When I find Renner, he’s pulling what little clothing he’s amassed here on the ship into a black satchel. His room looks the way it did when he moved in, and I imagine what it will be like when he’s gone.
The thought twists my emotions into a tangled knot.
That I could make connections with anyone outside of my protection detail is impossible to believe. I’ve hidden my true identity for most of my life—it’s my way of life. And yet, when Renner barged in brandishing a pistol and a devilish smile, I had to tell myself not to care.
I didn’t listen.
“You’re going to leave. Just like that.” I cross my arms and lean against the wall.
“Yes.” He tosses the bag on his bed. “Why is that so hard to understand?”
“Maybe because we’ve given you a way out, and you haven’t even considered it.” The reality of that stings.
“I’m not considering it because it’s madness to think you can keep me from Elite Drawxian soldiers who know I’m on this ship. Why would you even consider risking the lives of your friends?”
His words feel like a slap. “Have you considered you’re my friend too?”
He blinks. I can see he hasn’t thought that at all.
“I’m not your friend.”
My brows raise in challenge, but he continues before I can interject.
“A friend wouldn’t lie like I have. I was never being sent to Polis. I used you to get aboard because that’s what the mission demanded.”
He brandishes truth like a weapon, slashing and aiming straight for my heart, but the look he tries to hide tells me it hurts him just as much.
“I’m not an assassin, but I might as well be. I’m bringing the attention of Drawx to this circus, which will only spell disaster for you…Princess Equorta.”
I gasp at the sound of my true title. “I may be Princess Talshina Zarnova Equorta, but I am old enough to choose my own battles.” I meet his gaze without flinching.
“Now who’s the impossible one?”
“Perhaps it’s both of us.”
“Talie.” His voice softens. “Don’t do this to yourself—to them.”
I take in his now-familiar features. Freckles dark against tanned skin, strong jaw, full lips. Renner has drawn out the most complicated feelings, but nothing makes me want to back away. It attracts me even now.
“I’m not willing for you to sacrifice yourself when I can help.”
“It’s an unnecessary risk.”
“And there’s something you haven’t calculated into this insane plan of yours.”
“What would that be, oh great Soaring Starress?”
“That I have just as much of a stake in you making it to the High Council as your princess does.”
His eyes narrow, waiting for an explanation.
“I am not certain of the Rising’s intentions, but if what you say regarding the High Queen is true, it’s possible any Gravless instated would be at risk. The evidence you have—the truth—must come out if things are going to change. If I am to rule, I want to do so under my own power and with the best interests of the Xerus Galaxy in mind.”
The mere thought of ruling the galaxy threatens to crush me, but it’s what I was born for. I was told when my mother sent my sister and me away, it was always with the thought I would one day return to rule.
While our mother and father are gone, the weight of my future is no less pressing. Even more so with the empty throne staring back at the galaxy. But to take the throne now would mean possible exposure to coercion from kelori. The High House must first be cleansed of its corrupted parts, made visible for the whole of the Galaxy to see, before true and lasting change can be brought about.
“I see.” There is so much behind his reply. Too much to guess at but no way to know if I’m getting through to him.
Now I meet his stare. “Stay. Let us help you. We are your mission’s best chance for success.”
Renner turns to the viewport. He rubs his forehead before raking his fingers through his hair. I remember the feeling of my fingers in his hair and yank those thoughts back. Renner needs protection, and we can offer that to him. All other feelings and emotions have no place here.
I allow my gaze to trace the line of his broad shoulders as they pull the fabric of his onesuit tight. He stands tall, but I know his options aren’t ideal. He’s a boy who likes to be in control, and putting himself at the mercy of my friends—trusting us to hide him—leaves him vulnerable to us.
“What can you do?” He turns, and the darkened depths of his eyes show curiosity.
“You’d be surprised.”
“Oh?” His smirk lessens some of my tension.
“Maxon?” I call out.
“M’lady?” Maxon pops his head into the room. I gauge Renner’s reaction to this, but he seems less surprised than he should be.
“You knew he was a Phaseus?” I guess.
“That’d be my fault.” Maxon comes the rest of the way in. “Couldn’t let boy-o here think he was in the clear.”
“What’s he going to do? Run me through walls while the Elites chase me?” Renner shoots a look at Maxon that says he clearly doesn’t trust the man.
“Not exactly.” I press the button by the door, and it slides open.
“Can we please stop this game of chase?” Freyda walks into Renner’s room and dramatically throws herself on the bed at a relaxed angle. “I’m getting bored.”
Renner purses his lips in irritation.
“We understand you are in need of hiding.” Delmar steps into view and takes on the role of strategist. “And while we are curious,” he sends a pointed look at me, “our princess has assured us secrecy is needed.”
A light sparks as he looks at me. He realizes I haven’t told them why he needs protection. I wouldn’t betray his confidence like that. I’m afraid Elixa may already know, but she’s not one to talk.
“It will mean danger.” Renner speaks the words to me, but I know it’s for their benefit. He’ll try anything to get them to give this up.
He’s bent on pushing any assistance away, but the threat isn’t new to us. Everyone here has chosen danger since the day they were commissioned to help me escape detection. Our life is one of deception.
“Boring.” Freyda says again.
My look holds censure.
“What?” She shrugs. “It was more exciting when you created that ruse about him being your intended.”
Renner shifts uncomfortably. “Why did you do that?”
“Communication on board must be…chosen wisely. Since not everyone knows who I am, it was easier to explain your presence that way.”
“I don’t need the help. I’ll just take,” Renner coughs, “borrow a shuttle and be out of your way.”
“No.” Delmar meets Renner’s gaze. “As much as we don’t trust you, Talie has made it clear your role here is crucial. You’ll stay, and we’ll cover for you.”
“They know I’m here.”
“We’ll hide you.” Delmar says.
“How?”
“Trust us. Trust me.” I step forward, making him look only at me.
He holds my stare, unblinking. I wish I could read his thoughts because there’s sure to be an argument that would convince him we’re his best chance. But there’s more hidden in the amber depths of his eyes. His distrust makes me think he hasn’t been able to rely on anyone but himself for a long time.
“Fine.”
Relief floods through me.
“Finally.” Freyda pushes off the bed and faces him. “There’s one condition.”
Renner faces her.
“You are to stay away from Talie unless you’re rehearsing.”
“Freyda.” I protest.
“Her life—her future role—is our highest priority. No one”—she drills Renner with an icy stare—“will get in the way of that.”
“It’s okay, Frey.” Delmar’s gentle touch softens some of her hard edges. Then he looks at me, though he speaks to Renner. “I’m sure he knows the consequences of his actions.”
When Del steps back, everyone else files out like it’s the end of a show meeting. I know they’ll do their part, just as they have for the cycles I’ve been with Phenomena. They’ll protect Renner because I’ve asked.
Knowing the information Renner has to impart to the council has me wondering what my role in all of this is. It feels wrong to stay hidden on the sidelines while our Galaxy is infected by corruption and ruled by false pretenses. I feel the call to my role. For cycles it’s beckoned from the back of my mind like a specter haunting my future, but now the ghost comes to stand before me. Dares me to act.
Renner’s plan is to skirt past the Elite trailing him and then head to the council, but when the time comes, can I just let him leave? Do I feel the pull to go with him because of my Gravless status, or is my judgment clouded by my feelings for him and how they’ve snaked around my heart, ensnaring it like a well-planned trap?
I stop at the door where Freyda waits for me, looking between her and Renner. Her warning stings my conscience. I know she’s right.
Nothing can get in the way of my future role. Not even Renner Cartha.