accepts the gratitude with a smile, then banishes me toward the bed. I lean over, gently nudging Christiana’s shoulder.
“Christiana.” Her eyes flicker, searching for consciousness. “Wake up.”
“Wha—” She sits straight up, dislodging my hand. “Micah! You’re okay. Oh my God, you changed and then you passed out and I had to carry you and—”
I smile. “Breathe.”
One deep inhale later, she adds, “And you’re so heavy.”
“Sorry about that.” I’m amazed Christiana managed to get me up here in the first place. “But I’m fine now. Are you?”
“Thanks to Vera.” Warm brown eyes seek out the woman in question. “I’ve taken up your bed for way too long.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Vera walks over to the front door and runs her fingers across the edge of the wood. Something inside it releases, breaking the seal. “Be safe, both of you.”
Christiana follows me out of the cabin, tugging the tie out of her hair and doing her utmost to give it some semblance of order before pulling everything back into a ponytail again. She stops two steps down, then blushes. “You don’t have any pants on.”
“Vera didn’t have any that fit me.” I’ll have to return the shirt after I get a hold of my backups. “This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me naked.”
“It doesn’t actually get less distracting with repeated exposure.” She presses up onto her toes and kisses me. “I just find something new to appreciate.”
I have to draw back from the kiss, or things will get completely out of hand. Getting back in touch with the pack again takes precedence over libido, mating bond or not. “You don’t even have to be naked to distract me. I’m hung up on the fact that you carried me up a flight of stone steps through the woods.”
“I’m guessing people don’t usually pick you up,” she says.
“Certainly not humans.” Alejandra chucked me in the lake once as a dare, but I could have stopped her if I hadn’t found it so entertaining. “Is there something I don’t know about you?”
Christiana laughs, giving me a teasing push. “No. Although, come to think of it, you probably haven’t seen a lot of modern dance videos, huh?”
I shake my head. “Is there a weightlifting category?”
She rolls her eyes, but a smile rises to her lips nonetheless. “Some dancers are pound for pound the strongest people I know. Outside the pack, anyway. We have to be hot for the camera, flexible for a choreographer’s showy moves, with enough endurance to survive hours of practice, and still have enough energy to pick up a partner without risking that they’ll break their neck.”
I blink. Putting it that way, I’m less surprised, but just as impressed. “When I’m not half-naked after a night on the run, you’ll have to show me some of those moves.”
“You being half-naked doesn’t have to change.” She smiles. “But I’m so sore I can count every muscle in my back, which means giving it a rain check.”
“I’ll wait as long as you need.”
Christiana’s grin is equal parts flustered and satisfied. She takes my hand in hers, and we make our way down the steps and back into the forest. I quell the temptation to sprint to the camp—my body protests even at the thought, and if I’m hurting this badly, Christiana would suffer twice over. Yet she bears it without a word, following me through the pines with a light rhythm in her step.
I see Royal first, and my heart sinks. They have one of my bike’s handlebars in their hand, and a path of debris leads to stripped wires and a broken gauge down to the rest of the motorcycle. The whole ride’s been smashed up—by some cop’s flashlight or baton, chances are—and knocked over, sprawled out next to the firepit. To add insult to injury, the stones around the pit were kicked into the coals, and one of Talisa’s sculptures sits in a tangled wreck on top of it.
A blaze of anger tears through me, and it has nothing to do with the wolf. I storm into camp, doing a headcount: everyone is here. The pack immediately turns to look at me, but expressions are mixed. Talisa falls on the side of relief, but Alejandra is apoplectic, walking up and thumping me in the chest with her fist.
“I thought they got you! Where were you—” Her outrage is gone in seconds, replaced by a sudden flash of tears. “Look at this place. The cops put their fucking hands all over it.”
Connor holds up his scanner. The case is smashed, but a faint hiss of static pours through the speakers. “This still works. Kind of.”
“I’m sorry, Connor.” How many times have I said that in the last few days? It’s nowhere near enough. “The fix didn’t last the whole night. I shifted. Christiana and I had to hole up with Vera until sunup.”
“You changed while covered in that shit?” Talisa stares at me. “How?”
“I don’t know. Neither does Vera.”
“It happened out of nowhere,” Christiana adds quietly.
“Did the cops see you?” Royal asks, but the tension around their blue eyes tells me they’ve already guessed the answer.
“I can’t imagine they didn’t,” I say.
Christiana stiffens. “You don’t remember?”
Dread swallows my stomach, chews the whole thing up, and spits it back out. “No, I don’t remember anything from last night. What happened?”
“You saved me from Andrew,” she says softly. “He found me in the woods after I ran. You threw him into a tree.”
Hard to blame my wolf for lashing out. I would do the same thing if that bastard was in front of me right now. “Is he dead?”
She winces. “I don’t think so. He was calling for backup when you carried me away, but after we ran to Vera’s, the cops never showed up again.”
I point to the scanner. “Any reports coming through on that thing?”
“Definitely no one saying they saw a werewolf, if that’s what you mean.” Connor adjusts one of the knobs on top. “Checked the news on my phone this morning too. No mention of police in the park, no updates on the ‘kidnapping.’”
So they backed down. Sounds too good to be true. “How did the run go? Were any of them after you instead?”
Talisa shakes her head. “No. We chased up a deer and chowed down. Felt strange without you, but I didn’t hear a single heartbeat outside our prey.”
We’re missing something. Anyone spiteful enough to topple our camp wouldn’t give up so easily, but without a single news report, it’s impossible to know what the cops are planning. This is unspeakably dangerous, and I don’t have the first idea of how to cut down the risk.
“Hey, hey.” Connor smacks the side of his scanner. “Got a line on something.”
The same dispatcher from the night before speaks, but his tone is different, more of a grim weight than careful neutrality. “This is a BOLO update on the kidnapping of Christiana Arjean. New evidence has been brought to light. The suspect, known only by ‘Micah,’ is now also wanted for the attempted murder of Officer Brooks in a separate incident. All resources are authorized for this BOLO, including lethal force. The suspect’s last location is believed to be Horony National Park. All officers advised—”
What? How could they know about the cop from a few weeks ago? They didn’t see me last night, they only saw the wolf—
“You didn’t try to murder Andrew,” Christiana snaps, shock and anger warring in her voice. “You were protecting me!”
“They said Officer Brooks,” Connor corrects, then frowns. “I thought your ex was a highway patrolman.”
Her outrage stalls, confusion taking over. “He...he is.”
“Then they’d call him Trooper Brooks,” I say, distant. It hits me all at once. “You told me Andrew started lashing out at you a while ago. When? Exactly when?”
Christiana is quiet for a moment, blood draining from her face. “Almost a month, I guess. But—”
Fuck. “Why? Did he say why?”
She shakes her head, and I’d wonder what I’ve done to deserve this, but I know the answer in my blood and bones.
“Is his father a cop too? Sandy hair, beard. Green eyes.”
“Yes.” Her voice wavers, fear cutting through her scent, bitter enough to make my jaw tense. “I only met him once, but they look pretty close. Andrew’s just clean-shaven. And well, younger, obviously.”
My heart might as well be a stone for how it feels, crushing my chest. “He recognized my wolf because I ripped his father to pieces. Brooks Senior was the one with the truck.”
“You...” Christiana stares at me, and there’s a flash of revulsion. “Oh my God.”
She darts out of the camp, but doesn’t make it far before I hear a sharp sob. Talisa curses under her breath, but Connor, Alejandra, and Royal have their eyes on me, too stunned to react. I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds.
Every step I take toward Christiana is leaden, like I have to force my entire body into the movement. She’s hunched over on her knees, arms wrapped around them, and tenses at the whisper of my feet over the earth.
“This is too much.” Her voice is raw, scorched in her throat. “It’s too much.”
I don’t see any point in apologizing—that’s so far from helpful as to be insulting. Instead I drop down on one knee next to her, leaving a careful gap of space between our bodies. “You didn’t have any idea, did you?”
Dark eyes, bloodshot and wet with tears, warily meet mine. “Andrew always said his father made him the man he is. Guess that was fucking literal. And you, if you hadn’t hurt him, then—”
I flinch. “Then Andrew wouldn’t have hurt you.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Except then we wouldn’t have met, and I wouldn’t have finally figured out that he’s such a garbage human being, but there’s a warrant out for your arrest because he’s telling everyone I was kidnapped and—” She sniffles, doing her desperate best to draw together some composure. “I don’t know how to make this stop. Why is this happening? What did I do?”
I place a hand on her shoulder, light as I can, and Christiana relaxes just a sliver. “You did nothing. This isn’t a punishment. It’s...us. It’s fate.”
Her lips purse. “What do you mean?”
“You’re my mate.” The truth, trapped for so long, spills out of me. “We’re bonded.”
Christiana goes completely silent, but I can feel the tension creeping up her spine, eyes wide with disbelief. “But I’m human.”
“I know,” I whisper.
She recoils, body jerking away from my touch.
“How long have you known?” she hisses. “How long, Micah?”
Hiding it for as long as I did was inexcusable. Lying to her now would be even worse. “The day we met. I suspected the truth, but it didn’t make any sense.”
“Because you’re not supposed to be with someone like me.” Christiana shrugs off my hand completely, pushing to her feet. “But you were supposed to be honest with me too. I haven’t hidden anything from you!”
Her heartbeat is in chaos, blood flush with adrenaline and fear. “I know. But I couldn’t figure out the right time. You had just left Andrew, and he was stalking you, how would it sound—”
“How would it sound to know you loved me?” she asks softly. “Because that’s what the bond means, doesn’t it? It’s not just mate, it’s soulmate.”
I nod.
“Fuck you, Micah,” Christiana mumbles, roughly wiping the tears from her eyes. “Of course I want that, but I have to trust you! Is that why I’ve felt like this every time I’m near you? Some werewolf chemical trying to control me.”
That’s not what the bond is, but right now, I can only imagine that’s what it feels like. “It’s still a choice.”
“What choice?” Anger replaces the pain on her face, raw fury making Christiana bare her teeth. “Does everyone else know?”
The truth is ruinous. “Yes.”
“Then fuck the pack too. And Vera. She kept asking me about my future without saying why, and everybody pretending nothing was happening between us when they had to know.” When I stand up, Christiana staggers a step back. “What were you going to do? Just wait until I confessed my feelings, not knowing what was happening to me?”
“I don’t know!” Volume bursts from my throat before I can stop it. “I’ve never done this before! With anyone. I can’t ask for help, Christiana. I can’t trust myself. I didn’t even know if you could feel the same way.”
“You didn’t know if I could love you?” Christiana asks, aghast.
“Love is nothing compared to the bond,” I counter sharply. “Anyone can fall in love. This is for life. This is forever.”
“Like running away from Andrew forever because he knows what you are? Because you wolfed out and nearly killed his father?”
“His father was a monster,” I snarl.
“You could have hit him,” she mutters. “You said it yourself.”
Now I’m angry too, but the last thing I want is to give that rage fuel. It would explode on impact, and take everyone around me with it—starting with her. So I push down the urge to lash out, forcing as much calm into my voice as I can. “I think you need to leave.”
She goes very still. “What?”
“I won’t force you to be around me. I’m a target, and I’m the one who started this. Until Andrew’s dealt with, there’s no us, if you even want that to begin with.” The corner of my eyes burn; I sink my nails into my palm until the sensation fades. “Maybe you can stay with Mary or something.”
Christiana shakes her head. “Look, I’m really upset, but that doesn’t mean—”
“I am putting you in danger every second that we’re close,” I growl. “It’s my job to protect you. There’s no other way. Not when I lo—”
“Don’t, Micah,” she interrupts sharply. “Don’t you dare say those words while you’re pushing me away.”
I fall silent. My whole body feels like it’s going to sink into the earth, weighed down by shame and pain. Christiana falls quiet too, but the silence stretches into an awkward tension until she folds her arms, tight and defensive across her chest.
“Who’s going to take me? I can’t walk the whole way back to Phoenix.”
Right. “I’ll ask Royal.”
“You do that,” she whispers, turning away from me.
I’m back at the camp in a few strides, burying everything as deep as I can. I don’t want to feel any of this—I can’t bear it. Without a doubt the pack heard the worst of our argument, and probably the rest too.
Royal has my extra clothes in hand. They offer the folded pile to me with a worried smile. “Cops didn’t go through your saddlebags.”
“Thanks.” Whatever happens next, at least I’ll look like myself.
I tug on my underwear and jeans first, then exchange Vera’s shirt for my own. There’s a bootprint on the back of my vest, which I brush away with a disgusted swipe. Surprisingly, my cash is still in the inside pocket. Apparently they were too eager to piss on everything I own to go to the trouble of stealing anything of value.
After peeling off a few bills, I give them to Royal, who grimaces. “Micah, I’ll fix your bike for free. Don’t worry about that.”
“You need this for parts. And gas.” With a little more insistence, they take the money. “Can you take Christiana wherever she wants to go?”
Royal pauses. “Without you?”
“Yeah.” There’s no point in trying to hide anything, not anymore. “All I’m doing is putting her in danger. It has to stop.”
They don’t bother hiding their reluctance before pocketing the cash. With Vera’s shirt in hand, I make my way toward the cabin, ignoring the stares piercing through my back as I leave camp again.
At least there’s one favor I can actually repay.