“I talked with Laura,” Drew told Nikki. He stood at Harvey’s front door, his kind eyes a little less lively than usual. “I didn’t want to stop by while you were making or serving a meal for Harvey. She thought this would be a good time since Harvey had plans away from home.”
“Laura encouraged you to come by?” Nikki marveled at the continued positive changes in Laura’s personality.
Drew smiled. “She said you definitely needed a picker-upper in your day.”
Nikki chuckled. She felt a bit of a pick-me-up just seeing his smile. “Did she now? Well, come on in. I’m actually working in the kitchen, putting together a shopping list. There’s a table and chairs where we can sit. I’ll make coffee.”
He nodded, the small smile still there. He glanced around like a tourist as they walked toward the kitchen. “Gorgeous home.”
“Yeah. I’m sure Harvey wouldn’t mind if I gave you a little tour. I should have done that a long time ago.”
He didn’t immediately take her up on the offer. Maybe later.
She noted how polite and friendly they had both become as a result of the silent days that passed since their emotional argument after her parents’ dinner. One would never know, to look at them, that there was any conflict at all. Or significant emotional involvement of any kind, even.
But Drew put an end to that shortly after they were shut away in the privacy of the little nook in the kitchen.
Nikki scooped coffee into the coffeemaker, and Drew sat at the table. He looked at his joined hands on the table. “Nikki, I want to sell you the house.”
She lost count on the coffee scoops. She studied him to see if he was serious.
He didn’t look angry. Or sad. He looked determined.
“But, Drew—” She hardly knew what to say. She shook her head as if she had just come to.
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted the other evening,” he said. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper, and I apologize for the angry things I said to you.”
She started the coffeemaker and sat down across from him at the table. She wanted to place her hand on top of his but thought better of it. “I’m sorry I wasn’t up-front with you, Drew. I handled that so poorly.”
He put up his hand to stop her. “Let’s not dwell on it, okay? Let’s forgive each other and let it go. We can talk with financial people and our Realtors and figure out how to best handle the sale. And I’d need you to pay at least what I paid for the place. I mean, I sank a lot of money into the house on top of what I paid by just doing the remodeling, so I can’t really afford to cut you a break.”
“Drew, no. I absolutely can’t do that.”
“If you can’t afford it just now, we’ll wait until you can. I’m sure our financial people can figure out—”
“No, I mean, I can’t take your house from you.”
He sighed and looked up at her as if he were a father brooking no nonsense from his child. “It will never feel like my house, Nikki.”
She could have broken into tears right there. What had she done?
“Of course it will. Look, I meant it when I said I no longer stressed over losing the house. I know you have no reason to believe anything I say ever again, but please believe that.”
He nodded. “I do. I don’t think you’re dishonest. I understand now how awkward you felt about the circumstances between us and with the house. But I hope you can understand why I feel really uncomfortable now about living there. I see the place completely differently now. I’ve prayed about this, Nikki, and I’m 99 percent sure God wants that house to be yours.”
She didn’t want to speak out of emotion. He had a look about him she’d never seen before. Again, she would characterize him as determined. He seemed unshakable in his decision.
Well, she had prayed too.
“I’m not sure how to put this, Drew, but I’m 99 percent sure God wanted me to get over that house and enjoy your ownership of it quite a while ago. And I’ve been praying about this a lot longer than you have.”
He frowned and studied his hands again. Nikki noticed his hands weren’t just joined now. They were clenched.
“I’ve considered the idea of moving back to San Diego anyway. After my contract here is satisfied.”
She couldn’t help the tears that sprang to her eyes, and she suddenly had to talk around a swollen feeling in her throat. She got up and took her time in getting cream and sugar, and she took a stealthy swipe at a few tears that escaped. She spoke while looking in the refrigerator.
“Did—did I cause that idea?”
He sighed. “My father’s health, well, you know, it hasn’t been all that great. It might make sense for me to be closer to my parents right now. Or soon, anyway.”
She brought the cream and sugar to the table. “I understand that.” She licked her lips and sat back down. “But I’m still not open to taking the house from you. You said it would never feel like it’s yours.” She looked directly at him. “I feel the same way. I would never feel right about owning it now.”
“Why?”
He finally showed a little emotion, but it didn’t make Nikki feel any better. If anything, he was getting frustrated. She didn’t want this conversation to deteriorate as their last one had.
“Nikki, you can’t honestly tell me you weren’t duplicating the decor you remembered from when your great-grandparents lived there. I remember how certain you were of what would look good. Now I know why.”
She cringed. “Yes, I’ll admit I used my old memories for inspiration. But it’s not the same, Drew. It has your own touches. More modern touches. It looks like it once did but better.”
“If it’s better, then you should be thrilled about buying the place and bringing it back to the Tronniers. I’m sure your family will appreciate—”
“My family couldn’t care less. I’m the only one who ever set her sights on the place. And that was because of the happy memories it held for me. But now my memories would be about taking the house from you. I won’t do that. I won’t buy the house, Drew.”
She got up to pour coffee, but he stood along with her.
He heaved a great sigh. She thought she had finally won their argument.
“If you’re really sure.”
“I’m totally sure.” She nodded.
He walked to the kitchen door. “All right. Then I’m going to put it on the market in a few weeks, once the remodeling work is done.” Nikki gasped. “What? But why?”
“I meant what I said, Nikki.” He gave her a resigned smile. “If you change your mind, let me know right away, okay?”
Was this the end, then? Were they over? She wouldn’t have the strength to get out any words without a quiver in her voice—she could tell. So she simply nodded and said, “Mmm-hmm.”
She saw something shift in his expression in reaction to her wimpy little response. He walked over to her, slowly took hold of her hands, and leaned down to rest his forehead against hers.
He breathed out in some effort, either to keep from getting too emotional himself or to figure out how to let her down easily. She tensed up in dreadful expectation.
“I can’t say I know what to expect for us, Nikki. I think we both need to think about how we feel about each other. And pray. I think we could use some guidance right about now. Prayer would probably be a good thing.”
Well, that wasn’t necessarily good-bye. And frankly, he was right. She would have loved it if he had just walked over, taken her hands, and leaned down to kiss away the awkwardness between them. But the fact that she had felt unable to be frank with him these last several months, regardless of her reasoning—that said something. She wasn’t sure what it said, but she needed to figure that out and make her own decision about her future with Drew. Assuming such a thing existed.