THE KIDS LOOKED ME WITH suspicion in their eyes, but thankfully, they shuffled into something that vaguely resembled a line. When Skyler opened her mouth to speak, I shook my head at her.
“My turn,” I said. “And listen up. I’m about to tell you a secret.”
Skeptical looks from my peanut gallery, but I had their attention still. I’d take what I could get.
I drew in a breath. Here went nothing.
“Tommy, you are correct. I am not a ninja princess. Nor, as Skyler so helpfully pointed out, am I a Disney princess. However, I am also not a bad guy. And I am not here to murder anyone. So you can all relax about that. But . . . ,” I added, a smile creeping across my face, “I do have a secret identity.”
I paused for dramatic effect. Now I had their full attention. They were so quiet, in fact, you could have heard a pin drop. (Well, you could have, anyway, had Trina’s music not been blasting from upstairs.)
“So who are you, then?” Tommy blurted out at last.
I gave him an ultraserious look. “If I tell you, you have to promise to keep it quiet. No one can know about this. Especially not your parents. It’s very important.”
They all nodded. Solemn looks all around.
“Okay, then,” I said. “I feel like I can trust you. So I will tell you my secret.” I was starting to enjoy this game. It was kind of like writing a story, on the fly—making it up as I went along. “I am a pirate princess,” I declared. “And I am on the hunt for a very valuable treasure. One that was stolen from my family a long, long time ago. I have recently uncovered a secret map that has led me here to Bella’s backyard. I believe the legendary treasure I seek might be out there, somewhere, just waiting to be found.”
Izzy opened her mouth to speak. I shot her a warning look.
“Now, I don’t usually do this. I actually prefer to work alone. But this is a big job and I don’t have much time. If I’m going to locate the treasure before your dad gets home, Bella, I’m going to need some help.” I paused. “Is there anyone here interested in helping me?”
“Do we get to keep the treasure?” Tommy demanded.
I pretended to consider this. “Maybe,” I said at last. “If I decide you’ve done a good job searching. Then I will consider splitting the treasure with you.”
“Sweet!” Tommy declared.
Izzy rolled her eyes. “Come on,” she said. “We all know there isn’t any treasure.”
I gave her a look. “And you know this . . . how?”
She frowned. “It’s obvious. You’re just making it up.”
“Okay.” I held up my hands. “That’s fine. You’re more than welcome to go upstairs and find your babysitter and let her know you want to go home. We’ll split up your share of treasure amongst ourselves. More for all of us that way anyway.”
She frowned, shuffling from foot to foot. I held my gaze, as if daring her to walk away. I could almost see the gears whirring in her head. She knew she shouldn’t believe me. But a tiny part of her still clung to that childhood innocence and wanted to.
“I guess it couldn’t hurt to look,” she muttered at last.
“Whatever you want to do,” I said briskly, then turned to Bella, dropping down to my knees in front of her and taking her hands in mine. “Now as for you, my sweet girl, I have a very special job in mind. Would you be my personal princess assistant during the treasure hunt?”
Bella nodded eagerly. “Yes!” she cried. “I can do that. I’ll be the best princess assistant ever!”
I smiled at her. “Excellent.” I handed her my bag of magic tricks—just in case I needed them—then turned back to the others. “If everyone’s in agreement, I think we should get started.”
I rose to my feet and pushed open the back door that led into the yard. Once we were all outside, I started shouting commands to each of the kids, and they spread out, starting their treasure hunt. Tommy and Skyler were soon full-on into the game, whereas Izzy kind of hung back, making a great show of looking bored. I sighed, wondering how long it would take for her to ruin the game for the others. And what I would do for my next act once they mutinied again.
“Wow! This looks way better than a boring old babysitter!”
I whirled around at the sound of the voice, only to find none other than Brody himself standing nearby, a teasing smirk on his face. Relief washed over me at seeing a familiar face.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I live next door.” He gestured to the house behind him.
“Wow. That’s so random.”
“Not really.” He grinned, looking proud of himself. “Remember that day you gave me the flyers to hand out?” After I nodded, he added, “Well, I might have just happened to swing by my next-door neighbor’s house and hand-deliver one right after that chance meeting, along with my personal recommendation, of course.”
“So wait—you’re the one who got us this job?” I exclaimed, glancing over at the kids, who were already looking as if they were losing motivation. I wasn’t sure whether to thank Brody or curse him for this gesture of goodwill.
He grinned. “I just passed out a flyer. But I’m glad it worked out.”
“Um. Worked out might be a bit . . . overstating things,” I muttered.
I gestured to the kids. “I’m pretty sure I’m only minutes away from a complete mutiny once they discover the hidden treasure is . . . well, not exactly hidden. Or, you know, treasure.”
Brody listened as I explained the whole fiasco—being dumped with extra kids, their not believing me to be a princess, my desperate pirate scheme. When I had finished, he nodded thoughtfully.
“I think there’s only one answer here,” he declared.
“Me running away?”
He laughed. “Look. Can you distract them for a few minutes? I’ve got an idea.”
“What’s that?”
“You need pirate treasure, right? What if I went and hid some?”
“You have spare pirate treasure lying around in your living room?”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
I laughed. “Not me. If I did, I wouldn’t have to be babysitting in the first place.”
“Good point.” He gave me a grin. “Now. Can you distract them for a few minutes so they won’t catch me?”
I nodded. “But be quick—they have the attention spans of angry gnats!”
“Aye, aye, Captain.” He gave me a salute, then ran back into his yard and disappeared through his front door. I watched him go, then turned back to the kids.
“Guys!” I cried, beckoning them over. “Circle round. We need to talk.”
The kids ran over to me. They didn’t look happy. “I haven’t found any treasure,” Tommy complained.
“That’s because there isn’t any,” Izzy sniffed.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught Brody leaving the house again, out the back door this time, tiptoeing across his yard and into Bella’s. He was carrying a large sack—presumably the so-called treasure.
Skyler started to turn around. I clapped my hands to get her attention. No matter what I had to do, I couldn’t let them see Brody. That would ruin the game altogether.
“There is a good reason you haven’t found the treasure,” I declared.
“What’s that?” demanded Skyler.
“Because the treasure is . . .” I trailed off, my mind racing. I watched Brody slip behind a tree. Disappearing from sight. “INVISIBLE!” I cried.
Three of the four children screwed up their faces. Only Bella looked as if she still held out some belief that this could possibly be true.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Izzy muttered.
“How are we supposed to find the treasure if it’s invisible?” Skyler demanded.
“I know! I know!” Bella cried. She turned to me, her eyes shining. “You can do the magic, right? You can make it un-invisible?”
I nodded solemnly, as if that were obvious. Thank you, Bella. She’d definitely earned an extra scoop of ice cream after this was all over. “Actually, I can. But I’ll need all of your help to do it. Are you willing to help me?”
“Yes!” Bella cried.
The others didn’t look quite so sure, but to their credit they didn’t say no outright. Reaching into my magic bag, while keeping an eye on Brody, who was still traversing the yard, bag in his hand like some pirate Santa Claus, I pulled out my magic snow powder. This was something I’d discovered from watching a Collin Prince Frozen parody video a year ago, and it was pretty much my coolest trick. Hopefully it would work under pressure.
“Okay,” I said. “Who wants to hold the magic powder?”
They all did, so I poured a little in each kid’s hand. Then I reached into my bag again, pulled out my vial of water, and cupped it in my hand so they couldn’t see it. A magician was all about misdirection, as I’d learned from Collin, the master magician.
“Okay. Close your eyes,” I said. “On the count of three I want you to yell, ‘Treasure appear!’ Okay?”
“Okay!” they agreed, with varying levels of enthusiasm.
I drew in a breath. Here went nothing. I waited until all their eyes were closed, then counted them down as I got my water ready. “Three, two . . . one!”
“TREASURE APPEAR!”
I dripped water into each of their hands.
“Okay! Open your eyes!”
They did, all four of them shrieking in delight as the tiny drops of magical powder in their hands expanded into entire fistfuls of flaky white snow. I smiled to myself. Score another for Princess Awesome.
“Okay!” I said. “It appears the spell has worked. Now all the treasure should be revealed. Go forth and search again.”
I waved my arms in the air, sending them back to the yard, hoping Brody had had enough time to do his thing. I watched as they spread out again, still excited about the magic powder, which in hindsight I realized could have been a treasure all its own.
“You guys! I found something!” Tommy shrieked a moment later. “Come here!”
Yes! I mentally raised my fist in triumph. Go, Brody!
I ran over to see what he had found. He held up what looked like a tennis ball, but painted gold. Perhaps very recently painted gold, in fact, judging from the gold paint now all over Tommy’s hand. Thankfully, Tommy didn’t seem to notice that.
“Wow, that’s amazing, Tommy!” I cried. “Quick, put it in my bag.” I held out the bag and he threw it in. “I wonder if there’s any more—”
“Look, look!” squealed Izzy, interrupting in a voice filled with excitement. Everyone ran to where she was standing. She held up an old bronze statue of a bucking bronco the size of her arm. “Do you think this is treasure too?” she asked, looking quite pleased with herself.
“Oh, definitely,” I agreed, stifling a grin as I took the horse from her and placed it in my bag. These were definitely interesting treasures, that was for sure. “Let’s keep looking.”
Now the kids were truly into the game, running all over the yard looking for more treasure. Over the next ten minutes they acquired a crystal vase, a pewter spoon, a macramé owl pot holder, and a plastic light-up version of Darth Vader’s lightsaber. It was the most unusual and yet most awesome treasure trove a pirate could ever hope to have.
From across the yard, Skyler suddenly screamed in delight. “Come here! Come here!” she cried, waving us over.
We joined her under an old oak tree, right on the border of where Brody’s yard met Bella’s. There, nestled under a bush, was a small wooden chest.
“A real pirate chest!” she announced proudly.
I grinned. Brody deserved more than an extra scoop of ice cream. Maybe even an extra large hot fudge sundae.
“All right,” I declared. “This is it. The last treasure. Let’s go ahead and open it and then we can all—”
“ARRR!”
A sudden cry echoed through the yard, causing the kids to shriek in alarm. They scrambled behind me, Tommy clinging to my leg, Izzy and Skyler to my arms—shaking like crazy.
The voice came again, seeming to ring through the air. “ARRRR! Who goes there?”
I stifled a giggle as Brody jumped out from behind the tree, nearly losing his balance as his foot caught on an upturned root. He was dressed in pirate gear from head to toe—a bandana around his head and an eye patch over his left eye. Raising his pirate sword in the air, he winked at me with his non-eye-patched eye and then turned to the kids.
“And what might ye be doing with me treasure?” he demanded, giving my little crew a suspicious once-over.
“Nothing!” Skyler cried, looking petrified. “We were just . . . looking at it!”
“We weren’t going to steal it!” Izzy protested. “Really.”
Pirate Brody narrowed his eyes. “Then what be in yer pocket, me laddie?” he demanded, pointing at Tommy’s pocket. Which, I realized, was glowing bright purple—one of the glow sticks he’d found in the yard. Tommy swallowed hard, fear clear in his eyes, and I did my best not to crack up laughing.
“I was just . . . keeping it safe for you?” he tried.
“A likely story,” Brody snarled. “I think you tried to steal it from me. And now you must pay the pirate price.” He paused. “Unless there be a champion amongst you who will save the day . . .”
He turned to me, shooting me an encouraging look. I drew in a breath and stepped forward.
“Nay, it is you, Dread Pirate Brody, who has stolen from me. This treasure has been in my family for generations. And now I will finally reclaim it.”
“Over my dead body,” scoffed Brody.
“If you like.” I stepped forward, reaching down to Bella and retrieving my bag of tricks. After rummaging around for a second, I pulled out my Elsa wand. Not exactly a sharp blade, but it would have to do for now. “Prepare to meet your maker!”
I waved the wand. Brody raised his sword, his eyes flashing with mischief. He lunged forward, but I easily parried, knocking him back. We went back and forth like this a few times, with the kids all watching with anxious eyes.
“Use your magic!” Bella cried out from the sidelines. “Princess Awesome! USE YOUR MAGIC!”
I gave Brody a knowing look, then held up my free hand and whooshed it in his direction. “Stand down, evil pirate!” I cried.
Brody staggered backward, clutching his chest with his hands, as if he really had been hit by a mighty force. I had to admit: The guy made a very good pirate.
“NO!” he screamed—a little overdramatically in my opinion, but the kids were totally eating it up, so who was I to judge? “You are a vile sorceress! How dare you use your magic on me!”
“There’s a lot more where that came from,” I declared. “And if you do not yield, I will be forced to use it.”
Brody whimpered, dropping low before us, bowing in submission. “Please,” he warbled. “I’ll be a good pirate. You can have your treasure back. Just . . . don’t use your magic!”
I glanced over at the kids. “What do you think?” I asked. “Should we let him go?”
Even as I asked, I wondered what I was going to do if they demanded actual blood. But thankfully, this crew was too concerned about their treasures to worry much about true justice being served, and they decided on mercy.
“Very well,” I said, giving Brody a stern look. “We will let you go. As long as you promise to be a good pirate from now on. And never terrorize anyone from this day forward.”
“I promise,” he said, looking relieved. He staggered to his feet.
“Now go!” I commanded. “And let us never see your face here again!”
And with that, he took off, running into the next yard and disappearing from sight. I watched him go—a small smile playing at my lips. We had managed to pull it off . . . together.
Or almost, at least. I still had to bring this big bad princess party home.
I turned to the kids, a triumphant smile on my face. “It appears evil has been vanquished,” I announced. “So how about we round up the rest of the treasure and celebrate our victory—with ice cream?”