“She’s going to be fine.”
If I hear the word fine one more time, I’m going to punch a hole in the wall. I pace down the long corridor outside of the med-bay, away from Maxon’s calming words. He’s talking to me like I’m a rampaging dreyhass, and maybe he’s not far off the mark.
“I need to see her.”
“And you will… when the doc says she’s ready. She’ll be fi—”
“Don’t.” I whirl around, finger pointed. “Just. Don’t.”
Maxon holds his palms up and returns to the waiting bench.
I continue pacing.
The corridor is on the exterior side of the ship, so there are viewports built in, offering a view of the planet below and the stars beyond. I’m sure it’s meant to calm anxious people such as myself, but it’s not working.
I spin and pace some more.
My mind is filled with visions more suited to a horror vid. Talie getting shot. The gaping hole in her shoulder. The fear and pain etched into her features, so at odds with her beauty.
My body responds with the same all-consuming rage at the man who dared to shoot such a perfect creature. It took four crew members to hold me back when Roper walked the Elites down to the launch bay to escort them off the ship. If I’d had my armor on, he wouldn’t have made it to moonrise.
I breathe through my nose. In. Out. And one more time. I know it would have been wrong—to harm him—but the thought of him out there, free and able to come back to hurt her…it makes me burn with white hot fury.
And yet she wouldn’t have been in this position, wouldn’t have ever gotten harmed, if I hadn’t chosen this ship to make my escape on.
My selfishness is overwhelming, and I sink to the floor around the corner from the med-bay door. My head slams back against the wall, and I stare at the ceiling. I should have followed my gut instincts and left when I had the chance. Instead, I let Talie and her sweet words talk me into staying. The lure of friends saying they’d have my back dug into me and wouldn’t let go.
I grind my teeth so hard my jaw hurts, but it’s only a fraction of the pain Talie is going through. I raise my fist to slam it into the floor when I hear the med-bay door whoosh open.
I’m on my feet in seconds.
“How is she?” My words are breathless.
Sover holds a thin datapad while rubbing at the back of his neck. I wasn’t sure if I should be worried that he works on both humans and animals, but Maxon assured me he’s one of the best doctors in the galaxy. I hope that’s not hyperbole.
“She took quite a blast, but we were able to reconstruct the site well. She’ll have some scarring but nothing too unsightly.”
“Will she have range of motion?” I could care less about scars—she’ll be beautiful regardless—but her life is the circus. If that was taken from her, I’d never forgive myself.
“Yes. She’ll recover fully. Two to three days for her to be stable, a week for full range of motion.”
Relief, cool and sweet, rushes through me like morning wind straight from the Solax Mountain peaks.
“Can I see her?”
His brows furrow, and he looks back into the med-bay.
“Let him in,” Maxon says. “I won’t tell the others she’s awake yet.”
I forgot he was there, but his support is…surprising.
“All right. But she’s still recovering from the effects of the anesthesia. Don’t stay long. She needs rest.”
I nod.
He beckons me in and directs me to a corner room. One wall is all sio-glass, showing off an impressive sea of stars, and I’m glad to see she got what I assume is the best room.
“Remember, not too long.” Sover leaves, the glass door sliding closed behind him.
Bands tighten across my chest when I see Talie lying in the bed in front of me. She’s so pale, her skin matches the white bandages covering the upper half of her right shoulder. I slowly walk to the left side of her bed, pulling out a chair.
Her eyes are closed, pale pink lips slightly parted, and her chest rises and falls in gentle rhythm. She doesn’t look to be in pain, but I’m still excessively careful as I slip my palm under hers. Her hand is cold, and I wrap it in both of mine.
Images of her getting shot plague me—replaying over and over—and I look away. I want to tell myself I could have prevented it, but that’s wishful thinking. The moment I entered her life, I became a danger to her.
“Ren?” Her voice is a raspy whisper.
“Hey.” I school my features as I turn back, forcing a grin, though there’s no real emotion behind it. “So, this is what you’ll do to get out of rehearsing with me, huh?”
Her lips twitch. “A girl can only be dropped so many times.” She tries to move, but her forehead scrunches in pain.
A knife pierces me at her agony. I want to take it from her, bear it myself, but I can’t.
You did this. It’s your fault.
“You didn’t bring me any muffins.”
I meet her gaze. “What?”
“I thought you’d at least have a muffin or something for me. I’m starving.”
“Do you want me to get you something?” I’m up and near the door the next instant, but she only chuckles.
“Stop. I’m teasing. Sover said he’s bringing me something to eat later.” Then she reaches for me. An invitation.
I should run from this room. I’ll only hurt her the longer I stay, but I can’t make myself leave. Not yet.
“You said muffins, and I lost my mind a little there.” This time my laugh is closer to genuine. I take her hand again.
“Sorry. Should have known better. Don’t joke about muffins—noted.”
“How do you feel?”
She wrestles for an answer. “Like I got run over by a herd of flouse. I had no idea it hurt this much to be shot.”
I flinch. “Talie, I—”
“Don’t even go there.” She must see my frown. “I know you feel bad. You probably even think it’s your fault. It’s not. You weren’t the one who pulled the trigger.”
“No, but I could have taken the hit.” I should have.
“You better not be saying I’m weak.” Her brows raise in challenge.
But I don’t respond. I can’t joke about her pain.
After a long moment she asks, “Are the Elite gone?”
“Roper got them under control. The bionic was out for the first command, which is why he got to the pistol, but Roper got through to him easily enough. I hope his bionic-ness won’t hinder Roper’s directives. The stun wore off way faster on him than I would have thought.”
She frowns, and I want to reach out and smooth the wrinkles from her forehead. She shouldn’t have regrets like this. I’m the one in the wrong. I sit back, immediately missing the soft warmth of her.
“I should have known.” She looks out the viewport.
“Are you a mind reader too?”
“No, but I knew he was bionic.”
“You couldn’t have known how the stun would affect him. Don’t blame yourself.”
“Only if you’ll stop blaming yourself.” She turns.
I meet her gaze and realize she’s issued a challenge. We both have things we regret, but hers didn’t put me in the med-bay.
“Talie.”
“Please don’t. I’m going to be fine.”
I flinch at the word, but she doesn’t notice.
Her smile is forced. “Back to new in no time. I don’t want you going around thinking you’re responsible for any of this.”
“Are you kidding?” I jump to my feet and pace to the sio-glass. “I’m the reason the Elite were here. I’m the one they were looking for.”
“And you’d be locked away in a ship’s brig with Elite doing who knows what to you if we hadn’t interfered. You think that’s what I want?”
She doesn’t understand. Her life is not an acceptable risk.
I stride forward and lean over her, my hands pressing against the bed on either side of her head. My body reacts, and I feel the burn of desire—I want to kiss her again. I want to feel the warmth of her against me, turning my insides molten.
But reality knocks into me with the strong scent of antiseptic.
“There’s nothing about me worth your sacrifice.”
“Then you don’t see yourself clearly.” She reaches up, but I flinch away.
“Just…” My eyes search hers one last time.
Their ice blue depths hold only honesty.
“Forget about me, Le’è.”
And with that, I push away from her and storm out of her room and the med-bay.
The only way I can keep her safe is to make myself the target.