“Do not even eat with such people.”
—I CORINTHIANS 5:11
Of course, the idea of actions having consequences in the Amish culture has such weight because consequences do not apply only to children. Adults are also held accountable. Amish children witness what happens when an adult intentionally disobeys the scriptures or the Ordnung.
If a person who has been baptized into the Amish church commits a sin, or does something against the rules of the church, they must show remorse and ask for forgiveness—which will be given. If an Amish person continues to deliberately disobey the rules of the church, they will be warned privately by a church leader that their behavior is not acceptable. If they continue in their wrong behavior, it will be made public and the church and family members will try to talk to them into once again following their church’s beliefs. If they still don’t change their ways, the church will formally shun them until they change and repent.
Shunning has been written about and commented upon so many times in fiction and nonfiction about the Amish, as well as on television and in movies, that apparently it holds quite a fascination for outsiders. The success of such television shows as Breaking Amish, Amish Mafia, and a documentary on shunning that PBS’s American Experience recently aired makes that fascination obvious. It is easy to for an outsider to see the act of shunning as punitive, judgmental, and mean-spirited.
The Amish see it differently. These are a people who believe absolutely in a literal heaven and hell. They will go to great lengths to save a loved one from hell, even if it is an emotionally painful process for all involved.
Various Amish churches differ in how strict or lenient they are, but all practice some sort of shunning when deemed necessary. Sometimes a shunned person will be allowed to come to a family get-together but will have to eat at a separate table apart from the rest of the family. Sometimes the church and family are not allowed to have any contact at all with someone who is shunned, even to speak to them on the street.
As harsh as this might seem to an outsider, the Amish see shunning as a loving tool to bring someone back into a right relationship with God.
Because there has been so much said and written about shunning in recent years, it is easy to assume that it is a frequent thing among Amish churches. My friend Leah, a member of the Old Order Amish who is in her late forties, tells me that in her experience, that has not been the case.
“The process of shunning is much rarer than most Englisch people realize. I have seen it happen in my particular church only once in my lifetime.”
It does, however, happen, and the possibility of it helps keep Amish people obedient not only to their interpretation of the scriptures, but to their Ordnung as well.
Scriptural basis for shunning is found in passages such as the fifth chapter of I Corinthians, in which the apostle Paul finds out about an immoral sexual relationship in that church and tells the members there to have nothing to do with the persons involved. In I Corinthians 5:11 he says, “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.”
Another biblical passage involving the process of shunning is Matthew 18:15–17. “If your brother or sister sins go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
There is also James 5:20, which reads, “Remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”
The application of shunning has changed somewhat in recent years for the more moderate sects of Amish. I am told by my Old Order Amish friends that their church will no longer shun someone for becoming a member of another conservative Christian church. Old Order Amish churches might allow, with regret, a family member to move “up” to the more liberal New Order church, the New New Order church, the “liberal” Beachy Amish, with their automobiles and electricity, or even the Mennonites.
Members might be allowed to change churches without shunning, but it will not be without social repercussions. Much pressure will be put on all members to stay within the ranks of the church in which they’ve been raised. Leaving is never an easy thing to do.
Other sects, like the ultraconservative Swartzentrubers, might shun a member of their church or family simply for becoming part of the Old Order Amish church, which they see as far too liberal.
For most of the intricately interconnected and socially dependent Amish, the idea of being shunned is nearly unbearable. It is regarded by some as a powerful tool to help keep the members of the church from becoming too worldly, and by others as an unfair weapon that holds people within a church against their will. Those who have been obedient tend to see it as a way to save their disobedient brothers’ and sisters’ souls and keep the church unified. Those who have been shunned see it as unfair and punitive. Sometimes entire families will leave the church to avoid having to shun a family member. Other families hold the line, hoping the loved one won’t be able to bear the isolation and will come back into the fold.
Regardless of one’s viewpoint on how and why the practice is applied, the shunned person is always one confession away from being forgiven and taken back into the church, no matter how long they have been gone or how badly their disobedience is viewed. Shunning, moreover, is only as powerful as the pull of the Amish community. It is not easy for someone to walk away from that kind of support and interconnectedness—even when it begins to feel unbearably legalistic and restrictive.
It is not an easy thing to be an Amish bishop or minister who is tasked with deciding when to shun a member. Few want the role. Most take up the mantle of responsibility reluctantly and prayerfully. When shunning is deemed necessary, most would prefer to walk away and ignore the problem—and yet they don’t. Right or wrong, they face it and deal with it.
Children see this. They see that there are standards of behavior their parents also have to observe or there will be disciplinary consequences. The idea of “Do as I say, not as I do” is not acceptable in an Amish household. Parents also have to practice self-control and obedience. In general, they are not asking their children to obey rules that they, themselves, don’t also have to follow.
How much impact does this have on Amish children? A lot. Seeing this consistent model of adult accountability to their church community and to God makes obedience and good behavior much more acceptable and understandable for an Amish child.
The Amish model of adult behavior having potentially serious social consequences runs counter to today’s Englisch society, which champions individual freedom. This has to have an impact on children’s ability to accept—or reject—consequences for their own actions.
What is an Englisch parent to do? Most of us really have no such accountability other than trying to obey the laws of the land. That’s where it gets trickier. In many cases, the Amish don’t have to think a whole lot about what they should do because many of those decisions have already been made for them, and have been for generations. As hard as it is for an Englisch person to obey the rules of the Amish, much of an Amish person’s life can be lived somewhat by rote because most of their behavior is modeled after that of parents and grandparents. Things are just how they are and always will be. It takes discipline and obedience, but it does not take a lot of thought or creativity.
The simplicity of their dress, for instance, is appealing to me; were I to become Amish, I wouldn’t have to think about how to dress myself. The choices would be narrowed down with almost no thought at all. The same applies to behavior. There would be many freedoms that would no longer be an option.
Englisch parents, to a large extent, get to invent their own lives and can be highly creative in doing so. Unlike the Amish who wish to remain Amish, we can choose an entirely different life than the one our parents lived or reject the lessons they passed on to us. Sometimes that is a very good thing. The people I respect most in this world are those who chose to become the turnaround generation in their family and through whom various abuses and hurtful behaviors stopped, as they gave their children a different and better childhood.
But this courageous outcome is not the result of telling children to “Do as I say, not as I do.” It can only happen when parents choose deliberately to live with such integrity that it rubs off on their children . . . and then it can potentially change lives through several generations.