An hour later I let myself into Dee’s cabin and kneel next to her.
‘How are you doing?’ I whisper. Her eyelids move, but she stays asleep. I hold her hand, knowing she won’t let me once she wakes up again. Her hair clings in damp cords across her forehead, despite my best efforts to rub it dry after we got to safety.
Outside the storm is still slamming us with everything it’s got, picking up again after the short window of reprieve that allowed us back onto the ship. And despite Eino’s reassurances, the ice around us hasn’t budged. We’re still stuck.
Dee was knocked out for only a moment, but came round when the three of us – Marco, Craig and I – got her into the abandoned house where we were sheltering. And it’s thanks to Craig that we got out of there: he saw when the break in the weather had come and knew, almost to the minute, how long we had before it started again. I wince in shame as I think of him, and the way he hasn’t even mentioned whose fault this is, even when he was getting ready to head back out.
Because not everyone got back safely. Wolf is missing.
There’s a soft knock at the door. It’s Annabel, with tea.
She’s pale, almost colourlessly so. The mugs rattle on the tray as she sets it down and passes one to me, and then her eyes go to Dee. ‘She’ll be all right, won’t she?’
‘Sit with me,’ I tell her. I put the steaming mug on the floor beside me. ‘She’s going to be fine, she only needed to sleep.’
Annabel pulls out her phone.
‘You found it then?’ I ask, pointing.
She smiles, embarrassed. ‘It was there all the time, in the camera case. I don’t know how I missed it. But here’s the thing. I asked everyone what they saw, to try to work out where Wolf might have gone,’ she tells me, scrolling through her notes. ‘They’re all saying the same thing. They couldn’t hear him. Helen didn’t see anything, nor did Nish. Marco thought he saw Wolf turning back this way.’ She stops, raises a shoulder, drops it. ‘But if he did, he didn’t make it.’
‘And you’re sure you didn’t see where he was going?’
‘No. But—’ She looks away, awkward. ‘I heard him. On the mic. He was looking for you.’
My blood goes cold. ‘Why? What did he want?’
But she doesn’t answer the question. She leans forward, her skinny forearms resting on her legs. ‘Did he find you?’
A dark mass gathers in the pit of my stomach. ‘Nope,’ I say, careful not to look away, ‘he didn’t.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Uh, yes? Why are you asking me like that?’ I try to laugh, but it dies on its way out. Because Annabel’s not laughing.
‘You and Wolf. The two of you have been hostile to each other this whole time.’ She twists her hands together in her lap, not meeting my eye. ‘Everyone’s noticed it. And when I saw Wolf coming out looking for you, it was …’ She lets it trail off and sighs, as if every word is painful. ‘It was like he wanted a fight, you know? And now he’s missing, and I’m not saying anything happened,’ she says, speeding up, ‘I’m only asking the question. Whether anything did.’
‘Nothing happened, Annabel.’
‘Okay,’ she says, but she doesn’t seem satisfied. ‘Oh, also, I think someone picked up my camera?’
‘Craig. He brought both of them back when we evacuated.’
‘Right. So. Someone should check the footage.’ She makes herself look at me. ‘I think it should probably be me.’
So she can see if I’m lying, she means. See if she or Dee caught footage of me hurting Wolf. She’s only doing her job. She wants to do the right thing. But I hate her for it. A switch flicks in me.
‘Why don’t you come straight out and say it, Annabel? Huh? Have the guts to say what you think. That I attacked him, is that it?’
‘No! That’s not what I’m saying. I just thought … for the others. For transparency. If I could tell them there’s nothing there, they’d know they can trust you.’
‘So, wait, is it them wanting to see the footage or you?’
Right then there’s a groan from the bed. It’s Dee, waking up.
‘The camera,’ she says.
Of course it’s her first thought. ‘It’s fine,’ I tell her.
‘Where – we’re back on board?’ she says weakly, her own survival evidently an afterthought to the safety of the material. ‘How?’
‘You don’t remember?’ Annabel says, looking from her to me, alarmed.
‘Craig said she might be groggy,’ I tell Annabel, then give Dee the potted version of how we got back. Craig, with the makeshift stretcher he made for her from a plank because she was too weak to walk. How Eino used the ship’s lights to guide us back, and Craig organised the rest of them to hold onto the length of rope, so we could get back to the ship if there was another whiteout.
‘Everyone?’ she asks.
Annabel meets my eye. But it falls to me to say it out loud.
‘Wolf is … We don’t know where he is.’
‘No.’ Dee immediately struggles to sit. ‘Out there?’ I try to stop her, but she’s blinking the drowsiness away. ‘No. No. We have to find him.’
‘Stop – you have to rest. Craig and Stefan are out there now. Stefan said Wolf was hammering on the door of his cabin to be let out, said it was an emergency.’
‘What emergency?’
I spread my hands.
‘We’re going to find him!’ Annabel says, her eyes shining with tears. ‘People are up there with binoculars looking for movement, it’s not like we’ve left him—’ Her voice cracks and wells up, and she presses her lips between her teeth.
It takes her a minute to compose herself, and then she glances at me. I know what’s coming. If I don’t tell Dee, Annabel will. So I take a deep breath. ‘Apparently Wolf was looking for me, when he came out in the storm.’
‘Why? What did he want?’
‘I don’t know.’
She doesn’t believe me. She pulls a hand out from under the covers and rubs it across her forehead. Colour is starting to return, but so is everything else. Suspicion. Distrust.
Dee clears her throat. ‘Annabel, could you give us a minute?’
‘Oh.’ Her face flashes with hurt. ‘Sure. Sorry.’ Then, to me, ‘So shall I get the cameras now or—’
I give her a look she can’t misinterpret.
‘Right. Later then.’
Dee watches her go, then turns to me. She’s not smiling.
‘Tor.’ She takes a breath, studying me. Dread tightens like an iron band across my chest. ‘You know I came back to the ship, before we started?’
I nod. ‘For the mic.’
‘Yeah. Well, I spoke to Wolf.’
I keep my eyes on her.
‘And he had something he wanted to tell me. About you, I think.’
I keep my face mild, interested. On the inside, every alarm I have is firing.
‘He said there was something you were hiding.’
I cock my head, my smile mild, but inside I turn myself to stone. Wolf can’t have known about me. About me and John. No one knew. I was sure of it. But what if I’ve taken too many risks? I see the end of the lie coming into sight, like the light of an oncoming train.
Dee raises her eyebrows, giving me one last chance, but it’s not a chance I want to take.
I clear my throat, give her a search me look. ‘I don’t know what he meant, Dee.’ I get up, go to the door. ‘I have no idea.’
‘You don’t have to tell me,’ she says. ‘But I’ll find out.’
And as I head into the passage, I know that somehow, she will.